by Robert Bevan
“Sure it can,” said Roxie. “I mean, I've got no personal experience with it, but girls talk. You go into any normal brothel, and it's just a matter of weird things men want to have sex with. Get a few drinks into a wizard on the Crescent Shadow, and it becomes a matter of weird things he wants to have sex as. Experimenting as a woman is really beginner-level stuff. You don't want to know some of the stories I've heard.”
“That's true,” said Julian. “I don't.” He looked at Stacy. “But there's one more problem. It's a Disguise Self spell. That means I can't cast it on you.”
Stacy opened one of the scrolls. “So I'll cast it on myself.”
“This is magical text. You can't read it.”
“It's kinda weird, but it looks pretty straightforward.”
“It's anything but straightforward,” said Julian. “I'm a sorcerer, and even I need to cast a Read Magic spell to comprehend it.”
Stacy spread the scroll out flat on the table, weighing the top corners down with Krysta and Roxie's drinks. She traced her finger from one arcane symbol to another, mumbling to herself and seeming to find patterns where Julian saw none.
“Dum dedum dedum...” Stacy said. “And that goes here, and then you say that.” She winked at Julian. “Piece of cake.”
Julian smiled. “Fine. Let's see what you've got.”
Stacy waved her hand in front of her face as she spoke the incantation. “Disguise Self.”
Much to Julian's surprise, the arcane writing disappeared from the scroll, leaving it completely blank. He looked up and found that there were now two Krystas. Identical red hair. Identical green eyes. Identical pointed ears. They were even wearing the same red swimsuits.
“How the hell did you do that?”
“Hello?” said the Krysta standing behind the real Krysta, but in Stacy's voice. “Awesome.”
Julian shook his head. “That is not an explanation. You're not a wizard. You can't read magic.”
“You don't have to be a wizard to figure out magical writing,” said Roxie. “It's a skill some people have.”
Julian's heart skipped a beat. He gaped at Roxie. “How do you know about skills? Are you from Earth? Do you know what's going on here?”
Roxie leaned back, eyes wide, mildly terrified. “No. I don't understand. Are you asking me how I know what the word skills means?”
“Oh.” Julian relaxed. “You meant it in the more conventional sense of the word. I apologize for startling you.”
“Come on, hurry it up,” said Stacy. “This spell isn't going to last forever.”
Julian unrolled the other scroll, slightly embarrassed to have to use a Read Magic spell to decipher the arcane text. He stared at Roxie, trying not to be creepy about it.
Roxie repositioned herself so he could get a better look, and smiled to show him that she understood why he was staring at her.
“Disguise Self.” He looked down to discover that he'd grown tits. “Wonderful.”
“Yikes,” said Stacy. “You still sound like a dude. Can you try to sound a little more like Roxie?”
Julian cleared his throat. “Hello. My name's Roxie.”
Roxie and two Krystas cringed at his effort.
“You should probably just shut up and let me do the talking,” said Stacy.
Julian forced a smile. “Of course, because you've got such a knack for Diplomacy.”
Stacy stood back to take him in, then sighed. “Stand up straight, and maybe squeeze your boobs together a little more. Keep the attention up there. Here, let me help you.”
There were few situations Julian could think of that would be more emasculating than having a woman help him adjust his tits.
“I guess that's passable,” said Stacy when she'd finished fondling him. She turned to Roxie and Krysta. “Now, what to do about these two?”
“They seem nice enough,” said Julian. “Would you mind waiting here until we finish what we need to do?”
“Sure we will,” said Krysta.
Stacy shook her head. “Bullshit. We're fucking with their livelihoods. As soon as we walk out the door, they'll rat us out so they don't get blamed for whatever we end up doing up there.”
“Really?” Julian asked Roxie.
Roxie shrugged. “She makes a good point.”
“I've got an idea,” said Stacy. She put both her hands on the left side of her waist and wiggled her fingers. Before Julian could ask what she was doing, she began pulling a rope out from her abdomen, like Mary Poppins removing her own small intestine.
