“You must find the lesson. In here.” She tapped Sasha’s forehead with the tip of her cane. “And in here.” She placed her hand over Sasha’s heart. “The outside world is of no concern.”
“Becoming a Chola assassin will make me harder and unfeeling when I’m faced with a difficult fight. I could almost accept that if I thought I could return to my old self in other ways.”
“But this isn’t about returning to your old self, Sasha. You left that girl behind the moment you stepped into this valley. Find a way to use this experience to improve yourself and you will leave this place a stronger and better woman because of it.”
Sasha tried to focus on the mother’s lesson, the thing she’d been trying to beat into her since the beginning of ankathari, but Sasha couldn’t see beyond her desire to get this all behind her and move on. Maybe that’s the problem.
“I am such a fool.” Sasha laughed. That was exactly the problem.
“Why do you say that?” the mother asked.
“I’m the girl with the plan. The girl who always knows what she wants and how to get it. I bulldoze through life, making things go my way. I’m a fool, mother.” She looked at the wise old guru with a hesitant smile. “I’ve been trying to do that here. But that’s not what life is about, is it?”
“You’re getting the lesson.” She nodded. “Go on.”
“I’ve always faced life with a checklist.” Sasha shook her head. “A list of all the things I’m going to do and exactly how I’m going to accomplish them. Finish school, go to college with Quinn, double major in graphic design and marketing. Get my MBA and start my career with a stellar internship. I figured by the time I landed my first real job, Quinn and I would be ready to get married or at least live together and buy a house. We’d spend a good long time with just the two of us, working hard to make our fortune. Then in a century or two we’d retire and raise our family, devoting all our time to training our children. But it’s all so … childish.” Sasha laughed again. “Did I really think it would be that easy? That life wouldn’t throw an unexpected tragedy or obstacle in my way that would send my carefully built house of cards crumbling into the dirt?”
“How do you feel about that realization?” the mother asked.
Sasha stared at the setting sun. “A little bit like I just grew up. Disappointed that it took me this long to get the lesson. And … it feels quite freeing, to be honest. I think I’ve known for a long time and I’ve just been too stubborn to admit it to myself, but Quinn and I just aren’t right for each other. I love him. I always will. He means the world to me and I’ll always fight for him. He was my first love, but I can’t force something that just isn’t there. The distance I’ve had from him here has helped me see that.”
“There are a lucky, rare few who are meant to have two great loves in their lifetime,” the mother said. “It can be difficult coming to terms with how to love them each in their own way. I have no doubt that you will discover how to love Quinn in a way that is healthy for you both.”
“That is a comforting thought,” Sasha said. “He has always been larger than life to me. We put labels on people. Friend, boyfriend, family, lover…. Quinn has never been just one of those things. He is all of them. And none of them. I don’t know where he fits into my life anymore, but I know he is and always will be as important to me as my next breath.”
“But Quinn is not the lesson you are learning in this moment. This is about you and you alone. So what is it? What will you carry away with you tonight as you face your battle with ankathari?”
“My life will never be predictable and under my complete control. I need to be ready to roll with the punches. I have to be willing to alter my plans even if it means my life might not look anything like I intended. And I need to be okay with that. I need to accept the fact that some things are beyond my control. Becoming a Chola assassin was never in my plan. That is the Senate’s plan for me. But I need to decide how I will use this experience for myself because that is within my control.”
“Well done, Sasha.”
“There’s just one thing.” Sasha smiled. “How do I do that?”
The mother chuckled, squeezing Sasha’s hand with affection. “Take it one moment at a time and I am confident you will figure it out.”
“Thank you, mother. You have been a source of great inspiration.” Sasha bowed her head in respect.
“The sun is setting, dear one. It is time.”
~~~
“Sasha?”
“Quinn?” Sasha turned in the swirling cloud of fog and smoke, the scent of sulfur threatening to suffocate her.
How did I get here? The confusion sent her stumbling toward the sound of Quinn’s voice. She needed to see him. Feel his arms around her and know that he was real and not just a figment of this awful nightmare.
He stood in the moonlight, his shoulders hunched as if he had the weight of the world on his mind.
“Quinn? Is it really you?” Sasha couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen him. She couldn’t even remember how they’d arrived at this temple. But she felt a driving need to escape.
He turned on her, his eyes a smoldering fire of power raging inside of him.
“No. Quinn, you didn’t.” Sasha took a step back. “You couldn’t have.” But the man facing her now was not the boy she loved. He’d succumbed to the addiction of his power. This was the evil that Quinn had always feared lurked inside him. The fear she’d dismissed time and again because in her mind there was nothing Quinn couldn’t conquer.
“You should run,” Quinn said as he raised his sword.
But Sasha refused to leave him like this. No matter what life threw at them, she would always stand with him.
“And you should be afraid.” Sasha pointed her twin blades at him. She would not let the madness take him.
As Quinn charged her, she stood her ground, hating the thought of hurting him but determined to help him find his way back.
“Sasha, don’t do this!” Aidan cried from the darkness. “He is our friend.”
