“Oh, I know,” I replied. “But it's so worth it when they feel the same way about you.”
“And … if they don't feel the same way about you?” A sad look crossed her face.
I leaned forward, looking right into her eyes. “Then at least you'll know for sure. But if you never say anything, you'll never know at all.”
She thought about this for a moment, and then nodded. “You know what, Kelse? You're right. You are so right. I'm gonna do it this week.”
”Awesome!” I said, holding out my fist, which Penny heartily bumped. “I'm so glad to hear that, Penny.” I paused. “I presume you'll let us know how it goes?”
“Of course.”
“And you'll finally reveal who this mystery crush of yours is?”
“I promise, Detective, I promise. You can call off the investigation,” she said, smiling broadly.
“Done,” I said flatly, and then my tone became serious again. “Pen, do you have any idea what's going on with Bree?”
She shook her head. “I wish I did, Kelse.”
“Do you think it could be just jealousy?” I asked. “This all started the day I became … interested in Ethan.”
She considered this. “It's possible, but there must be more to it than that. Bree's an awesome friend, I can't believe she'd ever let something like this come between you.”
As I looked at Penny, I flashed back to her first week at JMMS. She hadn't been scared, exactly; her outgoing personality made her very likeable. But she'd connected with Bree more than anyone else in those early days of seventh grade, and she seemed like such a great fit for our group, especially since the twins had moved to Philadelphia. “I'm glad you're Bree's friend too, Penny.”
“So am I,” she said, smiling.
“Do you really think whatever's bothering her will work itself out?”
Her smile faded, and she shifted in her seat. Looking down at her feet, she sighed again. “I have to, Kelse. The alternative is … just not worth thinking about.”
I hope you're right, Penny. I'd hate to think that making one great friend will cost me another. The Universe just shouldn't work that way.
Chapter 26
~ DAY 28 (Sun.) ~
ETHAN
“MOOOOOOOOOMMMM!”
The scream roused me from sleep, and I sat up in my bed. It had only been a few hours since I'd been banished to my room. I wasn't even allowed to check on Logan to see if he'd had a good time with Sean, or if he was in the same amount of trouble as me, or how exactly we'd almost 'had our cover blown.'
Now, however, that didn't matter. I bounded out of bed, throwing my door open. Then the scream came again.
“MOOOOOOMMM!”
I looked down the hall, expecting Pop to come striding out of his bedroom just like before, but he was a little slow getting out of bed this time. I wasn't going to wait, not with Logan screaming like this.
I pushed his door open, and once again, I saw my brother in a sitting position, crying his eyes out. Without thinking about it, and not even caring that I was wearing only a pair of boxer shorts, I sat down on the bed next to him and hugged him. He put his face on my shoulder, wrapping his small hands around my waist. He was ten years old, but there were times when it was hard to picture him as anything but a much younger boy, a boy of maybe five or six.
Mom had been a pro at situations like this. He would have scary dreams about the boogeyman or whatever monster he thought lived under his bed, and she would hold him, sing him a lullaby, and rock him back and forth until the crying stopped. Having to take over this duty, Pop and I felt woefully inadequate, but what choice did we have? Who knew how long these nightmares would continue? My brother didn't have anyone to help him through this except Pop and me.
“It's okay, bro,” I said as soothingly as I could. “I gotcha.” I patted his back reassuringly.
His cries had subsided into a muffled sob. He sniffled, his breath finally slowing down to normal. “Why'd she have to die, Mark? Why?”
Geez, what do you say to that?
“I don't know, Nate. I don't know.”
“I miss her so much,” he said, finally facing me again.
“Me too, bud. Me too.” I stared at his face, letting him know that this was a pain we shared. “But we have to keep going. That's what she'd want us to do. You know that, right?”
Slowly, he nodded. I looked at his alarm clock, which read 2:47 a.m. Turning back to him, I said, “Try to get some sleep. Can you do that?”
He looked scared. “I don't know.”
