by Amelia Rose
“I’m glad, too. But you didn’t need me to come along. You have a great family who cares about you. They’ll do anything for you, you know. They’ll even invite someone like me along if it would help you.”
“THAT! That right there! See what you did?” Joseph demanded as he looked down at her surprised face. “You have to stop thinking of yourself as ‘someone like me’. You are you. You’re Emma Gray, and I think you’re pretty amazing.”
“It doesn’t…bother you…the things I’ve done?” Emma asked, unnerved by his compliment and cringing as she waited for the answer she thought she knew.
“I guess I never knew that girl. The only Emma I know is the one who dropped everything and came with us halfway across the state when my crazy family suggested she could help someone. That’s the only thing I need to know about you. It’s all anyone needs to know, but you don’t let people see past the things you won’t let go of long enough to see the real you.”
The fight went out of her for the last time as she realized he was right. She did do that, she constantly kept her past in front of her like a wall, which kept everyone away. But, no more. Emma shifted slightly and kissed Joseph quickly, leaving him to be the one now looking on in surprise.
“What was that for?” he asked with a shy smile.
“That was for really seeing me. You don’t see the person I used to be, you see the person I can be,” Emma answered with an air of confidence. Joseph smiled at her, nodding approvingly at her decision to move forward. He leaned down and matched her same kiss with a soft press of his lips against hers.
“What was that for?” she mocked happily, returning his own words.
“For letting me be the person who finally changed it all for you.” Joseph studied her face, watching the soft glow of happiness color her cheeks and bring a real smile to her rosy mouth. Without a word between them, they kissed again, sinking into the tangible feeling of being the only two people in the world at that moment. Past hurts and fears dissolved under the pressure of their warm mouths opening to each other, and their uncertain futures melted in the heat that passed between them.
Chapter Fourteen
Miranda walked to the back of the large bus and gently opened the curtain that closed off the sleeping area. She was about to announce that they had arrived, but was gleefully surprised to see Joseph and Emma nestled together in the same bunk. Her first reaction had been a secret sense of triumph at helping the two find each other but that feeling grew into something more intense when she noticed that even in their sleep, Emma was holding Joseph’s good arm securely in place, keeping it close to her side with her fingers laced through his so that it wouldn’t move suddenly and wake him with pain.
She smiled to herself, securing the image of the two of them in her mind, before letting the curtain drop and knocking loudly on the outside of the door frame. She called through the curtain for them to wake up. “Joseph! Emma! We’re here, guys!” She knocked again, then peeked through the edge of the curtain to see Emma sitting up, her feet on the floor and her back to Joseph.
The girl came out from behind the curtain first, smiling sheepishly at Miranda. “We’re already here? What time is it?” she asked, looking slightly dazed.
“It’s a little after eight,” Miranda explained. “We switched off driving during the night to make better time. Now we can get cleaned up, have some breakfast, and get Joseph to his appointment right after lunch time.”
By the time the group made it off the bus, watching with amused expressions as Gracie bounced ahead of them, excited to be in a real city once again, it was more like brunch time. They enjoyed a leisurely meal, lingering over coffee while looking up different things to do in the city. Joseph wanted to pass the time resting on the bus, and Emma offered to stay with him. The others shared a satisfied glance at how well the two were getting along. Carey and his dad were going to take a cab to a morning meeting at the agriculture bureau, while Casey and Miranda agreed there was just enough time to sneak in a matinee movie before Joseph had to be at Regional Medical Center.
Emma let Joseph lean on her arm as they hobbled back to the large bus but to an outsider, they would have looked just like any other sweet young couple walking with his arm around her shoulders. Emma warned him about passing off his pain, minimizing it as he was doing just then.
“Don’t try to put on a brave face for the doctor,” she explained. “He can’t help you if you don’t let him know how bad it really is.”
Joseph could only nod, his breath catching at the effort it took to walk up the steps of the RV. Instead of the cramped wall bunks in the sides of the bus, Emma steered Joseph directly to the large bed, which Bernard used, at the back. She let him pull against her hands to lower himself onto the wide mattress, then arranged pillows around him to help him raise up one shoulder. Finally, she laid down next to him, careful not to jostle him as she settled in beside him, taking one of his hands in her own and letting him focus on the warmth of her touch instead of the hurt coursing through his young body.
“I never thought I’d be an old man at my age,” Joseph joked weakly. He turned his head slightly to smile at Emma, who returned his easy grin with a shy smile of her own.
“I know, you’re practically decrepit. What are you, sixty? Seventy?” she answered.
“Oh, look who’s talking! Come here, let me count your wrinkles. I might need a calculator to keep track of ‘em all, though.” Joseph trailed a fingertip down the smooth lines of her cheek, letting his finger wind its way down to her neck where he picked up the soft strands of her straight black hair, feeling its silkiness flowing over his hand.
Instead of bantering with him, Emma lay still and watched Joseph’s face, watching the way his eyes followed the light that reflected off her hair. No one had ever looked at her with such appreciation before, and her heart raced knowing she was the reason for his brief, pain-free moment of joy.
