by HJ Welch
Putting his arm around Robin had been for show, especially when Mac was beside them at the start. But it felt natural to keep it there. Just for this week, Dair hoped it was okay to take advantage of a little bit of the real human contact he’d been lacking since Malory. So long as Robin was enjoying it too. It was nice to be hugged, wasn’t it?
After the game was over, Dair had a bounce in his step as he joined the buzzing crowd out of the hall. He kept hold of Robin’s hand so they wouldn’t be separated as the throng emptied out through the exits into the night. Ava and Emery were talking about going for a Chinese, then hitting up The Aquarium again, but Dair and Robin both seemed to agree they felt like heading straight home. It had been a pretty long day.
“I need to pop to the bathroom,” Robin said apologetically with a laugh. “Those beers went right through me! I’ll meet you back by the car?”
“Sure.” Dair gave his hand a double squeeze, then let him go so he and Jay could continue out to the parking lot.
Dair breathed in the cooler night air gratefully, strolling toward Jay’s Fiesta. Emery and Ava had already scampered off into town, and Jay was speaking to someone else from the reunion committee. So for a minute, Dair leaned his back against the car and looked up at the stars. You could see so many more out here in the countryside. It was beautiful, and something about the vastness of the sky was oddly comforting.
“Hey, Dair.” He looked down to see Jay approaching. He had a slightly pensive look on his face.
“Hey, dude. What’s up?”
Jay slipped his hands into his jeans pockets as he stopped beside Dair and nibbled on his lower lip. “All right, I’m just going to say it because I like you, but I don’t want my brother getting hurt.”
Coldness rushed through Dair’s body and he stood up straighter. “Why would Robin get hurt?” That was the last thing Dair would let happen if he could help it. Was this about him going to meet Mac for coffee?
Jay sighed. “Look, he told me you guys are just doing this as a show, a charade, whatever, to keep Mac away. That it’s not real.”
The coldness that had swept through Dair a second ago returned ten times worse. “Jay, I swear there’s nothing untoward going on-”
Jay held his hands up to interrupt. “It’s cool. I mean, I don’t really get it. The faking part. Why don’t you just date for real? But it’s none of my business. I guess I just feel like I have to tell you not to mess with Rob’s heart. He deserves better.”
“You and me both agree on that,” Dair said firmly. “One hundred percent. I promise, I care about Robin a lot. But that’s just not the way it is. I’m simply here as his friend to make sure Mac doesn’t try anything.” He shrugged and felt his lips tug in a half smile. “I also think Robin kind of wanted to come home and show everyone that he’d made something of his life. A boyfriend helps with that. Reunions are weird.”
Jay nodded. “That they are.” He waved, and Dair looked to see Robin jogging across the parking lot, weaving in between the people still milling around after the game. “Like I said, I like you. But maybe you should really think about what’s going on between you guys?”
Robin returned before Dair could reply, so he simply gave Jay a nod of understanding. Dair wanted him and Robin to be okay just as much as his twin did.
As they drove back to the Coal house in the much less crowded car, Dair found himself chewing over one thing in particular Jay had said. Why don’t you just date for real? If he knew about the ruse, then he presumably knew Dair was straight? Why would he say something like that? To make things worse, Robin seemed preoccupied again, bouncing his knee for most of the ride back.
When they arrived, Jay didn’t get out of the car when he and Robin did. “I think I’m going to stay at mine tonight,” he said out the window as they stood next to the car. “Got lots of papers to grade. I think Mom, Dad, and Kestrel have gone out to dinner. But you guys have keys, right?”
Dair looked at the mostly dark house. That meant they were going to be on their own for a few hours, just the two of them. For some reason, that made him feel…not anxious, exactly. But there was definitely a heightened sense of anticipation that tugged at his chest.
Robin pulled his set of keys from his pocket. “Yeah, we’re good,” he confirmed. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay, though? I was thinking of making hot chocolate.”
Jay glanced at Dair. It felt like he purposefully caught his eye before looking back at his twin.
