His words melted her heart and once again she reminded herself to be patient.
He checked his watch. “Listen, babe, I’ve gotta go. I’m catching an earlier flight back.”
She nodded. She could beg him to stay a little longer but there was no point. She could tell his mind was already half way out the door. He’d go back to his Hollywood life and Poppy would wait for the next time he came to New York to be with her.
And because she needed Adam Ford more than a caffeine addict craved coffee, she’d grab whatever time he offered and treasure it more than anything his money could buy.
Chapter 4
A week after Emma and Tom’s wedding, Liam eyeballed his partner as they walked to their truck. A bruise was doing a good job of purpling her left cheek.
“You’re either clumsy or there’s something serious going on. Spill it, Mads. What’s up? And don’t even think about lying to me this time.”
Maddi West stopped in her tracks and glowered at him, unblinking. Her bloodshot eyes were red-rimmed, like she’d been crying, or hadn’t slept. Liam suspected both and he wanted to know why.
“It’s just a black eye,” she said, before flouncing off.
He jogged to catch up and caught her elbow. “Come on. In the last six months you’ve had four falls. What aren’t you telling me?”
“Since when did you become my nurse?” Maddi flung open the back doors of the ambulance and jumped in.
Liam sighed. Knowing it was better to give Maddi space when she was in one of her moods, he climbed into the front of the truck, got on the radio to acknowledge they’d received their first case, and allowed her to take handover of the drugs from the previous shift.
The unseasonably hot weather was making everyone cranky. The leaves had started changing and they should have been enjoying the cooler mornings and mild days of autumn. Instead, for the third day in a row the temperature hovered well above thirty degrees – nowhere near as hot as it got in summer, but too hot for this time of year.
In the shadowy interior of the station, it was cooler, but still stuffy. If they had a chance between calls, he’d buy Maddi an ice cream and he’d get her to talk. One thing Liam had learned about women was if you charmed them, fed them and listened to them, they usually opened up.
He turned the key and the truck roared to life. Cranking up the air conditioning he let the engine idle while he went through the case details on the mobile data terminal they carried with them.
Their first patient was an elderly man in a nursing home who’d suffered a fall overnight. Most likely a fractured NOF – neck of femur – from the description. It would be an easy job to start their shift. They’d give the old guy some pain relief, get him into hospital and move onto their next case, which could be anything. That’s what Liam loved about being a paramedic – the variety.
He checked his watch. They needed to get on the road. “You done back there yet?”
Except for banging and crashing as Maddi fiddled with equipment and re-checked things he knew she should have already checked twice in the time she’d been in the back of the truck, there was no answer. Liam tamped down his irritation and swiveled around in the front seat to look at her.
“I’m not your nurse, Mads,” he said softly. “I’m your partner. Talk to me. We’re meant to be mates and mates look out for each other.”
She glared, her anger clearly undiminished. “I was tired, my vision blurred and I tripped over,” she said. “That’s all. No biggie. Now can you stop with the interrogation?”
Liam folded his arms and stared hard. He wasn’t going to let it go. “What did you hit this time? Coffee table? No, that’s not right. The coffee table was last time.”
“I know you’re a sarcastic bloke, Liam, but that tone doesn’t work on me and you know it.”
“Then tell me the truth.”
“The truth is I tripped over. End of story.”
Not bloody likely. But fighting with Maddi wasn’t going to get her to open up. She’d recently fumbled in the middle of an arrest and had difficulty cannulating the patient because her hands were shaking so hard. When he’d pushed her for answers she’d threatened to go to their boss and ask if she could have a new partner. He’d been gutted. She was one of the best paramedics he’d ever worked with and they made a great team. If the ice cream didn’t work, he’d have to think of a different way to figure out what was going on.
If Maddi had a husband or boyfriend, Liam would’ve been one hundred percent positive he was staring at a case of domestic abuse, but there was no partner in Maddi’s life. He knew that because Maddi had laughed herself stupid when he’d asked her out on a date the first time they worked together. She thought it was hilarious he’d had no clue her interest wasn’t in men.
