“I’m hungry, make me some food woman.”
I slap him hard on the chest and he makes a loud oomphing sound.
“Don’t be rude Jagger, or I’ll starve you.”
He grins, “I have plenty to eat if you don’t get me food.”
“Oh Grosse!” Ava whines, covering her ears. Jenny rolls her eyes and plods off to her room to get dressed.
I flush and slap Jagger’s chest again. In this moment, it almost feels normal - almost. I dig through the cupboards and fridge until I find bacon and eggs, I start cooking. It’s a big job to feed all of us, but I’m used to it now after cooking for Jagger back at his house.
“Smells fuckin’ amazing,”
I feel hard arms go around my waist and I grin, “So do you.”
“Want me to bend you over right here? Coz’ I will.”
I groan when he thrusts his erection into my ass, and pinches my nipples through my thin shirt.
“I’m going to have you here one day,” he murmurs, thrusting against my ass again.
“Oh no, you’re not…”
“Am too,”
“Not.”
“You’ll see baby, and you’ll love it.”
“I’d rather you didn’t go there, it’s not made to play Jagger.”
“You’re wrong; it most certainly is made to play.”
He slaps my ass and walks off, I huff but I can’t wipe the grin from my face. My phone rings beside me, and I stare down at it. I got a new phone that didn’t have Jagger’s number in it after he dropped me back; though I still have my old one. I see it’s my Mother’s carer and confusion fills me.
“Hello?” I answer.
“Willow, it’s Sarah.”
“Hi Sarah, is everything ok?”
“It’s your Mother, she’s lost it. Willow, she had a visitor yesterday and now she’s beside herself. Something’s really upset her and she keeps asking for you.”
My blood runs cold.
“Was it a man that visited?”
“I believe so, yes.”
“His name?”
“Kane,”
I swallow and shudder. My Father visited my Mother, just like Jagger predicted. Oh God, a woman with a mental illness seeing someone she thought was dead. I know how that must have gone down in her brain.
“I’m coming, give me two hours.”
“Thank you.”
She hangs up and I slam my phone down. “Fuck!” I hiss.
“What’s wrong?”
Jagger walks into the kitchen, fully dressed and gives me a narrow eyed stare. How can I tell him? My Mother won’t talk with him around, I need to go and see her on my own. What if this is a trap? Oh God, I don’t know what to do.
“Jagger, I have to go out.”
“What? Where?”
“To visit my Mother, that was her carer, I forgot my visit was today.”
“I’ll take you.”
“Can you not come in; she doesn’t deal well with unexpected visitors?”
“Yeah, I’ll wait outside.”
I quickly plate up breakfast, and while they’re eating I rush into the room to change. I can’t think. I don’t know if I’m walking into a trap and I don’t know what my Mother wants me for. I don’t know anything, but I need to find out before I tell Jagger. Even if it ends badly. When I’m done, Jagger and I head to the car and start the hour’s journey to my Mother’s home.
“Everything ok?” Jagger asks.
I’m staring out the window; so many things are going through my mind right now.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“You don’t seem fine.”
“I haven’t seen her for over six month’s Jagger.”
“Why is that?”
“She was getting better and trying to make things right, it’s very hard for me to feel forgiveness towards a woman who tried to take my life.”
“Yeah, I get that.”
“Part of me knows it wasn’t her, it was whatever was in her head at the time, but it still hurts you know?”
“I know, believe me.”
“Your dad?”
He nods briefly. “He beat me so many fuckin’ times I can’t count. I’m sure he tried to kill me numerous times.”
“Is he alive?”
“I don’t know.”
“Oh.”
“And my Mother killed herself when we were younger, I hate her for that.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, well, it’s life right?”
“I guess.”
We pull up at the home and Jagger says he will wait out front. He finds a seat and plonks down on it. I give him a brief smile and then proceed to sign myself in and wait for Sarah. She arrives ten minutes later and looks frazzled. I stand and give her a hug, and she returns it with full force.
“You look well, honey.”
“Thanks. How is she?”
“Better knowing you were coming.”
“Well, let’s see what the problem is.”
She walks me through security and down the peach colored halls. The rooms are all secured with key pads and in the more serious sections, guards. When we get to my Mother’s room, Sarah punches in the code and opens the door. We step inside and I stare at my Mother sitting by the window staring out. She’s lost weight since I last saw her, but her radiant red hair is glowing.
She turns when she hears us and her eyes fall on me. I give her a weak smile. We have the same eyes, that sparkling emerald green. We all share the same porcelain skin too. She stands and walks over, taking my face in her hands. I close my eyes; I don’t deal well with my Mother touching me. She pulls me in for a hug like always, and I let her. I don’t really hug her back, just pat her weakly.
“Mom, it’s good to see you.”
“Sarah, may I speak to her alone?”
“Yes, of course.”
Sarah leaves and I sit down at the table, my Mother joins me.
“So, tell me what’s going on? He came to see you, didn’t he?”
Her eyes widen and her lip trembles. “I thought he was dead.”
“So’d I.”
