by Sandy McKee
Then in those few weeks after I’d moved back home, the daughter I gave up somehow tracked me down and was trying to get in touch. She and her parents had spoken to my mother, but I’d managed to evade them. She was certainly persistent. She wanted to talk to me and know something about her history, both personal and genetic. I’d visualized meeting her hundreds of times over the years, but once it was a real possibility, I was terrified. It wasn’t like I was some scared kid when I chose to give her up. I knew that I could have kept her and, with my family’s ongoing support, done just fine by her. I’m sure she realized that, too, and likely had a lot of questions she’d like to confront me with. She was sixteen, the same age that Constance Slaughbach was when she met with her horrific death. I realized that I owed it to her and to myself to at least talk to her on the telephone.
One Saturday morning last October, I got the nerve to return her calls. She was at soccer practice and I spoke with her mother. Her mother told me that she was a wonderful child with what was probably an overactive curiosity. They had named her Loren. Her parents were both teachers, and she was their only child. Both her parents had agreed to help her locate me and gave her their blessing in contacting my family. Her mother said that Loren didn’t seem to really want anything from me, just an opportunity to better know who I was and ask me a few questions. She said that she would certainly understand if I didn’t want to get involved. I doubted that Loren’s mother realized how many times Loren had phoned my mother’s house.
The events of the previous September had a great impact on me. Seeing Fannie’s commitment to family continued to influence me. Even though Fannie would have never been in my situation, I had no doubt what choice she would make regarding Loren. Life really is too short to not be there for people.
I told Loren’s mother, Kay, that I’d be glad to speak with Loren. We agreed that I’d call back that afternoon. When we finally spoke, her voice was surprisingly similar to my own. I didn’t sense any bitterness or anger, but she wasn’t one bit shy.
“Once I learned that I was adopted, I started picturing what my birth mother and sperm donor father were like. It got under my skin, and I started bothering my folks about it. They’re the best parents. I’m not looking for any substitutes. I just need to know some things. Do you understand that?”
“Yes, of course I do. I’ve spent a good part of my life seeking answers too. Just what do you need to know, Loren?” I noticed that I was really having trouble breathing. I’d seldom experienced such anxiety.
“Well, who are you, Dana Blades? And who fathered me? What do you guys look like? Do you have other kids? What’s your health like? What do you do? Why did you choose to give me up for adoption?”
“A thirty-nine year old retired professor and detective wanna be, Carlos, gorgeous, just a dog, strong as an ox, think about you, love.” I responded.
“What? She gasped. “Are you trying to flip me off?”
“No honestly! I was just answering all your questions as quickly as I could. This is just way too difficult to do over the telephone. How about I write you a long letter, explaining everything as best I can. After that, you can decide if you’d like to meet.”
“That sounds fair. Thanks so much for finally talking to me. I was beginning to think you’d never return my calls.”
“I want to apologize for that. I’m sometimes a bit of a jerk.”
I spent a lot of time writing her a detailed biography complete with pictures and stories about my family. I explained that I knew very little about her father and that he really didn’t know she existed. I hope she didn’t think I was a total tramp. I realized that at sixteen her ability to empathize would be limited. It wasn’t like I was applying for a job as her parent. It just really did matter to me that she didn’t see me as the birth mother from hell.
I sent the letter off and looked forward to hearing from Loren. I imagined that many of the answers that I’d provided weren’t exactly what she’d hoped for. She called me in a week and thanked me for the information. I couldn’t read how she felt about the information I’d sent by the tone of her voice. She was fairly pleasant and upbeat. Her only irritation seemed to be about her birth father.
“Don’t you think he deserved to know about me? I think you were pretty unfair to him and to me. I know nothing about his history. I read that the people of Argentina are as multicultural as we are. Was he Indian, Italian, German or what? He might have been the son of an escaped Nazi. My family is Jewish. How am I supposed to feel about that? And what if he carried some genetic disease. Shouldn’t I know about that before I get married and have kids?”
I was pleased that she used the word “multicultural,” surprised that she was Jewish, happy that she had some sense of history and not really disappointed that she chided me. I had kicked myself many times over the years for how I’d handled the affair. I simply didn’t love Carlos and really didn’t want him in my life, but I didn’t want to tell him or Loren my feelings about this.
“It sounds like we have more things to discuss,” I responded. “Do you think you could send me something about yourself and maybe some pictures?”
“I guess I could. Now that my initial curiosity is over, I’m better able to focus on school and my life. Don’t take this wrong, but I’m not really looking for a friend.”
“I understand completely, Loren. I really appreciate your honesty.”
I did receive a letter from her with some pictures and information about her life. I sent her a Hanukah card. Then late last week, she called and asked if we could meet. She said that she had her driver’s license, but that her parents would come along if I agreed to a meeting. Of course I agreed. Mom is very excited. I also told Phil and his family the whole story, and he agreed to bring everyone by if I called and gave him an O.K.
I told Fannie the story about my daughter and how I planned to meet her soon. She gave me a broad smile.
“ I hope that your meeting is the beginning of a good friendship, Dana. Just look how our unlikely friendship has grown over the years. Life really is an interesting journey, isn’t it, even here in Solitude.”
I nodded. “We just have to remember to keep ourselves open to all the possibilities and make the best choices possible no matter where we are.”
Book Jacket
Summary
The peaceful western Pennsylvania Amish community of Solitude is best known for quaint shopping and dining experiences, not crime. But lately, Amish barns are being burned down. Amish leaders are receiving anonymous threats. A few buggies have been driven off the road at night resulting in injuries. The situation deteriorates even more when an Amish schoolteacher is found stabbed to death in her classroom. Local police efforts have met with no success, leading Dana Blades, a Florida history professor home to care for her mother, to sleuth around with help from some of her childhood Amish friends. Many think big developers trying to obtain farmlands to build a resort in the area are behind the trouble. Others believe local militia and hate groups are responsible. Still others fear that the problem lies within the Amish community. Many fear that even worse dark and sinister forces are at work in this bucolic community. Dana, who has her own secrets and share of painful losses, takes the reader through many exciting twists and turns that lead to a surprising conclusion that leaves Solitude reeling.
Author
Saundra McKee is a retired teacher and college professor. She has published numerous articles and teacher’s materials on teaching social studies. She resides in western Pennsylvania with her best friend, Lynn, a Jack Russell named Nellie and a Serbian street dog named Maisey. She has also completed an historical murder mystery for children that’s set in the coal mining region of western Pennsylvania.
