“Of course, baby.”I puckered up and made a loud smooching noise against his little cheek.
It was so nice to sit at the kitchen table and have breakfast as a family. Asher at one end of the table and me at the other. Abbi on one side and Linc on the other. Looking around the table I looked into the happy faces of my kids and when I finally met my husband’s gaze the smile on his face made my heart melt. The word happy came nowhere even close to describing what I was feeling right now.
“Son, you wanna go to the park with daddy and let the girls have some time alone this morning?” Asher asked Linc.
“Yay, daddy! I lub the park! Just me and you?”
“Yeah, little man, just me and you.”
“Yay!”
“I guess we probably should ask mommy if that’s okay, what do you think?”
“Yeah, we better,” Linc replied. He looked over at me and said, “Mommy is okay if daddy and me go to the park all by ourselves?”
“I think that’s a great idea, Linc.” I reached over and pulled Abbi out of her seat. Bouncing her on my lap, I said, “I’d love to have a girl’s morning with my sweet little baby girl.”
Linc climbed down out of his seat and waddled over to me. “We come back, mommy. Don’t forget me.”
Pulling Abbi up close to my side I reached down and picked up Linc. “Never! How in the world could I ever forget my little man?”
Asher stood up and started putting the breakfast dishes in the sink. He seemed upset, but I wasn’t sure what was going through his head. I walked into the living room and put Abbi in her playpen and Linc plopped down on the couch to watch cartoons while he waited for Asher.
“Honey, are you okay?” I came up behind Asher and put my arms around his waist while he stood at the sink staring out the window.
“What if they forget me, Lilly?”
“What?”
“The kids. What if they forget about me when I’m gone?” He turned around in my arms and looked down into my eyes.
“Baby, why would you say something like that?”
“Because I think about it a lot. I’m gone so much and every night when I go to sleep the last thoughts that enter my mind are what are the kids and Lilly doing and are you guys thinking about me.”
“We think about you all the time. I talk to the kids about you constantly. There is no way that we will ever forget you, Asher. We’re a family and we always will be. Now, stop thinking about all this sad crap and take Linc to the park.” I kissed his lips and patted him on the ass. “And hurry up and get back so we can have some more mommy/daddy time.”
He grinned, but it looked forced. “Yes, ma’am. We’ll be back real soon.”
The next month was perfect. Asher had some time to take off, so he used it and spent time with us. We visited the zoo, the skating rink, the kiddie pizza place with so many games it made me tired to just walk in the room, and the toy store where Asher spent all of our money on every toy known to man. We were a family and it was beautiful.
Asher spent time working in the yard and he did some renovations to the kids’ rooms and the downstairs bathroom. It had been a long time since we’d been as close as a family and I didn’t want it to ever end, but I knew eventually he would have to go back to work.
“How much longer do we get to enjoy your company every day?” Asher and I were snuggling on the couch while the kids took their afternoon nap.
“I need to talk to you about that actually. My supervisor called me this morning and told me he needs me to go to Missouri for a couple weeks to a new clinic. Help them get set up.”
“Two weeks? Really?”
“Yeah, honey. I’m sorry.” He kissed the tip of my nose.
“I understand. It’s your job and after all the money you’ve spent on toys for the kids while you were off, we need the money,” I laughed and climbed up and straddled his lap. Running my hand down his chest, I said, “No more worries about us forgetting you, okay? That is something that could never, ever happen.”
“No more worries, honey. None at all.”
We made out like teenagers until the kids woke up and then the next morning he packed up and headed out to Missouri.
I hated to see him leave, but I knew about his job when we got married and before we had kids. Even though I didn’t love that part of our lives, I knew it was necessary to keep our home, our cars, and raise our children the way that we wanted to.
This was a part of our lives that wasn’t perfect, but I would do everything in my power to make him feel better about it. Before he left, I created a reminder on his phone for ten o’clock every night. The reminder said: “Sweet dreams from your family. We love you.”
