Dillon is a dead man.
The minute I see him, Tim or hell, any of the stupid girls that did this to her, I’m going to rip their hearts out and feed it back to them.
I thought I prepared myself for what I was gonna walk into when I finally got into the bathroom, but there is literally nothing that could have prepared me for the way Isabelle looked the minute I saw her.
The top portion of her body, despite her obvious attempt at getting it all in trash can, is covered in puke and her jeans are soaked through with what can only be her own piss. Her cheeks are stained with tears, her hair is half hanging out of a hair band and there are rips in her shirt.
These girls hadn’t just picked on her, they destroyed her and it’s my fault.
Jim came down the hallway right as I’d been about to kick the door down and after explaining to him that I had a friend of mine in there that I thought was hurt, he had no problem opening it for me. I know I was ready to deal with the fallout, but I’m glad I didn’t have to. The last thing I want is to take ownership for this, no matter how guilty I am.
Not to mention if I get nailed for it, Isabelle will think I made them do it. I may have created these monsters when we started hanging together, but I was putting an end to it now.
It bothers me that she won’t look at me, but my need to get her cleaned up and out of here outweighs it. I can handle her keeping her eyes shut, because honestly, she doesn’t need to see any more of the mess that’s left anyway.
Her agreeing to wear my clothes makes me feel good. I have a spare set of sweats for when I work out and right now, I can’t bring her out of here without changing. Life here is already hard enough for her and the others, there’s no reason to make it worse. That’s not what gets to me most though. It’s what happens when I’m leaving that does that.
It was quiet and for a second there I thought I imagined it, but it happened. She spoke to me. It wasn’t anything major, at least not to anyone else that it might’ve happened to, but it was huge to me. A simple thank you was all I needed moving forward.
Letting the door shut again, I turn back to where she’s standing, her eyes shut tight and her arms wrapped around her body, like she’s hugging herself. Seeing her like this reminds me of the way she used to look when she was little. She’s always been a timid person, but whenever I did get to see her upset, she did this exact thing. It’s like nothing’s changed since our time together and the reminder of the way things used to be only makes me want to protect her even more.
She can’t go through anything like this again.
“Isabelle?”
She lifts her head at the sound of my voice and I take that as my chance to move closer. Wrapping my arms around her, pulling her back into my body, I let my hands rest on her head, stroking her hair gently. I have no idea where it came from, but with everything she’s been through today, I figure it can’t hurt. When no argument comes, either in being pushed away or a shaking of her head, I continue, the both of us completely still in the moment.
There is so much I want to say right now, but I know that none of it will come out right. I need to say something though. I can’t just stand here like this, especially now that she’s crying. The sound might be muffled, but I can still hear it clear as day and it breaks my heart.
“You’re welcome.”
Chapter Ten
Belle
I haven’t been here since before his mom left.
That’s what I’m thinking when he unlocks the door and motions for me to come in. The way I see it now, is definitely not the way it looked back then. It’s completely different and it makes me sad.
There are broken bottles all over the place, old food wrappers and even all sorts of different cans thrown about. I really don’t have any idea what to say or do seeing this. My mom doesn’t even drink, so seeing how much of that goes on here is beyond anything I can even begin to understand. When we eat at my house, we always clean up after ourselves, no matter what it is we’ve made or bought, but here, it’s like they don’t even bother.
Is this really what he has to live with?
I can tell he’s not sure what to say or do. I don’t think he ever intended for anyone to see this. It’s bad enough that he has to see it, but for anyone else, it’s got to be even worse. I haven’t seen him look so awkward before. For once, he’s the one that’s different and I can tell by the scowl that’s creeping across his face that he doesn’t like it one bit.
I can’t say I blame him. I’m not sure how I would feel about this either.
“I’m sorry about how the place looks. Dean isn’t much for cleaning.” He offers up and I just nod my head. He was nice enough to bring me here; the least I can do is be understanding about it. He could have easily dumped me on my front lawn after getting me out of the school and not given it another thought. He didn’t though and I appreciated it. Too bad I can’t tell him that.
After standing with me in the bathroom for awhile, he broke away to get the change of clothes he talked about and within five minutes he was back and handing them over to me. I went into the stall to change and wipe myself up as much as possible, making sure that the minute the door shut behind me it was locked as tight as it could go.
He was doing something nice for me, but it didn’t mean I trusted him. I don’t think I’ve ever trusted anyone other than my mom when I get like this. She’s the only one that’s ever dealt with it and didn’t look sad or pitiful. I needed that now, but since she isn’t here, Kayden was going to have to be good enough.
True to his word to Jim earlier, he cleaned up the mess while I changed. I saw the outline of the mop across the floor and I couldn’t help being impressed. That isn’t the Kayden I know, at least not the one that he’s been for almost eight years. The Kayden everyone sees wouldn’t be caught dead doing something like that. He would the one off causing it.
*****
“Do they fit okay?” he calls through to me and the minute the question comes out, I hear him swear under his breath.
