I think about what it would be like to be like Gray. Not one of the hangers-on or partners, but up on the stage, shredding my soul to make music that touches people.
I want that.
I want it with a surge so powerful I almost forget where I am.
Gray comes out for two encores, and the final song opens with a familiar melody. The fine hairs on my arms stand up and I wrap my hand around my tattoo.
Night is dark, you’re my light
I’m alone, I’m dark inside
And I remember, I remember the sun
And I remember, I remember the fun
With you.
Sun is rising, won’t be long
Day will break, the broken one.
Cos I remember, I remember what’s done
And I’ll remember, remember the fun
With you.
I sing along, high on the crowd’s excitement and Luc’s proximity. I pull my phone from my pocket, lean back so my head rests against Luc’s shoulder, and snap a picture.
Of us.
I want to remember this moment, this feeling.
Luc’s lips find the throbbing pulse in my throat and he kisses me there. Hungry and hot. I close my eyes as sensation takes over. I dance in time to the music, and in time to Luc.
* * *
I don’t know what I expect the after-party to be like, but it’s not the small gathering we’re escorted to, in the depths of the arena. Maybe I should have guessed—he seemed so down-to-earth before the show. We meet up with Jolie and she raves about the concert. She can’t stop sighing over Gray. Not the music star she raved about on our road trip but the person she’s met and spent a little time with. His kindness, his way of brushing her arm when he talks. They really seem to have clicked.
The space is lit by a few lamps and the dress code is strictly casual. No exclusive nightclub or roped off VIP section for these people. A few people are gathered on couches, sharing pizza and beer. I recognise one as the bass player from Gray’s band and another as the lead singer of one of the support acts.
Someone has put on a local radio station and as we enter the room the announcer crosses live to a reporter interviewing gushing girls as they leave the concert.
There are some catcalls and teasing from his band as Gray joins us.
He’s grinning, and his hair’s all wet. ‘Sorry to keep you waiting, but I had to shower,’ he explains. ‘It’s hot under the lights and I was soaked.’
‘You don’t usually shower,’ the bass player teases.
Gray’s cheeks redden but he’s more interested in talking to Jolie than defending himself.
She sniffs the air. ‘You smell pretty good to me.’
Before long they’re sitting on the couch, hands touching, talking in low tones. Their heads are bent close together and the rest of us might as well have disappeared.
Jolie has this living thing right—no holding back, no what ifs. It’s about right now.
Cass, Finn, Luc and I stand around for a minute and I don’t look at anyone. Talk about awkward. I’m tempted to suggest we should go, even though I know Luc won’t want to leave Jolie, when someone offers us some pizza. Soon, a few more friends of the band and some publicity people arrive and we get absorbed into the group. People I thought would be stand-offish or different turn out to be just people.
The tiny lead singer of the other support band asks us a few questions about where we’re from and tells us she’s a Melbourne local and tonight was her dream come true. Her whole face shines with the excitement of having performed in front of such a crowd. ‘It was even more incredible than I thought it would be,’ she says. One of the sound tech guys sits cross-legged on the floor in front of her and she plays with the curls at the back of his hair as he teases her by trying to tie the laces of her combat boots together.
Another girl offers us soft drinks from an esky and I realise she’s the one who did the amazing violin solo. She smiles shyly when I compliment her and a fair-haired guy who must be related to Gray introduces himself as Josh and kisses the top of her head proudly.
These girls aren’t so different to me.
‘Do you play an instrument too?’ The lilting question cuts through my daydream. A pretty girl with a pixie cut and wide green eyes is leaning across from another couch, waiting for Luc’s response. Her position offers an unobstructed view down her top. A view you’d have to be unconscious to miss.
My belly tightens. He’s mine. But I can’t say the words aloud. I listen to him explain that he’s just here with friends.
Undeterred, the girl leans closer, resting her hand briefly on his knee. ‘What are you into then?’
It’s probably a casual question. Most likely she’s a lovely person making polite conversation.
