Racing to Love: Eli's Honor

by Amy Gregory

  He gradually let the connection slip away. His fingers caressed her cheek as he pulled his hand back and winked at her once before turning away with her son at his side.

  She’d grown used to his affections. Now however, it was not at all like the seductive and sinful smiles and winks he’d given her over the last three weeks. The worry had been visible in his face, in the tic of his jaw, but Honor knew he was going to keep her son safe. It was the softened gaze in those hazel eyes that made her heart melt—and hurt. As the two walked up the path toward Karen and James’s garage where they had kept his bike under lock and key, her heart clenched. She couldn’t hear their words any longer, but the body language was loud and clear. They were so much more than student and trainer, and light years beyond buddies.

  This morning had been a mistake. Albeit a glorious, earth shattering, seeing stars kind of mistake. But, a mistake nonetheless. She hadn’t meant to fall asleep with him still in her room last night, and she sure as hell hadn’t meant to let him kiss her. That had been the springboard for the cliff she’d jumped off. One touch of his lips, one breathy sentence from his mouth, and she had been a goner.

  It was bad enough she’d gone and let him into her heart, it was bad enough that it was going to physically hurt to get on that plane next Tuesday, but seeing him with Dallas crushed her. Eli had slipped into the father-figure role so seamlessly she hadn’t even noticed how badly Dallas craved that from him. And only him.

  Dallas had never been close with Kolby, probably because the man wasn’t ever home. When he was, it was either icy in their small house or the yelling had the poor child disappearing into his shoebox-sized bedroom. He was attached to Mac. They were close, and he trusted him, but there was something different about his relationship with Eli. It was even more plain to see as they walked together. Obvious—so very obvious—her son loved him like he was his father.

  There they stood, near the garage doors, face-to-face, Eli’s hand on Dallas’s shoulder, her son nodding at Eli’s words.

  Then Eli hugged him.

  Not just a we’re buddies hug, or a manly quick, hard pat on the back. A hug—like a parent hugged their child when they were comforting them. Because he loved him.

  And Dallas returned the affection with vigor, with want, and with need.

  The scene forced the breath out of her, and she clutched her chest, the pain in her heart almost physical. She needed forever. The ring, the promises, the things that were so permanent that it was worth letting Dallas’s heart come into the picture.

  That was why she hadn’t dated. She didn’t want to play the field, or think about any other “fish in the sea.” She couldn’t bear the hurt her son would feel each time they walked back out the door. He was so vulnerable, so quick to trust, and so open hearted despite living around Kolby, and she didn’t want to see those qualities destroyed. Dallas hadn’t been devastated when his father was killed, sad yes, but world-ending—sadly, no.

  Kolby had never been around little kids until Dallas came along, and he made no real attempts to forge a relationship as Dallas got older. Honor didn’t know how father-son stuff was supposed to work, she didn’t have a brother, and she never had a father. Her uncle Travis had been overseas when Dallas was born, and unfortunately, didn’t make it back. He never got a chance to hold her new baby.

  Mac was a good role model. Mac was around, took him places, and worked with him on the track. Kolby had floated in and out of the four walls of their house, but other than that, he stepped back and left his brother to help raise his son.

  That had been working, until now. Seeing Eli with Dallas—that was how it was supposed to be. That was what a father and son looked like. How they acted together—the trust and admiration, the mutual respect, the fun and games, and helping with problems. Most of all—the love.

  Her fingers flew to her lips. “Oh my God,” She whispered to herself as she continued to watch them from a distance.

  Pictures and episodes rolled through her mind. Conversations, occurrences, all the things Eli had told Dallas and helped him with, the way they moved around each other, and the ease of their relationship. The rough-housing, jokes, and quiet moments she’d catch them in, or talking about life in general and how it affected Dallas as he sat on the verge of becoming a teenager. Eli’s guidance with a math problem, his steadiness when Dallas opened up regarding Kolby—it all came together like she was watching her own life in a movie.

