Edge of Recovery (Love on the Edge)

by Molly Lee

  I arched my head back, my eyes rolling back in my head as she rolled the condom over my length herself.

  “Look at me.” She demanded as she grabbed my shoulders.

  I complied. I would always do whatever she asked. I’d known that from day one. She kissed me hard, sucking my tongue and nipping at my lip before jerking her head back. Bracing herself with one hand behind my neck, she gripped my hard cock with the other and guided it inside her until I was deep into her warmth.

  “Fuck,” I growled. “You’re so tight, so wet.”

  Wrapping both arms around my neck, she rocked against me slowly, and I instinctively grabbed the bars behind me.

  “No,” she said. “Put your hands on me, Justin.”

  I let go, slowly grabbing her hips, allowing her full control as she rode me. I kissed her breasts as she upped her speed, my cock hardening with each roll of her hips, each slam of her on top of me. She moaned, and sighed, and every sound pushed me closer to the edge, closer to losing my control.

  “Justin.” She begged for something from the way she used my name and it unleashed what little restraint I’d had.

  I reached up and yanked her hair backward, exposing her neck, and bit the soft flesh as she slammed home above me.

  “Yes!” She screamed, and I pinched one of her nipples with my free hand, sucking the skin of her neck where I’d bit, only to bite it again. “Fuck, yes!” she writhed above me, each move I made making her tighten around me. The harder I pushed the more she rocked, the more she moaned. We were in synch, our orgasms building, twisting, coiling.

  When I couldn’t hold out one-second longer, her body too soft, too hot against mine, I spanked her bare ass with one good smack.

  She arched backward, a long moan escaping her lips as she came apart above me, and I clutched her hips, holding her close as I came.

  As she went slack above me, her forehead pressed to mine, her thighs quivering against my hips, I lost my mother fucking mind.

  “I love you,” I said, still trying to catch my breath.

  She went still above me, looking down with an arching eyebrow.

  I shook my head, sucking in air. “Don’t say anything. I couldn’t keep it in.”

  That was the truth. Charlie had not only stripped me of every defense I had, bared my soul in a way no one ever had been able to before, she had somehow put me back together and shocked me back to life at the same time. Every piece of my heart sang at her presence, and with her still surrounding me? I was in fucking heaven. There was nothing better than this, this clarity of not only mind but body and soul.

  She owned me. And I wouldn’t waste one more second pretending like she didn’t.

  My mind was in between awake and asleep—fully aware of the weight of Charlie’s head tucked against my chest, and her leg draped over my hips—when suddenly, I was jerked out of the bed and tossed across the room.

  Charlie’s shriek accompanied my grunt, but it took me a full eight seconds to recognize who had jolted me from the most peaceful night’s sleep I’d gotten in years.

  “Hulk?” I snapped out the only name I had for Devlin’s brother as he towered over me where I’d smacked against Charlie’s bedroom wall. “What the fuck?”

  Two other lug heads filled up the tiny room, one of them standing at the foot of Charlie’s bed—a slim mattress that rested on the floor—as she tugged the covers around herself.

  “Justin, what’s going on?” The panic in her voice set my nerves on full rage mode.

  “It’s okay,” I assured her. “What the hell are you doing here?” I directed my attention to Hulk as I stood up, still only in my briefs.

  A meaty fist slammed into the side of my head before I could blink and I doubled over from the stun of the hit.

  “You weren’t there for pickup last night, and when I checked your room this morning? Empty. Devlin is not pleased you’ve decided to run.” He swiped open his cell and jabbed at the numbers on the screen. “I wanted you to see me make the call, ordering the hurt on your chaser.” He glanced over his shoulder where Charlie sat with her arms around her knees in bed. “But it looks like you’ve been double dipping. Twice the leverage then.” He shrugged and held the phone to his ear.

  I jerked upward, sinking my fist deep into his kidney while snatching the cell with my free hand. I ended the call before it could connect. Hulk tackled me to the ground, landing three bull-like hits to my ribs.

