“Would you like a slice of cake?” I ask.
Dad has a rest after lunch, so Mum and I take James for a walk along the sea front.
“Is everything still going well, darling?”
I smile. “Work is great, and the class I’m taking is wonderful. I’m learning all sorts about cake decoration.” I look down. “I’m actually quite good at it.”
“That’s wonderful, darling.”
I study her out of the corner of my eye. She’s looking well, and… I have to say younger. Not that she’s old - like me she married young, so she’s only in her forties - but her face looks brighter, as if life is treating her well. If not, then I want to make a note of her anti-aging cream.
“What about you?” I ask, linking arms with her. “Anything exciting happening?”
She hesitates. “I’ve actually been considering taking a class myself.”
Mum is going to do something without Dad? She really is changing. All the time we were growing up, Mum seemed like a ghost - always floating around, but rarely interacting (as opposed to Dad, who is thoroughly solid). Mel’s big meltdown seems to have shaken her up as well.
“Really? What kind?”
“Interior design, actually. I had a lot of fun doing the lounge when we were considering moving. There’s one that starts after Christmas for a few weeks. Of course, I haven’t discussed it with your father yet, but with both of you girls working, I think I need to try something new as well. It’s on when he’s at gardening club, so he won’t even miss me, and it’s not as though I’m going to go and do it for a job.”
“You could.”
“That might be a step too far.”
Maybe the course will so inspire her, she’ll start a career.
I breathe in the sea air and enjoy the feel of the sunshine on my skin. Even though it wasn’t my choice to move here, I think I could stay quite happily. I like the way this place feels open and fresh. I wonder if London will feel too confined when I go back to visit?
“Are you happy, Brittany?”
I turn to Mum, quickly painting on a smile. “Of course I am. Why do you ask?”
“You and Phillip have had so many changes recently; becoming parents, having to move to a new county for his promotion and now you going out to work for the first time. Those are all big adjustments and they’re bound to cause tension.”
I’d like to confide in Mum, but at the same time I don’t want to worry her. Or, worse still, have her tell Dad.
“We… have been having some issues.”
Mum nods. “It’s important to acknowledge it, but there’s no need to worry. Once things have settled down, I’m sure you’ll be absolutely fine.”
No, she definitely couldn’t deal with the truth.
“Yes, I’m sure it will be,” I say, smiling brightly.
On Sunday, I take them down to the bakery. They look around, Mum smiling and Dad frowning. “You’d rather spend your days here than at home?” he mutters.
Mum gives him a gentle nudge, which for her is positively dominant.
Abby finishes serving a customer and hurries round the counter. “James! How’s my little boyfriend?”
“Mum, Dad, this is Abby.”
“Oh, you’re B’s parents?” Abby says, between smothering James with kisses and making him giggle madly. “It’s so nice to meet you! I love B! And I love Mel too, because she helped me and Toby get together. Do you know he was afraid I would say no if he asked me out? Isn’t that sweet? As if I would, when he’s the most handsome, wonderful, perfect man in the whole world!”
I give my parents a sheepish smile. “Mel and Will came down a few weeks ago.”
“Why didn’t they tell us?” Dad says. “We could have travelled down together.”
How to tell him that he’s answered his own question?
“It was a last minute thing,” I say. “Do you want to see upstairs?”
After a one-minute tour, Dad stays upstairs to use the facilities, but Mum and I come down just in time to see Zack duck back into the bakery, shaking his head like a dog. “The promised storm has hit,” he says, pushing the door closed. “I’m glad I didn’t go for lunch any later. I don’t think we’ll see any more customers today - not unless they’re seals.”
James squeaks and holds his arms out.
“Hello, James,” Zack says, taking him from me. “Have you been having a good day? I’m afraid it’s gone all wet now, but there should be some good muddy puddles tomorrow. I’ll even help you jump in a couple if I’m around.”
Wonderful, more mess.
He looks from me to my mum. “You must be Brittany’s mother.”
“That’s right. Sarah Parker.”
“Very pleased to meet you.”
I look carefully at Mum: is she blushing?
“You must be Toby?”
He laughs. “No, I’m Zack. Toby’s the swing cook, so he only works here on Thursdays when I’m off. Although I’m thrilled to learn that you thought I was the paragon that Abby has no doubt described.”
Mum is definitely blushing. “It’s nice to meet you, Zack.”
“Zack is the baker here,” I say. “That’s everyone, apart from Kristine, who’s... where is she?”
“Here,” Kristine says, making us all jump. “Normally I discourage friends and family coming in, but given the weather I think you’re the only company we’ll get. So, would you like anything?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Mum murmurs, moving over to look at the display.
Dad comes out of the door to upstairs, wiping his hands on his trousers. “Useless electric hand-dryers.”
He sees Zack holding James and stops. “I’m Mr. Parker,” he says. “Brittany’s father.”
“Zack Sutton. Brittany’s... friend.”
“Oh, yes?”
I quickly take James back. “Zack works here and he’s also in my cake decorating class. Would you like a Cornish pasty?”