I smiled. “Try to think of something happy. Think about Sean. Think about … Sophie.”
A scared smile crept over his face. “Okay.” He lay back down again.
When his head hit the pillow, I looked toward the door. Pop was standing there, a look of gratitude on his face. We locked eyes for a moment. I got this, I thought at him. He silently nodded, and then walked back to his room.
* * *
It was just past sunrise when I walked to the kitchen for breakfast. Logan was still asleep, and neither Pop nor I was going to be waking him anytime soon.
Pop was drinking his coffee and reading the morning paper. He didn't look up as I pulled two pieces of bread from a bag in the fridge and popped them into the toaster. When they were a nice golden brown, I slathered on some butter and grape jelly, poured a glass of OJ, and sat across from him.
Pop lowered his paper. “Thanks for this morning,” he said.
I nodded, taking a bite of my toast. I scanned Pop's face for any trace of anger, but he seemed to be much calmer now.
“You want to tell me what happened last night?” he asked.
I sighed. “Baz's bandmates invited him to a party that one of his friends was throwing a few blocks away, so we both went. We just played video games and drank water, I promise.”
His face hardened. “Well, imagine my surprise when Sean's mother brought your brother home by himself, and I had to hear your whereabouts from them.”
“Gillian was watching me the whole time, Pop. I was never in any danger.”
A frown crinkled his face. “Oh, you're so sure of that, are you?”
“Pop, it was just a bunch of teenagers, that's all. Nothing to worry about.”
He closed his eyes, running a hand through his hair. “Son … you know what it is that I'm about to do, right? You do realize how serious our situation is?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“And do you understand that all it takes is one, just one mistake, to put all our lives in danger?”
“I understand that, Pop,” I replied, exhaling. “But Baz is my friend. A good friend. He's had my back since school started.”
“Mark, I don't mind that you have a friend. But you have to know that our time in this city is almost up, right? That once I'm done doing what I have to do, we're going to be out of here?”
I felt my face flush with anger. “What do you expect me to do, Pop? Go to school every day, not talk to anyone, not make friends, not do anything? Just be a total stranger?”
He gazed at me, unblinking. “Yes, son. That is exactly what I expect.”
I instantly pictured Kelsey. The thought of just … ending it with her … no. “I can't do that, Pop. I tried doing that at first, but I just can't. Neither can Nate. We've both found people who care about us. I mean, really care. Why is that such a bad thing?”
“Because you're going to have to say goodbye to them. Very soon.”
“Oh, really?” I asked, my volume increasing. “You mean we're actually going to get to say goodbye this time?”
He glared at me. “You know what I mean. And don't take that tone with me.”
After a few seconds of silence, I calmed down again. “So what are you gonna do? Lock us in our rooms?”
“Don't tempt me,” he said drily. “After last night's shenanigans, we came THIS close to leaving this house and never coming back.”
This didn't make sense. Whatever Baz's mother
had seen, it hadn't been enough to blow our cover. It had to be something else. “Pop … just how much danger are we really in?”
He closed his eyes for a few seconds, using his hand to swirl his coffee mug in a small circle. “A lot more than you think.”
“But they haven't … found us?”
“No.”
I exhaled. Thank God. “So what happens now?”
“You'll go to school in the mornings, and come home in the afternoons. Apart from that, you and your brother will not leave this house. It's just too dangerous.”
Baz. Kelsey. What can I possibly tell them?
“We're walking a very fine line, son. If you or your brother step one foot over it, you will lose any chance you have to say goodbye … when the time comes. Am I clear?”
I nodded, taking another bite of my toast.
My name is Ethan Zimmer. For a little while longer, anyway.
Kelsey …
“I'm going back to my room, Pop,” I said, standing up. Without waiting for a response, I walked back down the hall.
Chapter 27
~ DAY 29 (Mon.) ~
KELSEY
April did not look happy when she sat down at our table in the cafeteria, where Bree, Penny and I were already waiting. Her headache had disappeared, but she was already dealing with the aftermath. She'd lost her phone privileges and her dating privileges; in fact, she'd lost all her privileges for at least the next two weeks.
