Her violet eyes darkened to nearly black and he saw confusion and fear writ plainly on her face.
“I don’t know, Sin. I’m scared. I want a future with you, but I don’t know if I want kids.”
He heard the tremor in her voice and knew she spoke the truth. She was scared and had no clue what to do about it. Sin realized he’d have to be patient with her.
“I won’t ask the question just yet then, but you need to know that a future with me means a future with children. If we can’t have them naturally, then we adopt.” He wanted kids with Gia and he knew the whole idea scared her. She could barely accept him as part of her future and now he’d made kids a condition of it. Sin knew he was pushing her, but he figured he needed to tell her and give her time to adjust.
She pulled back from him a little, putting more space between their bodies. Fear licked at him. If he lost her over this issue, he didn’t know what he would do. Without her, he didn’t have any future.
“I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t know if I want to do it.” She stared at him with eyes filled with fear. “I need time to think about it.”
“Do you want to be with me, Gia?” he asked point-blank.
She nodded. “I do. I’m sure of that part. I love you, Sin.”
He smiled gently and brushed her unruly hair back from her face. “Well, then I think it will all work out, don’t you? The hardest part is over. We love each other. All the other stuff can be worked out and compromised because of how we feel about each other.”
“It would be nice if things were that cut and dried.” She sighed. “You and I both know that issues like whether or not to have kids can tear couples apart.”
Sin pulled her close and kissed the corner of her mouth. “Only if we let it. And I don’t want to let it. I want to resolve it and one day have children with you.”
Her mouth tightened a little. “You’re being presumptuous. I don’t want to argue with you about this either.”
He kissed her again. “We’re not arguing. We’re having a discussion.”
She laughed and suddenly relaxed against him, her arms going around him. “Look, for you, for the chance to be with you, I’ll entertain the idea of letting you knock me up. But not yet, okay?”
Joy spread through him, making his heart race. “You have a deal, Gia mine. After I ask you that question, if you say yes, then we’ll discuss the knocking, okay?”
She shivered a little and hugged him harder. “Okay.”
Sin tipped her head back and took her mouth in a possessive kiss. His woman. He knew it in his bones. He would never love another woman as he loved Gia. She was meant to complete him, complete his life. The issue of children would work itself out. He might not have asked her the big question but they were committed to each other. He knew that in his bones too.
As Gia melted in his arms, her body moving restlessly against his, Sin felt his cock stiffen. He turned, pulling her beneath him so he could make love to his woman and prove to her yet again who she belonged with forever.
Chapter Eight
Their night of classical music had been the most fun—aside from sex with Sin—that Gia had had in years. She felt as if ten years had fallen away. Her footsteps were light, her heart sang and she couldn’t stop grinning. Leaving Sin sprawled in the center of the bed, she headed downstairs to the kitchen. A cup of coffee and a bowl of Cocoa Puffs later, she decided to walk down to the mailbox.
She stepped out onto the flagstones and stretched in the warm midmorning sun, wishing she could strip naked and cavort in the golden rays like a child of the sixties. Grimacing at the tank top and sleep shorts she wore to keep from ending up naked on the internet, she padded barefoot down the driveway, happy to be home with Sin and free of schedules and other encumbrances for at least a few short weeks anyway.
Set into the wall that surrounded the property, the mailbox had a slit on the street side for the mailman and a door on the inside. Gia took out the fistful of papers the box contained. She sorted through the mail as she walked back to the house.
In the middle of the advertisements and coupons was a letter with a plain white surface, block letters and no postage. Gia began to shake, hardly able to open it because her fingers trembled so badly. She knew who had written the letter. She knew her whole world was about to be pitched into unimaginable darkness, yet she couldn’t stop herself from looking at the instrument of her destruction.
The rest of the mail fell to the ground as she pulled the single sheet of paper out of the envelope.
Dearest Gia,
I’ve missed you all these long months I’ve been away. The only time I had even a spark of happiness is when one of your songs came on the radio. You know I will always love you, Gia. Nothing can ever stop the beating of my heart for you.