He leaned closer and peered at her face. “Does it hurt?” He wanted to touch her cheek and inspect her eye, but Maddi wasn’t a fan of physical contact.
She dropped her head to her chin. “Yeah, it hurts,” she mumbled.
Liam ran his fingers through his hair and sank back in the seat. What was he supposed to do now? They really needed to get going and pick up their first patient but he couldn’t ignore the pain in her voice.
He let out a soft sigh. The easiest course of action would be to believe Maddi’s story of the fall, say a few superficial words of support, make sure she’d taken some painkillers and get on their way. Maddi would prefer that. But Liam wasn’t the kind of guy who took the easy way out.
He turned to face her again. “So, what are we going to do about it?”
She frowned. “We aren’t going to do anything about it.”
“I can’t let it go this time. What’s going on?”
He sat back in surprise when Maddi collapsed onto the stretcher in the back of the truck and began twisting her hands in her lap so hard her knuckles turned white. Her shoulders sagged and when she swallowed it was almost audible. For the first time Liam noticed how exhausted she looked. Dread made a whooshing sound in his ears. What was she about to tell him? Did she have cancer or something? God, he hoped it was nothing that serious.
“I wish I knew,” she murmured.
Liam frowned. “What do you mean?”
A banging on the bonnet interrupted her answer. They both jumped. Two of their colleagues waved, laughed and gave them the thumbs-up sign as they walked past, all evidence they’d finished their fourteen-hour night shift and were heading home to sleep.
The moment broken, Maddi snapped into action and jumped down from the truck. Liam met her around the back. Her hands trembled as she latched and locked the doors. He was about to say something about that too, but Maddi spoke before he had a chance.
“Why don’t I tell you what’s going on while we drive?” she said.
“Damn good idea.”
Liam tossed her the car keys.
It should have been an easy catch but she missed and the keys clattered to the concrete. She bent awkwardly to scoop them up and Liam noticed her left leg shook ever so slightly.
He narrowed his gaze. “On second thought, you probably should rest that eye of yours. I’ll drive today.”
Usually they took it in turns, job for job, but for once she didn’t argue. Worry laced his heart tighter. If Maddi wasn’t standing up for equality, she really wasn’t herself. She clambered into the passenger seat and buckled her belt, not looking at him.
“Which nursing home?” he asked as he turned the air conditioner to its coldest setting and angled the vents toward her.
Maddi read the address from the computer screen in her lap and Liam pulled carefully out onto the busy road and headed to the nursing home. There was no need for lights and sirens on this trip.
“Tell me what’s been happening,” he said.
For the next ten minutes Maddi talked and Liam didn’t interrupt once. When she’d finished describing her increasing fatigue, intermittent tingling and numbness in her hands and feet which resulted in her clumsiness, loss of balance a
nd lack of coordination, he wasn’t just worried, he was angry. For the entire time he’d known her, it sounded like she’d been hiding her worsening symptoms from him.
“What do the doctors say?” he asked.
“Depression and anxiety. They reckon the PTSD has exacerbated it and I simply need to take more time off work.”
He shrugged. “Could be.”
Like him, Maddi had experienced her fair share of trauma calls on the job, but three months earlier – on a late night call out with another female paramedic – a teenager on ice, flying higher than a kite, had bashed her. Since then Maddi had struggled with post-traumatic stress disorder. She’d taken six weeks off work on extended sick leave and when she’d returned, she’d seemed worse instead of better. He glanced at her again. She sat motionless, staring out the window. Dark sunglasses hid her eyes.
“It would explain my irritability and mood swings I guess,” she said.
“You’re always moody and irritable,” he said, giving her a wink. “That’s what I love about you so much.”
When she didn’t crack a smile at his joke, he knew something was seriously wrong.