“That's disturbing,” said Julian. “But impressive.”
“We're still holding all our stuff,” said Stacy. “It's just disguised by the spell.”
After allowing Krysta and Roxie to gulp down the rest of their drinks, Stacy had them sit back to back, then tied them together.
“Thanks for being good sports about this,” said Julian.
“Come on,” said Stacy. “Let's do this.”
The hallway was clear. Julian struggled to keep Stacy's brisk pace because his balls felt like they were in a vice.
“Don't say anything, but make plenty of eye contact,” said Stacy when they got to the end of the hallway. “You want to keep all eyes above your waist.”
“You're certainly keeping mine there,” said Rollin, rounding the corner and drinking in Julian's tits with his eyes. “Those are just fantastic.”
Not wanting to say Thank you out loud, Julian did the next best thing he could think of. He smiled and wagged his tits back and forth in front of Rollin.
Rollin shifted his gaze to Stacy. “You're just the two ladies I was on my way to find. Did you think about what we discussed earlier?”
“We did,” said Stacy.
“I've got to tell you, you drive a hard bargain. You played Mr. Baxter like a fiddle. He sent those other two girls back and offered to pay triple the standard rate for you two.”
“Oldest trick in the book,” said Stacy. “Playing hard-to-get. Works every time. Right, Roxie?”
Julian grinned nervously and nodded.
“With smarts like that, and tits like those, you'll go far in this business. But you don't want to overplay it.” Rollin walked between them and slapped them both on the ass. “Now get up there and show him what you're worth.”
While Julian was merely feeling awkward and self-aware as he strutted through the tavern with his junk between his legs, Stacy was practically seething with anger.
“I swear to God, the only thing keeping me from beating the shit out of that sleazebag is that I don't want Krysta and Roxie to suffer any repercussions.”
Julian kept smiling and whispered while trying not to move his lips. “Save it for Mordred. Right now, focus on getting past these guards.”
If Julian was giving off any nervous vibes, the guards didn't so much as grunt as he and Stacy passed between them.
“You see?” said Stacy. “We're doing fine. Nothing to be nervous about.”
“So what's our plan for confronting Mordred?”
The second floor was defined by a three-foot-high circular wall, but had no ceiling. Along the perimeter, hot tubs bubbled and glowed with magical light, filling the night air with vividly colored steam. There were a few semi-spherical indentations in the ground where it appeared that the hot tubs hadn't yet been installed. Those already had magical fires burning, as well as leather-padded curved bars which looked like they were there to support the tubs. Julian guessed that meant they'd be installed soon.
Silver trays floated from tub to tub, delivering drinks in pineapples, coconuts, and a couple of other hard-shelled fruits that Julian couldn't identify. Some of the patrons looked refined, chatting quietly with their ladies and occasionally pausing to allow them to laugh, while others tried to grope five or six women at a time, seemingly unaware or unconcerned with who was watching them. Or maybe they were exhibitionists. Either way, many of the ladies had more flexible boundaries than Krysta and Roxie's.
“There's my gir
ls!” shouted a short-bearded, but massively hairy dwarf. His coarse black body hair was so thick it could almost be called fur. He looked like the bastard offspring of Danny DeVito and a bear. And just as the ladies had said, a thick silver chain shone brightly against a backdrop of neck and chest hair. At the center, between his hairy man-tits, a silver dragon claw grasped one of Mordred's magic dice. “You come back to gaze into my crystal balls?”
“Jesus Christ,” murmured Stacy. “The power's really gone to his head.”
Julian smiled at the hairy naked dwarf as he and Stacy sauntered to his hot tub. “So are we just going to jump him and grab the die?”
“We'd need a really quick exit plan to pull that off. Let's see how drunk he is first, and maybe try to get him a little more drunk. We'll jump him as a last resort if our Disguise spells time out before we get anywhere.”
Julian nodded his agreement as they were getting closer to the tub.
