“Sebastian?”
He jumped, startled by Emily’s presence, her soft voice bringing him out of his reverie.
He glanced up as she stepped into his office. Sebastian had been at his computer, reviewing a patient’s chart record before his thoughts had intervened. How long had he been daydreaming about his new intern? His face heated.
The last patient of the day had left a half hour ago. He’d told Peter and Emily to clean up the place, then go home. He wasn’t surprised that she hadn’t left yet. Emily was a hard worker. If something needed to be done, she was right there taking care of it. She would be a good choice to run the rescue and the animal hospital once he was gone. He’d already made the decision to keep her on after her internship ended.
“Peter just left. Would you like me to feed the animals that are in the kennels before I go?”
With the two Pitbulls now gone, and Sebastian having released a few others earlier that day, the kennels were now nearly empty. It wouldn’t take but a few minutes to feed and water the remaining animals.
“No, I can handle it. You go on home. Thanks Emily.”
She hesitated. “Um, I was wondering if you had a chance to review my rental application. I need to know if I should look at other places or not.” She lowered her gaze, color creeping into her cheeks.
Sebastian leaned back in his chair, giving her his full attention. “Sorry. I’ve been distracted today. I did review your application and I called your references. It’s a go. You can move in whenever you want. Just let me know and I will prorate the first month’s rent for you.”
She stepped farther into his office, her gaze filling with happiness. “Thank you so much! I brought the first month’s rent with me today, just in case. Can I move in tonight?”
His heart thundered. He wasn’t ready for her to be so close. He needed to prepare himself first. Trying to hide the sudden terror that slithered in, he forced himself into acting mode. “Tonight?”
Her face went pink again. “I’m, um, anxious to get out of my dad’s house, can’t you tell? Besides, the place is furnished, so I only need personal things like clothes, sheets for the bed, towels, food…that type of stuff. I can go grocery shopping tonight. I brought most of the stuff with me today in case you approved my application and let me move in.”
Sebastian felt his lips twitching up into a smile. A genuine smile. One he didn’t have to force. It was difficult to “act” around her when he just wanted to let down his guard and be himself. He liked her. Really, truly liked her. There weren’t many people he genuinely liked. He could count them all on one hand.
He looked into her eyes. “I suppose that can be arranged. You’ll need to sign a rental contract. It’s a one-year lease subject to renewal at the end of the term. Will that work?”
“Yes. Thank you.”
He rose from the chair. It was time he went home anyway. “Come on. I have a contract at home. You can sign it and I’ll give you a key.”
She stepped aside as he passed her and went out into the main office. Julia was gathering up her purse and getting ready to leave.
“Goodnight Julia. Have a great evening.”
“Goodnight.” Julia waved and went out, locking the front door behind her.
“I can feed the animals while you go get the contract,” Emily offered. “I should be done by the time you get back.”
“Okay.” He called Scar and went out the back door with the dog at his heels.
Emily would be moving in tonight. Living in his basement, right underneath him. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. He would have her right where he wanted her. Close by. But he had no idea what he was supposed to do now. Planning this had been easier than executing it.
He was starting to worry his plan wouldn’t work. Playing with another person’s feelings, using them to reach his own goal, was cruel. Maybe a part of the old Sebastian still existed somewhere inside him. The old Sebastian cared about others. The old Sebastian would never hurt anything.
He didn’t want to hurt Emily. But he might have to if he was going to go through with this.
He had to remember he had only one goal: to save his soul before it was too late.
He couldn’t let anyone get in his way. Especially Emily.
Because if his plan didn’t work and he ended up dead—which was a strong possibility—he would need Emily to run the animal rescue.