She placed her hand on his arm and held it there, craving the closeness of him but not wanting to hurt him. As he moved closer to her to meet her lips with his own, he felt her body freeze under his hand, a look of wide eyed uncertainty on her face. Recognition instantly flooded his mind.
“Emma. I don’t know what’s happened before, but I will never hurt you. If this is too close, too soon, you won’t hurt my feelings if you want to go.” He watched her eyes carefully but longingly, giving her permission to go but hoping she would stay with him. Emma shook her head.
“No, it’s my fault. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed you’re like…the other guys,” she explained. “You’ve been nothing but kind, much nicer than anyone who is in your condition could be expected to be. But I don’t want to make it worse.”
“You’re not. Just being here with me is enough,” he answered, wrapping one arm around her waist and closing his eyes, letting the scent of her comfort him. Emma brought her arms up to cradle him as close to her chest as she could safely do, winding her fingers through his hair and tracing luxurious lines there, smiling when he made a happy, contented sound deep in his chest.
“Why are you being so good to me?” Joseph asked, his eyes still closed, a peaceful look on his face. Emma tensed for a moment, wondering how much his family had told him about her place on this trip. “We just met, but already, it’s like you’re taking care of me.”
Relief washed over her, but it was enough that her true feelings bubbled to the surface, making her realize this wasn’t just a favor to the Carsons any more. She really did want Joseph to be well, to stop hurting, to be able to return to the life that made him so happy.
“Joseph, you’re the one who’s taking care of me,” she admitted quietly. “I’ve never known anyone—guy or girl—who was such a genuine person. You’re an open book, and you let it show how much you care about everyone. I’m just lucky to be here,” she answered.
“And I’m glad you’re here. But I’m the lucky one, Emma.” He moved slightly as he settled himself comfortably in her arms,
quieting.
When he finally slept, Emma closed her eyes but wouldn’t let herself rest. Thoughts raced through her mind, nagging her with their viciousness. What if the doctor couldn’t help him, and Joseph couldn’t be healed? What would that do to the caring, genuine person she’d just complimented? Worse, what if he could be healed, and Joseph didn’t need her to understand and care for him? It wouldn’t be the first time someone had cast her aside after he was finished with her, but Emma knew that this time, it would be the time that broke her heart, once and for all. And that thought terrified her.
Chapter Fifteen
“Mr. Carson?” a young woman in scrubs called out, looking for the name on the clipboard in her hand. She looked startled when four men stood up, but her eyes targeted the one who had crawled up to standing, leaning shakily on the girl next to him. “Oh, sorry, I should have just said Joseph Carson.”
Joseph moved to follow the nurse, looking back to his family and Emma. “This is it. They either fix me, or shoot me like a lame horse,” he joked darkly.
“Don’t say that,” Miranda urged him, taking his hand and giving it a little squeeze as he walked past. “You’re going to be fine, I know it.” He nodded, then looked at Emma and grinned, giving her a thumbs up sign before disappearing through the door that led away from the waiting room.
Miranda leaned over to Casey and whispered. “I’m going to take the girls and get out of here. If they have to give Joseph bad news, I think it will be easier for him to handle it if it’s just his brothers and his dad there, so he won’t have to put on a brave face in front of us ladies.” Casey nodded thoughtfully.
“You’re probably right. I didn’t even think to ask him if he wanted you guys along. I just feel like I’ve known you forever, and I forget that not everyone in the family has! Go,” he urged her. “You guys go have some fun. We could be here for hours anyway. I’ll call you when we have some news.”
Miranda gathered up her purse and told Gracie and Emma to come with her. “It’s going to be a good long while before Joseph comes back, and I think we should give the guys some privacy, don’t you think?” Gracie was eager to get out of the sterile smelling hospital, memories of her own mother’s last days brought to mind by the familiar smell. Emma, on the other hand, wasn’t as sure.
“What if he needs us?” she wondered aloud, more to herself than to Miranda.
“Casey will call us with any news, I promise,” she answered, leading them to the bank of elevators. Once downstairs, she asked the reception desk to call them a cab and declared that they needed to get some shopping down before Joseph finished with his appointment.
As they made their way through a nearby mall, Casey called periodically and kept them updated on Joseph’s appointment. They had finished his blood work and the doctor was concerned about his liver function, probably from the long term use of pain medicine; he had finished his strength test, and the news was grim; the doctor wanted an MRI, and was sending him over for it now because he’d come from so far away.
Despite her worry for her new brother-in-law, Gracie looked positively radiant as they browsed through the stores and enjoyed lunch in a real restaurant, relishing the opportunity to eat a meal that hadn’t been butchered right there on the ranch.
“You know, kiddo, statistically speaking, it’s still possible that you’re eating Carson Hill’s finest on that bun right there,” Miranda teased. Gracie made a face and bit into her burger dramatically, making a show of chewing the decadent food, but the joke pulled only a half-hearted laugh from Emma. Miranda noticed that Emma looked more and more dejected as the day went on.
“Come on, girls, we only have a few more hours of shopping time today, and we still haven’t had our nails done!” Miranda announced in an overly cheerful voice. Gracie bounced in her seat and clapped her hands, ready to soak up any normal teenager experience she couldn’t do on the ranch.
