Dr Grantly promised that due provision for the relatives’ horses should be made, as far at least as the extent of the original stable building would allow. He would himself communicate with the architect.
‘And the coach-house, Dr Grantly,’ continued Mr Slope; ‘there is really hardly room for a second carriage in the large coach-house, and the small one, of course, holds only one.’
‘And the gas,’ chimed in the lady; ‘there is no gas through the house, none whatever, but in the kitchen and passages. Surely the palace should have been fitted through with pipes for gas, and hot water too. There is no hot water laid on anywhere above the ground floor; surely there should be the means of getting hot water in the bedrooms without having it brought in jugs from the kitchen.’
The bishop had a decided opinion that there should be pipes for hot water. Hot water was very essential for the comfort of the palace. It was, indeed, a requisite in any decent gentleman’s house.
Mr Slope had remarked that the coping on the garden wall was in many places imperfect.
Mrs Proudie had discovered a large hole, evidently the work of rats, in the servants’ hall.
The bishop expressed an utter detestation of rats. There was nothing, he believed, in this world, that he so much hated as a rat.
Mr Slope had, moreover, observed that the locks of the outhouses were very imperfect: he might specify the coal-cellar, and the wood-house.
Mrs Proudie had also seen that those on the doors of the servants’ bedrooms were in an equally bad condition; indeed the locks all through the house were old-fashioned and unserviceable.
The bishop thought that a great deal depended on a good lock, and quite as much on the key. He had observed that the fault very often lay with the key, especially if the wards were in any way twisted.
Mr Slope was going on with his catalogue of grievances, when he was somewhat loudly interrupted by the archdeacon, who succeeded in explaining that the diocesan architect, or rather his foreman, was the person to be addressed on such subjects; and that he, Dr Grantly, had inquired as to the comfort of the palace, merely as a point of compliment. He was sorry, however, that so many things had been found amiss: and then he rose from his chair to escape.
Mrs Proudie, though she had contrived to lend her assistance in recapitulating the palatial dilapidations, had not on that account given up her hold of Mr Harding, nor ceased from her cross-examinations as to the iniquity of Sabbatical amusements. Over and over again had she thrown out her ‘surely, surely’ at Mr Harding’s devoted head, and ill had that gentleman been able to parry the attack.
He had never before found himself subjected to such a nuisance. Ladies hitherto, when they had consulted him on religious subjects, had listened to what he might choose to say with some deference, and had differed, if they differed, in silence. But Mrs Proudie interrogated him, and then lectured. ‘Neither thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, nor thy man servant, nor thy maid servant,’8 said she, impressively, and more than once, as though Mr Harding had forgotten the words. She shook her finger at him as she quoted the favourite law, as though menacing him with punishment; and then called upon him categorically to state whether he did not think that travelling on the Sabbath was an abomination and a desecration.
Mr Harding had never been so hard pressed in his life. He felt that he ought to rebuke the lady for presuming so to talk to a gentleman and a clergyman many years her senior; but he recoiled from the idea of scolding the bishop’s wife, in the bishop’s presence, on his first visit to the palace; moreover, to tell the truth, he was somewhat afraid of her. She. seeing him sit silent and absorbed, by no means refrained from the attack.
‘I hope Mr Harding,’ said she, shaking her head slowly and solemnly, ‘I hope you will not leave me to think that you approve of Sabbath travelling,’ and she looked a look of unutterable meaning into his eyes.
There was no standing this, for Mr Slope was now looking at him, and so was the bishop, and so was the archdeacon, who had completed his adieux on that side of the room. Mr Harding therefore got up also, and putting out his hand to Mrs Proudie said: ‘If you will come to St Cuthbert’s some Sunday, I will preach you a sermon on that subject.’
And so the archdeacon and the precentor took their departure, bowing low to the lady, shaking hands with the lord, and escaping from Mr Slope in the best manner each could. Mr Harding was again maltreated; but Dr Grantly swore deeply in the bottom of his heart, that no earthly consideration should ever again induce him to touch the paw of that impure and filthy animal.
