by Toni Aleo
I shut the door, and for some reason, I clink my bottle to theirs before taking a long pull of my beer. “You guys fucked up?”
Shea scoffs loudly. “Elli’s sister kissed me.”
“I lied for your aunt, and when your mom found out, she lost her shit. That was the second time.”
“Elli broke up with me for it.”
“Yeah, Fallon did that too. Twice, mind you. First time was when she found me in her roommate’s bed, drunk, naked, and passed out.”
“Man, that sucks,” Shea says, and Dad nods.
“Addiction is a bitch.”
They tap bottles with each other, and then both of them sit on my couch.
I watch them for a moment. “So, is this like a pity party?”
They nod. “Yup,” Shea says, and then he pats the couch between them. “You can come sit.”
I don’t move, though. “I thought you guys were coming to lecture me and beat me up.”
Dad laughs as Shea nods. “That’s after we make sure you’re okay.”
“You’re not mad?”
“Oh, I’m pissed my daughter is at home crying her ass off. But I know it was a misunderstanding. I know you wouldn’t speak that way about her to others.”
His words gut me. She’s crying? Over me? Damn it, why won’t she speak to me? “How do you know that?”
“’Cause I know you. I was hell-bent on keeping her away from you when Elli told me you two were together, but then that wife of mine reminded me of my bad fortune when it came to women trying to take advantage of professional hockey players like us.”
Dad nods. “They sure as hell do.”
“Then I remembered all the times you helped my kids with homework and hockey. How you’ve always treated me with respect—minus the last few months when you dated my daughter without telling me.”
“He didn’t tell us either. They wanted to be sure of each other before they brought us into the mix. Can’t blame them,” Dad adds, and Shea nods. “We’re all a lot to handle.”
That’s the damn truth. I’ve got my dad and hers on my couch, throwing me a pity party.
I’m pathetic.
“You’re right. See, I know you’re a good guy. I’d love to beat the shit out of you for hurting my girl, but I won’t. It won’t help anything.”
“It’d make you feel better.”
“And hurt Shelli more.”
I swallow past the lump in my throat. “She won’t answer my calls.”
“Nope, she shut off her phone.”
I look down at my beer and shake my head. “How am I supposed to fix this?”
They both shrug, and Shea leans forward on his knees. “Give her time to realize she’s partly wrong.”
I give him a dry look. “That girl is beyond stubborn. That’s gonna be a while, and— Wait. Partly? This is all my fault.”
“And hers for letting her pride get in the way,” Shea says. I never thought Shea would defend me. I thought he would want to hang me out to dry. “Don’t get me wrong. You’re an asshole for what you said, even if you didn’t mean it. But Shelli is in the wrong by letting it play out like this. It’s obvious it was a mistake.”
“A mistake you gotta make sure you never make again—if you want her back,” Dad says, and I give him a look.
“Of course I want her back. But shit, I never lost her. We’re just in limbo right now, but if she answers the fucking phone, we’ll be fine.”
They both nod. “Let me know how that goes.” Dad smirks.
“Yeah, because I tried to talk to Elli for about two months, wore her engagement ring around my neck, and she didn’t give a damn.” Shea grins at me. “You forget, I’m with the older, wiser, and more stubborn version of Shelli.”
Dad leans on his legs, and then he points to me. “Do you love her?”
My mouth goes dry under their scrutiny. I look down at my bottle and slowly nod. “But she wouldn’t listen to that now.”
“Nope, not even kinda,” Shea says.
“She’d probably laugh in your face,” Dad says with a nod. “So you gotta talk to her in another way.”
“You’re the second person to say that to me, and I don’t know what that means,” I say, exasperated. “I just want to make this better. I hate being here without her.”
Shea looks around and nods. “I’m gonna ignore the fact that my daughter’s bra is hanging off your barstool.”
Dad laughs, and I look at them longingly. I just want her here.
Shea meets my gaze. “Why do you think she got so upset?”