“I saw the news…about you going missing. I was so worried Willow. Your Father said you were taken by a gang, and that you weren’t safe.”
I snort. “He’s the one who caused it all in the first place; and they aren’t exactly a gang. Besides, they only took me to find him.”
“He gave me some things,” she whispers, looking around the room, “and told me to give them to you.”
“What did he say?”
“He said I had to give to you this package and that you needed to follow the instructions for your own safety. He said you weren’t safe with that man you’re with. I was hysterical, I didn’t get much more.”
“Where’s the package?”
She stands and ruffles through her drawers to return with a yellow manila envelope. She hands it to me and I open it. The first thing I pull out is a note.
Willow,
I know I don’t deserve your trust, but I need it right now. You’re in serious danger. Willow, you have something they want and you don’t even know it. I need to see you. They will come after you, and when they do it will end badly. Contact me on 9954 2474 as soon as you receive this. Don’t set Jagger onto me, it will only end badly. He’s using you to get that information. I made the mistake of telling him you have it. I hope you trust me enough to know I did what I did to protect you. Call me, as soon as you can.
Dad
I’m angry, no, I’m beyond angry. He hasn’t bothered to contact me for years, but he can manage a note when it suits him? And he wants me to trust him? I feel my fingers trembling. I think about the words he wrote about Jagger. What if he did only come back because my Father told him I have information? I’m so confused; this whole situation is messed up. I need to think.
“I will deal with this,” I say to my Mother. “Don’t sink yourself over him.”
“I can’t believe he’s stil
l alive,” she whispers, staring at her hands.
“Dad isn’t who we thought he was.”
“Won’t you tell me what’s going on?”
“Mom, it’s not the best information for you to have right now. Leave it with me, I’ll sort it.”
“I know you don’t trust me Willow, I don’t blame you but…”
“Don’t,” I whisper, putting up my hand. “Don’t make me hash this out with you again Mom.”
“I just want forgiveness.”
“You tried to kill me.”
Her face goes a horrible shade of white. “I wasn’t thinking, my mind was in a very bad place.”
“I know that, but it’s not something I can just forget…”
“You don’t even try,” she whimpers.
“Mom, stop, please. I’m glad you’re better and I hope you get out soon, but right now I can’t deal with this.”
She nods, biting her lip and Sarah enters the room.
“It’s time for some afternoon swimming,” she smiles.
I stand and shove the envelope into my bag before zipping it up. I hug my Mother briefly.
“I’ll talk with you soon.”
“Will you come visit more often?”
I look from her to Sarah and back again. “Of course, I’ll come back when I can.”
“Thank you Willow, I’ll walk you out.”
Just as we get to the door, my Mother yells out my name. I turn and she whispers, “Be careful, Willow.”
I nod and leave, trying to hold back my unexpected tears. When I sign out and wave goodbye to Sarah, I head out the front. Jagger is sitting on the chair, legs stretched out, talking on the phone. God, he’s so beautiful. I have that thought a lot, and each time it’s more intense. I walk over and give him a weak smile; he narrows his eyes but continues on with his conversation.
“Yep, good, call me as soon as you know Bull.”
He hangs up and stands, taking my face in his hands. “You ok?”
“I’m fine.”
“Is your Ma ok?”
“Sure.”
“You look like you’re about to burst into tears.”
My lip trembles and he sighs, pulling me to his chest. Hot tears stream down my face and he strokes my hair while I cling to him on the sidewalk.
“It’s goin’ to be fine, you’ll see.”
“Everything’s fucked up; it’s not meant to be like this. I didn’t do anything wrong…”
“I know you didn’t, this isn’t your fault.”
“Yet I’m right in the middle of it.”
“Say, you want to go to lunch? Just me and you?”
I smile; humbled by his kindness. “I’d love to.”
“Come on, I know just the place.”
We end up at a beautiful sea side restaurant, and I feel myself relaxing instantly. Jagger is the perfect gentleman, pulling out my chair and smiling at me each time our eyes meet. I love this side to Jagger; it’s this side that makes me realize why I chose to give him a go. After everything, he is continually proving that he isn’t all bad; at least, I hope he isn’t.
“What do you want to eat?” he asks, taking my hand.
“Um, I don’t know, what’s good?”
He chuckles. “I don’t own your taste buds, so I don’t know your tastes.”
I poke my tongue out at him. “Then just give me suggestions.”
“The open burger is good, or the BLT.”
“Hmmmm, Bacon, I’ll have that.”
He winks at me and orders two BLT’s and some cola. When our drinks arrive, I swallow the cool liquid with a groan.
“Hey, Bull is going to stay the night tonight as well. Is that ok?”
I frown, confused. “Why? We already have three in the house.”
“Just to be safe,”
“Jagger, is there a problem?”
He sighs. “Manchez is back in town, I just want to have extra protection that’s all.”
“Maybe we should send Jenny and Ava away.”
“No, that’s not going to help them in any way. They need to be around people who can protect them.”
“Jagger?”
“Yeah?”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Go for it,” he says, sipping his cola.
“Is it always going to be like this?”
He narrows his eyes. “What?”