He took his time returning to the clinic with the rental contract. He left Scar home, crunching on his dinner. Sebastian used the time to gather his thoughts, force himself into the mindset that he was doing the right thing. Saving himself was the right thing. If he wanted to be useful to anyone or anything, then he needed to figure out how to fix himself. Repair the damage. How could he continue to be a vet if his own damaged soul continued to rapidly shrink away, leaving him with nothing but darkness inside? In order to do good, to be good, like Emily, then he needed to fix himself. And soon. He needed Emily’s goodness to rub off on him. To help him heal.
True to her word, she had finished feeding and watering all the animals by the time he got back. She signed the contract without reading it and handed him $750 in cash.
“You might want to read the contract first, in case you want to make some changes.”
“I trust you.” She gazed up at him with those big, gorgeous dark eyes. “I know you won’t try to screw me over.”
He jerked his gaze away from the trust in her eyes. If she had any idea what he was up to, she wouldn’t trust him. Not for a second.
He cleared his throat. “I can walk you over if you want. I’m heading home.”
Emily fell into step beside him as they left the building. “Do I have a parking space for my car? I probably shouldn’t leave it parked in front of the animal clinic.”
“You can park on the street out in front of the house. Just bring your car over when you’re ready.”
They reached his house. Emily paused on the lawn and glanced up at him. He handed her the key.
“Thank you, Sebastian. You’ve been kind to me. You gave me a job and a place to live. Thank you for giving me a chance. I promise I won’t disappoint you.”
Don’t thank me. I have ulterior motives.
He jerked his head in a nod and turned away.
Her hand shot out, closing around his forearm. He paused, glancing down at her hand on his arm. His skin burned beneath her fingers. It had been a long time since he’d felt another human touch. Twice today she’d touched him.
She jerked her hand back. Had she felt the “burn” as well? Coldness swept over his skin, into his soul. He felt her loss as strongly as if she’d left him alone in the arctic.
Touch me again. I don’t want to be in the cold any more.
“I could tell it hurt you to have to put that dog down today. If you ever need to talk, I’m a good listener.” She stared up at him, her gaze full of compassion.
His chest tightened. God, how could she read him so well when he couldn’t even read himself anymore? Dizziness swam in his head, his mind swirling with long-suppressed memories.
“No Dad! Please! I can’t do it! He’s just a puppy. He didn’t mean to. Please don’t make me hurt him.”
“Either you punish the little fucker or I will. He shit on the God-damned carpet! Clean it up, boy! He has to be taught a lesson. He has to learn what happens when he disobeys.”
His father bent down and roughly snatched his new puppy up by the scruff of the neck. Sebastian cringed. Spot yelped and squirmed in his father’s grasp.
“Don’t hurt him! I’ll do it. I promise he won’t poop on the floor again. Please, just don’t hurt him!”
His father callously tossed Spot at him and turned away. Sebastian tried to catch the pup, but he wasn’t fast enough. Spot crashed to the floor. The dog yipped and yipped in a high-pitched cry, obviously hurt, and stumbled around in a confused circle, favoring his left front leg.
His father spun back around, fury darkening his gaze. “S
hut that thing up! Now!”
Sebastian bent and scooped the frightened, injured pup into his arms and raced out the front door.
“That dog stays outside from now on!” his father shouted after him.
Afraid to leave Spot alone, afraid his father would hurt him, Sebastian huddled in the corner of the porch with the pup all night, trying to comfort the injured animal. Spot cried and cried until finally the dog fell asleep against his chest.
With tears streaming down his face, Sebastian vowed he would protect Spot from his father. He wouldn’t let his father hurt him again.
But the next morning he had to go to school. He couldn’t protect Spot while he was gone. Sebastian piled an old blanket in the corner of the front porch and set the injured pup on it, gently wrapping the blanket around the animal. Sebastian was pretty sure the dog’s leg was broken, but they were too poor to take Spot to the vet. And even if they did have money, his father would never spend it on a dog.
Spot gazed up at him with sad brown eyes.