“Freshly made this afternoon,” Zack says. “And try a cupcake, but ignore the decoration - I usually have Brittany come help me with that.”
“In the kitchen?” Dad asks, his cheeks flushing. “With you?”
“It’s quite hard for me to do my job without being in there.”
I shoot him a warning look. “The pasties are wonderful, you have to try them,” I say, steering them towards a table. “The cupcakes too. Abby, could you bring us a couple?”
“Okay.”
“I don’t think it’s right for you to be working alone with a man,” Dad mutters, as we sit down together. “Especially that one.”
“It’s fine, Dad,” I whisper. “It’s part of my job.”
“I hope he’s never acted inappropriately.”
“Not at all.”
I’m ashamed to say I feel a pang of disappointment that I’m telling the truth.
I feel incredibly guilty about how grateful I am when the time comes for them to leave. With every passing moment of their visit, I’ve felt more and more trapped. I have to stay married, if only for my parents’ sake. A divorce could kill them.
Dad shuts Mum into the car firmly and then turns to me. “Well, my girl, it’s been wonderful seeing you. I’m glad you’re settled so well down here. I wasn’t at all keen on Phillip taking you so far away, but I can’t deny this is a lovely spot.”
“It is, and I love it here.”
He gives me a hug. “Be sure to keep a close eye on that Lauren, though.”
“She’s fine, Dad.”
“That overly-familiar type never mean well. They’re the ones you hear about murdering the mother to take her place in the family.”
I forcibly suppress a smile. “I don’t think I’m in any danger of that. She and Phillip definitely haven’t taken to each other.”
“That could be an act.”
I suppose it could. How much do I know about her, anyway? Maybe I should make a few more checks.
“It’s fine, Dad. Honestly.”
“
Just be wary. And of that Zack as well. I think he’s got his eye on you.”
I’ve been married five years and he’s still paranoid about my virtue.
“I will.”
I wave them off and head wearily back inside. I hope they enjoyed their weekend away. Now I need one.
“I know James isn’t supposed to nap this late, but there’s a good reason for it,” Lauren tells me, the second I’m through the lounge door.
“What’s that?” I ask, collapsing on the sofa and then spotting a dirty mark on the coffee table and hauling myself up to clean it.
“I have to talk to you.”
I briefly close my eyes. “Okay.”
“So, here’s the deal,” Lauren says, dropping down on the sofa. “I’ve done a little investigating.”
“About what?”
“Well, I was chatting with Carly and she told me about your husband’s mysterious outings.”
I instantly freeze. “She told you that?”
“Well, I got her drunk and forced it out of her - but she’s concerned about you,” Lauren says, patting my arm in a somewhat condescending manner. “Don’t worry, we’re not going to spread it around. But the point is, I know what he’s up to.”
“I don’t want to know.”
Lauren looks at me like I’m barking mad. “Don’t be daft, you have to know.”
“No, I don’t have to know,” I say, rubbing viciously at the table top. “It’s my life, so my decision. I didn’t ask you to pry into my affairs. How did you even find out where to go?”
“Asked your sister.”
“Mel told you?” I grab my cloth and stomp towards the kitchen. I should have known I couldn’t trust her. So much for rebuilding our sisterly bond.
“Well, I let her think you’d agreed. Not her fault.”
I stop, fists clenched. “Lauren…”
“I’m going to tell you, whether you like it or not. You need to hear it.”
I spin round. “You don’t have the right to decide what I need to hear. That is not your job. If I don’t want to know whether my husband is having an affair…”
“He’s not.”
I falter. A jumbled rush of surprise, relief, confusion and disappointment floods through me. “Really. You’re sure?”
“Positive.”
“Oh. Well, that’s good.”
Lauren grins nastily. “It’s a whole lot better than that.”
Better? “What do you mean by that?”
Lauren raises an eyebrow. “I thought you didn’t want to know.”
If it’s not an affair… do I, or don’t I?
Chapter 12
My heart is beating wildly, but curiosity briefly overrides my fear. “Tell me.”
Lauren reaches across the coffee table to pick up my iPad. “We’re going to need this.”
That can’t be good.
“Like Mel, I googled the address and got nothing. Unlike Mel, I have a friend who can dig a little deeper.”
What kind of friend? Does she mean police, or the other side?
“Phillip told me he was seeing an alternative therapist.”
Lauren raises one impeccably-plucked eyebrow. “Well, I suppose you could call them that,” she says, prodding at the iPad keyboard. “At a pinch.”
She spins the tablet round. I hurry back to sit beside her and try to focus on the screen. I’m looking at a website. A website for a…
I look back up at Lauren. “Are you serious?”
“Yup.”
“Are you sure?”
“Painfully. I’ve checked and double-checked and this is the place. You’d never think it from the outside, would you?”
No, you certainly wouldn’t. It looks like a perfectly normal, up-market home.
On the home page of this site is a woman. A tall, generously-endowed woman, dressed in a leather catsuit and mask, and holding a whip in one hand and a studded, black-leather dog collar in the other.
I wonder if the neighbours know this is going on? Do you need planning permission for this sort of thing?
