by Miles, Amy
Cable’s symptoms progressed fast. Maybe it’s because this is the first time he’s slowed down long enough to allow it to take him. Maybe he pushed himself too close to the limit. Maybe it is just his time. Either way, as I reach out and grasp his hand in mine, I know that I’m not ready to say goodbye.
He stirs, inching his way onto his side to look at me. I shift to block the light from his eyes. They are more sunken than before. His face is pale. His lips nearly colorless.
“You’re freezing.” He slowly lifts his hand and presses it to my cheek. I close my eyes at his chilled touch. His fever didn't break overnight. It vanished only to be replaced by an unnatural chill that he can’t shake. Natalia experienced the same thing while Eric watched her slip away. I don’t know if I can do that.
“I’m fine.” I smile down at him with as much sincerity as I can muster.
His eyebrows rise so swiftly that I can’t help but laugh. “Ok, I’m not, but you know...I’m trying to be.”
“Always the martyr,” he whispers. His fingers curl around my cheek. I lean into his touch, knowing soon this will be lost to me.
“That blow to your head must have knocked something loose. You’re the fool who always rushes in.” I brush my finger along the fading bruise that spans from his hairline down to his chin. Cable says he got that when the blast blew him backward. I can’t imagine how he managed to find his feet in time to save me, but he did. Just like he promised.
It hurts to think about Alex, about all of the people we’ve lost along the way. Laying my hand across his forehead, I can’t begin to think of what losing Cable will be like. “How are you feeling?”
Gripping his side, Cable allows me to help him into a seated position. He presses back against the wall, his chest heaving. His cheeks are rosy, his fingertips a matching hue. There is a bit of swelling to his skin, as if he’s begun to retain water. Considering we've had little but handfuls of rainwater for the past few days I don't see how that’s possible.
He gives me a pointed look and grins. “I’m fine.”
Chuckling to myself, I sink down beside him. He slides along the wall toward me and I take the brunt of his weight as he rests his head against mine. We stare out at the darkening day. Though it is not nearly time for the sun to set, the thick layer of rain clouds overhead suck the light from the woods early.
“Are you ever going to tell me about Alex?” I hold my breath, wondering how he will take my question. I’ve waited for days for him to bring it up, but he hasn’t. He swallows hard and reaches down for my hand.
“You might as well know.” I tuck my fingers between his as Cable finally begins to spill the details of Alex’s final moment. There is pride in his voice as he speaks of Alex’s brave attempt to make his way to one of the semis.
“He took several bullets along the way. One to the leg and two to the arm and shoulder. Nearly dropped him right in front of me. I managed to get him hidden in one of the cars left on the side of the shop, probably waiting for an oil change or something completely random and normal.”
A ghost of a smile touches his lips as he looks at the ceiling of the cave. “I knew he wasn’t going to make it, but he had a good plan. All he had to do was shove a flare into a gas tank of a semi and run like hell. I figured if I was going down I was going to take them with me, so I grabbed the flares and left Alex behind.”
“I took down two men before being surrounded They had guns pointed at my chest, back and head. I knew I wasn’t going anywhere.” His grip tightens against my fingers as he coughs. I hold on to him, waiting for the fit to pass. “Thought that was it until I heard the craziest thing. None of them could figure out where the heck the car horn was coming from.”
I grin, imagining Alex beating the horn. “When those guys turned to search for that car, I grabbed the shotgun from the first guy and rammed it straight up under his throat. He went down hard. After that it was easy. They were standing so close together it only took one shot to take them out.”
Cable’s tale of Alex steering the hotwired car, its backend fishtailing wildly as he rammed into the gas tank, sounds like nothing more than a fable. One a father would try to pass on to his wide-eyed child as a bedtime story of amazing heroics. I never thought of Alex as a hero, but he saved my life. I know that I owe him a lot. We both do.
I turn my head and place a kiss against Cable’s chin. “You saved my life, just like you promised.”