And now, had I the pen of a mighty poet, would I sing in epic verse the noble wrath of the archdeacon.9 The palace steps descend to a broad gravel sweep, from whence a small gate opens out into the street, very near the covered gateway leading into the close. The road from the palace door turns to the left, through the spacious gardens, and terminates on the London road, half a mile from the cathedral.
Till they had both passed this small gate and entered the close, neither of them spoke a word; but the precentor clearly saw from his companion’s face that a tornado was to be expected, nor was he himself inclined to stop it. Though by nature far less irritable than the archdeacon, even he was angry: he even – that mild and courteous man – was inclined to express himself in anything but courteous terms.
CHAPTER 6
War
‘GOOD heavens!’ exclaimed the archdeacon, as he placed his foot on the gravel walk of the close, and raising his hat with one hand, passed the other somewhat violently over his now grizzled locks; smoke issued forth from the uplifted beaver as it were a cloud of wrath, and the safety-valve of his anger opened and emitted a visible steam, preventing positive explosion and probable apoplexy. ‘Good heavens!’ – and the archdeacon looked up to the grey pinnacles of the cathedral tower, making a mute appeal to that still living witness which had looked down on the doings of so many Bishops of Barchester.
‘I don’t think I shall ever like that Mr Slope,’ said Mr Harding.
‘Like him!’ roared the archdeacon, standing still for a moment to give more force to his voice; ‘like him!’ All the ravens of the close cawed their assent. The old bells of the tower, in chiming the hour, echoed the words; and the swallows flying out from their nests mutely expressed a similar opinion. Like Mr Slope! Why no, it was not very probable that any Barchester-bred living thing should like Mr Slope!
‘Nor Mrs Proudie either,’ said Mr Harding.
The archdeacon hereupon forgot himself. I will not follow his example, nor shock my readers by transcribing the term in which he expressed his feeling as to the lady who had been named. The ravens and the last lingering notes of the clock bells were less scrupulous, and repeated in correspondent echoes the very improper exclamation. The archdeacon again raised his hat, and another salutary escape of steam was effected.
There was a pause, during which the precentor tried to realize the fact that the wife of a Bishop of Barchester had been thus designated, in the close of the cathedral, by the lips of its own archdeacon; but he could not do it.
‘The bishop seems to be a quiet man enough,’ suggested Mr Harding, having acknowledged to himself his own failure.
‘Idiot!’ exclaimed the doctor, who for the nonce was not capable of more than such spasmodic attempts at utterance.
‘Well, he did not seem very bright,’ said Mr Harding, ‘and yet he has always had the reputation of a clever man. I suppose he’s cautious and not inclined to express himself very freely.’
The new Bishop of Barchester was already so contemptible a creature in Dr Grantly’s eyes, that he could not condescend to discuss his character. He was a puppet to be played by others; a mere wax doll, done up in an apron and a shovel hat, to be stuck on a throne or elsewhere, and pulled about by wires as others chose. Dr Grantly did not choose to let himself down low enough to talk about Dr Proudie; but he saw that he would have to talk about the other members of his household, the coadjutor bishops, who had brought his lordship
down, as it were, in a box, and were about to handle the wires as they willed. This in itself was a terrible vexation to the archdeacon. Could he have ignored the chaplain, and have fought the bishop, there would have been, at any rate, nothing degrading in such a contest. Let the Queen make whom she would Bishop of Barchester; a man, or even an ape, when once a bishop, would be a respectable adversary, if he would but fight, himself. But what was such a person as Dr Grantly to do, when such another person as Mr Slope was put forward as his antagonist?
If he, our archdeacon, refused the combat, Mr Slope would walk triumphant over the field, and have the diocese of Barchester under his heel.
If, on the other hand, the archdeacon accepted as his enemy the man whom the new puppet bishop put before him as such, he would have to talk about Mr Slope, and write about Mr Slope, and in all matters treat with Mr Slope, as a being standing, in some degree, on ground similar to his own. He would have to meet Mr Slope; to – Bah! the idea was sickening. He could not bring himself to have to do with Mr Slope.