Ah. Did he want the two of them to make sure they were crystal clear about their fake relationship? Dair was happy to do that if it put Robin’s mind at ease.
“Nah,” Jay said. “I’ll feel better getting this work done before the weekend. I’ll catch you at the fair tomorrow, yeah?”
Robin beamed at him. “Definitely. I’m going to beat your ass at the shooting gallery.”
“You wish!” Jay waved them goodbye, threw his car into reverse, then maneuvered out of the driveway.
Leaving Robin and Dair all alone.
Right, fine, no biggie. He smiled at Robin as they walked up the porch.
“Are you hungry or anything?” Robin asked as he unlocked the door and flicked on the hallway light.
Before Dair could answer, a very sleepy Smudge gave a garbled woof at their entrance and rolled backward out of his basket. Dair closed the door behind them while Smudge fumbled down the hall to come say hello.
“I’m not really hungry,” Dair replied to Robin’s question as he scratched behind Smudge’s ears. “But that hot chocolate sounded good.”
Robin grinned. “Yes, we need some sugar to go with all that sugar we already had.”
“Are you calling me fat?” Dair asked, pretending to be hurt. He flexed his bicep under his shirt and poked it. “Yeah, you’re right. I am looking a little chubby.”
Robin laughed and lightly slapped his arm before heading into the kitchen. Dair followed with Smudge trotting along by his feet. The little pup had clearly been in the middle of a REM cycle because even though his tail was wagging and he kept running between Dair and Robin, he kept tripping over his own paws. Within a couple of minutes, he’d snuggled back down in his basket.
Dair watched on as Robin poured milk and cream into a pan with chunks of chocolate and stirred it all together. Dair’s mouth watered despite the M&Ms they’d had before. Robin’s recipe looked divine.
Robin had put the sound system on low as soon as he’d walked into the kitchen and was quietly singing along to a nineties song Dair didn’t know. But he didn’t care. Watching Robin enjoy himself was enough for him.
After a few minutes, Robin fetched a couple of mugs to pour the cocoa into, then topped it off with a swirl of whipped cream and a sprinkling of mini marshmallows. He turned to face Dair with the drinks…
…then paused. He looked between Dair and the mugs in his hands. “Uhh. Do you want to go watch some TV?”
Dair blinked, unsure what had made Robin hesitate. “Sure,” he said amiably. After a fairly nonstop few days, just watching something mindless sounded kind of nice.
They dropped onto one of the couches side by side. Robin used his phone to somehow make the TV work. Dair didn’t always follow all the ways Robin could do everyday stuff at the touch of his screen, but it was certainly impressive.
They found a documentary on Amelia Earhart that looked kind of interesting, so Robin left the channel on that and sat back to sip his hot chocolate. Dair shifted his weight so they were leaning against one another. Robin stiffened up for a second but then relaxed.
Dair was only half paying attention to the TV screen. His mind was busy hashing over the events of today. It had been so up and down, but it felt like things were back to being good again. Great even. He loved just lounging around with Robin, getting a slice of that domestic life he missed.
When he finished his hot chocolate (which had been delicious) he placed the mug down on a coaster. Then he wrapped his arm around Robin’s chest and leaned his ch
eek against his hair like they’d done on the bed earlier.
Robin stiffened again.
Dair frowned. Had he done something wrong?
He looked down as Robin pulled away and discarded his own finished drink. He sat up, putting some distance between them, biting his lip the exact same way Jay had done earlier. “I, um, think I might go to bed,” he said softly.
Dair felt his stomach drop. Fuck. “Is everything okay?”
“Oh, yeah, fine.” Robin pulled at his fingers, glancing at the TV. “I’m just tired. Long day.”
He rose, but Dair’s gut told him something was definitely Wrong with a capital W. So he reached out and caught Robin’s hand with his own. Robin stopped, looking down at Dair from where he was standing. Their knees were practically touching.
