Tanner’s eyes locked with Paul’s and for the first time since I was ten years old I felt something. Tanner was trying to protect me. He made me feel something. I didn’t know at the time exactly what I was feeling, but something was better than the nothing I’d been feeling for years.
“How old are you?” he asked.
“Nine…I mean twenty-two.” I was so taken by this man that I almost told him my real age.
Did I really come that close to screwing everything up?
I wanted to tell him the truth. For some reason I didn’t want to lie to him. I felt like he knew me and what I was going through.
“So, you’re nineteen, huh?” he asked.
“No. I didn’t mean to say that. I’m really twenty-two.”
“Uh huh. And how old is your boyfriend over there?”
“He’s thirty-something.”
“You don’t know exactly how old your boyfriend is? Ya’ll must be really close,” he smirked.
“He’s thirty-two.” I wasn’t sure that was the lie Paul was telling, but I was sure it would be close.
“So what the hell are you doing with someone so much older than you?”
“I love him.”
He reached out and grabbed my hand again. “Yeah, you said that, but I asked you not to lie to me. Please don’t insult me by doing it again.”
“Is there a problem here, sweetie?” Paul came up and placed his arm around my waist, pulling me possessively to his side.
I looked down at Tanner. He hadn’t taken his eyes off of Paul. Then I looked up at Paul.
“Nope, everything’s just fine, Paul. No worries.” I reached up and tried to kiss his cheek, but he turned and slammed his lips to mine. He stuck his tongue in my mouth until I almost gagged. He ran his hand up and down my back until he stopped at my butt and firmly squeezed.
“Good. I would hate to think that someone would mess with my property right in front of my face.” He sneered down at Tanner.
Tanner flew up out of the booth. “Your property? Last I checked she was a person, not a fucking piece of property.”
I placed my hand on Tanner’s chest and tried to gently nudge him back down into the booth. He was having no part of that.
“Just stop, okay. Paul go sit down I’ll be right there with a beer for you. Tanner I’ll get another waitress to come over and take care of you.”
Walking away as fast as I could I decided to hide in the kitchen. Nobody would be back there but Jack who was the cook at the diner and Lottie.
As I situated myself on an old barstool kinda hidden in the back corner of the kitchen closest to the exit, I saw him.
Paul came storming through the double chrome half doors and yanked me off the stool. He pulled me out the back door and started dragging me over to his truck. As he slammed me up against the truck he grabbed my shorts with one hand and roughly forced them to the ground. Before I could realize what was happening he was ramming his finger inside me and saying, “This is mine. I fucking own it and I fucking own you. I better not ever catch you flirting with another man again or you’ll be as dead as your stupid bitch of a mother.”
He continued ramming his fingers into me and that’s when I completely zoned out and traveled to my dream world. I could feel the sea breeze on my neck and hear the sounds of the ocean. I was in my safe place in my mind.
All of a sudden his fingers were gone. As I bent over to pull my shorts up I realized what was actually happening. Tanner had grabbed hold of the back of Paul’s shirt and pulled him away from me. Tanner was on top of Paul slamming him hard into the ground. The punches were flying and I could hear bones cracking and blood was spewing everywhere.
I know this makes me sound completely sick, but the first thing I thought to do was protect Paul. That was my first inclination.
Stop Tanner. I grabbed his shoulder and tried to pull him off Paul.
“Stop, Tanner. Please don’t hurt him,” I cried.
He stopped long enough to look up at me. His eyes were full of hatred and his face was covered in blood. Apparently, Paul had gotten at least one punch in, because Tanner’s nose was bleeding.
“I’m not done with the bastard yet.”
“He’s all I have. Please don’t hurt him,” I said as the tears spilled down my cheek.
“Do not cry for this bastard. He doesn’t fucking deserve it. Do you hear me asshole?” he said as he slammed his fist into Paul’s ribs. “She is not going home with you. I won’t fucking allow it.” He looked back up at me, “This bastard will never hurt you again. Do you understand me?”
