“Poppy, I’m thrilled you’re pregnant. I know it’s not something we planned, but it’s going to be okay. Are you upset we’re not married? Because if that’s what’s worrying you, I’ll marry you tomorrow.”
“That’s not it at all.”
“Then everything’s going to be okay. I know it will.”
Troubled eyes met his and chilled him to the core. “How do you know, Liam? You have no guarantee of the future.”
“Is this because of your parents splitting up?” he asked.
“You wouldn’t understand.” Poppy grabbed a tissue from the nightstand and blew her nose.
He reached for her hand. It was icy cold. He lightly stroked the back of it with this thumb. “You haven’t given me a chance to understand. Talk to me. What’s going on in that head of yours?”
“What if I’ve already got it?”
He frowned. “Got what?”
“Bipolar? Like her.”
He stared at her and realization dawned. The words of a conversation they’d had once rushed back to him.
“Is that what this is about?” he asked carefully.
She stabbed at her eyes with a tissue. “I’ve told you what it was like growing up with a mother with postnatal depression and bipolar and I’d hate to put another child through that.”
“What do you mean? There’s no guarantee you’ll get postnatal depression.”
“It’s not only that. What if bipolar is genetic? Or hereditary? What if it’s a recessive gene and the baby gets it instead of me?”
He was staggered she could even think like that, but he could see how upset she was and the last thing he wanted to do was brush off her concerns like they were nothing but dust.
He held both her hands in his and stared into her eyes. “Poppy, no matter what happens, we’ll love this baby and look after it with everything within us. I promise you I’ll do whatever it takes to protect you and our baby. I can’t stop bad things happening, but I won’t sit back and wait for them to happen. Life has to be lived moving forward, not looking back over your shoulder worrying about the past.”
She sniffed again. He edged closer and put an arm over her shoulders.
“What if I turn out like my mother.”
“And what if you don’t?” He sighed heavily and moved tentatively toward her, reaching for her hand. “I told you once before that if it happens, we deal with it.”
Watery eyes looked up at him. “My father couldn’t deal with it.”
He stroked her cheek. “I’m not your father.”
She finally relaxed in his arms and he held her tight until the tears subsided.
“Do you know what it was like to grow up with a mother like mine?” she asked eventually. “Every day I’d wake, not knowing what the emotional parameters were. It might be a day of general stability. Or it could be a day of unpredictability, irrational behavior or verbal abuse. My mother’s emotions varied sometimes monthly, sometimes daily, sometimes hourly. A day could lead to anywhere and anything. It could mean shopping for toys or stopping for ice cream after school or it could mean returning home to find the contents of my bedroom displayed on the front lawn. That happened twice. It could also mean getting off the bus and finding my mother near-comatose after another suicide attempt. Do you ever wonder why I became a nurse? I wanted to be the helper. The first responder. I wanted to be like the doctors and nurses and paramedics who were there for me.”
He continued to rub her back as she unloaded the weight of the past.
“The worst was the Christmas the year after Dad left. We had no money and we’d just received the final eviction notice from the house we were living in. The house was all packed and we were moving the day after Boxing Day. Problem is, we didn’t even know where we were going to live. I’d come home from a friend’s place feeling sorry for myself because they had the perfect house with the perfect tree and the perfect plans for a perfect Christmas. All I had was an empty house and an empty mother. I remember wishing I was younger and still believed in Santa and Christmas wishes, but I knew even Santa couldn’t fix all the things that were wrong. I was sitting on the front step when she turned in the driveway, horn blaring. In the back seat of the car, sticking out the window, was a fully decorated Christmas tree. At first I thought she must have stolen it from somewhere. She told me she’d begged the people at Target to sell her one of the trees on display in the window. I didn’t even ask where she got the money from – all I knew was that for a brief moment I was happy. I found out afterward she’d gambled all that fortnight’s Centrelink money and won some money back. She then went on a massive bulk buying shopping spree. I’d never seen so many presents in all my life. Thank God for the Salvation Army. The week after Christmas most of the presents were returned to Target and they found us some emergency accommodation.”