I’ve seen all the tabloid rumors of your new affair with Sin Carstens. You know he cannot be half the man that I am. When we are together again, you will see that he is nothing but a child compared to me.
I don’t understand why you would become involved with a younger man, Gia. I thought you appreciated intelligent, mature men. I think you will be able to make the right choice when you see us side by side. After all, when choosing a lover, it does help if he’s breathing, right?
Looking forward to seeing you again and meeting Sin,
Your soul mate,
Mark
A strangled scream emerged from Gia’s throat as she stared at the letter in her hands. Dear God! Reinhardt had threatened Sin! Gia shook so hard her teeth chattered. Her skin felt icy cold and clammy. She stared at the block letters on the paper in horror, fear for Sin taking over every thought in her head.
Hands grabbed her and she screamed loudly, striking out with one bare foot at the person who held her tightly.
“Gia! Damn it, Gia! What’s wrong?” Wade yelled as he shook her a little.
She stared up at him for a moment, terror making her so nauseous she thought she might throw up on him. Then with a cry she buried her face in his t-shirt and held him tightly.
“Gia. Tell me what’s wrong? Why did you scream?”
Wade’s insistent voice brought her back from visions of Sin lying in a pool of blood, motionless and not breathing. With trembling hands, she offered him Reinhardt’s letter. Wade kept one arm around her as he read. Gia could feel the tension filling him.
“Sonofabitch!” he muttered, shoving the letter in his back pocket. “Gia, is this all you’re upset about?”
“Isn’t it enough?” she whispered as cold terror filled every part of her.
Wade let go of her and bent to scoop up all the mail. Straightening, he hugged Gia close to his side and steered her back to the house. In the kitchen, he pushed her onto a stool and poured her a new cup of coffee.
“Drink,” he ordered.
“Wade, he wants Sin. I can’t let him kill Sin. I would die too.” Her hoarse words didn’t sound like her and she realized panic had taken over, but she was helpless to stop it. “You can’t tell Sin. Promise me you won’t tell him about this.”
Wade shook his head. “No. I can’t promise that. Sin needs to know. This is a direct threat on his life.”
Gia tried to think but her brain felt fuzzy. “I can’t be with him. I have to send him away. He’ll be safe if Reinhardt thinks we broke up.”
“Gia, that’s no solution,” Wade told her in a low, concerned voice. “Sin’s a man. You can’t take his decisions away from him. Tell him the truth. Maybe he’ll agree to act as if you broke up.”
“No, no, no.” She shook her head vehemently. Visions of Sin lying dead threatened to take the last vestiges of sanity from her. “He has to go. He has to leave. He can’t be with me. I don’t want him here.”
“You’re not thinking clearly. This is wrong, Gia,” Wade warned as he pocketed the letters.
“What’s wrong? What happened?”
Gia turned away from Wade, her eyes meeting Sin’s. His irises shone dark blue with concern. He sto
od just inside the doorway in a pair of faded button-fly jeans, barefoot and bare-chested, his brown hair rumpled from sleep. Just looking at him broke Gia’s heart.
“Nothing happened,” she lied, fear fueling her inadequate acting skills. “I just told Wade about our argument.”
Sin frowned and took a few steps into the room. “I thought we’d settled that,” he said quietly.
She shook her head and schooled her expression into cool indifference. “No, we haven’t. I’m just too old to have kids. I don’t want to deal with the mess it would make of my life. I’m just so stupidly infatuated with you that I’d say anything to please you. And that’s wrong. You deserve the truth.”
Confusion settled on Sin’s handsome face, but his eyes grew wary. Out of the corner of her eye, Gia could see Wade’s ferocious frown. She made a shooing motion at him.
“Don’t you have something to check on, Wade?”
She spoke sternly to send him a warning and his eyes instantly flared with anger. He turned toward the kitchen door.
“I do have some very important calls to make, but Gia, you are wrong. Don’t do this.”
