by Anise Eden
“A what?” I walked back to the open door. “Ben, what’s going on?”
He stepped just inside the doorway. Again his mask slipped, and I saw the combination of raw pain and anger striating his face, heard it in his voice. “Cate, I can’t tell you how relieved….” He closed his eyes for a moment, as though he were grasping at the torn-apart pieces of himself and trying to pull them back together. When he spoke again, it was with forced calm. “Look, until I get back, just try to get some rest, and follow the marines’ instructions, all right?” With an annoyed edge he couldn’t hide, he added, “For once? And Vani will be over shortly.”
“What?” Anger rushed through me, and I felt my insides trembling. “I already have a marine guard; I don’t need a babysitter!”
His brow furrowed. “I just thought you might want some company after—”
“I don’t want ‘company.’ I want to talk to you!”
“I know.” He raked a hand violently through his hair. “And we will talk—later. But right now, I have to go and assist Captain Abbott with the investigation. If you don’t want Vani, I won’t send her. But if you change your mind, or need anything at all, just ask the marines.” Then he turned on his heel and left the room.
I managed to wedge my foot in the door before he could close it. “But… what… that’s not… Benjamin!” My arms flapped like broken wings at my sides.
He looked back at me through the opening in the door. “Yes?”
“It sounds like you’re holding me prisoner!”
“Not me. Captain Abbott.” But something in the set of Ben’s jaw gave me the distinct impression that while putting me under some kind of guard might not have been his idea, he probably hadn’t objected to it, either. He leaned in and looked at me through the crack in the door, eyebrow arched. “I’ll be happy to tell him if there’s a problem,” he said, his voice a low rumble. “Do you have somewhere else to be?”
His question felt like an indictment. I took a step backwards—just far enough for Ben to shut the door. “Goddammit!” I flung the door open again to find the two marines standing with their backs to me, blocking my exit. I heard Ben’s footsteps marching down the hall away from us. Despairing, I carefully shut the door.
I staggered backward until I collapsed onto the bottom bunk and covered my face with my hands. This is not good, I thought. Tears once again wet my cheeks. This is really, really not good. I said a silent prayer that whatever information was on that damn disk would be so impressive that the next time I saw Ben and Captain Abbott, they would both be on their knees, apologizing.
Chapter Eleven
It wasn’t too long before one of the marines knocked on the door and told me it was time for dinner. My guards introduced themselves as Mike and Andre, and to my surprise, they had a sympathetic manner about them. It was nice to have someone speak kindly to me, even though it was obvious that they were determined to enforce Captain Abbott’s orders regarding my prisoner status.
The mess hall looked a lot like my high school cafeteria. There was a buffet line at one end and the rest of the room was filled with long tables with attached benches. Although the mess hall was full, it fell nearly silent when we walked in. After Andre led me through the food line, I spotted Pete, Vani, and Eve sitting at a table near the back, waving me over. I was so glad to see them that I nearly dropped my tray. I sat next to Pete, and after they exchanged greetings, Andre and Mike sat a respectful distance away, presumably to give us some privacy.
Vani and Eve dropped their forks as soon as I arrived.
“What?” I asked defensively.
Eve spoke first. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine.”
“Because you look awful.”
I smirked. I had put on the navy blue sweatshirt again to fight the chill. “It’s this sweatshirt. Not really my color.”
“Oh good,” Vani deadpanned. “So your looking awful has nothing to do with the fact that you suffered a jolt of extreme terror followed by a crying jag.”
“Maybe that too.” There was no hiding anything from an aura reader.
Vani reached over and squeezed my hand. “We’re just relieved that you’re back in one piece.”
Pete nodded slowly. “Yeah, and that you’re so reliable.”
I frowned in confusion. “Meaning what?”
“Reliably stupid!” He guffawed and slapped his knee. “It’s good to know there are still things in life we can count on.”
As I dropped my head into my hands, Pete reached over and tussled my hair. “I’m just kiddin’, sis. Come on, eat somethin’.”