Every word tugged at Liam’s heartstrings until he wondered how long he could continue to breathe. No wonder becoming a mum freaked her out so much. Yet she’d endured so much in life and was still standing strong. How could he make her see that? Whatever it took he was going to convince her they could get through this together.
“I don’t even know what to say,” he said finally.
“You don’t have to say anything,” she replied. “But now can you understand why I’m so scared?”
He nodded.
“And you won’t tell me I’m overreacting?”
He shook his head.
She held out a long breath and looked at him. “Thank you.” Tears filled her eyes. “I don’t know what to do, Liam.”
He pulled her into his lap and kissed her softly.
“You don’t have to do anything except keep talking to me. When you’re scared, tell me. When you’re worried, I want to know. All I ask is that you never shut me out again. And please, don’t run away.”
She sagged into him.
“I’m not sure I’m ready to have a baby.”
“Ask any parent and they’ll tell you they’re not ready.”
She licked her lips nervously. “I haven’t even asked you what you want.”
He frowned. “What do you mean?”
“Do you want it?” She placed her hand on her flat abdomen. “Do you want a baby?”
His throat tightened. “You have no idea how much I want a baby.” He leaned over and kissed her. “As long as it’s with you.”
*
A week later Poppy and Liam were in Orange at the medical imaging clinic waiting for their first ultrasound. They’d decided to go to Orange where no one knew them so they weren’t caught walking into the clinic. Birrangulla was small enough that someone was bound to spot them and the word would be out before they had a chance to make it official.
The moment Poppy heard the clip-clop of the baby’s heartbeat she fell in love. Overwhelming emotions brought tears to her eyes, making it difficult to breathe. Liam held her hand and kissed away her tears as they stared at the tiny flickering heart on the screen. And in that instant her fears melted like frost under the warmth of the morning sun, replaced by Liam’s love. A love which continued to make her heart pound and her breath catch in her throat every single time she looked at him.
They were having a baby. And everything was going to be okay.
They left the clinic and their first stop before going to see Poppy’s mother in hospital was the RM Williams shop. Their first purchase for their new baby was a tiny pair of leather boots.
Chapter 39
Six months later Poppy lay back on the hard table and slipped up her maternity top. Michael Shelly, her obstetrician, squirted warm gel on her abdomen and gently ran the ultrasound wand over her belly. The baby kicked in response and they both laughed.
“How much weight have you put on this last fortnight?” he asked, a few minutes later.
Poppy grimaced. “Don’t ask. I think I put on two kilos.” She turned her head to look at the screen. She saw the baby’s beating heart and the waving arms and legs. It all looked okay to her
. “Why?”
“I’m a bit concerned the baby’s growing very quickly. Or else your dates are off. Is that a possibility?”
“A big possibility. My periods were never regular.”
He frowned again as he rolled the probe over her enormous abdomen. “When do you finish work?”
“I was planning to work until at least thirty-six weeks if I can,” she said. “That’s only another two weeks away.”
“I think you should finish up right now. Put your feet up, get Liam to look after you and rest.” He wiped the goop from her belly. “I’m sure everything will be fine. I’ll see you in two weeks. In the meantime, I’ll send you to Bathurst to get a proper ultrasound. Let’s hope in the meantime this baby turns around and gets its bum up and head down otherwise it’s definitely a cesarean.”
Poppy sighed softly. A cesarean – c-section – was the last thing she wanted, but if that’s what it took for her and the baby to be healthy, she wouldn’t complain.
“Well I hope I don’t get much bigger. I can’t bend over as it is and my niece Annabel says I look like heffalump.”
Michael gave her an odd look. “A what?”
“An elephant. Didn’t you grow up with Winnie the Pooh?”
He smiled. “Of course. I’d forgotten about that.”