As he stood up, he wiped the blood from his nose on the sleeve of his denim shirt and left Paul crying in a bloody heap on the ground.
“Go inside. Get your purse and whatever else you need. I’m taking you away from here. You deserve better than this.” He placed his hand on my cheek and wiped away the tears that were still free flowing from my eyes.
It was like I was in crisis mode or something. I’d heard about that before when adrenaline kicks in and you do all of these things and it’s like you’re watching a movie. It was like I floated up above everything and I could see Paul, bleeding on the ground, and I could see Tanner touching my cheek and telling me he was gonna help me. All I could do was nod and do as Tanner asked.
When I stepped inside the diner, Lottie was standing at the door. I knew she’d seen at least some of what had happened.
“Everything okay, sweetie?” she asked, knowing damn well that it wasn’t.
“I think it’s finally gonna be. I don’t think I’m gonna be coming back.”
She grabbed me in a big ole hug. “Thank God, baby. You get away from that crazy ass and you go live a life a young girl like you should.”
“Am I crazy, Lottie? I don’t know this guy at all. Is this insane?”
“Well, hon, he cain’t be much worse than what you’ve got. I’ve been watching him this week, the boy hadn’t been able to take those pretty blue eyes of his off of ya. And besides that, I wrote all of his info here on this order pad.” She picked up one of the grease-stained green order tickets and showed me where she’d written down his license plate and the make and model of his truck. “If I don’t hear from ya soon, I’ll send the sheriff out to find his ass.”
“I love you, Lottie.”
“I love ya too, sweetheart. You call me and let me know where you settle. Actually, no don’t tell me where ya are. I don’t wanna chance that bastard finding you. But do call me and let me know you’re safe. ‘K?”
I put my arms around her and hugged her. “Yes, ma’am.”
She pulled away and went and grabbed five hundred dollars out of the cash register and handed it to me.
“You don’t owe me anywhere near that,” I said.
“I know, baby. I think ya need it more than I do. You go and don’t worry your pretty little head about it.” She smiled and I started toward the door.
What the hell was I doing?
I didn’t know this man from Adam and I was just going to leave with him?
What the hell was wrong with me?
Then I thought about it for a minute. Could he be any worse than Paul?
I needed to get away from Paul and Tanner was offering me an escape. It would be crazy to turn that down. This would get me away from Paul and honestly there was just something about Tanner. He seemed good and decent. Maybe he wasn’t. Maybe he was worse than Paul, but how much worse could he really be? Not a whole hell of a lot.
I walked out the back door of Lottie’s and walked toward the man who was either going to save me or ruin me, but right now either option sounded better than the life I thought I’d been destined to live.
Chapter Two~
When I woke up the next morning I had the strangest feeling. As I slowly opened my eyes and got my bearings I realized I felt safe. Something about Tanner made me feel that way.
The events of last night were all a blur. We drove and drove and I watched all of the little t
owns pass by. After driving all night and most of the morning, we stopped at an old motor inn to get some sleep. I wasn’t sure exactly what town we were in, but I knew we were somewhere off of I-10.
The sun had set, so it was pretty dark outside, but with the street light shining in through the crack in the door I could make out Tanner’s features as he slept in the chair next to the bed. He was so handsome. This was the first time I’d actually seen his dark hair…he had on a baseball cap everyday when he came into the diner. His strong jaw and nose were so manly. That’s the only word I could think of to describe his features.
Tanner was the kind of man that any woman would want to be with. Tall and muscular, even with his old blue Miller Lite t-shirt on, I could make out his strong chest and bulging biceps.
Tanner hadn’t tried anything with me last night. I was so surprised. I’d never been around a man who didn’t want to get in my pants. Even my own stepfather couldn’t keep his hands off of me.
Maybe Tanner knew what kind of girl I really was.