But suddenly I’m furious with myself for not having tried harder to work out this thing between us before we faced other people. All that time I wasted on Finn when it was Luc I really wanted. Luc who makes me laugh and makes me talk, and tells me all the things I don’t want to hear. Luc, who I could listen to forever. Whose kiss fills my thoughts.
Maybe I don’t have to wait for the perfect moment.
I slide my arm over Luc’s shoulder, feeling his muscles clench in response. I find the waves at the back of his hair and explore them with urgent fingers. He angles his head, pressing into my touch, then turns to look at me. Our eyes meet for a moment before his gaze drops to my mouth.
I lick my suddenly dry lips. He grins.
The girl with the gaping top turns away, and once again we’re alone in the crowd.
‘There’s something I forgot to do,’ I murmur.
His brows raise in question.
I lean forward slowly, savouring the anticipation, my racing heart, the tingles skittering across my skin. I’m close enough now to smell him and I breathe in sun and sea and the scent that is Luc and it’s all the oxygen I need.
Our lips touch. Warm and gentle. Sweet and hot all at once. It’s not the crazy passion of the storm or the sweaty moment in the crowd.
It’s a decision.
And when he kisses me back, it’s a promise.
CHAPTER
18
Then it began to wilt. Colours fading now. She didn’t notice when it fell.
‘Daisy’—GRAY
By about one am Jolie can no longer disguise her yawns. A while ago someone got out a guitar and a girl from one of the support acts is playing something I’ve never heard before. It’s slow and easy and puts me back at the beach at dawn with the sun warm on my face and the taste of salt in the air.
Gray doesn’t act like a big star. He’s just like the rest of us. Jolie is curled up beside him.
When Jolie’s eyes drift closed, Gray insists on calling a car to take us back to the apartment. It’s probably seconds before Luc would have called an end to the night for his sister’s sake, and I think he’s grateful not to have to be the bad guy for a change.
Jolie complains, but Gray offers to spend the morning with her tomorrow, just the two of them, exploring the sights of the city before she has to catch her flight home.
‘Is that part of the wish?’ I whisper to Luc.
He shakes his head. But he doesn’t object.
Gray walks us out to the private exit, where a car waits for us in a narrow alleyway. Cass, Finn and I mumble our thanks and back away fast, still a little star-struck. However, Luc’s approval at the care Gray has shown Jolie shines through the way he shakes the singer’s hand and claps him on the shoulder.
‘Thanks for a great night,’ he says.
And I bite back a giggle, because I know Luc’s not talking about the music.
I think Gray does too. His gaze skips to where Jolie waits a few feet away from the rest of us. She’s tinier than ever, wrapped in Gray’s leather jacket, but still glowing with happiness.
‘You go ahead,’ she tells Luc. ‘I won’t be a moment.’
He hesitates but lets me pull him towards the car. I
glance back as we get in to see Gray holding both Jolie’s hands.
Luc’s arm settles over my shoulder and I look up into his dark eyes.
‘What are you thinking?’ he asks.
‘I’m wishing them lots of moments together.’
His lips press against my forehead. ‘Us too?’
I lift my head and catch his mouth with mine; my body warms at the gentle touch. ‘Us too.’
When we get back to the apartment, Jolie’s more energised. She insists on having a hot chocolate and raving about how awesome the concert was. Cass and Finn drift off before long, pleading tiredness. But when they leave, they go into the same room, deep in conversation, and I don’t feel jealous at all.
Luc takes all the empty dishes to the kitchen, leaving me alone with Jolie. She’s curled up on the single armchair, so tiny on the white leather with her make-up smudged and eyes drifting closed. At once the oldest and youngest sixteen-year-old I’ve met.
Tonight has been incredible and I realise how lucky I am to have been a part of it.
‘Aren’t there others you could have travelled with?’ I ask. I didn’t realise it was bothering me until now. I’m still trying to work out what I did to deserve the last few days, let alone the VIP concert experience.
She doesn’t answer for ages. Her eyes are fully closed, her lashes resting on her cheeks.