‘He is the most thoroughly bestial creature that ever I have set my eyes upon,’ said the archdeacon.
‘Who – the bishop?’ asked the other, innocently.
‘Bishop! no – I’m not talking about the bishop. How on earth such a creature got ordainedl – they‘ll ordain anybody now, I know; but he’s been in the church these ten years; and they used to be a little careful ten years ago.’
‘Oh! you mean Mr Slope.’
‘Did you ever see any animal less like a gentleman?’ asked Dr Grantly.
‘I can’t say I felt myself much disposed to like him.’
‘Like him!’ again shouted the doctor, and the assenting ravens again cawed an echo; ‘of course, you don’t like him: it’s not a question of liking. But what are we to do with him?’
‘Do with him?’ asked Mr Harding.
‘Yes – what are we to do with him? How are we to treat him? There he is, and there he’ll stay. He has put his foot in that palace, and he’ll never take it out again till he’s driven. How are we to get rid of him?’
‘I don’t suppose he can do us much harm.’
‘Not do harm! – Well, I think you‘ll find yourself of a different opinion before a month is gone. What would you say now, if he got himself put into the hospital? Would that be harm?’
Mr Harding mused awhile, and then said he didn’t think the new bishop would put Mr Slope into the hospital.
‘If he doesn’t put him there, he’ll put him somewhere else where he‘ll be as bad. I tell you that that man, to alt intents and purposes, will be Bishop of Barchester’; and again Dr Grantly raised his hat, and rubbed his hand thoughtfully and sadly over his head.
‘Impudent scoundrel!’ he continued after a while. ‘to dare to cross-examine me about the Sunday-schools in the diocese, and Sunday travelling too: I never in my life met his equal for sheer impudence. Why, he must have thought we were two candidates for ordination!’
‘I declare I thought Mrs Proudie was the worst of the two,’ said Mr Harding.
‘When a woman is impertinent, one must only put up with it, and keep out of her way in future; but I am not inclined to put up with Mr Slope. “Sabbath travelling”!’ and the doctor attempted to imitate the peculiar drawl of the man he so much disliked: ‘ “Sabbath travelling”! Those are the sort of men who will ruin the Church of England, and make the profession of a clergyman disreputable. It is not the dissenters or the papists that we should fear, but the set of canting, low-bred hypocrites who are wriggling their way in among us; men who have no fixed principle, no standard ideas of religion or doctrine, but who take up some popular cry, as this fellow has done about “Sabbath travelling”.’
Dr Grantly did not again repeat the question aloud, but he did so constantly to himself, ‘What were they to do with Mr Slope?’ How was he openly, before the world, to show that he utterly disapproved of and abhorred such a man?
Hitherto Barchester had escaped the taint of any extreme rigour of church doctrine. The clergymen of the city and neighbourhood, though very well inclined to promote high church principles, privileges, and prerogatives, had never committed themselves to tendencies which are somewhat too loosely called Puseyite practices. They all preached in their black gowns,1 as their fathers had done before them; they wore ordinary black cloth waistcoats; they had no candles on their altars, either lighted or unlighted; they made no private genuflexions, and were contented to confine themselves to such ceremonial observances as had been in vogue for the last hundred years. The services were decently and demurely read in their parish churches, chanting was confined to the cathedral, and the science of intoning was unknown.2 One young man who had come direct from Oxford as a curate to Plumstead had, after the lapse of two or three Sundays, made a faint attempt, much to the bewilderment of the poorer part of the congregation. Dr Grantly had not been present on the occasion; but Mrs Grantly, who had her own opinion on the subject, immediately after the service expressed a hope that the young gentleman had not been taken ill, and offered to send him all kinds of condiments supposed to be good for a sore throat. After that there had been no more intoning at Plumstead Episcopi.