Maybe that’s why he hadn’t tried to touch me. I was disgusting to him. Hell, I was disgusting to me too…
Looking around the room I could see how old and dingy it was. It smelled of cigarette smoke and sex. The linens on the bed were ripped and stained and the carpet was covered in cigarette burns.
I slowly threw my legs over the side of the bed and slipped my feet into my flip-flops so I could walk into the bathroom. When I got into the bathroom and looked in the mirror the events from last night started coming back to me. Paul and Tanner arguing, Paul attacking me out by the truck, and then Tanner beating the hell out of him. A small smile spread across my lips. Paul deserved so much more than that, but I’d never been brave enough to fight back, and then after a while I just gave up and let him have his way with me. That was the life I was meant to live, or so I thought until last night.
Tanner was the first man who looked at me as anything more than a sex toy. I’d been abused for so long in so many different ways, but Tanner made me feel like a person. He made me feel safe. Which was absolutely insane because I didn’t know this man at all. He could seriously be an ax murderer. But if he was why would he have saved me last night?
Tanner walked into the bathroom. “Are you okay, hon’?” he asked with a caring look on his face.
“I…I..I’m not sure. I think so.” I wrapped my arms around my waist and continued to stare at myself in the mirror.
His eyes met mine in the mirror and he placed his hand over mine around my waist. Then I knew.
He was just like Paul.
He just wanted to play with me and then let me go. If that’s what he wanted, I just wanted to get it over with so I could move on. Turning around I scooted up on my tippy toes and smashed my lips to his. I could do this with him so I could keep this feeling of being safe. At least he was handsome and smelled good. When my lips met his, his entire body stilled. His breath caught and he didn’t move a muscle. I kissed him harder and ran my hand up his chest and around his neck up into his hair. Then I slipped my tongue into his mouth and that’s when it happened. He grabbed my wrists and pushed me away from him. I fell back into the sink.
“What’s wrong? What’d I do? That’s what you wanted, right?” I asked, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.
“What the fuck? What I wanted?” He turned around and stormed out of the bathroom. I heard his keys rattle and the door slam shut. I walked out into the dark dingy hotel room and he was gone. I heard his truck start up and when I looked out the window he was pulling away.
What the hell was wrong with him?
Hadn’t he expected me to do that?
Wasn’t that why he helped me?
Wasn’t that what all men wanted from me? In my past experience it had been. Maybe I had been wrong about him. Maybe he really was just trying to help me and now I completely screwed that up. He’d left me all alone in the middle of nowhere with nothing.
My money from Lottie. Oh shit!
What if he took that?
I grabbed my purse and looked inside. Whew…it was all still there. Thank god.
I curled up into a ball on the bed and cried. I finally allowed myself the privilege of crying. I hadn’t been able to do that in so many years.
I cried for the loss of my mom.
I cried for the pain inflicted by Paul.
I cried because I had lost myself so long ago and I didn’t know how to get back to me.
I cried because the one man who had made me feel safe was now gone and thought I was a crazy whore. I ruined everything. Maybe Paul was right about me. I was worthless and all I did was ruin everything and everyone in my path.
I don’t know how long I laid there feeling sorry for myself. It could have been hours or days. I was so lost I wasn’t really sure. Then I heard the roar of Tanner’s truck and the jingle of the keys in the lock on the door.
When he walked in he threw a bag of fast food down on the bed. “You need to eat,” he said as he walked into the bathroom and shut the door.
I heard the door lock and the shower come on. I opened the bag and started to eat my hamburger and fries. In a few moments he walked out of the bathroom. He had a towel wrapped around his waist and his dark hair was wet and dripping down his chest. I couldn’t look away. He was gorgeous. I never looked at a man the way I looked at him. I actually wanted him to touch me and he didn’t want anything to do with me.
How different was that? I’d never experienced that before.
“Don’t look at me. Turn around,” he said gruffly.
I did what he asked and continued to eat my lunch. I couldn’t believe how horribly I’d messed everything up.