“I’ll be back after school,” Sebastian whispered, patting the dog’s head. School was important. Sebastian knew he needed an education if he was ever going get away from his father. “I’ll take care of you, Spot. I promise.” He wasn’t sure how, but he’d find a way to get Spot to a vet so his leg could be fixed. He couldn’t let the pup suffer. He would volunteer his time at a veterinary clinic, doing whatever needed to be done, if they would fix his puppy. If he could find someone who would let a ten-year-old boy exchange services, then he could help Spot heal. He would do whatever it took.
But when Sebastian got home from school that afternoon, Spot was gone. The only thing left of the dog was a patch of fur and a bloody spot in the corner of the porch.
“Where’s Spot?” he screeched, terror gripping him as he raced into the house to confront his father.
His father sat in the recliner in front of the television, drinking beer. That was all his father ever did: drink and gamble. That was why Sebastian’s mother had left, abandoning him, because she couldn’t deal with his father or his drunken rages and the fact he’d gambled everything away once again.
“That damn thing wouldn’t shut up. So I got rid of it.”
Sebastian’s heart squeezed, pain overwhelming him. “No! He was just hurt. He was crying because you broke his leg!”
His father lunged from the chair, advancing on him. “You raising your voice to me, boy? You want me to break your leg too?”
Sebastian stumbled backward, tears streaming down his cheeks.
He turned and raced from the house.
CHAPTER SIX
Dizziness continued to spin in Sebastian’s head as the memory slowly faded. He reached out, trying to find something to grab onto. But the only thing within reach was Emily. He clutched at her shoulders, trying to stay upright.
“Sebastian?” Her voice was filled with worry. “Are you all right? You look like you’re about to faint.”
His legs buckled. Emily cried out and tried to stop his fall, but she wasn’t strong enough. He hit the grass with a soft thud.
The breath whooshed out of his lungs.
“Sebastian?” Emily’s face appeared in front of his. “What happened? Are you ill? Are you on drugs?”
She patted his cheeks. Not hard, but enough to get his brain to come back to the present.
“Sebastian? You’re scaring me.”
He focused on her. Gradually the dizziness faded away. He blinked. Emily’s face filled his vision. Her pretty dark eyes, her smooth, perfect cheeks and small, well-shaped nose, her sexy, pouty lips that he wanted to latch onto and suck. Her long dark hair fell over her shoulder, brushing against his chest as she leaned over him. Her sweet, feminine scent wafted over him. He breathed in deeply, mesmerized by her smell. Mesmerized by her.
Sebastian lifted a hand and cupped her cheek.
Her eyes widened.
“You’re so beautiful.” He stroked his thumb over her soft cheek. “I thought I could resist you, but I don’t think that’s possible.”
She reared back, blushing furiously. “Sebastian! Are you on drugs?”
He groaned and rubbed a hand over his face, then slowly pushed himself into a sitting position. Shit, he’d already broken his first rule of no touching. But his plan was working. He’d just had his first flashback in too many years to count. Her goodness was bringing out his damaged soul, piece by piece, sucking the truth out of him. The truth that he’d deliberately kept hidden, even from himself, for so long.
What the hell was she doing to him?
She inched back warily, her wide brown eyes glued to his face. She didn’t look afraid, just…alarmed.
He choked out a humorless laugh. “No, I’m not on drugs. Prison cured me of that.” He didn’t add that though he’d been clean for over six years and had no desire to ever touch another mind-altering substance again, there were times when he had moments of weakness. Scar always sensed his moods and managed to distract Sebastian whenever the urge to get high overwhelmed him. If it weren’t for his dog, Sebastian suspected he’d have died of a drug overdose or alcohol poisoning long ago.
“Then what’s…wrong with you? Are you ill?”
He sighed. “Something like that.” Once an addict, always an addict. That’s what they said about him in the tabloids. He might be a brilliant actor who’d received numerous awards, but people still speculated about whether or not he would relapse and go back to prison. Or wind up dead. Shame washed over him. Was that how Emily viewed him? A pathetic drug addict?
