I wasn’t ready for the sight that greeted me. Who would be? The cheerful girl I cared about was gone. In her place was a mass covered in bruises, bandages, gauze wrap and tubes. I felt the now all-too-familiar burning in my eyes again, but I pushed it back. It was damn near impossible, but I did it. I had to swallow twice before I could speak.
Visiting hours were long over, so the chair next to the bed was vacant. I took a seat, and as gently as possible ran my index finger over the back of her left hand. It was just about the only part of her that wasn’t covered with something. “Karen?” I whispered.
Her face was partially turned away from me and when she swiveled it to look my way, my breath caught in my chest. There was what looked like hundreds of tiny stitches making a zigzag pattern all the way down the right side of her beautiful face. They started at her hairline and ended at her chin.
“Cage. Thank God you’re okay. Stay with me?” Her voice was faint, and I had to lean over to catch her words.
I did my best to smile at her through the anguish of seeing her so battered. “Of course I will. Go back to sleep now.” Her eyes closed, but the frown never left her forehead. No matter how much pain medication they’d given her, it didn’t seem to be enough.
I gingerly sat back in the chair while she slept. My ribs were screaming and my head was pounding as I too tried to sleep. Sometime later, while it was still dark, another nurse woke me. “Mr. Booker? Let me take you back to your room now.”
“Huh?” I sat up slowly in the chair from my reclined position. God, my back was as sore as the rest of me. “I can’t leave. Karen asked me to stay.” We kept our voices at a whisper which made it hard for the nurse to argue with me.
She sighed and pulled a white cup out of her pocket. “I figured you’d say that. Here’s another pain pill for you.” She put the round white pill in my hand and stepped away to get me a cup of water.
I handed it back to her. “No, thanks. I hate these things. I wouldn’t say no to a couple of Advil, though.”
“Are you sure? I know you’re hurting.”
“I’m sure. Just some Advil, please.”
Shortly after she left, she was back again. After I took my pills, she dragged a stool in from another room. “Here you go. Now you can at least put your feet up.” She also handed me a pillow and covered me with a blanket before she walked out again.
“Thanks.”
***
A slight pressure on my fingers woke me up once again. I could see sunlight coming through the slats in the blinds as my eyes cracked open. We’d made it through our first night after that god-awful accident.
“Everything hurts.” Karen’s hand left mine and went gingerly up to her face. I grabbed her wrist before she could touch her bandages.
“I know. You have some stitches in your face. Don’t touch them.”
“Oh, God. Everything hurts so bad.”
“I’ll go get the nurse.”
Karen’s hand shot out to stop me. It bothered me how very weak her grip was. Her injuries were the worst I’d ever seen on anyone. I could have lived a lifetime without seeing someone so damaged. Especially her. “Wait.”
I sat back down and waited for her to talk again.
“Can I have a sip of water? Just a sip.” Her voice was barely above a whisper.
There was a small cup of water sitting on the tray table on her other side with a straw in it, so I assumed it was okay for her to have some. “Sure. Just a sip, though.” I let her take two small sips before I placed the cup back on the table.
“Cage, what happened?”
“You don’t remember?”
“I remember some of it. I remember that truck running the red light, and I’ll never forget the look on your face, but that’s about it.”
I didn’t want to be the one to tell her she’d lost her ability to have a baby. How could I tell that to this wonderful woman? She would have made an incredible mother.
I gripped my hands together, not knowing quite what to do with them. Finally, I put them behind my back to keep my arms from touching my aching ribs and paced in front of the bed. “Well, the truck pretty much got stuck in your lap. You have some stitches running from your head to your chin, and they had to do some surgery to save you. You had a lot of internal bleeding.”
“What kind?”
“What kind?” I knew what she was asking and was stalling for time. That kind of news should come from a family member, or her doctor at the very least.
“What kind of surgery?”
“Let me go get the nurse, Karen. She can get a hold of your doctor and he can come talk to you.”