Michael helped pull down her top and gave her a hand to help her sit up. She ran her hand over her abdomen, feeling the fluttery movements under her fingertips. She couldn’t wait to meet this baby. They’d decided not to find out the baby’s sex, but both of them were convinced that by the amount of kicking it did it was a boy.
After her checkup was over, Poppy called Liam and let him know she was finished and everything was fine. She didn’t mention Michael’s concerns about her size or the potential mix up with her due dates. She then called Kate to see if she was still free for the coffee they’d arranged.
“Perfect timing,” Kate said. “I’m already in town. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
Pulling the car to a stop outside The Bean Counter, Poppy twisted in her seat to reach her handbag. A strong contraction gripped her so tightly she had to breathe in and out through her mouth until it passed.
She put her palms on her abdomen and checked the clock on the dashboard. When her uterus relaxed she laughed at herself. Less than thirty seconds. Just a Braxton Hicks contraction – nature’s way of preparing for the real deal. She wouldn’t be the first mum-to-be to get them confused.
She grabbed her bag and breathed a sigh of relief though. The baby might be big, but that didn’t mean she was ready for it to make an appearance yet. Besides, it was still in a breech position and she hadn’t gotten around to getting a nursery ready so it would have to wait a little longer.
Liam had painted the spare room at Cooinda a gorgeous pale yellow and Kate had given her one of the twins’ old cribs, but she hadn’t bought a pram or a car seat and other than a few singlets and rompers, that was about all she had. Poppy had planned to get everything organized when she finished work. She smiled. Thanks to her doctor, that date had possibly been moved forward. Maybe she could go shopping tomorrow with Kate.
She ordered a lime spider and waited for Kate outside in the sunshine. It was hot, but not too hot. She slipped off her shoes and wiggled her fat feet in the air. She’d be glad when she could look down and see her toes again.
“How’re you feeling,” Kate asked as she walked toward her up the laneway. “You’re looking good.”
“Don’t lie. I’ll bet I’m bigger than you were with the twins.”
Kate laughed. “How many weeks are you now? I keep forgetting.”
“Thirty-four, but Michael Shelly said I was measuring further along than that.”
“Is he worried?”
Poppy shook her head. “No. But he wants me to finish work straightaway and rest. He said my BP was up a bit.” She shrugged. “I guess he’s concerned about pre-eclampsia. Anyway, everything’s fine but he’s booked me in for an ultrasound in Bathurst to be sure. The machine in his rooms is old and he only uses it to get a general idea that the baby is okay.”
“As long as he’s not worried.”
“It’s all good,” Poppy replied. “How about you? How are you doing? And Joel? The kids?”
“Annabel is adorable. The twins are monsters.”
Poppy laughed. “They’re not even two.”
Kate rolled her eyes. “Don’t remind me.”
They chatted for a while about the kids and Kate reminded her she’d promised to take Annabel to the pool that weekend.
“Are you free tomorrow or the next day?” Poppy asked.
“I can be. What for?”
“Shopping for baby stuff.”
“Then I’m definitely free.”
“Why don’t we go into Bathurst and after the ultrasound I’ll—”
She stilled for a moment as another contraction hit. She closed her eyes and waited for it to pass.
“Poppy?”
She opened her eyes. Kate was frowning at her.
“Wow. Those Braxton Hicks contractions are strong aren’t they?”
“Not strong enough you have to stop talking. And I know you well enough to know you could talk underwater with a mouth full of marbles. Are you sure that wasn’t a real contraction?”
Poppy gave a nervous chuckle. “I doubt it. My toes didn’t curl up.”
“Neither did mine. You do know Annabel was born at home, don’t you?”
“Really? I didn’t know that.”
“Yes. My waters broke and Liam had to help deliver her because I never would have made it to hospital in time. He was amazing actually, but don’t tell him that or he’ll get a bigger head than he already has. He was incredibly calm and as much as I was embarrassed about my brother-in-law delivering my baby and seeing all my bits, he was such a professional.”