But now the archdeacon began to meditate on some strong measures of absolute opposition. Dr Proudie and his crew were of the lowest possible order of Church of England clergymen, and therefore it behoved him, Dr Grantly, to be of the very highest. Dr Proudie would abolish all forms and ceremonies, and therefore Dr Grantly felt the sudden necessity of multiplying them. Dr Proudie would consent to deprive the church of all collective authority and rule, and therefore Dr Grantly would stand up for the full power of convocation,3 and the renewal of all its ancient privileges.
It was true that he could not himself intone the service, but he could procure the co-operation of any number of gentleman-like curates well trained in the mystery of doing so. He would not willingly alter his own fashion of dress, but he could people Barchester with young clergymen dressed in the longest frocks, and in the highest-breasted silk waistcoats.4 He certainly was not prepared to cross himself, or to advocate the real presence;5 but, without going this length, there were various observances, by adopting which he could plainly show his antipathy to such men as Dr Proudie and Mr Slope.
All these things passed through his mind as he paced up and down the close with Mr Harding. War, war, internecine war was in his heart. He felt that, as regarded himself and Mr Slope, one of the two must be annihilated as far as the city of Barchester was concerned; and he did not intend to give way until there was not left to him an inch of ground on which he could stand. He still flattered himself that he could make Barchester too hot to hold Mr Slope, and he had no weakness of spirit to prevent his bringing about such a consummation if it were in his power.
‘I suppose Susan must call at the palace,’ said Mr Harding.
‘Yes, she shall call there; but it shall be once and once only. I dare say “the horses” won’t find it convenient to come out to Plumstead very soon, and when that once is done the matter may drop.’
‘I don’t suppose Eleanor need call. I don’t think Eleanor would get on at all well with Mrs Proudie.’
‘Not the least necessity in life,’ replied the archdeacon, not without the reflection that a ceremony which was necessary for his wife, might not be at all binding on the widow of John Bold. ‘Not the slightest reason on earth why she should do so, if she doesn’t like it. For myself, I don’t think that any decent young woman should be subjected to the nuisance of being in the same room with that man.’
And so the two clergymen parted, Mr Harding going to his daughter’s house, and the archdeacon seeking the seclusion of his brougham.6
The new inhabitants of the palace did not express any higher opinion of their visitors than their visitors had expressed of them. Though they did not use quite such strong language as Dr Grantly had done, they felt as much personal aversion, and were quite as well aware as he was that there would be a battle to be foug
ht, and that there was hardly room for Proudieism in Barchester as long as Grantlyism was predominant.
Indeed, it may be doubted whether Mr Slope had not already within his breast a better prepared system of strategy, a more accurately defined line of hostile conduct than the archdeacon. Dr Grantly was going to fight because he found that he hated the man. Mr Slope had predetermined to hate the man, because he foresaw the necessity of fighting him. When he had first reviewed the carte du pays,7 previous to his entry into Barchester, the idea had occurred to him of conciliating the archdeacon, of cajoling and flattering him into submission, and of obtaining the upper hand by cunning instead of courage. A little inquiry, however, sufficed to convince him that all his cunning would fail to win over such a man as Dr Grantly to such a mode of action as that to be adopted by Mr Slope; and then he determined to fall back upon his courage. He at once saw that open battle against Dr Grantly and all Dr Grantly’s adherents was a necessity of his position, and he deliberately planned the most expedient methods of giving offence.
Soon after his arrival the bishop had intimated to the dean that, with the permission of the canon then in residence, his chaplain would preach in the cathedral on the next Sunday. The canon in residence happened to be the Hon. and Rev. Dr Vesey Stanhope, who at this time was very busy on the shores of the Lake of Como, adding to that unique collection of butterflies for which he is so famous. Or rather, he would have been in residence but for the butterflies and other such summer-day considerations; and the vicar-choral, who was to take his place in the pulpit, by no means objected to having his work done for him by Mr Slope.
Mr Slope accordingly preached, and if a preacher can have satisfaction in being listened to, Mr Slope ought to have been gratified. I have reason to think that he was gratified, and that he left the pulpit with the conviction that he had done what he intended to do when he entered it.
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