by Judi Curtin
Mum sat down beside me and felt my forehead.
‘Feeling any better?’ she asked.
If anything, I felt worse, but I didn’t say that to Mum.
I nodded.
‘I think I’m a little bit better,’ I said.
‘Well enough for a nice big bowl of porridge?’ she said.
I shook my head.
‘No. Not that much better,’ I said. ‘But I might manage one small slice of toast.’
Mum patted my arm.
‘I think we can arrange that,’ she said.
She didn’t get up to go.
‘Rosie, why don’t you go and pick out a jigsaw for you and I to do in a minute?’ she said.
Rosie crawled out from under the covers, and I could hear the clump of her feet as she went upstairs.
‘So, Megan, how are things at school these days?’ Mum asked.
While she spoke, she was rubbing my back like she used to when I was really small. Her hand was warm, and kind of comforting.
Suddenly I really, really wanted to tell her about Marcus, and his dad, and the bruises, and …… everything. I even wanted to tell her about the exam papers and how I had stolen them.
But how could I do that?
How could I confess to doing such a very bad thing?
Mum might try to understand, but she’d still punish me.
She couldn’t just ignore the fact that I’d done the very, very, very worst thing in my whole life.
She couldn’t ignore the fact that I was a huge, huge disappointment to her.
‘Well?’ asked Mum.
I tried to smile.
‘It’s OK,’ I said.
‘And do you still sit next to that boy, Marcus, I think you said he was called?’
‘Oh him?’ I said, like Marcus hadn’t been the centre of my thoughts for the past couple of days. ‘Sometimes I sit next to him. But sometimes I sit next to other people.’
It wasn’t really a lie. I sat next to Grace and Alice for Home Ec class.
‘So you’re a bit happier at school these days?’ she asked.
Once again I was tempted to tell her the truth.
Once again I lied to her.
‘Sure, Mum,’ I said. ‘Everything’s fine. Couldn’t be better.’
Mum patted my arm.
‘I’m really glad,’ she said, and then she went out to make my toast, before I could find the words to tell her the truth – that things couldn’t possibly be any worse.
Chapter twenty-five
Next morning I woke up after another long, horrible night of nightmares. I leaned out of bed, picked up my phone and turned it on. There were six unread messages in my inbox. Three were from Alice, Grace and Louise, all hoping that I was feeling better. I felt a sudden sick feeling in my stomach when I saw that the last three were from Marcus.
I opened the first one. It was short.
Don’t forget.
(Like I was ever, ever going to forget.)
The second message was longer.
If you don’t bring what I want to skool on Monday I am in a lot of trouble …
With shaking hands I opened the last message:
… but not as much trouble as you.
I switched off my phone again.
What was I going to do?
* * *
Shortly afterwards, I heard the doorbell ring. I heard Mum opening the door and then I could hear Alice’s voice in the hallway. I was kind of tempted to call out to Mum that I was too sick for visitors, but before I could say anything, Alice was in my room.
‘Hey, Meg’ she said. ‘Are you better yet? I wanted to call over last night, but Mum wouldn’t let me. Grace and I really missed you in Home Ec yesterday. I’m getting better though. I managed to crack three whole eggs, without any getting on the floor. Miss Leonard said there might be hope for me after all.’
I had to smile. Alice wasn’t pretending. She really was proud about the eggs, even though she’d just managed to do what Rosie had been able to do since she was three.
She came over and stood by my bed.
‘So, Meg, are you really sick, or are you just faking?’
‘I’m really si—’ I started to say, but I couldn’t finish. Instead of words, sobs were coming out of my mouth, and tears started to pour down my face.
Alice looked at me in alarm.
‘Hey,’ she said. ‘I was just kidding. You know that, don’t you?’
Of course I knew she was kidding, but I couldn’t answer, I was still sobbing too much.
Now Alice sat on the edge of my bed. She looked really scared and I couldn’t blame her – I must have looked totally scary.
‘What’s happened?’ she said. ‘Please tell me what’s wrong? Do you want me to go and get your mum?’
I stopped sobbing long enough to say, ‘No way,’ and then I sobbed some more.
Alice sat patiently rubbing my arm until I was finished sobbing.
‘Are you crying because you’re afraid I’m going to get better than you at Home Ec?’ she said at last.
I smiled. Trust Alice to be able to make me smile even when it was the last thing I felt like doing.
‘Well?’ she said.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to tell her the truth. The truth was just too bad.
So I told more lies.
‘I’ve been getting these cramps in my stomach,’ I said. ‘They really hurt, but they only last for a minute or two. Then I’m fine again. I was crying just now, because the cramps were really bad. But they’ve stopped now. I feel better already.’
I tried to smile, but knew I wasn’t doing a very good job.
Alice looked a bit doubtful.
‘That sounds kind of serious,’ she said. ‘Have you been to a doctor or something?’
I shook my head.
‘There’s no need. Mum looked it up on the internet. I’ll be fine again soon.’
(If I really had stomach cramps so bad that they made me cry, Mum would drag me to hospital, and keep me there until I was cured.)