“Because I embarrassed her. I said the one thing she was worried about. And I can’t seem to get my head out of my ass and scream in her face that I love her more than I love life itself.”
Okay, so apparently I can tell my dad and her dad that I love her, but when it comes to actually telling the person it matters to, the words won’t come out. I’m a real piece of work.
Dad nods. “What do you want to do?”
“I want to make her listen to me. I don’t want to wait. I don’t want to spend another second without her.”
“You’re gonna have to accept that you will. For at least a little bit, dude,” Shea says. “But then there will be a perfect moment, and that’s when you need to score.”
I blink, completely confused. “Huh?”
“Jesus, he really does take after you,” Shea teases, and Dad laughs.
“The gala, Aiden,” Dad says simply.
“The gala?”
Dad shakes his head with a sigh. “Maybe he does take after me.”
They both laugh, yet I’m completely in the dark.
I guess that’s where I belong.
Alone.
But that doesn’t sit right with me.
I want her back.
I need her back.
I’m going to get her back.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
SHELLI
“I’M NOT one to say you’re overreacting, but I think you are.”
I roll my eyes as I climb up the stairs of Mordor—also known as the StairMaster in the Assassins’ gym. My mom has called me in for another meeting. I’m sure it’s to make sure everything is good for the gala tomorrow, but I don’t want to go. I don’t want to do anything, really. I’m so upset with Aiden, I honestly don’t know how to function. He’s called nonstop, but I have absolutely nothing to say to him. I can’t believe he said what he did. How dare he? If he didn’t mean it, then why say it? I want to wring his damn neck and tell him he’s an idiot, but I also want to hug him. It’s really complicated up here in my head.
I glance back at where Amelia is lying on the weight bench with a package of Sour Patch Kids. It’s her craving right now. “I don’t think I’m overreacting at all.”
“You are,” she says simply. “Believe me, I don’t want to defend Aiden since I’ve never figured out what you see in him, but he didn’t mean it, Shell. You know he didn’t.”
“I feel like he might have.”
She drops a piece of candy into her mouth. “Why?”
“He doesn’t say things without thinking them through. Believe me, I know. If he did, he would have said he loved me a long time ago. But the fact that he has kept that in check makes me believe his words are true.”
“That’s dumb,” she says, shaking her head. “He was trying to keep everyone from knowing about y’all. He wasn’t trying to hurt you.”
“I agree that he wasn’t, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t do it.”
“Shelli, come on.”
“Come on, what?”
“I think you need to talk to him.”
“I’d rather not. He’s too charming. He’ll get me to let it go, and then I’ll be back with him when, really, I probably never should have gotten with him.”
I feel her gaze on me. “You don’t have to be so tough with me,” she accuses, and I shrug.
“It’s true.”
“I don’t believe you. I think you know it’s al
l a big misunderstanding, but since he embarrassed the hell out of you in front of your parents, you’re gonna torture him until you’re not mad anymore.”
I shake my head. “I’m not even mad.”
“Lies.”
“Whatever. He hurt me.”
“And pissed you off.”
I bite my lip as I continue to climb to fucking nowhere, but I’m doing it because I want to look good in my fishnets when I go to New York. Don’t know why. I don’t have anyone to impress anymore. As much as I think that, I also don’t believe it. I don’t want things to be over with Aiden. I love him, but I’m just so mad. I don’t know why he had to say that. I know that Boon and Wes know about us, so what was his game? It doesn’t make sense to me, and it guts me. I don’t want to be just a fuck, and I really didn’t think I was. I mean, we had just been talking about living together, and when I said I loved him, I swear I saw it in his eyes. I swear he loves me too.
So I really don’t understand.
“Maybe instead of leaving your phone off, you could talk to him?”
I shake my head as my watch beeps that my workout is complete. “I can’t talk to him and keep my emotions in check.” I turn off the death machine and draw in a deep breath. “I miss him so damn much. And by talking to him, I’ll get stupid and let it go.”