I settle back on the couch to wait for Luc. I’ll ask her in the morning.
‘It’s tiring being friends with me,’ she says suddenly. Her eyes are still closed, but she continues talking. ‘I’ve missed heaps of birthday parties because I was in the hospital, and I’ve never gone to a single school dance. Can you imagine how unfun that is? The friends who’ve stuck with me are awesome, and I’m grateful for every one of them. But this is the closest I’m going to get to backpacking through Spain on my own. I wanted to meet new people.’ Her eyes open and her smile is like a gift. ‘Like you.’
‘Thank you.’
Luc comes back in and crouches next to her. ‘Want some help to get to your room?’ he asks. His hand sweeps her golden hair from her forehead. ‘I could piggyback you,’ he teases.
She stirs, pushing him lightly in the chest as she drags herself upright. ‘I can handle it.’
‘I know you can,’ he says.
She heads towards her bedroom without looking back, leaving Luc and me alone.
‘Great concert,’ I say. Because suddenly there’s silence, and while it’s not uncomfortable, exactly, it’s brimming with the kiss we shared and all it means. Well, that’s what I’m thinking. For all I know, Luc is tired and has forgotten about what me kissing him would mean.
Except, I’m sure he wouldn’t.
And now he’s shifting closer on the couch and happiness bubbles in my chest. Me, happy. I’d stopped believing it was possible and yet here I am.
Here we are.
This should be serious and romantic but I’m so happy I can’t suppress a giggle.
‘What’s so funny?’ he asks.
I try to keep the silliness from my voice. ‘Nothing.’
‘You’re laughing.’
‘I’m not.’
‘Don’t laugh. I’m doing my best moves here.’ He punctuates his declaration by sliding his hand up along my bare arm. Slowly. Goosebumps spread in his wake. Now he’s reached my shoulder, then my neck. I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to be saying something, but I have no idea what. His gaze is on my mouth.
‘Yes,’ I whisper.
‘I didn’t ask to kiss you.’
His fingers are massaging the muscles at the back of my neck and there’s nowhere I’d rather be right now. ‘Why not?’
His head dips towards me. ‘Because I thought we were past asking.’
His mouth is on mine. I sink back onto the couch. Kissing Luc is like it should be. Not for oblivion or escape. Not because some stupid scheme says it’s a good idea.
But because I want to.
Because I like him.
I really like him.
Kissing soon becomes us both lying on the couch. My head is on his chest and his hand rests on my hip. The lazy circles it makes do crazy things to my insides and his heart is beating hard. I’m so tired, but I could happily stay here all night.
We talk a little more about the concert. Luc concedes that Gray’s music isn’t the commercial pop rubbish that he thought.
‘You’ll be a fan next,’ I tease, loving the rumble of amusement he makes in response.
He freezes.
‘What’s wrong?’ I ask.
He eases me off him and straightens. ‘Did you hear that?’
I blink, trying to get my bearings. ‘I didn’t hear anything. I must have been drifting off.’
He listens, his head tilted. At first there’s nothing, and I’m about to pull him back to me when I hear it too—a faint cry.
The colour drains from his face. ‘Jolie.’
I’m on my feet and following him towards her room. He pushes at the door. It slams against the wall, leaving a handle-shaped dent in the plaster. The light is on but I can’t see much past him, only that she’s pale. The heavy smell of vomit hangs in the air.
‘Call an ambulance,’ he barks.
But I’m already dialling and the woman on the end of the line helps me get out what I’m trying to say. Following her instructions, I head past a bleary Cass and Finn to the door to meet the paramedics. I’m in the hallway when Luc’s heavy tread follows me.
He pushes past and runs for the lift. Jolie’s cradled in his arms, her head lolling. He stabs at the button with his shoulder. His eyes are wild and sweat shines on his temples. ‘I can’t wait for them to get up here.’
‘The triple zero woman said not to move her,’ I say. But I don’t try to stop him. He knows his sister and what this means. He’s been here before.