He got dressed and put his signature ball cap back on. He sat down in the chair beside the bed and turned the television on.
I had to fix this. He had to know that I wasn’t that girl. I wasn’t a slut. “I’m really sorry, Tanner. I thought…”
“You thought what, Adlee? You thought I took you away so you’d fuck me? That’s what you thought? Do I look like that kinda guy? The guy who only helps people to get something from them,” he asked as he jumped out of his chair, turned off the television, and sat down on the bed next to me. Our thighs were touching and he placed his hand in mine.
“If that was all I wanted from you, I wouldn’t have beat the hell out of that asshole and taken you away. I coulda got that in my truck out back. I wanted to help you. I thought you needed some help. That’s it. I don’t expect anything from you. Not everyone has an ulterior motive for helping people.”
“I’m just not used to that, Tanner. I’m not used to a guy looking at me and not wanting something from me.”
“I’m sorry you’ve been made to feel that way. I truly am, Adlee.” He stood up and walked back over to the chair. After he sat down he said, “I’m gonna take you to my house. Is that okay with you?”
“Where do you live?”
He chuckled, “Well, I live out in the middle of nowhere. That bastard will play hell finding you out there. I promise.” He looked so sincere.
I knew at that moment that I trusted this man with everything. He would make sure Paul never hurt me again. “We’ll sleep here tonight and then get up tomorrow and head toward home.”
“That sounds good, but I hate for you to sleep in the chair all night. I know it’s not comfortable. Why don’t you take the bed and I’ll sleep in the chair tonight?”
“Like hell you will. We really need to work on your opinion of me. I’m not the kinda guy that lets a woman sleep in a chair all night while he relaxes in a nice, warm bed. I ain’t an angel, but I’m not an asshole either.”
“You’re my angel,” I said it before I thought about what I was saying. He looked at me funny. “I just mean, you’re like my guardian angel.”
“I’m really not an angel at all. I promise you. I just saw a bad situation and did what I could to make it better. You never shoulda had to live like that. I’m sorry that nobody di
d anything about it before I did.”
“Nobody ever cared. My mom died when I was ten and after that he always treated me that way. Then when he moved us to the new town he tried to start over and act like my boyfriend.”
“What do you mean ‘act like your boyfriend’? What are you talking about?” I hadn’t realized Tanner didn’t know the truth. Of course I knew he didn’t, but I wasn’t thinking real clearly.
“Paul is my…”
“Your what, Adlee? He’s your what?” Tanner asked with his fists clenched at his sides.
“He’s my step-dad,” I cried. The tears started down my cheeks before I even knew what was happening. “He’s my step-dad, Tanner. I’m disgusting. He made me disgusting.”
Tanner rushed over to the bed and pulled me into his arms. I couldn’t quit sobbing. My chest was heaving and I had my head buried in his chest.
“Don’t say shit like that, Adlee. You’re a great girl. Paul…that asshole. My god, Adlee. Nobody knew? Nobody tried to help you?”
I shook my head and wiped my eyes on my sleeve. “He moved us to a different town. He told everyone I was three years older than I really was and he acted like we lived together. He did horrible things to me, Tanner. Disgusting, horrible things. When I was younger I was scared of him and afraid to tell anyone, but as I got older I became numb to it all. That was my life. I learned to just live it. As best I could, anyway. I don’t think you could call what I did living. I went to work for Lottie right after we moved. She was so nice to me. I think she knew something wasn’t right between him and me, but she didn’t question it. Nobody did. His friends. He let them…” I trailed off. I couldn’t go there. I didn’t know why I started to. Tanner didn’t need to know every horrible thing I’d done.
He put his finger under my chin and leaned my head up to where I was looking him in the eye. “He let them what, Adlee? What did that bastard let them do?”
“I shouldn’t have said anything. I know what you must think of me. I understand if you want to take me back. I’ll be okay.”
Four Letters Page 15