The food looked decent, and the smell was tempting, but my stomach was still jittery. “No, thanks.”
“Come on,” Pete encouraged. “Give it a try. Here.” He handed me a piece of cornbread. “This is really good. Lots of lard.” He grinned as my eyes narrowed. “We can’t have you passin’ out on Mike and Andre, can we?”
“Seriously, Cate,” Vani said, “Ben said you missed lunch. After a shock like you’ve had, you need some sustenance.”
Ben was sharing a few too many details for my liking. “I appreciate everyone’s concern,” I snapped, “but if you must know, I’m not sure I could keep anything down right now. I hope that’s not too graphic for you.”
The three of them exchanged concerned looks. “If you’re feeling sick, I can give you some acupuncture,” Eve offered.
Guilt tugged at me. I knew they cared about me and were just trying to help. And though I hated to admit it, they were right. I felt weak; I knew I should at least try to eat something. “Okay, fine,” I said with a sigh. I took a bite of cornbread. Chew, chew, swallow. I sipped some soda to wash it down, and my stomach rumbled—whether in objection or appreciation, I couldn’t tell. “Happy now?”
“Happier,” Vani said with a satisfied look, while Eve gave me an encouraging nod.
“Told you it was good,” Pete said, taking his own bite of cornbread.
I just shook my head at them and tried not to smile. “Where are Kai and Asa?”
“After you got back,” Pete said, “Ben decided to have a word with Dr. Belo—which as you know requires a team effort.”
My whole body stiffened. “He what?” That scene began to play out in my mind, and I didn’t like what I was seeing. I pressed my palms against the edge of table in preparation to stand, but Pete’s enormous hand gripped my thigh and held me down on the bench. I was reminded that Pete had spent years handling large livestock.
“Whoa,” he said quietly. “Yes, Ben’s mad, and yes, he blames Braz for you takin’ off like you did. But he and Braz get along all right, and besides, Ben’s hardly gonna yell at a man in a coma. So just relax, sit here, and eat your dinner, because if you try to get up and run out that door, you won’t get two feet before Andre and Mike over there have you on the ground in plastic handcuffs. And I could be wrong, but I think you’ve had enough excitement for one day.”
Vani and Eve kept eating their meals as though nothing was happening, but they glanced anxiously between Pete and me. “The veggie burger is quite good,” Vani offered.
I threw my hands up. “Okay, you win,” I said. “You all win.” Pete gave me an approving pat on the leg before removing his hand. Violently, I cut off a piece of veggie burger.
Vani and Eve finished first. They left me alone with Pete, saying they had some work to do. Pete finished his meal long before I did, but with all of the strange glances I was getting from the other marines, I was glad he stayed to keep me company.
“You know,” Pete said as I started in on my broccoli, “I’m not sayin’ it’s necessarily a bad thing, but you’re really messin’ with Ben’s head big time.”
“I’m messing with his head?” I asked, incredulous. “Pete, in case you haven’t noticed, he’s letting Captain Abbott hold me prisoner! And he’s barely said two words to me since I got back from—well, you know.”
“So he’s fit to be tied. Don’t tell me you’re su
rprised.” Pete gestured towards the remaining marines in the room. “Look around you, sis. Think about where Ben comes from. Protectin’ people is pretty much in his blood at this point. Especially the people closest to him. And after his dad died, he got even more intense about it. All the security measures he put in at the church and at his mother’s house….” Pete tipped his hat back and rubbed his hairline. “Then here you come along, turn yourself into the center of his world, and start doin’ stuff like givin’ yourself a heart attack, fightin’ drug dealers, and danglin’ yourself out there as CIA bait and whatnot.” He shrugged. “It’s tearin’ him up is all I’m sayin’.”