She tried to sit up, but was unable to. I rushed to her side to stop her, but it was too late. “No, stop! I don’t know if you’re supposed to sit up yet.”
All traces of sleep were gone, and she went back down flat on her back with a gasp. “Cage, what’s going on? I feel like I was cut wide open.”
I thought about not telling her. Or making something up, but I couldn’t do that. How could I do that? She was an adult and she certainly deserved to know what had happened to her body. “Cage. Just rip off the Band-Aid. Tell me.”
“Well, like I said, the truck crushed your midsection. Believe it or not, you don’t have any broken bones, but there was a lot of internal damage. You have torn abdominal muscles that will take a while to heal. The worst of it was from you hemorrhaging from a tear in your uterine wall or something. They had to do a total hysterectomy. I’m so sorry.” I reached for her hand.
And then she did the strangest thing. Her lips curled up, if only for a moment. “A hysterectomy. So I’m not paralyzed or anything like that?” She wiggled her toes and then tried to move her legs. “Ah, God. That’s why I hurt so much. I was cut open.”
“So, you’re okay with that?”
Her smile vanished and she shook her head as tears pooled in her eyes. “No. I’m happy not to be paralyzed though, and I’m happy to be alive.” She took a deep breath and gripped my hand harder. “Shit.” And then she cried with me stroking her hand. I wanted to pull her into my arms, but I couldn’t, of course.
“I’m so sorry, but I’m so glad you’re still here.” I didn’t know what else to say, so I just sat there and let her cry until she fell back into an exhausted, pain-filled sleep.
She was in the hospital for another couple of days before getting the word that she could be discharged. And then the fighting ensued.
“She’ll come home with us.” Jody and I were standing just outside of Karen’s room discussing the best rehab location for her.
“You have a new baby to take care of. I have nothing to do. You know my playoff run is over. I’m out for the rest of the season. I can give her one hundred percent of my attention. Plus, you have double the amount of stairs I have and you know she’s not supposed to use them if it can be helped.” I knew I had a winning argument. And I’d think about my playoff run being over later. I couldn’t even go there. Fuck.
“We just have to get her up the stairs once. My mother will be here in about a week and can take care of her then. I told her Lacey and I can manage just fine until then!”
“So you’re just going to leave her in her room until she’s able to move around better? That’s a great idea, Jody. She won’t go crazy at all.” I can’t imagine being forced to stare at four walls for weeks on end. She’d be much better off at my house where there were only four stairs to climb in order to get to the bathroom and bedroom. It was stupid to argue about it at all.
Jody’s voice was getting louder, but then mine was too, no doubt. “If I remember correctly, you only have one bedroom, is that right?”
“So what—you think I’m going to jump her while she’s too weak to fight me off, Jody? I know you don’t like me, but do you really think I’d ever do anything to hurt her? I have a couch. I’ll be fine there.”
Jody wasn’t backing down. As a matter of fact, he crossed his arms and took a deep breath, ready to go another
round. “Look, Booker—”
“Guys? Do I get a say?”
I guess we weren’t being quiet enough after all. “No!” Our voices were even louder speaking at the same time. But hell, at least we agreed on something. Her chuckle was followed by a groan, getting both of our attentions.
“Are you okay?” I got to her first. “What hurts?” She was holding it together pretty well after her initial bout of grief about the surgery. She wasn’t over it by any stretch of the imagination, but she was a trooper and said she was determined not to let her mind linger on things that couldn’t be changed.
“Everything. Everything hurts, but laughing especially. Please don’t make me do that.” She looked up at me and tried to smile, but it ended up as more of a grimace.
“I can take care of myself if Jody and Lacey can just get me set up. My place is more like yours with just a few steps. I’ll be fine there.” Her eyes then focused on Jody. “And I can’t believe you told Mom to come out here! She’s supposed to be enjoying her alone time with Samuel.” She pulled the pillow she’d been holding closer to her in an effort to quiet the pain she’d caused herself by getting upset and talking too animatedly.