My mom taught me something a couple of years ago. If I wasn’t comfortable enough to speak to her, especially when we were out in public, she told me to knock on the table or the door of a change room to answer her. One knock meant yes and two meant no. So that’s what I did for him, even though I was pretty sure he wouldn’t understand it. I knocked once on the door, attempting as best I could to let him know that they fit. It only took a minute or two before he seemed to piece it together.
“Does the knock mean yes?” he asks and I knock once again. I hear his laugh and despite how upset I am and how badly I want to get out of here, I’m happy. At least one of us can laugh in the situation we’re in.
“It’s all cleaned up out here Isabelle. I’m gonna put the bucket back out in the hall and when I come back, you can come out. I’ll get you out of here as quickly as I can, but I can’t promise that people won’t see us.”
I know he’s trying to warn me, but right now, that’s the last thing I want. For the last few minutes I’ve been able to focus on calming myself. Thinking about the looks I would get the minute I stepped out, in his clothes no less, just made it all come flooding back. I’m not entirely sure I can do this after all, even if he did his best to shield me from it.
When I finally come out, he takes me straight to the office. At first I thought he was bringing me here so he could tell the principal what happened, but the minute he flashes his smile, I know it isn’t going to be that at all. In fact he’s doing the one thing that I want more than anything.
“Isabelle needs to call her mom. I hope that’s okay, Ms. Owens.”
“Of course!” she answers easily. She’s another one that is used to this. Needing to call home is definitely a repeated occurrence and no one usually stood in my way. Kayden didn’t know that though. He lost the right to know anything like that when he ditched me to be cool.
“I’ll be right outside when you’re done. I’m gonna warm up the car and bring you ho
me.” He whispers to the top of my head before again flashing that award winning smile.
He’s waiting out front just the way he said when the call is done and the minute I get into the car, I see the notebook with the gel pen waiting for me. I’ve never been so thankful to see paper in my life.
“What did your mom say? Is she gonna meet you at home?”
No. I told her I would be okay by myself. I can’t have her missing work. She does that enough.
“That’s not exactly the truth, is it?” he asks and I’m confused. Just what is he getting at?
What part?
“You being okay alone. The last time I drove you home and she wasn’t there, you seemed pretty freaked.”
He remembers that? All the talk about serial killers? I watched a horror movie the night before and like always, it bled over into my everyday life. I took it too far, too literal and now I was actually afraid of my own shadow. He’s right though, I did lie to my mom. I really wouldn’t be okay alone.
Yeah I lied to her. She needs to stay where she is.
“Well, you can always come over to my house. I mean, it’s probably not as fun as yours, but you can hang there until your mom gets home.”
*****
So here we are. We’re standing silently in his living room, neither one of us looking at the other. If it’s possible it’s more awkward then it was at the school when he walked into the bathroom. I didn’t know what to say, what to do and I didn’t want to take one more step into his house until he gave me permission. I didn’t feel at all okay here.
Maybe I should have gone home after all.
“Do you want something to drink?” Kayden asks, cutting into my thoughts. “Despite the way it looks, we actually have soda and juice.”
He’s trying to make light of the broken bottles and attempting to deflect off of the fact that there’s a whole lot of drinking that goes on here. There’s more that happens and I know all about it, but I don’t even want to think about that. What happens in this house and with this guy is none of my business. I need to remember that during my time here.
Kayden might be helping me out more than I ever expected him to, but we’re definitely not friends. I’m not even sure we ever could be considering who his friends are.
He moves away from me and goes to the fridge, pulling out two cans of soda and placing them on the bar. I didn’t say that I wanted anything to drink, but apparently that didn’t seem to matter to him. He was going to get it for me anyway. Just who is this guy and what did he do with the real Kayden?
He pats the empty chair at the bar and smiles, letting me know that it’s alright to sit. It’s looking at him the way he is now, the smile lighting up his face, I wish I could return it. I want to do something so simple for him because he deserves it.
“What the hell is she doing here?”
I flinch as I hear the groggy, yet angry voice behind me. I’m frozen in place, afraid to even turn around and see the face of Kayden’s older brother Dean. It’s only when I feel his hand squeeze mine that I allow my now hitched breath to release.
“She had an issue at school; her mom couldn’t make it home, so I brought her here.”
“So that’s why the phone’s been ringing off the hook for the last thirty minutes? You left the damn school!”
The way his voice raises scares me. I know that Kayden deals with this a lot so he won’t be affected, but I don’t like it. He left school for me because he wanted to do the right thing and yelling at him for it is wrong.
“So? I leave all the fucking time and you never say a word.”
“It’s different, Kayden.”
“Why? Is it because for once, I left for the right reasons? Dean, get over it and stop yelling, it scares her.”
“It’s my god damned house! I’ll do whatever I please, whenever I please, you hear me? I don’t care what some stupid mute kid thinks.”
He’s still holding my hand and the way he squeezes isn’t at all like it was a couple of minutes ago. He’s tense and his eyes, they’re scary now. He’s getting angry. I really shouldn’t be here, if all I’m going to do is cause them to fight.
