by T E Olivant
“Well, how would someone like you end up in Tech otherwise? I hacked into the computer system and changed your designation. I didn’t need you in Historical under the eyes of your mother.”
“How dare you!” Finally, I managed to find my voice. I struggled up to my feet. “You ruined my life! I wanted to be a Historian! And you sent me down to Tech. I wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for you, I would never have been sent into exile…” I cried now, and the tears slid down my face, pooling in the folds of the suit. The whole last year of my life would have been so different, I pictured my mother’s face softening with pride when I told her I was accepted into Historical. Another sob crept out and the Physician looked horrified. He reached out to me, whether to restrain me or hug me I didn’t know but I turned away. And then I thought of something and I rounded on him.
“Your whole stupid plan didn’t work anyway.”
“What do you mean, you came didn’t you?”
“It wasn’t me who figured out the code. I didn’t even want to read the messages. It was Angel Sam.”
“Who?” The Physician frowned.
“Sam.”
“What, the mechanic’s son? Not possible, I tested him myself. He was barely into the seventies.”
“Exactly. But he was smarter than me. Much smarter. He worked out your damn code. He should be here not me.”
The Physician shook his head violently, as if trying to wipe out this new piece of information. Then he shrugged.
“Maybe he was lucky and got there first. You would have worked it out though. I know you would have. You are a ninety.”
All I had wanted to do when the Physician told me about how he had manipulated my life was to run away, but where could I go? Eventually I sat back down and forced myself to listen to him. I might as well find out why he had done these terrible things.
“Our City is corrupt, you of all people must see that.”
I nodded. I couldn’t argue. There was a sickness in Vitruvius, the dying breath of a diseased patient. I had seen it myself. Had experienced it myself – I could still feel the guards’ arms on mine as they marched me out to the White. But still, I didn’t like the fervour in the Physician’s eyes.
“And the corruption starts at the top,” he continued. “It lies ultimately with the man in charge. The leader. The rot in the heart of the City.”
I remembered a plain face in a grey suit. He didn’t seem much like a demon, but the way the Physician spat out his name made it clear what he thought. I had never seen anyone hate another person that much before.
I think I drifted off to sleep for a while where I sat as the Physician continued to rant. Then he said something that made me sit up.
“And then I went down to the supply cupboard, and you can guess what I found there.”
He looked at me expectantly, but I just shrugged, not wanting to admit I hadn’t been listening. It was strange to think that Sam and I had followed the same path as this man. It didn’t make me feel any better – would we end up like him, bitter and alone?
“None of it was there. The computer system showed four hundred and seventy-three units of syringes. But when I went down there to the shelf where they should have been, there was four open boxes, with maybe seven or eight syringes left in the bottom. And this meant two things Lisanne: first that the supplies were running out, and second, they were lying to us all along. Someone had deliberately changed the quantities on the system so that it looked like we had more than we did. And I started to wonder if this was true for syringes, then what else?”
The Physician broke off and lifted his head. He poked his head out of the flap in the tent.
“Eagles!” He cried, and scurried back inside. He began throwing everything into his pack as quickly as he could. I crawled towards the tent flap to look outside – eagles, I remembered from my histories, birds of prey, flight! I had to see them – but the Physician grabbed my arm.
“No, they’ll see you. Help me pack.” I wondered there and then if I shouldn’t run out into the White. At least I would see birds before I died, something I had never thought was possible. But I was still too afraid, too cowardly.
“It’s time to go”
“Go where?”
“Home.”
“Really?”
“No, not to the city. To my home.”
“But I thought...” I gestured to the tent.
The Physician smiled. It was more like a grimace.
“It takes more than this to survive in the White. This is just a holding station that I set up close to the city. All my supplies are in a cave just north of here.”
He pulled me to my feet and I had to grit my teeth to stop a gasp of pain. My leg muscles still burned from yesterday’s walk. The Physician didn’t notice my discomfort, or at least ignored it and handed me a pack.
It took us less than an hour to walk to the Physician’s cave. I stumbled more than walked and every time the Physician picked me up I could see frustration in his face. I knew I was failing to live up to his expectations.
The cave was larger than I had expected with smooth domed walls that curved together to form a high ceiling. It couldn’t have been natural, I thought: someone must have made this. And the thought made me pause, because it certainly hadn’t been the Physician.
The Physician dropped our packs by the door and went to light a fire. I stood by the entrance and hugged my arms across my chest. The cave was wet and dark and smelt of rot. I didn’t want to be here. The Physician was struggling to get the fire to light so he pulled off one glove. I put my hand over my mouth to hide my gasp. His fingers were blackened and twisted, and he was missing a thumb. The cold, I thought, with a shiver of horror. The cold had got to him.
To stop myself from staring at the Physician’s withered hands I walked around the cave. It was full of strange things, some clearly belonging to the Physician but others were completely unknown to me.
“Where did all this come from?” I asked, turning over a clay pot in my hands. It felt solid and smooth and I could feel the large thumb prints from whoever had made it.