  “I’m. Not. Running!” I managed to huff out between hits.

  “What was that?” he asked, stepping off me with one last kick to the gut.

  “Stop it!” Charlie screamed but one of the thugs snapped his fingers with a threatening glare, and she clamped her lips shut.

  I gripped my side and managed to stand again, the pain searing with each movement. “I had to travel off site yesterday as part of the program. On my way back we got caught in the storm. Had to pull off. I’m heading straight back there this morning.”

  Devlin’s brother glanced from me to Charlie to his goons and back again. He arched an eyebrow at Charlie. “That true?”

  She nodded, her sexy bed-ridden hair shaking from her movements.

  “Well,” he said, straightening his suit jacket. “That is good news. I won’t get blood on my new shoes.” He chuckled, his men following suit. “Then again, a little won’t hurt.” He darted out another jab, cracking me square in the nose so hard I stumbled out of Charlie’s opened bedroom door and into the hallway.

  I scooted backward, regaining my footing in the living room. His men followed him as he approached me.

  “Here’s the extra valium you needed.” He threw a baggie at my chest with at least forty white pills nestled inside. I let it fall to the floor. “And,” he continued. “Just in case you ever do think about running…” he stepped so close to me I could smell the sausage he had for breakfast on his breath. “I now know where both your women live. You have any more I should know about?”

  How the fuck did he find me? No one knew about Charlie and me. No one.

  “Fuck you,” I said, earning another crack across my jaw. Damn dude hit like a bulldozer. I fired out with my own jab, splitting his fat bottom lip.

  He wiped the blood off with the back of his hand, stopping his guys from rushing me. “Remember how we talked about only that first one being free?”

  I raised my chin, my chest heaving, my sides burning from the hits, and my face practically fucking numb from them. “I’ve got the delivery. I’m heading to the clinic. Now, get out of this house.”

  He rushed me, slamming me against the nearest wall so hard my head smacked against it with a loud crack. I kneed him, missing his junk by an inch, and he pressed his fat forearm underneath my chin, nearly crushing my windpipe.

  “Maybe I’ll just tell Devlin you decided to skip out. Save me the trouble of ever dealing with your ass again.” He pushed harder, and I gaped, struggling to breathe.

  A gunshot cracked the air, the sound of plaster crumbling from the wall I was currently pinned against echoing in my ears.

  “Maybe you back the fuck away from him, or I put a hole in your head.” Charlie’s voice sounded lethal.

  He dropped me and the blood rushed back to my head so fast it hurt. I sucked in massive gulps of air, leaning on my knees for support while looking up at Charlie.

  “Is that a pink revolver?” Devlin’s brother asked, a chuckle on his lips despite backing away from me.

  Dressed in nothing but the bra and panties from last night, and a peach silk kimono that she didn’t bother to tie, Charlie aimed the small, brightly colored gun at his face with a steady hand, her eyes like a hawk’s darting between him and his men. My heart rate jacked to another degree. “Don’t you just love a true Oklahoma girl?” She jerked the gun in her hand toward them. “And this’ll kill you just as quickly but with style. Now, I am well within my rights to shoot each of you seeing as how you broke into my house.”

  One of his men flinched toward her, a
nd she trained the gun on him, stopping him in his tracks. “But getting blood out of carpet is a bitch. Leave. Now.”

  Devlin’s brother jerked his head toward the door, and the men obeyed, quickly opening it. He raised his hands to Charlie as he backed out of the door. “No worries, little warrior. We just had to be sure our boy wasn’t breaking the deal he has with our boss. Plus, we had a delivery to complete.” He cut his eyes to me. “I’d sell that quick if I were you. You’re not in the best light with Devlin right now.” He shook his head as he left and I slammed home the lock on her door the second they were out of sight.

  Charlie let her arm drop, the small gun at her side.

  I limped to her, unclasped her fingers from around the trigger, and set the gun on the same box where the TV rested. “Charlie?” I cupped her face in my hands, noting the tremble to her skin.