“I mean, what is he supposed to do, Shelli? What do you want?”
“I don’t know.” I step off, gasping for breath. “I just want to forget it all.”
“So you want to be done?”
“No, I don’t,” I say, and I hate the emotion clogging my throat. Or maybe it’s the fact that I can’t breathe. “I don’t know. I just need some space.” I wipe my face free of sweat and then start stretching. “It scares me, Amelia. What if his words were true, but he doesn’t know it? Like how he doesn’t know he loves me?”
“I don’t get how you are so caught up on this when you know he loves you. You’ve sung his praises, and you’ve been patient as hell with him because you believe in him. You’re the most confident person I know, Shell. Why is this tripping you up?”
I look down at my towel and shrug. “Because I was just a fuck at the beginning.”
Her brows come in, and she nods slowly. “But from the way you speak of him, and how I saw him look at you at dinner with my mom, or even the picture you sent me of you two back in New York the other night, it doesn’t seem like that anymore.” She searches my eyes. “Maybe you weren’t ever that at all.”
My eyes itch with tears. I know I’m not. In my gut, I know it. But what if my gut is wrong? What if my heart is just taking over and I want so badly to be Aiden’s world? For the last couple weeks, I’ve felt like his world, but all it took was for him to say what he did and it was like the last four months didn’t even happen. The Aiden I know and love wouldn’t say those things, so why did he?
“I gotta go get ready.”
“Okay. Call me later?”
“Yeah,” I say, and then I kiss her before heading to the showers.
After my meeting with my mom, I’ll be working up at the piano bar since I have to take the weekend off. Hope everyone is ready for some really sad, depressing music since that’s all I feel like singing tonight. As I wash my hair and my body, Amelia’s words play over and over again in my head. How is Aiden supposed to fix this? I won’t give him the opportunity. But even so, what could he say to heal this hurt? He already tried to say that he didn’t mean it, that he was sorry, and I blew him off.
We were so perfect, and now… Now, I don’t even know. I miss him. God, I miss him, but I don’t know how to get past what he said. I still can’t believe he thought that was okay. He knew how I felt when it came to being just a fuck. I struggled with it so much at the beginning, but then I let it go. I knew we were good. But now, I don’t know if we are, and that scares me. I am ready to give myself to him completely, and it sucks that I don’t know if he feels the same.
After blow-drying my hair and curling it, I put on a tight black pencil skirt with a green tank and black blazer. I lace up my green heels before packing up my gym bag and making sure I look okay. I plan to put on makeup once I get to Brooks House. I’m not in the mood right now. After making sure I have everything, I head out of the gym and toward my mom’s office. As I walk, my heels clicking on the floor, I can’t help but think of Aiden. Everything about him makes me smile, but then I hear his words again, and tears burn my eyes. I’m pretty sure I said I’d never shed another tear over Aiden Brooks.
When I get to my mom’s office, she isn’t there. I check my phone and I’m early, so I’m confused. Maybe she’s running late. I throw my bag on her floor before shutting the door and walking back to the receptionist. “Hey, do you happen to know where my mom is? Is she running late?”
Tanya shakes her head. “No, ma’am. She’s waiting for you in conference room seven.”
Conference room seven? What the hell? “Thanks so much.”
I head toward the conference rooms, and I’m annoyed. I don’t want to do this. I don’t even want to go to the gala tomorrow. How am I supposed to face Aiden when I won’t even speak to him? This is what I get for falling hopelessly in love with someone who wasn’t ready for it. Who am I kidding? I couldn’t stop myself if I tried. And damn it, he is ready; he’s just being a punk.
Now I’m irritated all over again. Wonderful.
I turn the corner of the long hall where all the conference rooms are located, and coming toward me from the other end is the last person I want to see right now.