“Our life…our relationship…”
“Look, I know right now this isn’t the perfect life, but you knew that already. This is the worst case we’ve had and when it’s over, we don’t plan on getting involved with any other gangs or drug runs again. I don’t like to consider us a gang and this isn’t something we would choose to do all the time.”
“You always say you’re not a gang. What exactly do you consider yourself?”
“We are a brotherhood. My life is with those men, it always will be but it doesn’t mean it will always be dangerous. We’re not criminals; we don’t pride ourselves on breaking the law.”
“Then why do you?”
“We don’t Willow, we got involved with the drug case for personal reasons. We won’t be doing it again.”
“What could make anyone want to get involved in that?”
“Ace was in trouble.”
“How do you mean?”
“He got himself into some serious shit, he had no way out. We had to help him, or stand back and watch him get a bullet in the brain. That’s when our dealings with Manchez started.”
“Oh.”
“We created a brotherhood when we started helping Ace, we swore our loyalties to each other and we stuck together. The only reason we got so involved in the criminal side of things, was because of Ace. That’s not to say we wouldn’t do serious damage to anyone who messed with us, as you know, but it wasn’t our intention to become criminals.”
I nod. “I think I get it. After Manchez, what will you do?”
“We will always be a group, and we will always have each other’s backs. We will never stop being what we are.”
“And the danger?”
“I will do everything I can do avoid ever being put in the situation I’m in now again, but I can’t promise my life won’t hold danger sometimes…”
“I understand.”
“Do you?” he whispers.
“Yes, I do.”
“Can you accept it?”
“I don’t know that yet Jagger, I truly don’t.”
He nods, and we’re both silent a moment.
“You know Willow, sometimes in life you just have to take risks. I don’t believe in happily ever after. No one ever just rides off on a white horse into the sunset and finds lifelong happiness. Even in the best relationships there are problems. No one is perfect; no one can ever create a perfect relationship. The best they can do is give it a damn good try, and I think sometimes that has to be enough. If you can’t accept what I am, nothing I do will change that. I’m not going to give you a white horse, nor am I going to take you into the sunset and promise that no bad things will ever happen to you or to us, because no one has the right to ever promise another person that. I can only promise you that I’ll give you every ounce of my heart and soul, and hope that it’s enough.”
I’m crying now; big, hot, heavy tears are sliding down my cheeks. His words hit me where they needed to, and I can’t find it in my heart to reject him. How can I? He might be dangerous, he might be hard and beautiful all at the same time but he’s mine and that alone is enough to make me hang on. I don’t know if the next month will hold agony, or if I’ll wake up one day and realize this was all fake but I can sure as hell give it the best I have while it’s good. I take his hand and bring his fingertips to my lips. A beautiful smile breaks out on his face and I know he gets my message.
I want to try.
CHAPTER 15
“Dude, you’re cheating!” I cry and throw a piece of chocolate at Angel.
He snorts a laugh and wiggles his eyebrows, “Take it of
f Willow, rules are rules.”
We’re playing strip poker. Don’t even ask me how that started. Jagger and I came home in a fine mood, and started drinking. Then Angel and Ace joined in, and soon enough Jenny and Ava joined too. They couldn’t help themselves; even they know you have to make the best of a bad situation. So far, I’m down to my shirt and panties and Ava is down to her bra and undies. Jenny is fully clothed, sneaky devil.
Jagger is shirtless, and oh my, what a sight. Angel is in his jocks and Ace is fully clothed also. We girls are really loosing this battle, well, Ava and I are anyway. Jenny is a sly dog, and her and Ace are going head to head to be the last to have to remove clothes. I stand up with a huff, and my head swims just a touch. Damn Jagger and his whiskey.
I wink at Angel, and give Jagger my best grin. Then I start wiggling my hips and removing my shirt, button by button, in slow motion. The men whistle and Jagger slaps my ass. I slowly remove the shirt from my body and toss it at Angel, who whoops with pleasure. Jagger grips my hips and pulls me towards him, sliding his tongue around my belly button ring.
“If you get naked, and my boys get to see this beautiful body, I’ll be forced to take revenge…”
“Oh?” I grin, gripping his chin and leaning down to kiss him.
“Ugh you two get a room!” Jenny yells, laughing.
“Not until you’re naked Sister!”
She throws her head back and gives her best evil laugh. “Ace will be naked first.”
“Like fuck,” Ace laughs throwing down his cards. “Royal flush, get them off beautiful!”
Jenny groans and tosses her cards at him. He roars with laughter and I watch as my Sister stands and removes her top, stopping Ace in his tracks. His eyes widen, and I think the situation sinks in. These men are sitting with three nearly naked women. I laugh and plonk down onto my seat, shooting another whiskey shot. That’s when everything changes.
It happens quickly, so quickly it takes me a long moment to realize something is wrong. I hear the sound of glass breaking, and then I see Jagger leap to his feet and start yelling. I don’t click as to what he’s saying until he has me in his arms and his hand is planted firmly over my mouth. I struggle, unsure what is happening. I see Ace and Angel are covering Ava and Jenny’s mouths too.
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