He and Stacy stepped into the hot steamy water and sat across from him, on a step halfway down what was essentially a giant glass bowl with a dark-stained wooden ledge around the rim. There were no jets or bulbs. The light and bubbles appeared to be coming from a pile of enchanted glass pebbles at the bottom of the bowl. The bubbles, unfortunately, were not dense enough to obscure Julian's view of Mordred's hard and hairy dwarf dick rising up from his pubes like an ostrich neck.
“So you finally came to your senses,” said Mordred. “Well lucky for you, I'm in a forgiving mood. Still, you might have to be punished.” He wiggled his eyebrows.
Even knowing that Mordred might only be moments away from raping and/or murdering him, Julian couldn't help but feel a little sympathy for the guy. A lifetime of social alienation had snowballed to the point that he was clearly mimicking douchebag stereotypes from terrible movies in lieu of letting people see his real personality. Even here, in a world of his own creation, he didn't feel comfortable being himself.
Mordred leaned back, rested his left hand on what appeared to be some kind of ergonomic bump in the wooden ledge, and grabbed his dick with his right hand. “Now let's get a look at those tits.”
Julian couldn't explain why he felt uncomfortable granting Mordred's demand. He was a guy. He'd been shirtless in public before. His tits were merely an illusion. Hell, if he was honest, he kind of wanted to get a peek at them himself. And yet, he hesitated, instead looking at Stacy to follow her lead.
“You see, Mr. Baxter,” said Stacy. “I think this is what led to our earlier misunderstanding. It's not you, of course. There's nothing we wouldn't do for you. But in front of all these other people.” She ran a finger from Mordred's knee halfway up to his crotch. “A lady doesn't show the goods to just any man.”
Mordred narrowed his eyes and paused in his dick stroking. “When did you start talking like that?”
“Like what?” Stacy, likewise, stopped moving her finger toward his crotch.
“That strange accent, what is that?”
“You don't like it?”
Mordred shrugged. “It's fine. But I want you to know that you can feel free to be yourself around me.”
“That's very thoughtful of you.”
“If privacy is what you want, you should have said something before.”
Julian's heart jumped as the whole hot tub suddenly shifted. He looked over his shoulder, and was surprised to see the building slowly falling away.
“Wha–” said Julian, then caught himself.
“Whoa, Roxie!” said Mordred. “What's with you girls' voices?”
Julian, panicked on two fronts, looked at Stacy again.
“She's come down with a sore throat,” said Stacy.
Mordred grinned at Julian. “Need something to suck on?”
Julian smiled and shook his head politely, relieved to have not blown his cover, but still a little unsettled by being in a glass bowl a hundred feet above a floating island.
“Good,” said Mordred. “I need it to steer.” He pulled his dick to the right, and the tub tilted hard right along with it.
Stacy and Julian reached their arms back to grab the wooden ledge and each other's hands. The way Mordred was looking at them, now that their breasts were thrust forward, that might have been just what he'd had in mind. He jerked his dong to the right, and the tub swerved right. He brought it up straight, and the tub stabilized in the air.
Julian caught himself gawking at Mordred's dick, then checked to see if he noticed. Mordred was staring back at him with one eyebrow cocked.
“Wait till you see what else it can do.”
Stacy scooted around the tub, moving in close to Mordred. She ran her fingers through his belly hair. “What's that you've got around your neck? I've never seen anything like it.”
“Do you like it?” said Mordred, moving his hand from his dick to her leg. “It was very expensive.”
“What do those numbers mean?”
“Those are symbols with which to represent values of quantity or order.”
Julian stifled a laugh at Stacy trying to mask her hostility at having the concept of numbers explained to her.
“Fascinating,” she said with a touch of ice in her tone.
Mordred leaned in closer. “You know what I find fascinating?”
“What's that?”
“Pussy!” his arm shot up her leg like a viper, and he grabbed her crotch.
Unlike a viper, it snapped loudly when she bent it back. At the same time, her other hand produced a dagger from beneath the surface of the water, and drove it down hard into Mordred's other hand.
Mordred howled in pain as the levitating hot tub started to spin, then lurch, then dip sideways.