He shot her a fierce glare before slipping out of the house. Gia turned back to Sin, whose cautious expression held a hint of anger. She wanted to run to him and assure him that she loved him. She wanted his arms around her while she sobbed out her fears. She wanted to keep him where she could see him every minute of the day so that she knew Reinhardt didn’t have him. A shudder went through her and she fought back her rising tears. Sin was in danger and she had to send him away to save his life. That was the only thing she knew with any certainty.
She drew a shaky breath and tried to face Sin. “I can’t do the baby thing, Sin. I thought I could to please you, to have you, but I can’t. I can’t face it,” she lied. “I mean, can you see me on stage with a bulging belly? I sure don’t. And all the nights we’re up until all hours recording? I can’t do that if I’m pregnant or a mom.”
“Your excuses are pretty flimsy and shallow, Gia.” Sin’s words were hard and his expression matched them. “What happened to change your mind from last night?”
She shrugged as nonchalantly as she could. “I just decided I couldn’t keep up the masquerade. One day you would expect me to actually have sex with you without the condom.”
Her words elicited a major reaction from Sin. She saw the anger bloom on his face, a fury that flared out of control in his blue eyes.
“Who the fuck are you and where is my Gia?” he snarled and grabbed her biceps, shaking her a little.
Fighting tears, she glared at him as defiantly as she could. “This is who I am, Sin. Take it or leave it.”
They stared at each other for long moments. Sin’s jaw worked as he obviously fought with his impulses. Gia felt like a robot set on autopilot. She had to make him leave. She had to protect him. She couldn’t think beyond that, wouldn’t think about how badly it all hurt.
Finally, Sin dropped his hand from her arm and his expression turned ice-cold. “Okay. If that’s the way you want to play this, go ahead and throw us away. I’ll get my stuff and get out of your life.”
He walked toward the door and Gia drooped a little, overcome with pain, fear and relief that he’d bought her act. She gripped the edge of the counter, feeling faint as her heart thundered in her ears, making her head throb with excruciating pain. Sin turned abruptly, his eyes meeting hers. Something flashed across his face, a hint of puzzlement, but then it disappeared and he glared at her.
“You better think long and hard about your choices, Gianna Santora. Blowing hot and cold with a man like me isn’t the smartest thing you’ve ever done. And something doesn’t exactly ring true with your words. It all seems like a nice little act, but I’ll leave since you seem so determined to force me to break up with you over the issue of our future,” he told her in a low, grim voice.
Gia tilted up her chin, feeling nausea wash over her. He needed to leave before she gave it all away by puking up her breakfast.
“There’s no forcing being done here, Sin. We want different things from the future. You want me to be a baby-making machine and I want to make music. You can’t really do both in this business so it’s better for us both if we just stop now before things go any farther. This is what’s best for both of us and one day you’ll thank me for it,” she said in a haughty tone.
Sin shook his head. “You don’t know what’s best for me, Gia, and apparently, you don’t know what’s best for you, either.”
He left the room and instantly Gia sagged. She stumbled to the back door and ran to Wade’s guesthouse. Pushing open the door without knocking, she slammed it shut and leaned against it, fighting tears as pain spread behind her breastbone. She slid to the floor, huge sobs racking her frame. Hot tears escaped her control, spilling down her face. She hugged her arms around herself, feeling chilled and on fire at the same time.
Wade walked in from the bedroom, phone to his ear. He looked down at her and spoke into the phone, “Shit! I’ll get back to you. Gia’s losing it.”
He put the phone down and was at her side in three big steps. Going down on his haunches, he reached out and pulled her close. “I told you sending him away was a bad idea, Gia. It’s the wrong thing to do,” he scolded her as he picked her up and carried her to the couch.
“No! No! This is right! He needs to leave. Leak our breakup to the press. Do it now, Wade,” she sobbed. “I need him to be safe. I need him alive. Reinhardt can’t ever get him or I’ll go insane, I swear.”
Wade rocked her in his arms and she let the pain and fear take over until it became too much to bear and unconsciousness beckoned. She slid into the darkness without a whimper, wanting everything to just go away.