His face burning, Sebastian tried to rise to his feet, but she gently shoved him back down on the grass. “Rest a bit,” she whispered. “I’ll call an ambulance.” She pulled her cellphone out of her purse.
“No.” He grabbed her arm. “I don’t need a doctor. I just had a flashback is all. It’ll pass.”
She dropped the phone back in her purse. She searched his gaze, looking into his soul. “What kind of flashback?”
A raw vulnerability swept through him. It was a scary feeling, but it also filled him with a sense of relief. He didn’t have to hide from her. “From my sordid past.”
She continued to look into his eyes, searching. “Do you want to talk about it?”
He puffed out a breath. “Not particularly. I’d rather kiss you.”
She lowered her gaze and let out an exasperated sound. “Stop that. I’m not one of your floozies. I’m not going to sleep with you.”
He chuckled. “Floozies? I haven’t had one of those in a while. Years, in fact.”
Her gaze darted back to his. “Are you teasing me?”
A lightness settled into his chest. She was already healing him, just by being around him. God, whatever she was doing to him, it felt so…good. He held a hand out to her. “Yeah, I’m teasing. Will you help me up?”
She rose to her feet and grasped his hand. Sebastian yanked her toward him. She fell into his lap with a soft gasp. He wrapped his arms around her, locking her in. Her heat surrounded him, spreading into him, warming his cold soul.
“Sebastian!” She pushed against his chest. “Stop it.”
“You’re a rare treat, Emily. Usually women fling themselves at me, but not you. You keep pushing me away.”
She huffed out a breath. “With good reason.”
He chuckled softly, then grew serious. “Are you attracted to me, Emily?”
She stopped struggling. Her gaze darted to his. “What? Why would you ask that?”
“Because I need to know.”
“Isn’t your ego big enough already?”
He snorted. “Yeah. But I still want to know.” He needed to know. He didn’t want to admit it had nothing to do with his experiment, and everything to do with the ego she’d just teased him about. He wanted her to find him attractive.
She lowered her gaze, her cheeks turning pink. “Of course I think you’re attractive. Just like ninety-nine percent of the female population. I’ve been watching your movies
ever since I was fifteen.”
“Really?” She’d been a fan for that long? His chest warmed. “So when you were fifteen, I would have been…what? Twenty or twenty-one, somewhere around that?”
She nodded, her eyes wide and wary.
“Let’s see. What movie would I have been in back then?”
“Um, Lethal? The one where you were a street kid who turned into a vigilante and helped save people?”
“Yeah, that was one of my first starring roles. But you were just infatuated with an image or maybe the character, not the real me. What do you think of me now that you’ve met me?” He held his breath, his heart pounding, while he awaited her response. Did she even like him? Was there anything about him to like?
She leaned away from him and he loosened his arms, letting her slip out of his grasp, even though he wanted to drag her closer and kiss her.
She lunged to her feet and glanced down at him, contemplating.
“I think you’re a really good vet. I can tell you care about the animals. I think…” she broke off, her gaze darting away. “I think you’re hurting from something painful that eats at you and forces you to keep others at a distance.”
Heat crept up his neck and into his face. He swallowed, watching her, waiting for her to continue. Waiting for censure to enter her eyes. Waiting for her to say it was his own fault for being an addict.
She lifted her gaze back to his. There was no censure in her eyes, just…compassion. “I think you’re hiding something, something big that you don’t want anyone to know about.”
He flinched. How had she guessed that?
She studied him for another moment, looking deep into his eyes. “I think you’re a little lost right now. I think you’re searching for something—your true self, maybe?—but I’m not sure. You’re good at hiding your feelings, shutting people out. Keeping people at a distance. I’ve read about you, heard the rumors. You’ve been with lots of women, probably hundreds–”
“Don’t believe everything you hear.” Though it was true, he didn’t want her to think of him that way. He wasn’t that person anymore.
Scarred (Unlikely Heroes Book 5) Page 5