  The confidence Dallas entered and left a room with had grown, along with the happiness. His whole personality had changed.

  The rest of them might see future podium greatness in her son, but it was painstakingly obvious to her that Dallas saw a future father in Eli.

  Tears sprung to her eyes without warning.

  Swiping at them before they could fall, she hugged her arms around herself, trying like hell to force the rest to wait until dark.

  She thought her decision about the summer had been hard before, now it was impossible. Eli’s whispered words of need and his attraction was crystal clear. The hugs and innocent touches weren’t as innocent as he may have tried to play off. Honor knew better. She knew what he wanted. When they were alone, he often pulled her close, his desires spoken with a warm heat near her ear.

  But there was a whole other side he never mentioned. All the demons in her head came screaming their warnings at her. She needed to go home and think. But really, there wasn’t anything to think about.

  Eli had never once mentioned a future, the long-term, concrete, and permanent kind…and she wasn’t going to ask for it. She would not use her son as bait.

  “Earth to Honor. Hey…honey?” Molly asked.

  Honor hadn’t even realized Molly had moved closer to her side. She glanced sideways at her, through the tears still threatening to fall. One look at Molly and she had to bite her lip, trying anything to keep her pain to herself.

  “Oh, Honor. He’s going to be all right. Eli and the guys will make sure of that, I promise.”

  Not trusting her own voice, all she could do was slowly shake her head no at Molly’s words. Standing so close, Molly’s face dropped, and it was clear she understood the problem.

  “Oh, honey. You really like him, don’t you?”

  She felt both Karen and Molly’s arms slide around her back to hug her between the two of them. With the back of her hand, Honor wiped the trickle off her cheek their gesture caused.

  How did she explain the craziness whirling around in her head when she couldn’t decipher the madness herself? Making a pro-con list like in high school wasn’t even an option, because real people with real feelings were involved. And who was she kidding, the pro side outweighed the other a million-to-one.

  Forever. She needed— No, she had to have forever. Anything less wasn’t even a consideration.

  He was young and free, he didn’t need an instant family. And that’s all she had to offer him.

  The small group walking back from the garage with Dallas, and the dirt bike in the middle, caught her attention. They were all serious, trying to keep the mood somewhat jovial. Dallas started laughing animatedly, and Eli grabbed his upper arm, punching his shoulder lightly in fun then took him under his arm, running his knuckles over her son’s head. The rest of the group joined in the fun and games, their roar of laughter had a smile tugging at her lips. From a distance, their enjoyment appeared to be at Eli’s expense.

  “You do know Eli adores that child, don’t you, Honor?” Karen asked, breaking back through her focus.

  Honor swallowed hard. She must be transparent to the two women surrounding her, and it wasn’t lost on Honor that these women were his family, not hers. There was a subtle undertone of a warning in Karen’s question.

  It hurt, but she answered honestly. “Yes, Karen. I do know.”

  Molly rubbed her back. “You know he is falling for you too, right?”

  “But Molly, I don’t date,” she rushed out. “I keep my son’s world as safe from pain as I ca
n. He’s been through too much already.”

  “That may work at home, Honor, with other men, in other circumstances, but you’re in a different place here. Those two are together twenty-four-seven, all three of you are. And I’m telling you, that man has never been happier. His whole personality changed after his wreck. He lost so much of the soul and the life that we all loved dearly. With you and Dallas, he’s finding his way back. He’s finally happy again.”

  Honor could understand Molly’s concern, and she appreciated what was probably a compliment, but it only made the guilt even heavier to bear.

  “But—”

  “Don’t run away from something that could be a good thing for all of you,” Molly said, hesitation in her voice.

  “Molly is right, Honor. We can all see the wonderful dynamic you have between the three of you. When Dallas is with me, that child talks endlessly of Eli. He thinks that man walks on water.” Karen smiled, the sympathetic grin tugging at the corners of her mouth.