“Are you still on the track team?” Penny asked.
“For now,” April said sulkily. “But I have to get my grades back up in Science and Social Studies. I've … kind of been neglecting my homework.” She looked so embarrassed that it had come to this. She fell, yet again, for a guy that was totally wrong for her.
“Need some help studying?” I asked.
“No,” she replied. “I dug this hole, I can dig myself out.” She looked at me, red-faced, but managed a slight smile. “Thanks for saving my behind. Again.”
I smiled back. “Well, you can thank Ethan too. And Baz. They're the ones who called me.”
“I will. Can you guys do me a favor and not … spread this around?”
I nodded, and so did Penny. I looked at Bree, who hadn't said more than hello since sitting down next to me. Meeting my gaze, she asked me, “So … did you and Ethan get any … quality time?”
I could sense the sarcasm in her voice, but I wasn't in the mood to walk on eggshells around her today. I'm tired of her making this all about her. She needs to know the truth. If she can't take it, well, then, so be it.
All three of my friends were looking at me expectantly. I smiled and said, “As a matter of fact, we did.” I grinned coyly.
Penny already knew, of course, so she just smiled. April grinned too. “Your first?” she said.
“Uh huh,” I said, blushing. “It was awesome. In fact … it was perfect.”
Next to me, I heard Bree exhale dramatically. I turned to see her with her head down, pulling at her fingers under the table. She hadn't even touched her lunch.
I knew what was coming next. And I was powerless to prevent it. For the first time since we met, I actually found myself hating her. I shook my head. “Oh, here we go.”
She looked at me with frightening anger. “So, you two are a 'thing' now. Congrats, Kelse.”
That was it. “Bree, I've tried talking to you, I've tried reasoning with you. But I think I've finally gotten sick of this whole 'drama queen' thing you've got going on.”
“And why do you even care?” Bree retorted. “You've got gorgeous, amazing, perfect Ethan to carry you off on his white horse. You don't need us anymore!”
I turned my body to face her full-on. “Did I ever say that? When did I ever say that? Why can't I be friends with him and you, huh? We've been best friends for three years, Bree! Why can't you just be happy for me?”
Girls at a few nearby tables were starting to look our way. This was getting more uncomfortable by the moment, but there was no stopping it now.
“ 'Me, me, me,' that's all it's about, isn't it? That's how it's always been, hasn't it? Fearless Kelsey, Kelsey the Bully-Slayer. Miss Perfect. How could I ever measure up to that?”
My jaw dropped. “That's what you think?”
She nodded, her eyes glistening. “I'm nothing compared to you. All anyone knows about me is that I'm your friend.”
Her words hit me like a sledgehammer. For once, I was at a loss for words. “That's … just not true, Bree.”
“Yes, it is,” Bree said, a tear forming at the corner of her eye.
“No, it's not,” said April, joining the conversation. “Bryanna, I've known you since second grade. You know that's not true.”
“It doesn't matter now,” Bree said, standing up. She turned to me. “You've got Ethan,” then to April, “you'll probably have someone else by tomorrow, and you,” she turned to Penny, “I don't know crap about you.”
This couldn't be happening. Bree had never said things this hurtful before. Not to us, not to anyone. Penny looked like she'd been punched in the gut. “Bree, please stop …” she whimpered.
“ME stop?” Bree screamed. “Why don't YOU stop? Why do you follow me all the time? Why am I so fascinating? Why don't you go bother someone else, you goddamn freak!”
Penny covered her face with her hands, crying openly. April and I didn't have the words to respond to this verbal onslaught. Bree grabbed her backpack, and turned to me again. “Just leave me the hell alone, all of you.” Then she stepped away from our table and headed for the nearest exit.
I stood up as well, skirting the table and sitting next to Penny. She was bawling into her hands. I put my arm around her. “She didn't mean that, Pen.”