Alice didn’t really look convinced, but she didn’t say anything for a minute.
Then she said suddenly, ‘Oh, I nearly forgot to tell you. I met your friend Marcus at school yesterday. I always thought he was a bit of a messer, but he seemed really nice. He even wanted to come over to see you. I thought that was kind of sweet, but I didn’t think your mum would be cool with that, so I told him it might not be a good idea.’
Alice was so busy telling her story that she didn’t notice that tears were rolling down my cheeks again.
‘So he seemed really disappointed,’ she continued. ‘And he said he can’t wait to see you on Monday. He said to be sure to tell you that. He said …’
She looked at me and stopped talking.
‘Hey, Meg. What is it? Is it another cramp? Please won’t you let me call your mum?’
I didn’t answer, and then she slapped herself on the forehead.
‘I’m being totally dumb,’ she said. ‘You’re not crying because of stomach cramps, are you? You’ve been worried about something for days. There’s something else going on, isn’t there?’
I was too tired to keep pretending, so I just nodded my head.
‘Tell me what’s going on,’ said Alice.
Now I shook my head.
‘I can’t. It’s too bad.’
Alice folded her arms, and looked at me seriously.
‘Sit up properly, Megan,’ she said. ‘And wipe your eyes.’
She seemed so determined that I decided it was best to do as she asked. So I sat up and wiped my eyes.
‘Now fix your pillows, and make yourself comfortable.’
Once again I did as she said.
‘Now,’ she said sternly. ‘There is nothing in the world that is so bad that you can’t tell your best friend about it. So start talking.’
And so I started to talk.
Chapter twenty-six
‘It’s Marcus,’ I began slowly. �
�He sits next to me in class every single day. Well, every day that he comes to school, I mean, because lots of days he doesn’t bother. And sometimes he’s really nice, and funny. And sometimes, well, sometimes he’s not. Sometimes he acts like he hates me.’
Alice interrupted.
‘So if he hates you, why does he sit next to you?’
I shrugged.
‘I don’t really know. He just sat beside me on the first day, and now he still does. No one else really talks to him. All the other boys are afraid of him. And the girls are too.’
‘What about you?’ Alice’s voice was gentle.
‘A lot of the time I’m afraid of him too.’
We were both quiet for a minute. Then Alice stood up.
‘That’s not toooooo bad,’ she said. ‘I think we can fix this.’
I shook my head impatiently.
‘But that’s not the problem. That’s only the start of the problem. The real problem is much, much worse.’
Alice sat down again.
‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘Keep talking.’
So I continued my story.
‘Sometimes I feel sorry for Marcus. His dad’s really mean. Marcus never has any lunch. He—’
Alice slapped her forehead again.
‘So you’ve been giving him your lunch?’
I nodded, and she continued, ‘I remember you told me once that you’d given him a sandwich, but I didn’t know it happened every day. I wondered why you always seem hungry at school. I should have known your mum wouldn’t let you out without a day’s supply of healthy food.’
Suddenly she giggled.
‘And Marcus likes your mum’s food?’
I had to giggle too.
‘I know, weird, isn’t it?’
Then we both got serious again.
‘Anyway, go on,’ said Alice.
And so I went on.
Alice gasped when I told her about the bruises on Marcus’s side.
She gasped even louder when I told her about his plan to steal the exam papers.
When I told her about my part in that plan, and how the exam papers were right underneath the mattress she was sitting on, she went pale, and didn’t speak for about five minutes.
Eventually she spoke in a very shocked voice.
‘Please … tell me you’re joking,’ she said.
I shook my head.
‘I can’t tell you I’m joking. Because I’m not. It’s all true. I don’t know why I did it. I felt sorry for Marcus, and I was afraid to say no, and I took the papers and Marcus keeps sending me horrible texts, and now I don’t know what to do.’
I started to cry again, and Alice hugged me tightly. While she was hugging me she was muttering angrily.
‘What a stupid idea. Did he think he could steal papers for every exam he ever has to do? Did he think that in six year’s time he’d be able to persuade you to hijack the van that brings the Leaving Cert papers so he could get a look at those too? Did he think no one would be suspicious when he doesn’t do a stroke of work for months and then gets all ‘A’s in his exams?’
She was right, of course. They were the questions I should have asked Marcus. But I didn’t. I was too afraid. Or too stupid.
I wiped my eyes again.
‘What am I going to do?’ I asked. ‘If I give Marcus the papers, and he gets all ‘A’s the teachers will know something’s wrong. They’ll start asking questions. And they might find out that I’m the one who took them.’
I hesitated as I tried to work out the other option. Then I continued.
‘And if I don’t give Marcus the papers he’ll … I don’t know what he’ll do to me, but it won’t be nice. And then he’ll fail his exams and his dad will…well, I don’t know what he’ll do, but I bet that won’t be nice either.’
Alice was very quiet for a very long time – so long that I began to worry about her. Had I managed to shock her so much that she didn’t like me any more?
After all we had been through together, was our friendship over?
I would have cried again, but it felt like I’d run out of tears.