“You think it’s more than that?” His voice caught and once more his mind raced to an unimaginable diagnosis.
She nodded. “I actually thought I’d had a stroke, but they said it was unlikely because I’m so young.”
At twenty-nine, Maddi was ten years younger than him. Strokes did happen in young people, but it wasn’t common. Besides, Maddi was fit and healthy. Didn’t drink. Never smoked.
They arrived at the nursing home, shutting down any chance to talk further. It would have to wait until after the job. Liam reversed carefully into the spot reserved for the ambulance and cut the engine.
“Have you had scans?” he asked.
“The CT of my brain was clear. Apparently I actually have a working brain. Not that you’d know it at times lately.” She laughed, but it sounded forced. “Last week I had an MRI and lumbar puncture, but I don’t have the results yet.”
He touched her lightly on the arm and pulled back quickly when she flinched. “Let me know if I can do anything for you, okay?”
She nodded. “Thanks, Liam, but I’ll be fine.”
He didn’t believe her for a second.
Chapter 5
Liam couldn’t help but overhear the two young nurses whispering about him. The big-busted brunette flashed him a broad, gap-toothed smile as he walked past. She looked like she’d reapplied her lipstick for his benefit. He ignored her. Usually he flirted outrageously with every woman he met regardless of their age, but today his mind was on Maddi and no one else.
“You realize both of them have the hots for you, don’t you?” Maddi asked as they loaded the stretcher into the back of the truck. She didn’t even bother to lower her voice.
He relaxed. If Maddi was teasing him, maybe she would be back to her normal self in no time.
“What else is new?” he said, pulling a face. The way he managed to either attract or repel women was a long-standing joke between him and Maddi. “I can’t help it if women find me hot.”
Maddi stuck out her tongue. “Some women. Not all women. Trust me. Want me to go back and grab their phone numbers for you?”
“Nah, not today.”
Maddi stared at him like he had grown two heads. She placed a hand on her heart. “What? Why not? Is Ladies-Man-Liam not feeling well?” She removed her sunglasses and peered at him in mock panic. “Are you still breathing? Do I need to check your pulse? Maybe you have a fever.”
He laughed and turned his attention back to their patient. It had taken half an hour to get the elderly man’s pain under control and load him onto the stretcher. When they’d arrived, he’d rated his pain ten out of a possible ten on the pain scale, but despite four attempts, Liam was unable to cannulate him to administer intravenous morphine, partly because he was dehydrated and partly because his ninety-five-year-old veins weren’t cooperating. Liam had resorted to intra-nasal Fentanyl – a drug fifty to one hundred times more powerful and quicker acting than morphine, but when that appeared to do nothing, he gave the man a “green whistle” to suck on. Thankfully, that did the trick.
“As much as I stir you, Liam, I have to say, at your age I don’t know why you haven’t found someone and settled down.”
“Oi, that’s a bit rough. I’m not even forty yet. You make it sound like I’m over-the-hill and one foot out of a nursing home.”
“Um, for the record, forty is over-the-hill.”
“I’ll remind you of that when you get there.”
Something strange flashed in Maddi’s eyes then it was gone.
“So how do you keep your little black book in order? Alphabetically? Or by age? Or by appearance?” she asked.
“I don’t have a black book.”
Maddi smirked. “Bet you do. Come on, admit it. How many nights do you spend at home in your own bed?”
“I’ll have you know I spend every night in my own bed. Alone. Unless you count Sammy.”
Raised eyebrows met his gaze.
“My cat. I might go out with a lot of women, but I don’t sleep around.”
Maddi climbed in and helped strap the stretcher down. She took her seat beside their patient and Liam climbed behind the wheel.
“So if it’s not about the sex, why don’t you just pick someone you like and settle down?” Maddi asked a few minutes later. She had to speak up over the road noise and Liam was glad the old man didn’t have his hearing aids in.
She made it sound so easy.