Pete’s words made my heart lurch in my chest. I hated the fact that I’d caused Ben more pain and worry. I was also sick with the thought that he might finally decide I was too much trouble and write me off. But regardless of what was coming, holding me prisoner and refusing to talk things out were not acceptable ways of dealing with the situation. “You know very well that Ben’s not the easiest person to deal with either, Pete,” I said, “and everything I’ve done, I’ve done for good reasons.”
“I’m not arguin’ with you there.” Pete pushed his hat back down into place. “I’m just lettin’ you know how things look from another angle.”
“Okay, I get that.” And I did understand what Pete was saying—but one part didn’t make sense. “I thought Ben’s dad died of some alcohol-related illness. Surely Ben doesn’t believe he could’ve have protected his father from that. I don’t understand what that’s got to do with his obsession with security.”
“I don’t know all the details. I do know that Ben found his dad’s body, and it wasn’t a pretty scene. He felt responsible somehow, like there was somethin’ more he should’ve done. But that’s not the point I’m tryin’ to make here.”
I folded my arms across my chest. “I know the point you’re trying to make, Pete.”
But he pushed forward anyway. “I know Ben screws up from time to time, and you know I’m the first one to call him on it. But I’ve never seen Ben fall for anybody like he has done you. I like you, sis, and I like the two of you together. Try to make it to your one-month anniversary at least before you give him a heart attack, all right?”
Our one-month anniversary. If all went well, I’d be done with my ParaTrain internship by then. Finally free of the no-sex-during-training rule, Ben and I could have a real celebration. In spite of everything, Pete’s words brought a hint of a smile to my face.
“Besides,” he added, “Kai is real fond of you, so if somethin’ bad happens between you and Ben, he’s gonna blame me. He thinks I can control Ben for some reason. He’d make my life hell for a year at least. I’d prefer to avoid that if possible, so anythin’ you can do to help me out there would be much appreciated.”
The image of Kai berating Pete for not controlling Ben made me smile in earnest.
“Here he comes now.” Sure enough, Kai was heading towards our table. “Tell him I’m gettin’ his coffee, all right?”
Pete left the table seconds before Kai sat down next to me and grabbed my hands. “Oh my God, are you okay, baby? Really? For sure?”
“Yes, I’m fine, really.”
“Thank God. You scared me half to death.” Then he pinched me hard.
“Ow!” I exclaimed, rubbing my arm.
“I’d say ‘Don’t ever do anything like that again,’ but I know you will,” Kai said. “Next time, though, you’d better at least tell me about it first!”
“I actually did think about telling you, but I thought you might get worried and tell Ben.”
“Well hell, girl, now that I know the alternative is you going off half-cocked all by yourself, I promise to keep any of your future crazy plans on the down low!”
“Okay,” I said, “I’ll tell you next time. I promise. Not that there’s going to be a next time.”
“There better not be.” Kai gave his hair a sharp toss. “Pete went to get my coffee?”
“Yes.”
He stretched his arms over his head. “I sure need it after that last session.”
I bit on a fingernail and asked, “Is Braz okay?”
Kai waved his hand in the air like he was shooing away flies. “Yes, yes. He’s fine. But Benjamin? Good lord, he’s all out of sorts. Unnervingly stoic, as usual—he didn’t let on to Braz, or anything—but still. It’s going to take him a while to walk it off.”
I looked down at the table. “I was trying to help.”
“Oh, don’t get me wrong,” he said, patting me on the arm. “I think you did help, although I still can’t believe you did what you did. I also think it’s good for Ben to get his blood pumping every so often.”
“Yeah, right.” I wasn’t at all certain about the benefits of getting Ben’s blood pumping.
Pete returned, placing a cup of coffee in front of Kai. “Here ya go, darlin’.”
“Thank you,” Kai said sweetly.
“I’m sorry to interrupt, but I got to get Cate back to her room.”
“Oh, that’s too bad. At least I got to see that you were okay with my own two eyes. Bye, honey,” Kai cooed, blowing me an air kiss. “See you later.”
“Bye, Kai,” I echoed. As Pete and I walked towards the door, I asked, “Why do we have to leave now?”