  “I know, Karen, I really do. You should see the two of them at home. But what if it doesn’t work out? How can I put Dallas through that?”

  Molly grinned like the Cheshire cat. “You realize you already know where your heart is?”

  Honor furrowed her brow, the question catching her off guard, and waited for Molly to explain.

  “You just referred to ‘home’…and not your house in Tennessee.” The light in Molly’s eyes danced, and Honor could see the wheels spinning in the sweet woman’s head.

  Karen patted her arm and spoke softly. “Here they come, girls. Molly and I will be here for you if you want to talk, honey. Anytime.”

  With Carter walking the dirt bike for Dallas, Karen opened her arms for him, gathering him close with the pure love and joy of a grandmother for her grandson. Honor watched as her son walked straight into the hug.

  She barely got hugs when they were at home, and generally only in private. With the sunlight warming their faces, surrounded by a large group of people, the pride lit up Dallas’s face. Accepting the affection Karen offered him as if he expected nothing less.

  Pulling back, Karen raised an eyebrow and quirked her mouth. “You go kick his ass, you hear me, Son?”

  Motion at her side caught Honor’s attention as Molly and Brody both slapped a hand over their mouths in perfect synchronization. From behind, James clasped Dallas’s shoulder.

  “You know, Son, that’s a rare occasion.” James’s tension faded noticeably, the start of a grin replacing the frustration Honor knew he held against the other boy. “She never uses foul words unless she wants to really drive her point across. And only in the company of family.” James winked.

  Her son’s face beamed, and Honor faked a grin at the joke until James gave her a nod as if to drive in his point.

  A light breeze blew and a wave of chills rushed over her skin. Only she knew the bumps weren’t from the cold air.

  Molly’s knowing smile in Honor’s direction was almost a smirk. Honor shut her eyes for a long moment to steel herself then did her best to paste on a smile of her own.

  “Okay, you guys go fill in the spots on the track where we discussed. I want all eyes on my boy here. And you, Son,” James tipped his chin to Dallas, the wicked glimmer of his eyes was infectious. “You. Go. Kick. His. Ass.”

  A pained grin spread over her face as James and Dallas did some made-up handshake she’d never seen Dallas do before. Just another nod at how comfortable he felt here, how accepted he’d become. Like James’s statement—almost as if he was one of them—like he was family. Then Molly proved her theory correct.

  Nudging Honor with her elbow, Molly leaned in, her voice soft but full of love. “That’s from when Brody and I were kids. Dad’s been forever trying to teach it to Chance and the twins, but they’re little and haven’t gotten it down yet. Mom said he was tickled to death after he taught it to Dallas.”

  The air escaped from her chest as if she’d been punched in the stomach. Honor swallowed hard with no comment to Molly’s admission. Dallas accepted James’s bear hug and turned in her direction.

  “I love you, buddy. Be careful, okay?”

  “I will, Mom.”

  That was it. That was all she got before he turned with Carter and Jesse and walked to the starting line of the track. She let out a soft snort watching him walk away, though it didn’t upset her in the least. Eli squeezed her hand then let it slip away as he and Emery turned to follow them.

  Her mind should be on the impromptu race. Instead, she had a hundred thoughts vying for attention as she watched the group.

  “You know, I want to tell you something, Honor.” James’s words caught her. She let out an uneasy breath and gave him her full focus. “We’ve always interviewed applicants and have been very selective about who this school admits. That boy had been here two years prior to this, and we had no reason to think we’d have any problem with him or his brother. I have to say I’m truly embarrassed, and I sincerely apologize with all my heart, honey. I know this can’t be easy to watch.”

  “James, really…please, no. Like I told Eli, unfortunately we’ve dealt with this before. It frustrates me, but his Uncle Mac always just glosses over it like it’s a part of racing—”

  “It can be,” he interrupted. “I’m not saying it never happens. But it shouldn’t. It’s racing. I understand everyone is there to win, but it should be done fairly and with good sportsmanship. What happened yesterday was way beyond a bad pass, Honor. I’m just so thankful he wasn’t hurt more than he was.”