“Well, I care alright. Just stop. You don’t have to always be such a dick, Dean.”
It’s obvious looking at Dean now, that he’s not sober. His eyes are glazed over and even as he lunges across the room toward Kayden, I see he’s unsteady on his feet. I don’t have a whole lot of experience with people that drink because mom shelters me from them, but there’s no doubt he was drinking a whole lot before we got here.
Kayden ducks out of the way at the last minute, allowing Dean to slam into the bar and before I know it, I’m being dragged across the room toward the door we just came in.
“I’m sorry Isabelle, but you need to get out of here. He’s only going to keep doing this and I know it scares you.” He sighs as he rubs his hand over his head and I feel bad for him. He’s still trying to do the right thing by me even though he knows it’s gonna make his brother worse. I don’t exactly want to be alone, but if my being here is going to cause something worse for him, I know it’s what I have to do.
“You’re gonna pay for that, you stupid, son of a bitch!” Dean yells from his place hunched over the bar and I’m not the only one that flinches. Kayden does too.
“Do you have a phone?” he whispers pointing to my bag still wrapped around my back.
I nod and he unzips the back and starts searching around for it. When he finds it, he slides his finger across the screen and immediately begins typing quickly. He hands it back to me and smiles weakly before motioning toward the door.
“It’s going to be okay, Isabelle. If you get scared, text me okay?”
I’m scared alright, but right now it isn’t about me. I’m afraid for Kayden. As much as I want to run from this house and never come back, I don’t want to leave him alone. He was there for me when no one else wanted to get within two feet of me and I want to do the same for him.
He can obviously see something in my eyes because he leans in and kisses the top of my head lightly before he whispers again.
“Go, Belle. I’ll be okay.”
Kayden
I knew it was a risk bringing her here. Dean hasn’t been sober one second since he lost his job and I knew he wouldn’t be out at the bar this early. No, he would be home and he would be the same as always. I just hoped that because she was with me, he would hold back on it.
I need to stop with this giving him the benefit of the doubt bullshit. It never gets me anywhere. You can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change. I know that better than anyone. It took having it slammed into me by Isabelle, for me to learn it. I still didn’t want her to have to see him like this though.
She knows all about it, there’s no way she couldn’t. It doesn’t mean I have to sit here and let her experience it for herself. It took everything in me to let her walk out the door. I know how she feels about being alone and I want nothing more than to keep her here with me, but if she stays here with him like this, she’s going to be something a whole lot worse than scared.
I’m not sure what the hell I was thinking giving her my number, but it seemed like the right thing to do. I don’t want her feeling like she did in the bathroom ever again, even if she’s at home and it’s not exactly the same. I want her to know she’s got someone. She’s got me.
Again, Ms. Taylor’s words are ringing in my head when I type my number in her contacts. If the teacher that knows what I’m all about can believe I’m a good guy, then maybe, I can be what she believes me to be. At least I want to be, if only for the girl that seconds before had been afraid to even leave me alone here.
I could see it in her eyes. She was scared by the way Dean was carrying on, something that I’m beyond used to. She had a hard time turning her back on me and walking out the door. I don’t have much of a heart, but her acting that way, it touched some part of me and I think I might have fallen a little more.
Admitting
it isn’t so hard anymore. I like Isabelle Reagan, even if I’m still not sure what I’m going to do about it. All I know is, I want to do right by her. She deserves that and it’s been too damn long since anyone’s tried.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, Kayden? Bringing the retard over here? Don’t you know how stupid that is?”
I swear if I hear one more person call her a retard, I’m going to snap. I’m beginning to see why people hate that word so much. It makes me physically sick to hear it. Considering that up until I turned six, I couldn’t even read and write and was called retarded myself, I should know how wrong it is. I know it now and I refuse to let it happen again, at least from the one person I can control. Dean won’t ever say the damn word again. I don’t care what it costs me.
“She’s not a retard.”
“Since when? You know the girl is a few bricks short of a full load bro, so when did you change your tune?”
“Since now, Dean. Don’t call her a retard again.”
He laughs and he reminds of another idiot that I have to deal with when I’m back at school again. Dillon. All I want to do is take every bit of rage I have inside of me for that guy and lay it on my brother. The two of them deserve each other.
“I can’t believe what I’m hearing. You’re the one that fucking called her that! I’m the one that used to tell you that she wasn’t!”
“Right! I’m the one that did it and I was wrong.”
“No you weren’t. I’ve picked that kid up enough to know there’s something wrong with her. I’m starting to think you were right the entire time.”
Whenever Dean speaks, it’s hard to understand him because he’s so hopped up on prescriptions and booze that his words are slurred and now is no different. I know what he’s trying to say though and that’s why I’m not answering him anymore. I’m going to walk away.
Well, I’m going to if he lets me, which as he stumbles out from around the bar in an attempt to block me, is obviously not going to happen.
Count On Me Page 9