Chapter Five~
Present
Asher missed Linc’s first day of Pre-k, so he was bound and determined not to miss Abbi’s. He had called me every night this week to make sure he had the date, time, and travel plans down. The flight was booked for Sunday afternoon and he was going to get here just in time to tuck Abbi into bed and read her a bedtime story.
“So, your absentee husband is for sure going to be here for this thing on Monday? You’re sure?” Morgan asked with a questioning look on her face as we lounged around on the couch Saturday evening.
“Yes, I’m sure. Abbi is so excited. There’s no way he’d miss this.”
“Uh huh. That’s what you said about Linc’s first day of school and my wedding and your anniversary every freaking year. Is he screwing around on you?”
“Wow, thanks, Morgan. Way to make me feel better about my marriage.”
She was pissing me off, but was it because of what she was saying or the fact that I had been thinking the same thing for quite some time.
Asher was coming home less and less. He missed so many things with the kids, it was really becoming a joke. Me and the kids would get all excited when he was supposed to come home and then some work emergency would come up and he’d either come home late and miss whatever it was or he wouldn’t come home at all.
It was obvious that something had changed. We weren’t a family anymore. It was me and the kids and sometimes, Asher. It was slowly breaking my heart.
Morgan put her arms around me and I had to navigate around her big pregnant belly. She’d finally admitted how she felt about Kash and they got married last year. Now she was expecting their first baby any day.
Kash was out on tour, so she was staying with me and the kids until the baby was born. Kash had a private jet on stand-by just waiting to fly him home. I knew there was no way that he would miss the birth of the baby. Asher had been there for both of ours.
We’d planned on having more kids, he told me he wanted four, but I miscarried a couple of times after Abbi was born and I had to have a hysterectomy. Our chance at more kids was lost, but Asher told me that was okay. I often wondered if that had caused him to stay away more.
Maybe he didn’t love me anymore since I couldn’t make his dream of four kids come true.
Had he found someone else to do that for him?
No.
Asher wouldn’t do that to me. Our family was strong and he loved us. I could never doubt his love for us.
“He will be here, Morgan. He just has to be,” I sniffled. I hadn’t realized I was crying until Morgan wiped a tear from my cheek.
“If he misses this I’m gonna cut his balls off, FYI.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. Morgan could always make me smile.
“Want some chocolate-peanut butter swirl ice cream?”
“Did you seriously just ask the pregnant chick if she wanted a combination of chocolate and peanut butter? I really don’t think the question was necessary. Get your ass in there and get me some ice cream. The baby is hungry.”
“Uh huh, the baby is hungry,” I said as I climbed off of the couch and started into the kitchen,
“Bitch! Go get me some ice cream!” She yelled as she threw a pillow, hitting me in the back of the head.
When I walked into the
kitchen the phone started ringing. I checked the caller ID…unknown. Asher.
“Hey, honey. Are you about ready to come home?” I asked, as I placed the receiver to my ear.
“Lilly, we need to talk,” Asher sounded so down.
“What’s going on?” I asked, slinking down to a sitting position against the wall in the kitchen.
I could hear his breathing on the other end of the line.
“Asher, are you there?”
After another pause, he responded, “Yeah, I’m here. That’s the problem.”
“Please don’t tell me, Asher. Please don’t give me another excuse. Come home. Please. Your family misses you.” I wouldn’t cry again. That’s what I told myself, but I was apparently being a stubborn ass because more tears were streaming down my face.
“I’m so sorry, Lilly. I just…it’s just…there’s this emerg-”
I cut him off. “Bullshit, Asher.” I sniffled. “You’re full of shit. What kind of goddamn pharmaceutical emergency is so important that you can’t come home to your family? Answer me, goddamnit! What’s so important?”
He didn’t say anything, but I could still hear him breathing on the line.
“Tell me, Asher. What’s more important than your family? Apparently, every fucking thing in the world is more important to you than your family. I miss my husband and the kids miss their dad, Asher. We all miss you. Why are you doing this to me? To us? Are you…”
“Am I what?” he asked.