“Captain’s orders—no dilly-dallying. He’s kind of a hard ass.”
“You don’t say.”
Pete chuckled. “And don’t worry about Ben. He’ll calm down eventually. Just remember what I told ya.”
Andre and Mike were waiting by the door. As they walked me back to my room, it occurred to me that I should probably prepare myself for a very long night.
• • •
In my dream it was about two in the morning, judging from the darkness of our old living room and the low-budget infomercial on the television. The light from the set illuminated Mom’s face with a flickering glow. She looked peaceful. When she saw me, Mom picked up the remote and turned the sound down.
“Can’t sleep?” she asked, patting the couch next to her.
I rubbed the sand out of my eyes. “I must be sleeping if you’re here.” I sat on the couch and curled up against her. She took the corner of her fuzzy blue blanket and threw it over me.
“Good point.” She wrapped her arm around me and rubbed my shoulder. “Don’t worry, honey. This too shall pass.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of.” I held up my right hand and looked at the ring Ben had given me. “What if he takes it back?”
“Never going to happen,” she said with a confident shake of her head. “Geese mate for life.”
I rubbed my eyes again. “Geese?”
“Yeah,” she said. “You and Ben had a past life together.”
“Really?” I didn’t believe in past lives, but I didn’t argue.
“You were geese,” she said. “Canada geese to be exact.”
I couldn’t help it; I giggled. “Geese? You’re kidding, right?”
“Why?” She frowned at me. “You thought you were the King and Queen of England or something?”
“No, but I figured we’d at least be human.”
“All the patterns in nature are the same,” she said. “It doesn’t matter what species you are. Take you and Ben for example. Do you want to know what happened?”
“To the geese?” I asked with a dramatic eye roll.
She smirked. “No, to the King and Queen of England. Of course, to the geese.”
I decided to humor her, since she was dead and we were in a dream. “Okay, sure.”
“Like I said, Canada geese mate for life.” She reached over and took my right hand, examining my ring. “You and Ben were mates, and you were migrating south one year. You were hungry. The whole flock was; you’d been flying for a long time. But you, my lovely daughter, spotted a really fabulous-looking field full of corn. You wanted to land there for a meal, but Ben objected. He thought there was something suspicious about the field; something didn’t feel r
ight. The other geese agreed with him and kept on flying. But not you. You convinced yourself that the field looked fine and all of the other geese were just being too careful. Besides, you’d never been wrong before. So you headed down for a snack. Ben followed you, trying to stop you and get you to return to the V formation. But before he got the chance, boom boom!”
I jumped as she shouted the last two words, holding her fingers in the shape of a gun. “Before you knew it, you were both somebody’s Thanksgiving dinner.”
“Oh, come on,” I said, trying to sound cavalier even though the hair on the back of my neck was standing up. “You’re making that up.”
“Think what you like.” She held up my adorned finger. We both stared, momentarily mesmerized by the two birds intertwined in gold.
“He cares about you deeply, Catie. I know you know a lot about a lot of things, but he knows better how to keep you both alive. You can give him that much, can’t you?” she said with a wink.
“I’ll think about it.” I smiled and nestled up against her, unable to keep my eyes from closing once again.
• • •
Nessa was stationed outside of my bedroom door.
“Oh hi,” I said, trying to act casual as I peeked outside.
“Hi,” she said, in unison with the other marine who was standing guard.
I’d slept since returning to the room after dinner. The clock on the wall read 9:30 p.m. I was surprised that Ben hadn’t come back to talk to me yet.
“Does either of you happen to know where Ben is?”
“He’s with Captain Abbott,” Nessa said. “They’ve been working with Dr. Belo and Dr. Gastrell to put together what’s on that disk you brought back.”
“Oh.” I looked down and kicked at the ground. “So he might be a while.”
“Yeah.” After an awkward moment of silence, Nessa asked, “Hey, can I come in for a minute?”