“Stay out of this, brother.” Sasha met Quinn’s attack, but it wasn’t Quinn.
She twisted her body into the defensive forms she couldn’t remember learning, but found herself with the upper hand against this faceless phantom that had worn Quinn’s face just a moment ago. She kept her head, letting her body respond to the fight as she studied the way the phantom moved. This was not Quinn. She’d sparred with him since she was a child and her father first put a bo staff in her hand. She knew how Quinn moved, and this was not him.
“I never loved you,” the phantom said, his voice full of loathing.
“You’re wrong. Quinn has always loved me. But it’s time for us both to move on,” Sasha replied in a level voice, thrusting her blade into his side. She let him drop to the ground without shedding a single tear.
Sasha turned in the grim darkness, seeing the others circling in the shadows of the temple wall.
Her mother and father, her brothers. Even Jayesh. They each taunted her with the most hateful lies, but it wasn’t them. Not really. These were her demons, wearing the faces of those she loved most. Saying the things she feared the most.
The worry that Quinn did not love her the way she loved him. That she was no longer certain how she felt about him.
That her brother resented her place within their family.
That her mother loved Aidan more because he was so special.
That her Scottish father would have preferred a daughter more like him physically rather than in personality alone.
That her friends only tolerated her because she was Aidan’s sister.
That Jayesh would leave and she would never see him again.
“I’m right here!” she screamed. “Come and fight me if you dare.” She pointed her blade at the ground, determined to conquer her demons once and for all.
She faced them each in turn, slaying the faceless phantoms. Quieting their hateful lies. Because they were lies. Her fear
s were unfounded but they were part of her. She had to accept that it was okay to have doubts about herself. That it was okay for her to not be perfect, because she wasn’t. Far from it. Sasha simply needed to do the best she could with the challenges life presented her.
As her brother Darius fell to join the others, the moon burst through the clouds, bathing the temple grounds in light. As the smoke cleared, Sasha turned toward the gates and walked all the way back to the temple on her own, shrugging off the effects of the wine that made her forget.
~~~
“You did it.” Imogen ran to meet Sasha along the path to the temple.
Sasha fell into her sister’s arms, exhausted from her final battle of ankathari.
“You are a rare person, Sasha El Sadawii.” Imogen guided her up the steps to join the mother at the temple entrance.
“Greetings, dear Sasha.” The mother bowed low when they joined her. “You have survived one hundred and sixty nights of sheer agony.” She took Sasha’s weapons from her. She didn’t need them for practice anymore. “But you have succeeded and earned the blades of the Chola for yourself.” The mother nodded at Jayesh, who stood by, waiting to honor his student with her reward.
“Thank you, Mother Raghavan.” Sasha bowed.
Turning to Jayesh, Sasha knelt before him, touching his feet with the deepest respect. She could not have survived this experience without him.
“Well done, Sasha,” Jayesh murmured as he pulled her to her feet. With a flick of each dagger, he sliced open her cheeks, bathing her new blades in her own blood. The ritual complete, Jayesh tucked the weapons of the Chola assassin into her belt.
The metal was milky white and the hilts were black obsidian, unlike anything Sasha had ever seen. She would wear them always. She’d earned those blades with a piece of her soul.
Jayesh gave her a level look to remind her they were not done yet. “We begin the final stage of verumkai tomorrow.”
~~~
CHAPTER
TWENTY-FIVE
Quinn: Fall
Atlanta, Georgia
“Dad, please … stop,” Quinn sobbed.
“How could you bring those people here, son?” Daniel’s voice rose in anger to match the crack of the whip against his son’s back. “How could you risk exposing your brother to Soma?”
“I’m sorry. I was just trying to get home. I needed help.” Quinn’s wrists ached from the shackles that bound him to his cell in the crypt.
“Well you’ve risked the safety of everyone we love. And we can’t allow that.” Daniel’s whip ripped across his back once more. “You’re going to have to go back.”
The disappointment in his father’s voice broke something inside him.
“You should have stayed in Atlanta,” Daniel said sadly as he released the chains holding his son suspended from the brick wall.
Quinn crumpled in a heap on the dirty floor.
“You’ll stay here and think about what you’ve done.” Daniel left him alone in the darkness of the cold crypt. “And then we’re taking you back. You don’t belong here anymore.”
Quinn curled up and cried himself to sleep.
~~~
He stared up at the odd yellow sky. The puffy white clouds were edged in gold and the warm breeze across the lake lifted his spirits. For the first time in ages, Quinn felt free.
He sat on the rocks beside the still waters of Lake Clara Meer and stared up at Sterling Tower, trying to remember how he’d gotten here.
The unreality of this place bothered him. It was too quiet. Piedmont Park was never quiet.
It’s the dreamworld. The thought brought clarity to his mind as recent events began to slide into place. He was back in Michael’s dungeon as punishment for his escape attempt.
“Michael’s learned some new tricks.” Using the faces of his family to punish him cut Quinn deeper than anything else could.
“But Michael doesn’t know I can come here.”