* * * * *
Sin’s anger and confusion fueled his swift packing of his suitcase. He called a cab and dragged himself and his bag out the front door. Wade appeared and blocked his way. Sin wanted to punch him. Of course, Sin wanted to punch something. Wade just happened to be there. He dropped his suitcase and clenched his fist, but the worried light in Wade’s gray eyes made him pause. Something wasn’t right. He could feel it in his bones. He’d caught a glimpse of stark terror on Gia’s face in the kitchen. It had confused him for a few moments until she’d pissed him off and in his anger, dismissed her expression of fear.
“Sin—” Wade started to say something then stopped. He ran a hand around the back of his neck. Then he said, “Gia isn’t herself.”
Sin snorted with disgust. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
Sympathy flooded Wade’s expression. “Look, she just needs a little time. Something happened this morning and it upset her.”
“What?” He raised a brow at the bodyguard, waiting for some kind of explanation for the nightmare his day, his life had become. “What happened, Wade? Tell me why Gia is sending me away. Make me understand how this is right.”
Wade sighed heavily and Sin grabbed a fistful of his t-shirt. “Tell me what’s wrong! You can lie to me like Gia did or you can be a man and tell me the fucking truth!” he growled furiously.
The sympathy on Wade’s face deepened. “I can’t tell you everything, but I can tell you that Gia feels that your life is in danger and she wants to distance herself from you to protect you,” the bodyguard said in a low voice. “I shouldn’t have even told you that much because she flipped out and made me promise not to. I tried to reason with her. I told her she needs to let you make your own decisions.”
The cryptic words only served to piss Sin off even more. Gia was trying to protect him? As if she was a mother hen and he a chick? No effing way. How could she treat him as if he couldn’t stand on his own two feet? Fury swirled within him and he let go of Wade’s shirt as the cab honked at the end of the drive.
“Fuck this. I don’t need this shit from either of you,” he spat angrily. “Gia needs to grow the fuck up and you need to just man up and tell me what’s wrong instead of hiding behind your promises to a wom
an who is acting totally whacked at the moment.”
Sin grabbed his suitcase and started down the drive. He jerked to a stop as Wade grabbed his arm.
“Wait! Tell me where you’re going, Sin. I’ll get back to you with the truth, I promise,” Wade pleaded. “There is a threat against your life. I don’t think it’s as serious as Gia believes, but I need to check it out and then I’ll contact you. If it is a viable threat, I’ll tell you everything. You have my word on that.”
“Even if it’s not a viable threat, you owe me the truth, Wade. Either you or Gia does.” Sin let out a frustrated breath. Then he dug into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He took out a card and gave it to Wade. “That’s my mom’s house. I’m going there until the tour starts up again. My cell number is on the back.”
Wade looked at the card then placed it in his pocket. “Okay, good.” His eyes met Sin’s. “Be careful, Sin. I mean it.”
For a long moment, Sin stared at Gia’s bodyguard, wondering what the hell he was doing. He’d never been the type to cut and run, yet he’d let Gia push him to that point in a matter of minutes. It was almost as if he’d expected her to dump him all along. The flash of terror he’d seen on her face replayed itself in his mind. Something was really, really wrong. He felt it in his bones. Despite the fact that Wade had said the threat had been about him, fear for Gia sliced through him.
“Take care of her, Wade,” he said huskily as the cab honked again. “I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to her. It doesn’t matter if I’m here or in Oregon or if we’re together or not, I still love her.”
Wade clapped him on the shoulder, his gray eyes warm. “I know you do, Sin. Hopefully, I’ll get this all settled in a couple of days and you can come back and make up with Gia. Just so you know, she does have kid issues. The whole band does. There’s James and his sterility, Joey’s custody battles with his ex-girlfriend, Derek’s worries about a gay man adopting. It’s a touchy subject for all of them. Gia included. Because of her age and the threats against her life. You just need to remember that she loves you and you love her.”
Rock My World Page 10