She sat up, vigorously shrugging my hand off her shoulder. “Yes, she did. And she's right.” She stood up, making a move to walk away as well.
“Penny, don't go,” I pleaded. “Please.”
A tear fell down her cheek. “I need to be alone right now.” Then she walked at a brisk pace toward the far exit, the opposite direction Bree had left from.
I was numb. I sat back down heavily, turning my gaze to April, who looked at me sadly. “I'd better go too,” she said softly.
Two days ago, I had one of the happiest moments of my life, and now I'm caught in a nightmare. Can I wake up now? “Please, April, not you too.”
A sad look crossed her face. “Look, Kelsey … you and Bree are my best friends. I know we've all had issues lately, but … I can't take sides in this. Maybe we should, you know, spend some time apart. Just for now. I need to hit the books anyway.”
“April, please …” I could feel my own tears coming.
“It'll be okay, Kelse.” She swallowed the last bite of her sandwich, balled up her lunch bag, and threw it in a nearby trash can. “We'll talk later, promise.” And then, ignoring my silent pleas, she stood up and walked out yet another of the cafeteria's exits.
I looked around at my classmates. A few of them were still looking at me, but one by one, they went back to minding their own business. I was alone amongst many, my nerves exposed, my emotions rubbed raw.
* * *
I wolfed down my lunch. I couldn't get out of that room fast enough. I practically sprinted out the door, heading for the only place I could think of to go: Joshua's bleachers. I didn't even bother looking at 'my' bleachers, as I knew there wouldn't be anyone there. When I got there, my emotions were churning their way to the surface. The only rational part of my brain that still worked told me to find a spot where I wouldn't be seen before I exploded, so I sat down inside the baseball dugout right next to the bleachers. It was under one of two very large shade trees, so it provided cover from the sun.
Throwing my backpack on the ground, I sat down on the bench, turned my back to the school, and cried. I cried like I'd never cried in my entire life. I'd never felt loss, personal loss, like this before.
This wasn't supposed to happen. This couldn't happen. We're best friends. W
e're supposed to be best friends forever! Did I cause this? Is this all my fault? How could I make Bree feel so insignificant? How could I not see that? Please, God, just make this pain go away, I'll do anything …
I was still hunched over, crying to myself, when Ethan entered the dugout and sat on the bench next to me. Without a word, he grasped my shoulders and pulled me back into an upright position. I slowly turned my head to face him.
“Kelsey?” he whispered. He looked like he wanted to say more, but nothing came out.
The tears were still flowing. They just wouldn't stop. “Ethan …”
He's here. He's here for me. Just when I need him the most.
I let out another sob and leaned my head on his shoulder, burying my face in his neck. I put my arms around his waist, and felt his arms close tight around me.
He just held me, this guy I barely knew, but that I felt like I'd known forever. This mystery boy, who had invaded every aspect of my life. My thoughts, my dreams.
My heart.
After a few more minutes, I finally cried myself dry. And still he held me. I lifted my head to see him looking down at me. I saw nothing but kindness and sympathy in his eyes.
“I thought you weren't a crier,” he said.
I managed a weak smile. “Today I am.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I wanted to get it all off my chest, just unload every burden I had. But I knew doing that would only make me start crying again, and I also didn't want to force all of my emotional crap on him either. I just shook my head. “Not right now.”
“Okay,” he said, using his thumb to wipe my last, stubborn tear away.
I just sat there, in the dugout, with him. Staring at him. Watching his face. A thousand unspoken words passed between us. He understands.
As if reading my mind, he leaned forward and kissed me again. Not a long one, but enough to soothe my ragged nerves, to lose myself in the moment, to appreciate what I still did have.
We just held each other for the rest of recess. I closed my eyes and emptied my mind of all thoughts. We didn't kiss again, or even speak. He just held me. His arms were a shield, a barrier against the ocean of drama that I thought would drown me less than an hour ago.
Ethan's Secret (James Madison Series Book 2) Page 16