“It was here when I found it.”
“So, people lived here?”
“Not people.” The Physician frowned. “There are strange creatures out here Lisanne, I have seen some of them. Some of them even walk upright like humans. But they are beasts. Stay with me and I will protect you.”
I looked at what was scattered around the cave. Cooking pots and shelves of tools didn’t look like the trappings of beasts.
“They had abandoned the cave?”
“Yes. Now we must light a fire.” He seemed eager to change the subject, and I didn’t push it. Like it or not I had little choice but to get along with the Physician. At the moment he was the only thing protecting me from the freeze. And whatever else might be lurking out in the White.
The Physician made a fire in the corner of the cave from some kind of strange white oil. I watched as the smoke filtered up through a passage in the ceiling. This cave was made by someone, I thought, and a shiver crossed the back of my neck. There was too much to take in here, too much I didn’t understand. And the more I watched the Physician as he scuttled about the cave, muttering and cursing as he went, the more I knew I had to start understanding things fast.
Soon the smell of food wafted around the cave, and despite my fear and tiredness my mouth started to water. I took a bowl gratefully and ate so quickly I burned my tongue. It tasted strange, but I was too hungry to think what I might be eating. The Physician, I noticed, barely touched his, but he kept glancing at me, his eyes bright but red rimmed from the smoke.
“You were telling me how you found out about the supplies,” I prompted, and the Physician smiled and settled back in to his lecture.
“I went looking for answers. I talked to the warehouse workers first. A young woman, I don’t remember her name, told me all about how low the supplies had gotten. She was a sixty, too stupid to see what this meant.”
He laughed, cruelly and I looked down at my feet.
“That’s why they do it of course. If they had people like you or I working there we would work it out. We would start to ask questions. Like how much longer can we survive on what we have?”
It made sense, and tallied with what Sam had said.
“While I was there I found another room that wasn’t listed on any supplies list. There was a keypad, but it didn’t respond to any of the usual codes. So I hid behind some boxes and waited. Eventually someone came along and pushed the code to get in, and I made sure to remember it. Once he left I let myself in.”
“What did you find?”
“Weapons.”
“What do you mean weapons?” I wasn’t even sure I had the right meaning for the word. Weapons – tools used in the old world to subdue or to kill. We didn’t have any in the city – why would we need them?
“Electric guns powered by solar units. Hundreds of them, stacked up bold as brass as if they were cereal boxes.”
I shook my head. He must be mistaken, it simply was not possible. Then I thought of the strange objects I had assumed were medical monitors. Is that what they really were?
“And that’s when I realised. They are going to kill us off.”
“What?”
“Don’t you see: it’s those damned low-graders. The higher grades are a threat to them, so they have kept the weapons secret until they attack. When we work it out, when we see how we have been led astray they know that there will be a revolution.”
“But they would never do that, I know sixties and seventies, they’re good people…”
The Physician didn’t even hear me. He paced back and forth his head bobbing about on his thin neck as if it might fall off.
“Why do you think we worship the image of the Vitruvian? Because it is perfection, it is what we should be. Not like those bulging eyed little freaks. If we continue as we are there will be nothing left in us that is human.”
He was swaying a little. I was suddenly more afraid than I had been out on the White.
“Then I knew why I had found you. Lisanne, you were made to lead us into a new cycle. One where we need not fear the destruction of our humanity. It’s our job to strike before they do, to eliminate the low graders before they do the same to us.”
He walked towards me and I edged backwards until my back hit the cool wall of the cave.
“It has to be you Lisanne, that’s what I’ve worked for all these years. I’m too old, but you are the perfect candidate for the job. The only ninety of your generation. We can sweep out the old, bring in the new. You can lead the revolution!”
The flecks of spit coated his lips now and he was almost raving. I leaned back in horror.
“What on earth do you mean? I don’t want to fight anyone, and I don’t want to lead either!”
The Physician recoiled as if I had slapped him.
“Then why did you come here?” His voice was quiet now, low and dangerous.
“I was exiled, it wasn’t my choice. Well, maybe it was partly my choice, but I was just looking for someone. A boy. I was looking for Sam.”
I couldn’t stop my tears. I wished with all my heart that I was at home, hidden in bed under a blanket in the warmth and safety of the City. The Physician took one look at me and turned away. I wasn’t sure, but I thought he might be crying too.
“I thought you had been sent to stop them,” the Physician muttered. “To end them all.”
I felt sick. This was what he had meant all along. Not a change of leadership to stop the corruption and the fear. A bloody revolution that would remove the low graders from the gene pool.
“You want to kill them all?” I whispered, more to myself than the creature before me.
“Of course not.” He looked appalled and for a moment I thought there might still be hope for him.
“We can send them into the White. Just like they sent you, Lisanne. Don’t you remember how they betrayed you? When I think of the Leader, barely a seventy, sending you out to die…” His face turned purple at the thought and his banged his fists down on the table in front of him. “Just think: we reset the system, nobody under an eighty gets through. We save the species!”