Aiden’s eyes widen as he watches me. He runs his hands through his hair, but his eyes don’t leave mine. I plan to ignore him, walk right past his ass, but he stops before I even reach him. Since I can’t just slip into any old conference room, especially since they’re locked, I keep walking toward him as my heart jackhammers in my chest. It’s totally unfair how gorgeous he is. Especially when he’s wearing athletic pants and a hoodie, not his usual slacks and nice shirt.
I swallow hard and try to ignore him, but his eyes burn into mine as he speaks. “It’s really unfair for you to look that fucking good when I’m dying here.”
Don’t answer him. Ignore him. Even if he does look unlike his usually put-together self, he’s baiting you. “Dying, huh? Funny… Didn’t think you’d care about just some fuck.”
Now he’s glaring. “Shelli, it isn’t like that, and you fucking know it.”
“I don’t know shit,” I retort, glaring at him. “You don’t say things you don’t mean.”
He throws his hands in the air. “I wasn’t thinking. I was trying to get out of there, Shelli. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say it or embarrass you in front of the team or your parents. I’m so sorry for that. I was just trying to keep us to us, and it all backfired. I swear, if you want me to scream from the rooftops that we’re together, I will.”
I shake my head. “Doesn’t matter if there is no future.”
“That’s not fair. You know that’s untrue.”
“Or maybe not. Maybe I am just the girl you’re using, ignoring your feelings so you don’t have to feel them. I get it. It’s easier that way and explains why you don’t feel shit for me.”
“That’s not fucking true,” he sneers, his eyes wild. “I feel a lot for you, Shelli. You don’t just cross my mind—you fucking live there. And I’m not going to have you reduce what we have to nothing because I made a fucking mistake.”
I blink back my tears as I look away, shaking my head. I’m trying to hurt him like he hurt me, which isn’t right. I shouldn’t do that. I’m just so mad, and my parents are against violence. “Whatever, Aiden. Excuse me—”
“I love you, Shelli.” I meet his gaze, and anger ripples through me. “Shit, I shouldn’t have said that now—I know I shouldn’t have. But it’s true. I do.”
“Really? This is when you choose to tell me? Not the many times we were lying in bed or holding each other? Or when we were laughing so hard? Or, hell, any time other tha
n this one where I am spitting mad at you? Really, Aiden?”
“I don’t know what to do, Shelli. You won’t listen to reason.”
I shake my head. “Oh, so you don’t mean it?”
His face is beet red, and I swear I can see his heart beating out of his chest. “What the hell? Yes, I do. This is not the way this is supposed to go!”
I can’t breathe, my heart is aching so badly. Tears burn my eyes as I look away. “You’re right. Just leave me alone, okay?”
“No, I won’t. I won’t give up. I do love you, Shelli Adler. I want you, and I refuse to allow you to let go of what we have.”
“Aiden—”
“Tell me what I have to do. I’ll do anything.”
“Leave me alone,” I say, and then I walk past him, fighting back my tears. He says my name, but I ignore him, opening the door to conference room seven. What I don’t expect is for my dad, Fallon, and Lucas to be sitting with my mom. I look at all their faces and then behind me when the door opens again.
Aiden comes in, looking distraught, but when he sees our parents, he shakes his head. “What the hell is this?”
My mom stands, clasping her hands together. “You two need to talk, and we feel we should do it as a family.”
You’ve. Got. To. Be. Fucking. Kidding. Me.
I turn and glare at him. I can’t believe he did this. “Can’t fight your own battles?”
“No, I had no clue about this,” he snaps back at me, and then he points to our parents. “You guys are crazy if you think this is going down. This is why we didn’t want to tell any of you. You guys always want to help, but we can figure this out. We’re adults.”
Okay, so he didn’t know. “What he said.”
“We just want you guys to be okay,” Fallon says, holding out her palms to us. “You guys are beautiful together. Don’t throw this away.”
“Mom—”
“No disrespect, but what’s happening is between him and me. And it doesn’t matter anyway ’cause I’m leaving for New York to get away from all this crap. I never should have come home,” I snap. I go to turn, but Aiden is blocking my way.