Staring down at his feet, Cable doesn’t react. I wait, waving my hand before his face. He doesn’t blink, doesn’t speak. Though his chest rises and falls, his face hangs without expression.
“Cable?” I shake him by the arm.
“Yeah.” His gaze shifts slowly toward me. “Sorry. I guess I got lost for a moment…”
Lost. Is that what it feels like near the end? Confusion? A wiping of memory? Like a fog settling over your mind that you can’t escape?
“It’s ok.” I feel shaky as I slowly release the breath I’d been holding, sure that I’d lost him completely. That is the first time I’ve seen him fade. How many more times will come before the end?
“What were you saying?” He rubs his forehead, as if trying to massage the memory back into place.
“It doesn’t matter.”
We sit in silence as the forest darkens. I listen to the pattering of rain beyond the walls of the cave. I used to like the rain. Now it makes me sad.
Exhaustion tugs at my eyelids. I try to fight back, to remain alert for Cable, but it’s a losing battle. Sometime later he shifts beside me and I rouse. A cold damp has settled over our clothes, making my hair and pants feel moist to the touch. I should build a fire but there is nothing dry to use.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers beside me.
My hands still as I rub my palms against my jeans to warm them. I turn toward him. His face is lost to the all-consuming shadow of night. “Sorry for what?”
“For cutting out on you early.”
“Don’t.” My throat clenches. “Don’t do this, Cable. Not now.”
His hands quake as he reaches out for me. Tears slip between my eyes as I feel how cold he has become. I clasp his hands between mine and blow on them.
“You’re a tough girl. I’ve always admired that about you. I know you’ll make it.”
A moan of despair escapes my lips as I turn toward him, propping my knee against his side. “I don’t want to hear your goodbyes. I won’t accept them.”
The wheezing sounds rise and fall with his chest, a fight for each breath. “Tough.”
Tears leak from the corners of my eyes as I cling to him. I don’t want to lose him, to be all alone. Haven’t I lost enough? Does the world really need to take this good soul from me?
“I knew from the moment I first met you that you were special,” he whispers. His head lolls back against the stone. I reach out and press my palm to his cheek, easing the strain off his neck. “I could see the fire in your eyes.”
“Most guys hated that about me.”
His laughter turns to a cough. He doubles over. I beat on his back as he gasps for breath. Biting my lip doesn’t help take away the gaping hole burrowing into my chest. Why him? Why now?
I help press him back against the wall. His shoulders slump. It breaks me to see a man of such strength reduced to this. Anger churns deep within my soul as I think of how many other good people have been stolen away.
“I’m not most guys.” He spits to the side and wipes his mouth.
“No.” I scoot as close as I can to hold him. “You’re better. A thousand times better, Cable.”
He leans his head forward, cradling it in the crook of my neck. I wrap my arms around him and clench my eyes as I feel the rattling in his lungs as my hands splay across his back. He is suffering.
I feel him rustling in his jacket and sit up. “Do you need help?”
“No.” His arm moves against me. I stare into the dark, cursing it for not being able to see. “Let me have your hand.”
> I hold it out for him, moving it in the dark until he finds me. Something cold and heavy comes to rest on my palm. My fingers curl around it and I fall still. “A gun?”
“Your gun,” he corrects and leans back.
“You’re out of ammunition.”
“No,” he rasps. “I saved one final round.”
The weight of his words falls heavily on me. “You could have used that bullet back at the truck stop, could have saved yourself.”
“I was saving it...”
I bring the gun up to my chest, holding it close. “Saving it for me?”
Though I can’t see his nod, I sense it. “Just in case.”
I set the gun aside and push it away. “I don’t want it.”
Cable reaches out for me, his hand falling on my upper arm. He squeezes but there is little strength left in him. “I know, but I need it now.”