They left the restaurant and went to a salon, where the stylists made disappointed clucking sounds over the state of the girls’ nails. The three exchanged looks when one of the manicurists announced, “It looks like you’ve been digging in a barn with these hands!” Instead of taking insult, Miranda and Gracie laughed out loud at the very real comparison.
“If you must know, we have been digging in a barn! Digging manure, if you want to get technical about it,” Miranda fired back at her, still laughing. What did she care what this city woman thought of her hands? Miranda had earned every callous and torn cuticle, earning it side by side with her husband, working land that had been in his family for generations. She was proud of her worn-down nails and cracked skin. She had earned them while living a life she had come to adore.
“Have you heard anything else from Casey yet? Have you checked your messages?” Emma asked, bringing Miranda back to the present and to the reason for this trip. She shook her head no, but reached into her bag to pluck her phone out with two still-wet fingers to check her messages just in case.
“Nothing yet. But this isn’t at all strange,” Miranda reassured her. “He’s probably having to wait in different waiting rooms every time they pass him off to another doctor or department.” Emma sighed, blowing her bangs out of her face in frustration as she exhaled. Miranda was just as worried about Joseph, but she couldn’t help but be a tiny bit thrilled that Emma and Joseph had hit it off so well. “Here, I’ll shoot Casey a message and ask for an update. Maybe by the time we’re finished here, they’ll know something more about Joseph.”
Emma nodded, and dunked her hands back in the solution the manicurist was using to soften her ragged cuticles. She hadn’t been the praying type, but she knew that now would be as good a time as any to start. Anything that could help Joseph through this process would be worth it.
****
All three Carson men looked up when the doctor entered the small office, pausing for a double take when he took in the identical twins, Casey and Carey. He smiled, then sat down behind his desk, facing the chairs where the family waited anxiously.
“Well, we still have some more tests to run, but my initial findings aren’t good,” he began, opening the manila folder in front of him and flipping through the top pages. “We did the x-rays immediately and those showed that every bone was still intact but the MRI showed us the real problem.” The doctor tapped several keys on the laptop on his desk, then turned it around to show Bernard, Casey, and Carey some blob-like images that didn’t mean anything to them.
He pointed to various places along the blobs with the tip of his pen, calling out the problem areas as the three men looked on quietly. Finally, he leaned back in his chair, announcing, “So it looks like the only treatment at this point would be surgery.”
“Wait, what?” Casey demanded, looking up from the computer in alarm. “I’m sorry, I can’t speak for these two, but everything you said just went right over my head. Why does Joseph need surgery?” Bernard and Carey turned their attention to the doctor as well, searching his face for answers.
“The injury your brother initially sustained has healed, but a nerve in his back was basically trapped in the bone as new bone material formed around it. Now, every little movement your brother makes pulls on that nerve. He can’t so much as take a breath without yanking on that nerve in there. Quite frankly, I’m amazed he’s been able to function this long without medical help.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Casey saw his father drop his face into his hands. Joseph had been calling out for help, maybe not with so many words, but needing their help just the same. Guilt and anger ran through Casey, and he saw that his dad and brother felt the same way.
“It’s a fairly uncommon occurrence,” the doctor continued, recognizing the emotions on their haggard faces. “so you had no way of knowing that was the issue. To make matters even more complicated, basic x-rays wouldn’t show it, because they would only show that the bones are all in place and are healed. We could have tried physical therapy and rehab at the first sign of the problem rather tha
n jumping straight to surgery but in my professional opinion, I’m afraid it’s gone on so long and has caused him so much skeletal and muscular stress, that anything we try right now is just going to put off how long it is before he’s healed. The only way to stop this pain is to go in there, break the bone that’s encapsulating the nerve, free that nerve, and then let him heal all over again.”
Bernard was the first to speak. “Do whatever it takes to make him well, as soon as you can.” The twins nodded in agreement, fearful looks of uncertainty on their faces.
“Given the amount of muscle loss your son has already sustained and the fact that his need for pain relief is so great, I’d like to schedule this tomorrow, if that works for you.” No one spoke, and the doctor took their guilty silence for agreement. “Great. We’ll have some pre-admission blood work to do, and some paperwork, of course. I’ll go ahead and admit Joseph now so he’ll be ready first thing in the morning, and let him get some sleep in the hospital tonight. He’s going to have a long, slow recovery but I do expect him to recover fully from this. By this time next year, he’ll be up running around your ranch again.”
The doctor showed them out, leaving Bernard to fill out an enormous pile of paperwork a nurse brought over. Casey immediately texted Miranda to come back to the hospital, while Carey sat in a daze. When the girls finally made it back, Casey pulled Miranda to a corner of the waiting room to explain the news. Emma looked nervously between the family members, desperate for news about Joseph but not wanting to interfere where she wasn’t welcomed.
Without getting any answers, Emma stepped over to the nurses’ station to ask for Joseph’s room number, slipping down the hall and knocking on the door to his room. She opened it a crack, and found him lying very still, his eyes turned toward the window and a grim look on his face. He brightened somewhat when he saw her, giving Emma the courage to come in and stand beside him, taking his hand.