I felt responsible for that pain, too. I wished I could take it all away from her. “Okay, Karen. Just relax. Don’t worry about this. If you want to go to your place, then that’s where we’ll take you. I’ll just stay there with you.” There was no way I was going to leave her alone and helpless. What if someone tried to break in or the house caught on fire? Nope. Wasn’t going to happen. She was not staying by herself until she was healed.
“Are you nuts? We’re not taking her back to her place.” Karen had given up on the argument and slowly rolled over onto her side where she seemed to get the most comfort, holding onto her pillow like a floatation device.
“Just get me out of here, okay?”
Jody gently patted her hip. “Sure. I’ll go get the nurse to discharge you.”
I followed Jody out into the hall. “Hey. I already took a bunch of Karen’s clothes over to my place. And her girly books and stuff,too.”
“How the hell did you get into her place?”
Okay. This might sound a bit crazy. The day after I got out of the hospital, I rode over to her house. Making sure no one was around, I jimmied the living room window up. Funny thing was I thought I was golden after that, but no matter what I did, I couldn’t get the screen to budge, so I had to cut it. Then I had to go to the hardware store, buy a screen repair kit and redo the whole thing. Lucky for me I was quite the handyman. But was I going to tell big brother that? Hell no. “I took her keys.” In hindsight, that would have been much easier.
He finally gave in, although his voice was hoarse with frustration. “Fine. She’ll stay with you, but I’ll be checking on her around the clock.”
“I would expect no less.” I had to say, I felt like the man having won that battle against Jody. He wouldn’t have backed down if he didn’t know I could take care of his sister. Maybe he didn’t dislike me as much as I originally thought. Or he trusted me a little anyway. I’d take it.
Chapter 15
Karen
Leaving the hospital was a relief, even though the journey to Cage’s house was a painful one. Never in my life could I have imagined having so much pain simply from trying to walk. The physical pain I had suffered at Freddy’s hands didn’t even come close to comparing to the pain from the hysterectomy and the other torn abdominal muscles. It affected every movement I made. There was simply no way to get comfortable. Thank God for Cage’s recliner. It was as close as I could come to getting even a bit of temporary relief.
He set me up with my iPad, books, glass of water, a couple of KitKats (I’m pretty sure Cage thought they could cure world hunger) and his TV remote before he ran to the grocery store. It was the first time I was actually hungry in days, and Cage was only too happy to feed me.
“Anything you want. I’m a good cook. What’ll it be?”
“A hamburger. I’d love a hamburger.” I knew I’d really have to watch what I ate until I could exercise again, but I just wanted a burger.
“How about a cowboy burger with sautéed onions, bacon, my home-made barbeque sauce and cheddar cheese?”
My stomach growled, giving him the answer. “That sounds heavenly. Could you grab me some Diet Pepsi too, please?”
“You got it.” He couldn’t quite hide his own discomfort as he bent to kiss me on the forehead before he left. His ribs were going to take a while to heal.
Aside from using the bathroom, it was the first time I’d been left alone since waking up after surgery. So, as any logical woman would do, I opened up my iPad, went into iTunes and played Yesterday by The Beatles. I followed that up with a little In The Arms of an Angel by Sarah McLachlan.
As the floodgates opened, I looked up pictures of newborns that I would never be able to carry. Pictures of new mothers directly after birth, holding their little ones with such reverence. Life could be incredibly unfair. I’d known I wanted a bunch of kids from the time I was in grade school. Why? Why did this happen to me? It didn’t make any sense. I wasn’t a believer, per se, but if there was a God out there, I wanted to believe he had something in mind for me. I truly wanted to believe there was a reason for this madness. A reason I only felt like half a woman now.
Realistically, I knew I was still as much of a woman as I always was. There were endless amounts of women who couldn’t have children for a variety of reasons, but having my reproductive organs taken out—well, quite honestly, it fucking sucked. I would get over it, what choice did I have? But today—today I would allow myself to grieve for what I could never have.