“Cable, don’t! Please don’t do this to me. I can’t—”
He tugs on my arm, shushing me. “I know that I promised you that I’d always take care of you. I tried to fight it, to survive for you and I’m sorry. I tried to hold on—”
“Shh,” I whisper, pulling him toward me. “It’s ok. We’ll get through this.”
“I’m dying, Avery, but I don’t want to be like them. Promise me you’ll take care of it before the end.”
“Oh god.” A whimper rises from my throat. My hands shake as I clasp them over my lips. I can’t lose him. I just can’t.
“There’s something else. I need you to know that I’ve never loved anyone like I—”
I pull back and press my fingers to his lips. I know he can feel how badly they shake as I try to silence him. My shoulders quake as tears fall unheeded. My chest hitches as I begin to sob, sinking into his weakened embrace. He holds me as I cry, slowly petting my hair. He murmurs to me through my hair, pressing his lips against the crown of my head from time to time.
The moon doesn’t rise this night. The dark is absolute as I cling to him, desperate for the morning’s return so that I can see him again. Everything seems better in the light.
He holds me for hours, sometimes humming as we rock, other times he falls completely still and I’m forced to shake him so hard I’m terrified that I might crack his head against the wall. He always comes back to me, but it’s getting harder with each slip.
I ignore the cold, the numbness in my toes and nose. I ignore the growling in my stomach or the dizziness from going too long without a drink. I refuse to leave him, even for a moment.
Finally, the east begins to brighten. “The sun is coming,” I whisper.
Cable doesn’t move. I bump his arm and he slides sideways across the wall. The sound of his head hitting the stone floor makes me sick. “Cable!”
I crawl to my knees, rushing to pull his head into my lap. I feel for a bump or a cut but feel nothing. Sweat no longer moistens his brow. His forehead is free of worry lines. I trace my fingers down to his lips, feeling for his slow breath.
“Cable,” I pat his cheeks, using my free hand to shake his shoulders. “Dammit, Cable don’t do this to me! I need you!”
I look up at the sky, willing the sun to rise faster. The curve of his shoes appear first since they lie nearest to the cave entrance. I continue to call out to him as the new day arrives. The clouds have begun to dissipate to the east. Sunlight glistens off the puddles of water all around.
The outline of his legs and hands begins to take shape. I never really stopped to notice how beautiful his hands are, how powerful the muscles that line his legs. His lean torso appears, followed by his chest. I watch as the light slowly creeps up his neck and then reveals his chin.
“Can you feel the warmth?” I ask, wiping tears from my swollen eyes. I use my sleeve to wipe at my nose, snuffing back so that I can breathe. My voice is hoarse, a croaking that sounds foreign in my ears.
I wipe my fallen tears away from his cheeks. “We never did watch a sunrise together. You always complained about me being too lazy and you were right. If only I had gone with you.” I hang my head. “Just once.”
Stretching my leg out, I take his weight on me, cradling him beneath my chin. “I should have not been so stubborn, admitted you were right about me all along. I should have let you hold my hand or kiss me whenever you wanted to. Held you through the night and never let you go. I should have let you in sooner, when we still had time.”
I clench my eyes shut as a burning in my throat chokes off my words. I press my hand to my mouth as I sob, a deep gut wrenching cry of remorse. I taste the salt of my tears as they pool in the corner of my lip. Feel them trail down to my cheek and fall away.
My mother once told me that tears are the window to a soul. That they are only for the things you hold dearest. For once, I think she was right.
I bite back a sob and embrace the pain, for it is the pain that brings truth. No more barriers. No more lies or excuses.
Lowering my gaze, I look down into Cable’s unblinking eyes. “I should have told you that I love you. With all my heart, I do, and I waited too long.”
Careful not to drop his head, I inch out from beneath him and lay him down on the floor. I use the rock wall to crouch beside him, my shoulders curved to allow for the low ceiling. In the light of the new dawn, I realize that Cable has never looked more handsome, more at peace.
Though his eyes hold no emotion, nothing more than a blank glazed stare, the corners of his lips pinch just enough that his smile is frozen in place.