  She tucked the kimono around her, cinching it at the waist, and looked up at me with tear coated eyes.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t know how they found me.” I leaned down to kiss her, to make her forget the terror of this morning, to remind her of how perfect last night had been, but she shoved me away. The motion stung my already aching body.

  “You lied to me!”

  The floor dropped from beneath me. Being so caught up in the shock of their entrance, the threat, the fact that Charlie could’ve dropped them cold where they stood, had distracted me from the real shit that had hit the fan.

  “Charlie, I”

  “You said you got out. You lied to my face.” Tears rolled down her cheeks.

  “I had to…to keep you safe” I reached for her, but she backed away from me.

  “You didn’t have to do anything. I already accepted everything about you! Everything! The one thing I told you was to never to lie to me, and what did you do?” She pinched the bridge of her nose, sucking in a sharp breath. “Get dressed.”

  The order was clear in her tone, and I moved as quickly as I could to throw the still damp clothes on from last night. By the time I was done, she donned a pair of plain black leggings and an oversized maroon shirt, her car keys in her hand. She jerked her door open and motioned toward her car.

  “I’ll take you back,” she said. “Funny, last night I was going to tell you I could no longer be your sponsor because of what had happened…because I wanted to be with you. But now I can longer be your anything.”

  “Charlie,” I sighed her name again as I sank into her car. “Please. Last night—“

  “Was a mistake.” She slipped on a pair of sunglasses before starting the car. “One I’ll never make again.” She hit the gas and every mile we drove closer to the facility I tried to come up with an excuse, a reason to make her change her mind. The world felt as if it were crashing down on me in the span of the hour since I’d been awoken from quite possibly one of the best night’s of my life, and I had no idea how to put the pieces back together.

  “I meant what I said last night,” I said as she parked outside the facility entrance, my fingers on the handle. “I’m in love with you. And I know I shouldn’t have lied to you…but I wanted to be the man you saw in me. I still do, even now, as the idea of losing you is choking me, begging me to ease the pain with a few—or twenty—drinks. It’s there, beating on my brain like an alarm, blaring, warning, begging. But you know what is stopping me from bolting? From checking out and going back to it?”

  She sniffled, and I could see tears trailing from underneath her glasses though I couldn’t see her eyes.

  “My heart.” I sighed, opening the door. “Before you, I was sure I’d lost it somewhere. Then you came into my life and reminded me what was worth living for.” I waited several breaths of silence, praying she’d say something, but when she didn’t, I gently closed her door and walked into the building where I watched her drive away.

  A hole opened up in the center of my chest, aching from the sudden loss. It had been so full last night—terrified—but full. And now what?

  I’d done what I always knew I’d do. I’d fucked up the one good thing I had going for me. Charlie was no longer my sponsor, and for the first time since starting this program, I felt completely and utterly hopeless.

  10

  Admitted when wrong

  “Where you headed?” I asked Conner as he passed me on my way into the building.

  He paused, glancing over my shoulder. “Step eight. My brother flew in.” I nodded as he passed me a smoke. “You look like shit.”

  “Feel worse,” I said, stepping outside with him to smoke.

  “Charlie didn’t…” he squinted his eyes at the bruises I could feel beneath the raised lumped on my face. “do that to you, did she?

  I laughed, the motion shooting slices of pain up my side. “No, you idiot.”

  Conner smiled with his cigarette between his teeth and raised his hands. “You never know about them rocker chicks, man.”

  The image of Charlie, sexy as fuck in an opened kimono, a pink gun in her hand, both thrilled me and scared the shit out of me at the same time. I didn’t even know she owned a gun, then again, I didn’t know other mundane details of her life either—if she sang in the shower, what kind of take out she liked, or the name of that perfume that made her skin smell edible. Funny how those seemed important now after she’d tossed me on the curb, when before, knowing the darkest parts of herself and how she overcame them was enough for me. She was enough, more than enough, because she pushed me right before yanking me in. Slapped me right before soothing me, tore down my defenses right before she showed me how to build them up.