When Cage got back, he took one look at my puffy eyes, red nose, and slumped shoulders and plopped down onto the coffee table, putting his hands over his face as he rested his elbows on his knees. After he took a deep breath, he reached for my hands and held them loosely. “What can I do? Please, tell me how I can help.”
“I just need time. I’m okay, or I will be. I would like to sit outside, though. Do you mind?”
“Of course not. Let me take the other chair out there. It’ll be more comfortable for you.”
He was talking about the other recliner. It was huge. “I don’t need you to take that big thing out there. I can just sit in a—” He was already dragging the recliner through the French door. It was too big to fit easily, so he had to tilt it and manhandle it through the opening. His commitment to getting that chair out there had me smiling. I don’t think Cage knew the meaning of ‘can’t’.
Breathing heavily, his face a bit green from putting such strain on those cracked ribs of his, he was back in mere minutes and helped me get settled outside, keeping the light blanket wrapped around the lovely housedress I was wearing. Thank God for Lacey. She knew what I’d need. The housedresses were less than flattering to say the least, but they did the job of keeping everything away from my incision. Cage was sweet enough to bring me jeans and yoga pants from my place, but it would be at least another week or so before I attempted to wear the yoga pants. I couldn’t even entertain the thought of putting a pair of jeans on.
“Can I get you anything else before I start dinner?”
I really wanted a soda; however, he’d been doing so much for me, I hated to ask. I abhorred feeling so dependent on someone, but God knew there was no way in hell he’d let me attempt to get it myself. “No thanks.”
Cage walked back into the house, and I soon heard the opening lines to Brighter Than The Sun by Colbie Caillat coming from inside. Since I was pretty sure it wasn’t his type of music, I could only surmise that he’d chosen it for me, and it made me smile. He did that a lot. Made me smile, I mean. He put me first all the time, and there went another piece of my heart.
My eyes were closed as I hummed along to the song when the door opened and a glass of soda was placed on the table by my side. “I thought you might like this.” See? He was thinking about my comfort again. He was gone be
fore I could thank him.
***
My burger was incredible. I don’t know if it was because Cage actually was a good cook or because I’d been existing on hospital food, but either way my taste buds did a happy dance. And honestly, I’d take any happy that came my way.
I tried not to think too much about the accident and all it took from me. In the scheme of things, I knew it could have been so much worse, but we never thought of that, did we? I mean we did, but then we always came back to what it did cost us, not what it could have. I was very lucky. I knew that, truly, but I couldn’t seem to control those moments of sorrow for my shortcomings yet.
Cage had been cleaning up dinner and came back out to collect my plate while I was having one of my less thankful moments, which clearly showed on my face. “You didn’t like the burger, did you? I’ll make you something else.”
He was so good at making me laugh, even when he didn’t mean to. I had to turn my frown upside down, because there wasn’t a scrap of food left on my plate. Not even a smudge of ketchup. I won’t tell you that I actually licked my plate when he had gone inside. That would just be gross, right? So…
“I couldn’t eat another bite. It was great Cage, really. Thank you so much for taking care of me. You’re such a great friend.” I don’t think he liked my usage of the word ‘friend’, but I was saved from saying anything further by the ringing of the house phone inside.
“That’s got to be my mother. She hates all things cell phone. I’ll be right back.”
I couldn’t help but hear his conversation, not that it was all that much of a conversation. He was standing just inside the kitchen and had turned the radio way down.
“Yes, Ma.”
A bit of silence.
“No, Ma. I’m sorry.”
More silence.
“Yes ma’am. I understand. I will. Of course.”
He slid open the door and handed me the phone. “My mom wants to talk to you.”
I reached out for the phone, but he stopped me. “Do you want to go back inside first? It’s getting chilly.”
Cage's Misconduct (NHL Scorpions #3) Page 13