“Did I do something wrong?” Dair asked for the second time that day. Robin shook his head and went to open his mouth, but Dair squeezed his hand twice to get him to listen. “Please,” he whispered. “I’m worried things might have got a bit blurred…or complicated? If I’ve done anything to upset you or make you uncomfortable, I want to know. If I overstepped the line with Mac, I’m really sorry, but-”
“No, no.” Robin sounded pained as he screwed his eyes shut. “Dair, I promise. You haven’t done anything wrong. It’s me. I – I can’t explain. I just need some space.”
“From what? Me?” Dair wasn’t sure how to interpret that other than him having fucked up in some way.
Robin screwed his eyes even tighter and clenched his jaw. Dair was horrified when a single tear escaped from under his lashes and rolled down his cheek.
Immediately, Dair was on his feet. He kept hold of Robin’s hand with one of his, then brushed the tear away with his other thumb. Then he cradled Robin’s shoulder.
“Talk to me, hon,” he said in little more than a whisper. The documentary rumbled quietly on in the background, but as far as Dair was concerned, it was just the two of them alone in the world. “I hate seeing you sad.”
“I’m just…” Robin winced, like he was debating what to say. “I’m just a bit confused. There’s a lot going on. I’ll feel better after some sleep.”
Dair rubbed his arm, wanting to hug him close but also wanting to still see his face. “Confused about what?”
Robin took a moment to respond. When he did, his voice was barely audible. “About us. This.”
As soon as the words left his mouth, he looked horrified. He shook his head and broke away, heading toward the door. But Dair reached for his hand, snagging a couple of fingers. It wasn’t any kind of hold, but Robin stopped all the same. Dair could feel himself frowning in confusion.
“Please. Don’t go. Talk to me. What’s confusing about us?” He also shook his head. “I thought we were becoming closer friends? Is that bad?”
Robin’s fingers were still hooked on to Dair’s by mere millimeters. He inhaled shakily. “We are. That’s the confusing part.” He bit his lip. “If I were crazy, I…I might think you were into me.”
“Into-?” Dair stopped.
Robin thought Dair was attracted to him?
That was…
It was as if his brain just ground to a halt.
He loved Robin’s company. Being physically intimate with him felt totally natural. Wonderful, even. He had gotten jealous when Mac showed up.
If Robin were a woman, would Dair have admitted he had a crush on him by now?
Did it matter that Robin was a man? What had Emery said about Dair being pansexual? What had Dair’s exact words to him been about that?
I just like Robin for Robin.
Holy shit. Had he accidentally done exactly what he’d made up for their imaginary getting together? Had he actually not realized they were dating until they were already dating?
Robin shook his head, still not looking at Dair. “Forget I said anything. It’s stupid. I don’t know how to be normal with people.” He moved toward the door, pulling his fingers free from Dair.
Dair seized them again, spinning Robin around in a dance-like move and cupped his face with his palm. They stood chest to chest. Robin looked up at him through his glasses with enormous shining topaz eyes.
“You’re not stupid,” Dair said, his voice hoarse. He immediately relaxed his grip on Robin’s fingers, then ran his hand up his arm so it was just resting on his elbow. “Please don’t go.”
Robin blinked, his chest rising and falling rapidly. “Why should I stay?” Slowly, he raised his hand and placed it gently on Dair’s chest. “What are you saying?”
“I don’t know,” Dair rasped. His mind was still reeling. “I – this is all new. But I don’t want you to go. I want you to stay with me. I – I want to hold you. Is that okay?”
Robin stared at him for a couple of seconds, then nodded.
Dair moved his hand from Robin’s arm to the small of his back. Robin naturally moved forward, so their stomachs were touching. Robin was looking up at him intensely.
“I don’t know what to do next,” Dair whispered.
Robin glanced down at his mouth, then back up to his eyes. “What do you want?”
Dair took in a long breath. What did he want?
To keep this simple. Not overthink it.
So what exactly did he want?
“More,” he said.
Robin’s eyes widened fractionally. Then he dropped his gaze back to Dair’s lips, his long lashes sweeping against his cheeks. Rising on his tiptoes, he moved closer, giving Dair the signal to lean down.