Kate kept talking, telling the story of Annabel’s arrival, but Poppy hardly heard. Another contraction gripped again, stronger and longer this time. She placed her hands on her bulging belly as the baby kicked and rolled inside.
“Stop fooling around,” Kate said.
Poppy stood awkwardly. “No fooling. Want to come with me to the hospital? My toes curled that time.”
Kate sprang to her feet. “Do you need me to call an ambulance?”
Poppy scowled. “No. I do not. I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about but I think I should get checked out. I’m pretty certain I just felt the baby turn.”
“You what? You think? Are you kidding me? I really should call an ambulance.”
“You really should not.” Poppy leaned over and awkwardly picked up her handbag. “The hospital is a four minute drive away and by the time I walk to my car and drive there—”
“You’re not driving,” Kate interrupted, snatching the keys from Poppy’s hand. “I am. Now, are you sure you’re okay? Can you walk?”
“Kate, stop it. I’m not an invalid. Now let go of my arm.”
*
“You’re nearly four centimeters dilated,” Michael Shelly announced as he slipped off his gloves after examining her half an hour later. In the meantime she’d had four more contractions, each one stronger than the last. “And the baby has definitely turned. That’s probably what caused the contractions.”
“It’s a bit early,” Kate said.
He gave her a reassuring smile. “Poppy’s measurements today indicated she’s more like thirty-six weeks along anyway. If this baby arrives today, I think it will be fine. In fact, I reckon she’s going to have a bruiser.”
“You really should call Liam.” Kate said.
“And tell him what? That I’ve had a handful of contractions which may or may not be real labor?”
“Michael, can you talk some sense into her please?” Kate asked.
Michael chuckled. “I haven’t known Poppy long, but I think she’s strong-willed enough to make up her own mind on when to call her partner.”
“Thank you,” Poppy replied with
a smug look in Kate’s direction. “So what’s the plan?” she asked. “Can I go home now?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Michael said. You’re twenty minutes out of town. Why don’t you stay here and see how things progress?”
Poppy slumped back against the pillows. “Okay. But I’m not staying cooped up in this room connected to monitors.”
“You don’t have to. The gardens are beautiful. Why don’t you grab a book and a pillow and go and sit in the shade.”
“Now that sounds like a perfect plan.”
Poppy and Kate hopped in the elevator and rode down to the ground floor. When the doors pinged open, Liam stood there. He was the color of the cream walls.
“Liam, what’s wrong?” Poppy exclaimed, grabbing his arm. “Are you okay? What’s happened?”
“What’s happened? Am I okay? I should be the one asking you!”
Poppy scowled. “I’m fine.”
“Is it true?”
“Is what true?”
“You’re in labor.”
Poppy spun to look at Kate. “Did you call him?”
“Cross my heart I did not,” Kate said.
“I was in ED dropping off a patient. Your name came up on the computer,” Liam explained. “I was heading upstairs to find you.”
“So much for patient confidentiality,” Poppy huffed as she walked down the corridor toward the exit. “I suppose everyone in the department knows I’m here.”
“Almost everyone,” Liam replied sheepishly.
“I am not in labor. I’ve had a few contractions and I’m slightly dilated.”
“So where are you going now?”
“Outside for some fresh air.” She glanced toward the door that led to the internal courtyard.
The look on Liam’s face said not likely, but Poppy ignored it.
Kate chuckled. “You know what, now you’re here, Liam, I’m going to head off.” She handed the pillow she was holding to Liam and reached around Poppy’s bump to give her a hug. “Call me when it’s the real deal, okay.”
“I will. And are we still good to go shopping?”
Kate shook her head. “I think you might need to forget about shopping for a while and take care of more pressing matters.” She placed a hand on Poppy’s belly. “See you soon, little one.”
Critical Condition Page 29