“Are you cheating on me? Is that what’s going on? Please, tell me the truth. I can’t take this anymore,” I cried.
Once again, silence.
More silence.
“Well, I guess that answered my question, Asher.”
“I’m so sorry, Lil.”
Morgan came around the corner into the kitchen. Apparently, she’d overheard some of the conversation. She grabbed the phone out of my hand and screamed into the receiver, “You fucking asshole. I warned you when you married her and I was not fucking kidding. I will kill your ass for hurting her. How dare you? Who the fuck do you think you are? You know what, don’t answer that because I know exactly who you are…you are my best friend’s worthless future ex-husband.”
Slamming the receiver on the hook she tried to lean down to talk to me, but with her big belly, she just couldn’t do it.
“Sweetie, I wanna hug you, but you’re gonna have to stand up because little Mannix won’t let me get down on the floor right now.”
Keeping my position slouched on the floor against the wall, I held my head in my hands and cried. “What am I supposed to do without him, Morgan? How am I supposed to take care of the kids without him?” I sobbed harder. “He’s my Mr. Right. He’s the one I waited for all my life.”
“Stand the fuck up now, Lilly.” The tone of Morgan’s voice caught my attention and I tried to do as she asked but there was something slippery on the floor and I my foot kept slipping around.
Shit.
“I need you to stand up and take me to the hospital now, Lilly. He’s coming. That stupid bastard of a husband of yours made me so goddamn mad that I went into labor. I’m gonna kill his ass as soon as I pop this kid out. Mark my fucking words.”
Morgan was holding her stomach and trying to breathe, but I could tell by the look on her face that she was scared to death. I finally got up to my feet and called my neighbor, Levown to come over and watch the kids while I took Morgan to the hospital. I also called Kash and told him to get his ass to the hospital because he was going to be a daddy real soon.
I couldn’t break down tonight. That would have to wait until tomorrow. Tonight had to be about Morgan and Mannix. I had to be there for them, Asher was gonna have to wait to break my heart tomorrow.
Luckily, the kids were asleep when we left so they didn’t hear us fighting on the phone. Thank goodness for small favors.
Morgan was practicing her Lamaze breathing, but she took a break to ask me a question, “Could you get Kash on the phone for me?”
“It’s okay, Mo. I called him and he is on his way. He was in St. Louis, so he said the jet should get him here in about two hours. It’s your first baby, so it should take a while for him to make his grand appearance.” I smiled and placed my hand in hers that was lying over her belly.
“Thanks for all that, but that’s not why I want to talk to him.”
“Okay, there’s something you need to tell him before he gets here in a couple hours?”
“Yep.”
“It’s that important? You know he’s trying to catch a flight to get here, right?”
“Uh huh. I need to tell him that your bastard of a future ex-husband upset me by upsetting you and caused me to go into labor. Then he can send someone to kick his ass for me.”
“Mo, that’s why you want me to call him?”
“Yep, this is important shit. He knows people. He’ll deal with him and…” She put her hand on my knee and tried to sit up a little straighter to look me in the eye. “He will make it look like the bastard had a horrible accident. Promise.”
“Stop it, Morgan. He’s Linc and Abbi’s dad. I could never hurt him.” She started to say something, but I stopped her. “Never, Mo. I love him, no matter what he’s done. I’ll always love him even if he doesn’t love me anymore.”
“Oh my god! You are blaming yourself for this, aren’t you? Are you kidding me, right now?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “He wants more kids and I can’t give them to him. Maybe he found someone who can.”
“Oh hell no…this is not your fault, Lilly. He is a worthless bastard. This is not on you at all, so don’t you dare think that for one second. He is in the wrong…not you.”
I wasn’t sure about that. I mean, of course it was wrong of him to have an affair, but had I pushed him away by not being able to give him more kids? Maybe I was the reason why he’d slept around.