Their mouths crashed together, and Dair’s whole world changed in an instant.
16
ROBIN
FOR A MOMENT, it was nothing but bliss. Then the reality of what he was doing hit Robin, and he sprung back, looking at Dair in horror.
“I’m sorry,” Dair blurted, instantly looking concerned.
Robin shook his head. “Don’t mess me around. Please. I – I really like you, Dair. But there’s no one here to pretend for. It’s just us.”
Dair licked his lips. “So…I think I might be pan after all.”
“Pan?” All Robin could think of was a cooking utensil.
“Pansexual.” Dair looked anxious, his gaze flickering over Robin’s face. “Like bi. Emery explained it to me. I think – I think I really like you too, Robin.”
Robin tried not to get his hopes up. But that was hard when everything he’d been trying to cram in his damn crush box exploded against the lid, desperate to escape.
“In what way?” Robin wanted to be crystal clear about this.
Dair frowned as he considered. “In a way like…I can’t stop thinking about how I want to run my hands over every inch of your body. Is that bad?”
Robin launched himself into Dair’s arms.
He’d never done anything like that before. But he knew Dair would catch him as he wrapped his legs around his tree trunk-like waist. As soon as his hands grabbed under Robin’s ass, Robin’s lips crashed back against Dair’s, his tongue slipping out as the kiss became heated immediately. Dair’s abs were pressed against Robin’s rapidly hardening cock.
“It depends.” Robin gasped for air as Dair squeezed his back and ass, kissing down his throat. “Are my clothes on or off while you’ve got your hands on me?”
Dair’s usually warm brown eyes were scorching as he turned his gaze back to Robin’s. “Off,” he growled.
“Take me to bed,” Robin pleaded.
His hands were in Dair’s beautiful new hair as he ravaged his mouth again. He was so turned on by how easily Dair carried him from the living room, like he weighed nothing. They got into a little trouble when they reached the stairs. As Dair took the first step up, Robin’s shoulder bounced against the wall. But he giggled into Dair’s mouth, making him smile back.
“Careful,” he mumbled against his lips.
Dair brushed their noses together in an Eskimo kiss. “Always.”
Dair’s mouth tasted of chocolate, his neck of salt and musk, and his cheeks had a l
avender tang from his shave earlier. Robin’s hands didn’t stop roaming across his sculpted shoulders and back until they reached his bedroom. Dair kicked the door closed behind them, then fixed Robin with a positively sinful look.
“I don’t know what I’m doing.”
Robin was so surprised he snorted. “Yes, you do.” He grinned and caught Dair’s lip between his teeth, tugging on it just for a second. “We’re getting into bed.”
Was this truly happening? Robin questioned in the moment it took Dair to reach down with one hand and rip the covers back. He sent Robin’s koala tumbling off the bed and out of sight. It was probably for the best. The little guy was too innocent to witness what was about to happen.
Robin could hardly believe it himself as Dair set him on the carpet and ran his large hands along the hem of Robin’s Henley. His fingertips just skimmed where the top met his jeans and belt, touching sensitive skin.
Robin placed his hands lightly over Dair’s, encouraging him to pause. This was his first time with a man, and that was a big deal. “We don’t have to go too fast,” he assured him, even though his heart broke at the idea of stopping now. Who knew if he’d get this chance again? He had no idea if Dair really was bi and attracted to him or if this was a moment of madness. If it was a moment of madness, Robin was not going to take advantage of him.
He was going to double-check it was both what they really wanted. Robin had hooked up with a couple of so-called straight guys over the years, and they could get really nasty post orgasm. Not that he thought that was what Dair would do, but he wanted to make sure.
Dair blinked in confusion. “Um, what if I want to go fast? Do you want to slow down?”
“Oh, no, I’m full steam ahead.” Robin nodded vigorously, then proved his point by grabbing the hem of his Henley and yanking it over his head.
Unfortunately, as he did so, he shattered any kind of seductive move by whipping his glasses off his face as well, sending them flying.