  James opened his arms for her, and before she knew it, she was walking into them without a second thought. Accepting the hug as if it was second nature. He ran a spread palm down her hair and patted her back. A pang hit her out of nowhere, and she shuffled back out of his hold.

  That’s what it might have felt like to have a father love her.

  Honor did her best to keep the tears at bay. She wasn’t an overly affectionate person with anyone other than Dallas, but over the last few weeks, this loving, boisterous family was pulling her in.

  What James just sparked in her? Dallas needed that. He needed a father.

  “So now that your man isn’t standing here?” James asked.

  His quick change of subject and teasing voice had Honor pulling a quick breath. Embarrassed by his insinuation, but relieved at the change of subject.

  There was a snicker from her other side. Honor whipped her head to Molly, whose smile looked like the cat that ate the canary. On their own accord, her jaw dropped open and her eyes went wide.

  A fingertip from the other side of her pushed her mouth closed.

  Stunned, she blinked at Karen as she put her hand back down. Turning back to Molly, she tried to silently tell her to quit chuckling.

  “Seriously, Honor?” James snickered. “You really think it’s not obvious, honey?”

  She felt the heat dance across her cheeks and then down her neck and chest. Tilting her head, she cringed. “Not you, too?”

  Ignoring Honor’s embarrassment, Molly continued, “So are we still good with the arcade?”

  Shifting gears, Honor blinked a couple of times, pausing to catch up at yet, another change in subject. Dizzy from the family’s ability to knock her off balance, she thought back to the last bit of information she had on their secret plans and nodded.

  “Yeah, Jesse told Dallas to ask Eli about the arcade about one. He’s positive Eli will jump on it and offer to take him. If we can get them out of the house shortly after that, we should be good. I just need a couple of hours to throw together what had to wait to be cooked or baked. Carter told Dallas to try to keep Eli entertained for about three hours.” She glanced at Molly. “Then, get this, did you know Carter snuck him his cell phone so Dallas can text Jesse’s phone when they’re leaving?”

  Molly was grinning as she nodded, and Honor continued with a smile of thankfulness. “I will say Dallas feels very special. When Jesse and Carter took him aside, and they had their priv
ate powwow to devise a plan that included him, just made his day.”

  She let out a huff. “But damn it—I want to ring Eli’s neck. We’ve been here almost a month, and he didn’t tell me his birthday was coming up? And a big one? I feel like such a heel. If it weren’t for Jesse saying something last night, I’d have never even known about it.”

  Karen rubbed Honor’s arm. “No, please don’t, sweetie. We tried to tell you. Up until you got here, the last couple of years, Eli has been just getting by. He lives with an incredible amount of pain. Still, no matter how hard our daughter tries to convince him to investigate other doctors, he refuses. He works so hard here at the academy, but other than our musical dinner tables…that’s his life. He’s not the same fun-loving, ready to pull a prank with the boys, guy that he was before the accident.”

  “At least, that’s how he had been until he came back from Tennessee.” Molly hinted, nudging Honor with her elbow.

  “Girls, they’re getting ready to start. I want to be at the finish line. You ladies spread out so you can help watch,” James directed.

  Just like that, the tone of the conversation changed again. The loop from serious to fun and back was starting to make Honor woozy. At the rev of the two motors her mind was wiped clean of other worries, and she focused on one thing as her gaze followed Dallas down to the ninety-degree corner and through the first straightaway.

  She wished Eli was by her side, holding her hand, or maybe with his arm around her waist for support.

  With a gasp, she pushed that thought out of her mind as fast as it came.

  Honor shielded her eyes from the morning sun so she could see as they rounded into the first set of whoops. Dallas pulled away. He had several strong suits, but sailing over the small mounds was his specialty.