“Call Kash, I need to talk to him,” Morgan ordered. “I won’t have him go kill Asher. Pinky promise.”
“Fine.”I hit a button on the dash of her way too expensive for a mommy car, and it dialed Kash’s number.
“Babe? You okay? I’m gettin’ to the airport as fast as this goddamn taxi will go,” he said as he chastised the driver for stopping at a yellow light. “Stupid asshole’s gonna cause me to miss the birth of my son.”
“Kash?” Morgan asked
“Babe?”
“Asher is screwing around on Lilly. If you ever do that to me and leave me alone with this kid, I swear to god I will cut off your balls and shove them down your throat. You feel me?”
Kash laughed. “That’s why you called? Babe…ain’t ever gonna happen. Remember what I said to you on our wedding night?”
Morgan smiled from ear to ear, “Yeah, babe, of course I remember.”
Then they said together, “Ain’t no pussy ever gonna be sweet to me after I had your pussy and I don’t fuck sour pussy.”
Only a rock star and his woman would smile from something as vulgar as that, but it was perfect for them.
“I love you, babe. Now get your ass home…AHHHH!” Morgan screamed as a contraction clearly hit her.
“Hurry the fuck up. My woman needs me,” Kash yelled at the cab driver. “Babe, I love you and I won’t ever cheat on you, never. Oh, and you want me to send somebody to fuck Asher up?”
“See, I told you he knew people,” Morgan smirked.
Mannix Milo Springs was born a little after three o’clock in the morning and he weighed nine pounds and twelve ounces and was twenty-three inches long.
Poor Morgan!
Once the epidural kicked in she was a little better, but when Kash walked into the delivery room with his bright red mohawk and his blue hospital gown on over his clothes it was like everything changed. They looked at each other and when he took his hand in hers he promised her that everything would be okay because he was there now, and it was.
That took me back to my memories of when Linc and Abbi were born. Asher
standing by my side, telling me everything would be okay and me believing him because he was my husband and I loved him and he loved me.
I didn’t get home until a little after six o’clock in the morning on Sunday. Of course the kids were still asleep. I woke Levown up, she’d fallen asleep on the couch downstairs. I filled her in on Mannix but didn’t mention anything about Asher.
When she left I sat down on the middle of the couch and looked around the living room. Everywhere I looked there was something that reminded me of him. There were family pictures on the walls and the mantel.
The coffee table in front of the couch that it took him three days to put together and when it was finally done he told me we just had to make love on it to make sure it was put together correctly.
The swinging hip Elvis clock on the wall that we bought at that funky little shop on the Strip in Vegas on our honeymoon.
The shoe rack by the door that still had his boots on it. The boots I bought him three Christmas’s ago because he said he was boring so I went and bought him “bad-ass” biker boots. He wore them all the time for a while. Is that when things started to change?
When did this all start?
What did I do?
Why did everyone I love leave me?
I couldn’t cry, I’d done enough of that last night. This morning was about figuring out what went wrong and how I could fix it…or if…or if I wanted to. I had so many questions, but without Asher here I couldn’t get the answers I so desperately needed.
I awoke to the doorbell ringing. Wiping my eyes, I stood up from the couch and looked at the clock, nine o’clock.
“Can I help you?” I asked the man in the familiar uniform at the door.
“Are you, Lilly Brown?”
“Um, yes.”
“Then this is for you.” He handed me a long white envelope and said, “Please sign here.”
I signed my name and looked down to the letter. I immediately recognized the handwriting. Asher what have you done?
Adlee
Chapter One~
Emotions? Yeah, I don’t really have those anymore. I shut those off a long time ago. I had to. If my emotions were still intact I might have to feel. I might have to think about what’s happened to me and the things I’ve had to be part of. Things that a nineteen year old girl should never have been a part of. Things that I couldn’t possibly think about for fear of completely losing my mind. Hell, maybe I already did that. Maybe I did that years ago. If I was being honest with myself I’d have to say my mind was turned off when my emotions took that leap out the window.
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