Anyway, he’s not listening. He’s murmuring to Jolie, promising her she’ll be fine. Talking to her about the concert, trying to keep her conscious or happy or something.
It doesn’t work.
Her eyes are closed by the time we reach the ground floor. The doors slide open and the end of the hallway is lit up like Christmas. I’ve never been happier to see blue and red flashing lights. The ambos meet us at the doors with a stretcher. They take Jolie from Luc’s arms and he stands there, his hands by his sides. The paramedics work quickly, explaining what they’re doing in calming tones.
I move to stand beside Luc and squeeze his hand.
He barely spares me a glance. ‘Can I come with her?’ he asks.
They agree. He jumps into the ambulance and I stand there feeling useless.
‘Do you want us to come?’ Finn puts my question into words.
Luc’s answer is clear from his closed-off expression before he opens his mouth. ‘No. We’ll handle this.’ Then he’s gone.
I’m left outside the apartment in the cold, watching as the flashing lights disappear into the night.
* * *
Morning comes, and by the time we need to leave for the airport there’s no real news. Luc’s desire for immediate family only was confirmed by a call from Finn’s mum a few hours ago. As I pack my things, I text him to see if he wants me to stay in Melbourne, but he doesn’t reply.
We’re too new for this, I guess.
It’s already hot and the cloudless sky above suggests the day will be a scorcher, but I’m chilled inside thinking of what Jolie and her family are going through. Cass, Finn and I are out the front of the apartment, waiting for our taxi, when Finn gets another call from his mum. I can’t hear what he’s saying, thanks to the passing traffic, but I try to read his expression.
Finn’s cheeks pale and his eyes close.
‘Thanks, Mum, I’ll see you soon.’ He hangs up and turns to face us. ‘They’ll be staying in Melbourne for the next few days. My uncle flew over first thing. They’re hoping she stabilises enough to come home soon.’
‘Home as in she’ll be fine?’ Cass asks the
question I’ve been worrying about since the ambulance left. The one I’ve been silencing by reminding myself she’s been here before and pulled through.
Finn’s usual optimism is nowhere to be seen. ‘It’s not good.’
My hand tightens on my phone. I want to call Luc but I don’t want to bother him. And I don’t know what to say.
But I have to try. The taxi is pulling up when I press his number. The thud of my heart is so loud I probably won’t even be able to hear when he answers. If he answers. The phone rings on, and as the last of our bags are loaded into the back of the taxi it clicks through to his voicemail.
‘Hi, Luc.’ I clear my throat. ‘I just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you all. Especially Jolie. Call me anytime, for anything. Oh, um, it’s Zoey.’ I hang up, my cheeks hot, wishing for a redo but it’s too late. At least he knows I care.
There are only two seats together and Cass sits with me without any discussion between her and Finn. Their body language is distant but I can’t work out if it means they’ve split up. I think Cass will let me know what’s going on when she’s ready.
We don’t talk much on the flight. Instead, I write in my songbook. Nothing I’d keep, but it helps to give words to my feelings. The questions that rang in my brain after Dan died are back with a vengeance.
Our seats at the back mean we’re among the last off the plane. As I trail Finn and Cass up the ramp towards the gate I’m not really looking ahead. I’m too busy turning on my phone to check for a reply from Luc.
There’s nothing.
I lift my head, breathing in deeply through my nose. I don’t want to feel hurt but I’m worried. For Luc. For Jolie.
I blink. Mum is walking towards me. My mum. The person I didn’t even bother to give my flight details to.
‘Mum?’
‘Marlene told me what happened. It’s so sad for the family.’ She nods to where Finn’s mum is insisting on holding his jacket. ‘I hope you don’t mind that I’m here.’
‘Mind?’ I manage a shuddering breath. ‘Not at all.’
She must hear the break in my voice. Her arms go around me and even though I’m taller than her now I rest my head on Mum’s shoulder and let the tears come. We stay like that, ignoring the movement of people around us and the droning of announcements over the speaker system. I think maybe she’s crying too. I hug her tighter.
The Last Days of Us Page 18