I kneel beside him and place a hand over his chest. His heart still beats, his lungs still move, but the man I once knew is gone, withered away into nothingness.
“You are a man I could have loved till the end of my days. I didn’t deserve you, but you still wanted me.” Leaning down, my hair brushes against his face as I press my lips to his, one last time.
My fingers curl around my pistol at his side. As I lean back, I draw the gun to my chest. I press it to his forehead, pausing just long enough to burn the memory of him into my memory and realize the truth that I’ve fought for so long. “One night with you will never be enough,” I whisper and close my eyes.
Bang.
The End
EPILOGUE
I stare at the sunrise with a longing gaze with my shoulders slumped and my posture limp against the tree. I ignore the rain that falls from above, trailing down my collar and soaking through all three of my layers. The warmer day encouraged me to shed one layer. Soon, I will be able remove more.
The landscape remains the same. Barren. Vast. Trees as far as I can see spread out before me. A road winds through those trees, like a snake slithering along the hilly earth. I have followed its path for many days. Embraced the loneliness of the nights.
I have not spoken in nearly three weeks since emerging from the cave. My hair falls unkempt about my face. Dirt tracks wash clean from my cheek as I turn my face to the rain.
Depression, the darkest I have ever felt, took me those first few weeks. I ate only when my body refused to let me walk any further. Slept when I was forced to. I gathered supplies when the skies withheld rain. Gathered ammunition and weapons for survival.
The trees were my friends, resolute and silent, though it felt as if they still managed to accuse me. At times I feel as if Cable is still with me, keeping his promise to watch over me. I hear his voice on the wind. Feel his palm against my cheek in those few seconds just before I wake. I know it is not real, but even in those briefest of moments I feel alive again.
The clouds before me are broken. Shafts of light penetrate the dark rain clouds. Wide swatches of land are illuminated, basking in radiant light. The ache in my chest has not lessened, but as I stare at the light a soft smile tugs at my lips. Cable would not want me to linger. He would tell me to get up. To fight. To be the strong women he always knew me to be.
I buried him in that cave, piled rocks high enough to seal him into a forever tomb. I couldn’t bear the thought of animals getting to him. It was the best I cou
ld do.
I have watched the sunrise each morning for him. These moments I treasure. Never again will I oversleep, let creature comforts steal away the moments most precious to me. With each rise of the sun I’m reminded of just how valuable life truly is.
Turning away from the sunrise, I stare at the land before me. From this vantage point I see for miles. A veil of rain falls to the north in thick sheets. A rainbow blooms just to the south. Below me the ground is a blur of movement. Countless Withered Ones shuffle along, each one rocking in step with those surrounding them.
For a while I envied them, their lack of emotion, or ability to feel pain. Losing Cable nearly destroyed me...nearly.
I adjust the pack on my back and lean forward, pressing tightly against the tree limb as I lean over. Cable’s knife presses against my thigh as I stare at the highway looming below. I keep parallel to it, watching the road signs to make sure I’m heading in the right direction. The Withered Ones move steadily south. There is no rhyme or reason to this destination that I can detect. Only single minded determination.
I must adopt that same determination if I am to make it to my own destination.
During the final hours while I held Cable that last night, he spoke of his family. Of his half-brother Lenny and his mother Teresa. Of how after Lenny’s mother died, Teresa showed great compassion and took the boy into her care and raised her as her own. The sins of the father did not matter to her. A boy in need did. I wish I could have met Cable’s mother, met the woman who raised such an amazing man.
The last time Cable spoke with his brother he discovered that his mother had been lost, but Cable said Lenny was a smart one. He would survive.
I owe it to Cable to try to find him. A small suburb of Nashville, Tennessee was his last known location. By best guess it would be a three or four hour drive if I managed to find a car, and a passable road to use. It would take me a month or so by foot, depending on if I got into any trouble along the way.
Trouble is exactly what I’m afraid lies between me and Nashville.
