Things are very tense here between Blair and Stephen. They barely speak to each other these days except on business-related matters and even then they start sniping at each other. Blair doesn't talk to me at all--for which I am entirely grateful, because he is being entirely moody and unpleasant. Besides, I think when he sees me he is upset about your being gone--although he won't say it. He is spending a lot of time in Sausalito. Stephen says they used to go there as boys. Quite frankly, right now I don't miss him.
The house is very empty with Joshua and Beatrice gone--I hope they're happy with you. I for one am spending all my spare time drawing and painting in the park, although I am no longer doing it for a dollar per picture since Stephen is already supporting me in a manner to which I hope to remain accustomed. I just can't spend anymore time in the house than necessary. I eat supper with Stephen, then he escorts me to the boarding house. Blair is never home for supper. Where he goes, who can say?
We're thinking of getting married on July 4th. Somehow a Centennial wedding date seems like a good way to make sure we don't forget it in future. My wedding dress is beautiful, yards and yards of satin and lace. At my fittings I have felt like a royal princess. I only regret it being made by a stranger. I'd much rather have had a dress like your muslin if it could have been made by you.
There is still time for you to reconsider and return for the wedding. I will have no maid or matron of honor if it isn't you. And if you could convince Uncle Darren to come west, I would be honored to have him give me away. (Is he really six foot eight? I can barely conceive of it! Now I know where you got it from. I bet he's quite a sight in his uniform.) If you would agree to come, I would even postpone the wedding again until you could arrive. Stephen agrees with me. He's really come to love you and misses you nearly as much as I do.
I've run on so. Write back soon. Kiss Josh and Bea for me and tell them their Aunt Susannah misses them.
Love always,
Susannah.
"Do you want to go back to San Francisco?" asked Joshua.
"I would have liked to see my sister get married, sweetheart, but it's just too hard for me to see your father every day knowing I don't mean anything to him."
"You mean if he asked you to come back you might?"
"If he came to me and told me he remembers and loves me and wants me back--yes, Josh, I would go back to him."
Joshua crawled onto Adele's lap and rested his head against her breast. "If Daddy doesn't want you back, I'll stay with you. I'll never leave you."
Adele wrapped her arms around Josh. "Josh, I love you, and I'm honored you want to call me `Mommy,' but if your father sends for you, I will have to let you go; you know that. I'm not blood to you and really have no right to keep you with me."
For a long time they sat there, not talking. Beatrice came over to the rocking chair and insisted on being lifted up. Both children sat quietly in Adele's lap with her arms around them. For the first time in months, Adele had no more tears. She just closed her eyes and let their loving warmth seep into her soul.
After a while, Josh shifted slightly. In moving to make him more comfortable, the small, previously ignored parcel slipped through the rungs of the rocking chair and fell onto the carpeted floor.
"What's that?" asked Josh, his eyes following the object to the floor.
Adele looked down. The small parcel was wrapped in brown paper, tied with string. The only mark on it was her first name hand written in India ink.
Joshua climbed down and retrieved the parcel and climbed back on Adele's lap, handing it to her.
Adele opened the parcel. There was a small box and a letter. She opened the box. In it were two gold rings, smaller and larger, molded to resemble horseshoe nails.
Adele gasped. She tore open the letter.
Dearest Adele,
You always deserved a gold wedding ring--and a man who loves you. I realize I've loved you since that first November morning when my entire world consisted of you. Without you it doesn't matter who I am--my world is empty.
B.
P.S. I hand delivered this parcel. With any luck, I'm waiting downstairs.
As quickly as she could, Adele lifted Josh and Bea from her lap and, holding the box, ran out of the nursery and bounded down the stairs.
She was halfway down the stairs when Blair emerged from Darren's study, tall and elegant in frock coat and striped trousers. Adele paused.
"Blair?" Her voice was barely audible.
"And Brian," was his husky answer.
He opened his arms. Adele tore down the last of the stairs and crashed into his embrace. His mouth came down on hers as he crushed her against his hard length. She felt his desire; hers was its equal. She gave as good as she got, tasting and nibbling his intoxicating sharpness as he tasted her sweetness, pressing her arms against his back as if to meld them into one entity. Their breathing fell into unison rhythm, ragged and rapid. He pressed her head against his chest and took a deep ragged breath. Adele felt something on her head. She looked up at Blair to see the track of a tear that had fallen down his cheek and landed in her hair. She touched her hand to that cheek.
"I've been in hell," he said.
"So have I."
"I was afraid your uncle would boot me out the door."
"He wouldn't have," she responded with a laugh. "He's just being protective. Come upstairs and see your children."
She grabbed him by his hand and pulled him up the stairs behind her. She led him into the nursery. Blair strode over to Josh and Bea and lifted them in his arms. Beatrice, surprised by the action, began to fuss.
"Don't cry, sweeting. Daddy's here."
Blair kissed Bea and then Josh and motioned Adele over to them. He put the kids down and knelt down, pulling Adele down to her knees and taking the box from her hand. He picked up the smaller ring and holding her left hand, he slid the gold band on her finger.
"With this ring, I thee wed. Now and forever, till death do we part. Now you."
Adele stared at her left hand. These were the same words he had said after their wedding. She then picked the other circlet and pushed it onto his left ring finger.