“Nah, commitment isn’t for me,” he lied. “I tried that once.”
Tried it once and watched it fail in spectacular fashion. But he wasn’t going to tell Maddi that. She didn’t know about Lily.
“Right now I’m happy being single.” It was his stock-standard answer. “I don’t want to be tied down and caged in by anyone.”
“You really think that’s what marriage is?” Maddi asked, frowning.
Liam thought about that for a moment. Did he?
No.
He came from a close-knit family and his parents modeled a strong marriage. So too did Joel and Kate. And since Emma and Tom’s wedding he couldn’t stop thinking how much he’d like to have what they all had. Guys weren’t supposed to have a biological clock, but since the moment he’d held his twin nephews, his Tag Heuer had started ticking extra loud and he’d developed an overwhelming urge to experience fatherhood.
He met Maddi’s gaze. “I don’t know. If I found the right girl, I might consider marriage one day, but I don’t want one with tons of baggage,” he said.
Maddi raised her eyebrows. “Like kids?”
He shook his head. “No. Kids aren’t baggage. Even if she had a tribe of them that would be okay, as long as I knew upfront. What I mean is I don’t want a woman with a cupboard full of big secrets or a dark past.”
Maddi laughed. “Yeah, good luck with that, bachelor boy. At your age, the only available single women will be carrying more cases than the Kardashians on a ’round-the-world cruise.”
“The who?”
She rolled her eyes. “Never mind.”
*
The rest of the shift passed in a blur of call outs with no time to grab an ice cream and talk to Maddi about her symptoms again. While driving around, Liam considered what the doctors had said – that Maddi’s symptoms might be related to her post-traumatic stress – and he conceded they were probably right.
Being a paramedic was a tough gig. Some people thought they were adrenaline junkies, but Liam did the job because he loved helping people. As altruistic as it sounded, it was gratifying to see results – outcomes – of knowing he’d saved a life; that a child, a parent or a sibling was alive because of him. And though the autonomy of the role was great, not everyone coped as well as others. Maddi was one of the strongest women he knew, but she wasn’t indestructible. No one was. Unfortunately, PTSD rates among emergency services personnel were escal
ating and he didn’t want them to chalk his partner up as another statistic.
If he was honest, the pace had taken its toll on him too which was one of the reasons he’d returned home after Lily’s death. He’d missed the small town vibe of Birrangulla, missed his family and friends and missed the quieter pace of a country ambulance station. He hadn’t regretted his decision to leave Sydney once. Maybe Maddi needed to think about a career change or move into a non-clinical role. She’d hate it, but it might save her sanity.
They pulled into the station, and he turned to her. “I know it’s late and you’re tired, but do you want to grab some dinner? I feel like pizza.”
“Thanks mate, but I’ve got plans.”
He checked his watch. It was already past nine o’clock. By the time Maddi got home it would be close to ten. She lived over half an hour out of town, closer to Orange than Birrangulla.
“I hope those plans don’t include anything except a hot shower and an early night,” he said.
She laughed. “Something like that.”
“No worries, then. I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon.”
“Sure.”
They stared at each other and a shiver of unease rippled down his spine. There had never been awkwardness between them before.
“Thanks for caring for me, Liam,” Maddi said softly.
He shrugged. “No worries. We’re mates. That’s what mates do.”
Maddi gave him an odd smile before shocking him by leaning in for a hug. He froze before wrapping his arms around her shoulders and pulling her into a tight embrace. Maddi never hugged anyone. Ever.
Now he wasn’t just worried. He was scared.
Chapter 6
A week after Adam left, Poppy woke again to the familiar heaviness which always settled over her in the days and weeks after his visits. In truth, sometimes even when she lay in his arms listening to the steady beat of his heart against her skin, she knew the true meaning of loneliness, but she pushed that thought aside. There was no point in wallowing. She checked her phone anyway, hoping to find a message from him, but there was nothing. There rarely was.
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