‘I have to go in a few minutes,’ Alice said eventually. ‘Dad’s taking me to see my granny in Portlaoise. So I won’t be back until really late. But you just stay here in bed – out of trouble. Don’t answer any of Marcus’s messages. Don’t do anything. I’ll think about this all night, and I’ll call over tomorrow. Just try not to worry. We’ll think of a way out of this. I promise.’
Alice sounded so sure, that I began to feel better, but when she stood up to go, I didn’t feel so brave any more. Then I heard a faint miaowing at the window. Alice went over and pulled back the curtain.
‘It’s Domino!’ she said, like there were a hundred cats out there, and it could have been any one of them.
She opened the window, and Domino scrambled on to the windowsill inside. She sat there, miaowing softly.
‘She can’t get down,’ I said. ‘Will you bring her over to me?’
I’d forgotten how much Alice doesn’t like cats, but then she showed me what a good friend she is. With her hand held as far away from her body as possible, she grasped Domino around the middle. Then holding her like she was a bomb that could explode at any second, she tip-toed across the room, and dropped her onto my bed. Domino immediately snuggled under the covers where it was warm.
‘Thanks, Alice,’ I said.
‘That’s OK,’ she said, rubbing her hands on her jumper.
Then she hugged me one more time, and went away.
Chapter twenty-seven
The next morning I still felt sick.
‘I think it’s time to call the doctor,’ said Mum when she came in to see me.
‘No,’ I said quickly.
What was the point in seeing a doctor? No doctor could cure what was wrong with me.
Mum sighed.
‘I just don’t know, Megan,’ she said. ‘I’ve never seen you like this.’
That’s because I’ve never been like this, I felt like saying, but didn’t.
Instead I smiled the best smile I could manage, and said,
‘I’ll be better soon. I’m sure of it.’
Mum went off to make me some tea and toast, and I reached under my bed for my phone.
As well as messages from Louise and Grace, there was another one from Marcus. I got a horrible cold feeling all over when I read it.
If u don’t bring the papers tomorrow U R so dead
I switched off my phone without replying, like Alice had told me to.
Then I opened my bedroom window and let Domino in. She licked my fingers with her rough tongue, and then she snuggled under my covers, and I lay back and closed my eyes.
Maybe the best thing would be to stay cuddled up in bed forever. Things would be much easier that way.
* * *
I was still in bed when Alice called over at lunch-time. She looked pale and tired.
‘I didn’t sleep very much last night,’ she said.
I tried to smile.
‘The first three nights are the hardest.’
She hugged me.
‘Poor Megan,’ she said. ‘You’re always so kind. You only got into all this trouble because you felt sorry for Marcus, and …’
She hesitated.
‘And what?’ I asked.
‘Well, let’s just say that I had a very interesting morning.’
‘What do you mean?’ I asked.
Alice sat down on my bed.
‘I got up real early, and I called over to Louise’s house.’
I felt a sudden spark of jealousy. I was upset and frightened, and yet Alice had got up early so she could hang out with Louise.
That didn’t seem fair.
Didn’t she care about me any more?
Alice didn’t notice my sulky face.
‘Louise’s brother, Colin, was there,’ she said.
I so didn’t care about Louise’s brother. He’s much older than us, and spends all
his time talking about football.
I put on an even sulkier face, but still Alice didn’t notice.
‘Colin is friends with one of Marcus’s friends,’ continued Alice.
At last I could see where this conversation was going. I stopped sulking and started to listen properly.
‘So I decided to ask him a few things about Marcus.’
‘But—’, I began.
‘Don’t worry, I didn’t mention you. I just said there was this real bad boy called Marcus in our year, and then Colin started to talk about him. It turned out he had lots to say.’
Now I was really listening.
‘Like what?’
‘Well, his mum really is dead, but that’s about the only true thing we knew about him.’
I didn’t know what she was trying to say.
‘I don’t understand,’ I said.
‘Well, Colin said that Marcus’s dad is really nice. He does all kinds of good stuff for Marcus, but Marcus still gets into loads of trouble. He tells everyone that his dad is a bully, just so they’ll feel sorry for him.’
‘But the bruises? He didn’t make them up. He couldn’t have made them up. I saw them. They were real.’
Even thinking about the bruises on Marcus’s side made me feel bad.
Alice sighed.
‘I asked about them, and Colin said Marcus got those bruises in a fight with some other boys who live on his road.’
‘But maybe—’, I began again, but Alice interrupted me.
‘Trust me. It’s true. Colin saw the fight. He said it took four adults to break it up.’
I remembered the bruise Marcus had on his wrist, and the graze I’d seen on his neck one time.
It was like Alice could read my thoughts.
‘Colin said Marcus is always getting into fights. In a crazy way, it’s almost like he likes getting hurt.’
Suddenly I understood what she meant. I’d always felt that Marcus liked to be in trouble too.
How could anyone be as mixed up as that?
But still I found it hard to believe that Marcus was a total fraud.
‘But what about the fact that his dad wouldn’t buy him any school books?’ I asked.