I scroll through the gallery of women and… dungeons, both horrified and fascinated. This is what Phillip is into? How can I have been his wife for five years and not known about this?
I think back to our life pre-move. I was at home all the time then, so surely he couldn’t have hidden it from me? All he did was go to work, come home and go out to play golf.
Apparently, using a rather unorthodox set of clubs.
I honestly don’t know how to respond to this. Part of me feels a bizarre desire to start laughing. I knew some people were into this sort of thing, but I never imagined it would be anyone I knew, let alone my own husband. An affair I could come up with “reasons” for, but this is just weird. Prince Charming is not supposed to be into bondage.
“So,” Lauren asks, rubbing her hands together, “what’s our next move?”
My attention snaps to her. “We are not doing anything. I need to think about things.”
Lauren stares at me in disbelief. “What’s to think about? He’s an uptight, dictatorial, lying, neglectful pervert.”
“He is my husband, don’t forget.”
“Not much of one, is he?”
“He’s done a great deal for me,” I say. “He did everything he could to help me fit in with his friends and family. I would have crashed and burned if it weren’t for him. Why would he have spent all that money on me if he wasn’t being a good husband?”
“Bloody hell, isn’t it obvious?” Lauren asks, throwing up her hands. “He wanted you to be in his debt. If he’d married an equal, chances are they would have kicked up a fuss about this. Instead, he married a girl with nothing and gave her everything, because then he’d be able to control her.”
The words hit me like high-speed hail, biting into my skin. “Lauren, I’m sure that’s not true,” I say, as firmly as I can manage.
“Then you’re either blind or an idiot.”
“That’s enough!” I snap, straightening up. “You’re the help here and you have no right to speak to me like that.”
“Well, I’m sorry madam,” Lauren says. “And here I thought all human beings were equal. How silly of me. Would you like me to curtsey on the way out?”
I get up and moot the point by walking out myself.
At first I steam quietly upstairs, ranting to myself about her lack of respect, but eventually I step outside of myself and hate what I see. Lauren’s right: if I hadn’t married Phillip, I’d be no further up the social ladder than her. In my day-to-day life, I work in a shop. I’m not superior to her, and I wouldn’t be even if I’d been born into Phillip’s sphere.
Lauren and James are playing peekaboo on the floor when I come back down. He’s giggling happily and I feel a surge of envy at his uncomplicated existence.
“I think I should apologize,” I say from the doorway.
Lauren looks up. “Look, I know I’ve got a mouth like the Blackwall tunnel, but it only speaks the truth. Guys like him with a Prince Charming complex are bad news. They suck you in with their glamorous lifestyle and you don’t even notice that they have all the power in the relationship, until they show their ugly side and you realize how damn hard they’ve made it for you to leave.”
I feel a cold chill as that penetrates and I think over our set up. Savings and investments, all in Phillip’s name. My passport, James’s birth certificate and every other important paper locked in a safe I don’t know the combination to. Is the house even in joint names? Phillip never asked me to sign anything when we bought it…
“Are you still with me?” Lauren asks, snapping her fingers in front of my face. “Are you in shock? Would you like some brandy? I found where your husband hides the key to the liquor cabinet.”
I laugh mirthlessly, because that’s Phillip all over. How did I not realize what he was like until now? “I’m fine,” I say, “And I don’t need brandy. I’ll take over with James now - you go enjoy your evening.”
I feed James by myself. I bathe him by myself. I put him to bed by myself. I make and eat dinner by myself. And I go to bed by myself.
I can do all that - have been doing all that for months. I know I could manage that alone. But could I really leave with nothing except full responsibility for supporting us?
There are so many advantages to us staying here. James will have the funds and social connections to do whatever he wants in life and I need never worry about money. Many people would envy that; it’s what my parents always wanted for me and I can’t deny I’ve enjoyed it.
Perhaps it’s all a mistake. Or perhaps, if I tell him I know, he’ll break down and apologize and tell me it was all a cry for help.
I must talk to him, but I’m afraid of having to do something I’m not ready for.
Chapter 13
“I don’t half feel sick,” Abby says, rubbing her tummy.
I idly glance over from cleaning the counter top. Summer is long gone now and the tourists with it, so business is noticeably slower. “Something you ate?”
“I suppose so. It must be my cereal.”
“I’ve never heard of cereal causing food poisoning. Is the milk off?”
“I don’t think so, but there’s nothing else I eat every morning.”
Er…
“Does food poisoning make your breasts sore?”
Oh, dear.
I lean on the counter and close my eyes. “Abby, you don’t think you might be pregnant, do you?”
“Oh, no. I did a test and it said I wasn’t. I peed on the stick and nothing happened.”
“Well, sometimes you can get a false negative if it’s too early, or the test is faulty. What kind did you use?”
“Oak.”
“Pardon?”
“Oak. It was from one of the trees in the park. Was that wrong? Should I have used birch instead?”
I close my eyes. “No, you need a… Look, on your break go to Boots and ask one of the sales assistants to get you a pregnancy test. Then we’ll check, okay?”
But I Said Forever Page 8