My head suddenly felt sore and heavy. I looked down at my hands, my eyes picking out the tiny wrinkles on my knuckles, miniscule blemishes and spots on each finger. The Physician’s words seem to come from a long way away. I knew a lot of people would say he made sense. My parents would probably agree with him. But what did I think?
“Lisanne you have to make a choice. You are either for me or against me. It’s either come with me, or go out there.” He indicated the cave door, and the endless cold beyond. The choice was no choice really – between killing or death.
“I just… I need some time to think about it.”
The Physician nodded reluctantly and stood up. He didn’t say how much time I had, but I knew it wouldn’t be long.
I knew in that second that I had to leave. The Physician didn’t say a word, but he stole glances at me when he thought I couldn’t see him, and I didn’t like his expression. The White had changed him. The fussy, slightly neurotic man I remembered had become a trembling, short-tempered nightmare. I had to look after myself and the only way to do that was to escape. I would show him my choice – I would choose the White rather than betraying my friends, but I would go on my own terms.
I waited until he slept and then I crept out, grabbing my pack on the way. I thought I heard him stir as I pushed aside the entrance to the cave, but he didn’t try to stop me. I walked out back onto the frozen White and I knew it was the only place I could go.
This time my trek across the snow felt hopeless. I set my back to the setting sun and forced my feet to carry me forward. I had only walked for a few hours before I stopped and stared around me. Rising like teeth from the flat ground were huge black shapes. When I came close enough I tentatively ran my hand over one. I couldn’t feel the texture properly through my gloves but I knew that this must be stone.
The next things I saw were tiny, but they took my breath away. I had walked past several of the dark stones when I heard a noise above the whistle of the wind. I looked down in the direction of the sound and saw a flash of movement at the base of a stone.
I thought back to the books of animals that I had read as a child. I had been fascinated by the old world, teeming with life. It had seemed such a contrast to our tiny, contained city. This was a small mammal, with large hind legs and a round body. Large ears - a rabbit, I thought suddenly, it was a rabbit!
I watched the place where the rabbit had disappeared for several minutes until I could feel my muscles start to cramp and I knew I had to start walking again. I felt energised by the sighting - animal life could survive out here, despite what I had always been told. Perhaps that meant that I could make it too.
It wasn’t until later that I thought I should have killed the rabbit for food. My body was now working against me. I willed it forward with every step. I was terribly hungry but I knew that I had to make my supplies last.
Idiot, I thought. I am an idiot. It was many hours since my escape and I had once again underestimated the endless, unforgiving White. I had run blindly out from the Physician’s cave and now I was in an endless swirl of snow. Blizzard, my brain told me, the word was blizzard. Adrenaline had pushed me onward for the first few minutes, but it soon became clear that I wasn’t going to make it. I remembered pictures from the archives of olden day humans dressed in bright colours walking hand in hand through big flakes of snow. This storm didn’t even come from the sky – the sharp shards of ice were whipped up from the ground against my protective suit. I prayed it would hold.
My legs were so heavy I could barely shuffle through the snow. My stomach felt empty and gassy and every so often I felt the urge to rub it, as if that would make a difference. All my rations were gone, left behind in the Physician’s cave. I hadn’t thought to check them. The drift gre
w heavier and heavier. It was not the cold so much as the blindness that chilled. How was I meant to know where to go? I kept walking forwards. My greatest fear was that I would get turned around completely and end up back at the Physician, exhausted and broken, and maybe this time I would listen to his madness and it would make sense. Surely death out here was better than that?
My feet struck something before I had a chance to see it, and I cursed and jumped backwards. I reached out with my hands in the drift and felt some kind of large structure. I peered through the snow to see that it was dark, almost black. Who knew what lurked within it, but I could only think of one thing. Shelter.
I turned right and began to painstakingly shuffle round the building with my hands constantly searching for evidence of a door. I had walked around two corners and was beginning to feel like I might have missed it when my hand felt a break in the smooth surface. I let my fingers trace the outline of the door, hunting for anything like a lock, though how I would break in I had no idea. But I felt nothing.
My head felt fuzzy and I knew I was in real trouble. I had barely drank or eaten anything since leaving the city and the escape from the Physician had taken its toll. I needed to get inside, fast, but where was the lock? Perhaps it was some sort of hidden scanner or something, some mechanical device that knew I was not meant to enter. I pressed my head against the door and sobbed. And felt it move.
Could it really be that simple? I raised my right hand and pushed against the door and it moved smoothly inward. I hadn’t been able to find a lock because there was none. I stumbled inside and shut the door behind me, which left me in complete darkness. I should have been afraid, but the dark was comforting after the blizzard of white. I felt more at home than I had in days. My head began to clear a little and I remembered the pack on my chest. Praying that the Physician was as organised as he seemed I felt carefully inside. Yes, right at the bottom was a small wind-up torch. It would take five minutes to wind, so I slumped down to the floor, my back against the solid strength of the door. I would have closed my eyes, had I not been terrified that I would never open them again, so I stared straight ahead into the darkness.