Quinn stood, staring across the lake. Livia had to know he was a dreamwalker by now, but she’d wanted this gift to develop naturally. Why wouldn’t she warn Michael not to let me sleep? She can’t be protecting me. Not after I tried to escape.
“No. She’s not letting me sleep.” Quinn paced along the water’s edge, trying to put the pieces together. “I’m so sleep deprived I’ve finally collapsed.” But she would have put him in a magnetized cell, specifically so he couldn’t enter the dreamworld.
“She’s underestimating me.” Quinn stopped his pacing.
Livia was a pro at working with young Immortals with new gifts. Young Immortals far less powerful than Quinn. She wouldn’t anticipate that he was even capable of fully entering the dreamworld yet, or that he would even know what to do if he happened to stumble his way into it.
“That’s where you’re wrong, Liv. I know exactly what to do.” He turned and walked back up the path to the bridge. The Scholar had told him there was another dreamwalker here. Someone he could trust. He just had to find him.
Quinn walked halfway across the city before he realized he could simply think of a place and he was there. With the whole wide world of dreams at his fingertips, he didn’t even know where to begin to look for a man he knew nothing about.
But before he could think of a plan, he was back in the waking world and under Michael’s influence.
~~~
“I need more time.” Quinn cursed his Immortal body for its ability to go days without rest.
In the weeks since his escape, he’d spent every possible moment in the dreamworld. It gave his mind a break from the torment his body was experiencing. But he was never there long enough to find the man he sought.
Sometimes Quinn heard voices, but he quickly learned not to follow them. The few times he had, he found himself caught up in the random nightmares and dreams of others. Quinn was working completely on instinct. It was much too dangerous to experiment with this gift. So he simply waited and observed, moving on only when the dreamer was safely enveloped in a dreamless sleep.
He avoided the temptation to follow the voices, but it was especially difficult when he recognized someone he loved. He often heard Allie and Aidan. But he could never seem to find them. Whenever he went looking for them, he inevitably ended up walking the cliff sides of Kelleys Island just as he did now.
“I should have turned around.” He sat down in the tall grass, resting his arms on his knees as he gazed across Lake Erie to the city skyline in the distance. When I realized I was back at the train station and not at the crypt, I should have turned around and kept fighting. But in that moment, he’d fought as hard as he could. There was no other choice but to open the door and return to Soma.
With a last look at the home he loved, Quinn got to his feet and headed back down the hillside, eager to get away. He couldn’t stand the sight of home for another second.
“Stay where you are!” A voice echoed like a boom from the sky. Quinn halted, looking up in confusion, unsure if he should show himself or leave this place immediately.
“Quinn? Wait!” a man called just as he hurried back into the cover of the forest.
How does he know my name? He turned back to see the man appear along the path behind him. The enormity of the man’s lifeline threatened to send Quinn running in the opposite direction.
“I can help you.” The man stood at a safe distance.
He was almost as ancient as the dreamworld, but Quinn was wary of trusting anyone who just happened to find him.
Quinn found his voice. “How do you know my name?”
“A friend sent me to find you.”
“You’re a dreamwalker?”
“So you do know what this place is. Very good, Quinn.”
“Who are you?”
“My name is Navid.” He closed the gap between them, offering his hand. “Let’s have a chat, shall we?”
Quinn nodded. He had nothing to lose.
Navid gripped his shoulder and Quinn felt an odd lurching sensation in h
is stomach.
He stumbled over the uneven ground. They were in a forest of ancient redwoods, the sky blocked by the enormous canopy arching overhead.
“Have a seat.” Navid gestured at a fallen log that looked like it had served as a seat for an eternity of conversations. “You are the first new dreamwalker in a very long time. You need me, Quinn; this place is dangerous. There are others here who can’t be trusted.”
“How can I trust a random stranger?” Quinn hesitated to sit.
“It seems you are close with someone who means a great deal to me and my lovely wife. Several someones, in fact.” Navid smiled.
“You’ve been talking to Alexander.” Quinn laughed, finally taking a seat beside Navid. “He said the same thing when I met him recently. I still don’t know what it means.”
“He is a wise but confusing man. He has briefed me on your situation.”
Quinn wanted to trust the dreamwalker but he wasn’t sure if he should. It felt like Navid was only giving him half of the story.
“You’re having a rough time of it, Quinn,” Navid said softly. “If I could free you from Soma, I would do it in an instant. But I am afraid you’re going to need to get yourself out of there. And soon. The best way I can help you is to mentor you here in the dreamworld. But like anyone, I have my limitations. My gift only allows me to stay here for a short time, so I cannot linger here long.”
Quinn nodded, staring absently at his hands. “Can you show me how to reach someone in their dreams?” If he could somehow contact Sasha or even Aidan, he could get the help he needed.
“You are not ready for that yet. It is not wise to leave your own dreamscape until you come to understand this world better. When you visit your home here, you are venturing far too close to another’s dreamscape, and that is very dangerous. I need you to stay away.”
“So I can’t reach my family?” It seemed his last hopes were fading quickly. He should have known not to expect so much from such a new gift.
Emerge: The Captive: (Book 3) Page 22