“You're a real piece of work, Mordred!” said Stacy. “You ought to be ashamed of yourself.”
“Who?”
“Cut the shit. It's me, Stacy.”
“I thought your name was Crystal.”
“It's Krysta! But not really. It's Stacy, the girl you abducted from Earth. Ring any bells?”
“What's Earth?”
“I don't have time for this shit,” said Stacy. “Grab the die, Julian. Don't let him touch it!”
The hot tub tilted hard in Julian's direction. Water was spilling past him onto the crowd on the main street below, which he was terrified to discover he could see by looking over his shoulder. He had more immediate concerns than magic dice right now. He lunged forward and grabbed Mordred's dick.
“Yaaaaaa!” cried Mordred as the hot tub jerked upward, then spun around and shot toward the high tower like a bullet.
“I said the die!” cried Stacy. “What the hell are you doing?” She let go of the dagger pinning Mordred's hand down and grabbed the die herself.
“I'm trying to steer!” Julian yanked Mordred's dick left and right, but the hot tub's twists and turns didn't seem to have any correlation to which way he pulled. Even worse, it was starting to get flaccid. “Don't you go soft on me!”
Mordred looked even more horrified than before. “Are... Are you a man?”
“Dude, I need you to suspend some disbelief right now. I'm a fine-ass woman with my hand on your big manly cock.” Julian slipped his free hand through the shoulder strap of his swimsuit, setting loose his left tit. It was on the small side, but nice and perky. “Come on, man. Focus on the nipple and get your dick back under control or we're all going to die.”
The hot tub looped around the tall tower, then shot straight up another fifty feet, narrowly missing a six-person orgy happening in a properly-controlled flying hot tub, before spinning around five or six times and plummeting back toward the partying crowd below.
“I wasn't actually steering with my dick!” cried Mordred. “That's ridiculous. Who would design a flying hot tub that you steer with your dick? That's just a little trick I like to play for the ladies.”
Julian jerked his hand back from Mordred's dick and covered his boob again. “Then how do you steer?”
Mordred glared at Stacy as she wrestled the silver chain ove
r his head, then nodded at the dagger pinning down his other hand.
“With that.”
Stacy gripped the dagger's handle with both hands, then yanked it free. Mordred yelped in pain and pulled his hand away as purple sparks of magical energy spat out of the hole the dagger had left in the wood.
Fortunately, this seemed to cause the hot tub to finally make up its mind which way it wanted to go. Unfortunately, that route would send them hurtling past the edge of the Crescent Shadow to crash in the Fertile Desert. Wherever they were, Julian couldn't see the lights of a city or village anywhere on the horizon. They were surrounded by miles and miles of nothing.
Stacy jostled Mordred. “Can you fix that?”
“I can't use my hands, you crazy bitch!” Mordred's broken arm was bruised and swelling, and his injured hand was leaking blood into the tub, turning the water pink.
Julian spotted a small grove of oak trees at the edge of the island in the direction of the hot tub's trajectory. He turned to Stacy and was taken aback to see that she looked like Stacy again.
Mordred gasped, but he was staring at Julian. “It's true! You're a... And you grabbed my...”
“Doesn't feel so good, does it?” said Stacy.
The edge of the island was fast approaching. Julian didn't have time to do anything but act. He grabbed Stacy by the arm. Anticipating her reflexive elbow to his face, he ducked under it, pulled her close, then pushed down hard with his feet, launching them away from the hot tub, sending them in a slightly more downward arc toward certain death.
Stacy wrapped her arms and legs around him. “Julian! What are you –”
“Web!” said Julian, pointing with his free hand at the oak trees below them. A sticky white jizz net squirted out of his fingertips, taking hold of the branches of three trees, and catching Stacy and Julian like a couple of unsuspecting flies.
They spent a few moments in silence, suspended fifteen feet in the air upside down in a web of magical splooge. It was a close call, but they were alive.
“You okay?” Julian finally said.
“Yeah.”
“I feel kind of bad about not saving Mordred.”
“Don't worry about it,” said Stacy. “That wasn't Mordred.”