  And I’d betrayed her trust in the biggest way.

  Fuck. My. Life.

  A yellow taxi pulled up to the curb and Conner crushed his cigarette on his boot. “That’s me.”

  “Asshole couldn’t pick you up?” I asked, sucking heat into my lungs.

  Conner flipped me off with a smile on his face as he got in the car.

  “Good luck,” I said as he shut the door. Finishing my cigarette, I couldn’t believe he was off to make amends just like I had done yesterday, and how much things had changed so quickly. While I was beyond thrilled that Blake had given me a more than gracious pass, I was desperate for Charlie to do the same. I knew it was impossible while I was still under Devlin’s thumb—if she’d even consider it at all.

  For the briefest of moments—when I was sure there was no way she’d ever forgive me—I thought about calling a cab for myself and hunting down the nearest liquor store. I could crack open a cheap bottle of vodka, and it would wash away all the shit I’d stirred up in my life. It would slide down my throat, hot and clean and take me away from myself and with each drink, I’d forget about how perfect I’d had it for a few short hours.

  The image of Charlie, how she felt above me, how I felt when I kissed her, blasted the craving away. One more shot with her would be worth never taking another drink again in my life. That realization—that I wanted her more than I wanted the sweet release alcohol gave me—made me beyond ready to do whatever it took to become the man she deserved.

  Determined, I killed my cigarette and stomped through the place, heading directly for Thomas’ office. Three wraps on his door, and he finally opened up.

  “I fucked up,” I blurted out the second he let me in and shut the door behind me.

  “Damn right you did,” he said as if we’d already started the conversation.

  “Wait, what?” Had Charlie called him?

  “It’s half past ten, Justin.” He sank into his chair behind his desk; a bright blue cardigan draped over the back of it.

  I rolled my eyes. “Being late is the least of my issues, Doc.”

  “That’s an understatement.”

  I glared at him. “I’m here, aren’t I? Without boxing gloves, ready to talk, and you wanting to fucking jab at me? Can’t you tell I’ve already had enough of that this morning?”

  Thomas sighed, his eyes scanning each damaged part of my face. “What happened?”

  I rehashe
d the story, starting at the beginning where I finally admitted to him my role inside the facility, how it had been in place the day before I left prison. I didn’t hold one ounce of feeling back when confessing how much I cared for Charlie, but I kept our kisses and last night to myself. She didn’t deserve any ounce of backlash for my fuckups, and she was one of the best sponsor resources the facility had to offer.

  Once I started, I couldn’t stop, and by the end of the one-sided conversation, I’d admitted just about every damn thing wrong I’d done in last three years. So much poured out of me, like Charlie’s cutting me loose had in fact sliced open my soul and let the festering wounds inside bleed out all around me. It hurt, listing off everything like I was describing someone else entirely—a horrible douche from a bad movie. Then, as I finished, it felt fucking great, a dizzying effect like the first instance a drink hits your bloodstream.

  Not that I was thinking about a fucking drink right now.

  I was surprised at how calm Thomas looked as he took in every word. He sat silently absorbing my wrongdoings, not even bothering to jot notes on his pad. I didn’t know if it was a good thing or bad thing but either way, I’d done it, and it was the next step in regaining control of the tailspin of my life.

  “Was Charlie aware of your business the whole time?” he asked once I’d taken a huge breath and stopped talking.

  “No,” I said, resting my chin in my hands. I didn’t want to lie to him, but there was no way in hell I’d do anything to mar her reputation. She understood the system way more than Thomas did, knew that sometimes cutting people off cold like the clinic did created more damage than good. “She found out this morning. Hence, her deciding not to be my sponsor anymore.” Saying it out loud was like dragging razors across my skin. Knowing she wouldn’t be there when I felt myself slip was just like jumping off a cliff without a bungee or parachute.