"With this ring, I thee wed. Now and forever, till death us do part. You remember everything then?"
Blair put his arms around her and kissed her lightly on the forehead. "My memory came back in bits and pieces. It was agonizing. I'm so sorry, my darling, but I had to be completely alone for a while and sort out what was flooding into my brain. I couldn't deal with you or Joshua. I even left the business to Stephen for a while. I took the train to Green River. I even went to the farm. Slowly things began to fit together--faces, places. The only things I can't remember that I was conscious for are the faces of the men who ambushed me and how Thunder came to injure me. I'm told those will probably never come back. I couldn't come sooner, beloved. It took time for everything to come back to me. I just wish I hadn't been the cause of so much pain for you."
"Susannah wrote me that you spent time in Sausalito."
"I had to get away to think, to come to grips with who I am."
"And who are you?" Adele asked tentatively.
"I am Blair Carroll. Brian Strange was a temporary name you gave me until my memory returned, but I think the man I was able to be when I won you is an integral part of me. It took not knowing that I had intentionally suppressed that part of my personality to bring it out. I suppose I hid that part of me and hid from it as well because I never wanted to be hurt again the way my father hurt me. Now my question is, who are you?"
Adele shrugged, and then smiled radiantly, "I'm Adele Carroll, and I'm married to the most wonderful man in the world."
"Always remember that I love you," he added.
"I always will. And will you remember my love?"
"Always, my dark angel. Now, let's take our beautiful children and go home."
Home, Adele thought with a smile.
Home with Blair, where she belonged.
Epilogue
San Francisco, May 1877
AN EMERY BOARD tongue over his eyelids woke Blair from his contented slumber. He opened his eyes to stare into the iridescent green gaze of Little Gent.
"That damned cat is in bed with us again," he said amusedly.
Adele stirred. Sleepily, she responded, "That's all right. He doesn't take up as much room as you do."
"Or you, for now."
Adele rolled from her side where she had lain cradled in Blair's arms onto her back. Her abdomen was softly rounded with the promise of new life.
"It's funny," she said, "I never thought of Susannah as ever becoming a mother, but they had such a beautiful baby. And Stephen is acting like the cock of the walk. You'd think they were the first people ever to have a baby. I'm glad they decided to name their son Darren. The general was so pleased. Of course, it might have been more convenient if she hadn't gone into labor on the opening day of her exhibition."
"There are some out there who were shocked she would even appear in public so close to term," Blair observed.
"Fortunately, Mrs. Stephen Carroll can rise above public opinion." She put a hand on her own belly. "Of course, so can Mrs. Blair Carroll."
"Do you know what today is?" Blair asked.
Adele grinned. "Yes, of course. It's our third wedding anniversary."
Blair held her left hand in his. Their gold rings, shaped like horseshoe nails, gleamed together in the morning light. He threaded his fingers through hers and brought her hand to his mouth where he kissed it tenderly.
"What do you want for an anniversary present?"
"How about a whole day in bed with my husband."
"That can easily be arranged."
Her eyes sparkling, Adele raised herself on one elbow and retorted, "What! On a weekday? Carroll Enterprises won't fall to rack and ruin without you?"
Blair laughed. It was an honest, happy laugh, full of love and tenderness. "Oh, we'll be filing for bankruptcy tomorrow, I'm sure," he responded teasingly. He leaned over and kissed his wife on the lips. She reached for him and was returning his kisses when suddenly she gasped and stopped.
"What's wrong?"
Adele beamed. "Nothing," she said. "It moved. That's the first time. Feel."
Blair put his hands and his cheek on her swollen belly. Yes, he definitely felt a faint kick. His grin turned his gray eyes silvery with delight. Five years ago he would never have imagined that he would be finding pleasure in feeling his own child moving within his wife's womb. Five years ago he hated his life. But he had learned to find satisfaction in hard work. He had learned to temper seriousness with laughter. He had learned how to love. And the woman lying beside him had been the best teacher he could ever have imagined.
"God, I love you so much, Adele," he declared.
"And I you, my sweetest darling. I've been thinking about names."
"And...."
"If it's a boy, I want to name it after you."
"Oh, please," Blair groaned, "I wouldn't wish Blair Carroll, Junior, on any child of mine."
"Well, actually, I was sort of thinking of `Brian.'"
Blair laughed again. "Have I told you lately that I love you?"
"Of course you have. I never forget that you love me."
"And, God willing, I will never forget again either."
Elise Dee Beraru
Elise Dee Beraru can't recall a time since she learned to read that she hasn't been a writer. She chooses to write romance because she believes love stories featuring smart, strong women who find true love with the men of their dreams without sacrificing their core selves are the ultimate empowerment.
When not writing, Elise is an attorney in solo practice in Beverly Hills, California. She is also an award-winning quiltmaker and public speaker as well as being active in promoting opera and the rights of injured workers. She is a member of Romance Writers of America, the Electronically Published Internet Connection [EPIC], World Romance Writers and Women Writing the West.
In addition to the honors garnered by Remember My Love, Elise was also the winner of the 2000 PASIC "Book of Your Heart" contest for unpublished manuscript proposals in the Historical Romance category.
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