It must be possible because…because otherwise, she’d just been talking smutty with Austin.
Which was not something her mind was going to accept.
“Dal?”
He held up a finger as he read a text message, then snapped the phone closed and smiled. “What’s up?”
“Do I complete you?”
“What?” He laughed. “Did you see Jerry Maguire on cable last night or something?”
“Do I complete you?”
Dal took a step backward. “Do you think I need completing?”
“Don’t you?”
He shook his head. “See, I don’t think a guy should look for someone else to provide what’s missing in his life. He should already be a whole person.”
Good point. Excellent point. Perfectly acceptable point. “So you don’t need me.”
He took her hand and brushed his thumb across her knuckles. “Not need, want.”
“Why?”
Irritation flashed across his face. “Babe, do we have to discuss this now?” He lowered his voice. “We could go somewhere private, maybe get a hotel room. Yeah. Let’s do that.” He smiled his most winsome smile. “Instead of telling you how much I want you, I’ll show you.”
As usual. “You just want to use sex to distract me.”
He looked up at her from beneath raised eyebrows. His signature look. “Is it working?”
“Not this time.”
His expression abruptly changing from coaxing to frustration, Dallas dropped her hand. “I don’t know what you want from me, Cara!”
You can’t have what you want until you ask for it. “I want to know why you love me.”
“Not this again,” she heard him mutter under his breath. “Look, you’re great for me. Right from the very beginning—and I’m talking back in school—you saw me. Like in The Wizard of Oz when they see behind the curtain. When everybody else is looking at the smoke and mirrors, you see me behind the curtain.” He quirked a smile at her. “And you love me anyway.”
“I do.” Cara felt a rush of affection for him. She’d just have to accept that talking about deep emotions wasn’t his style. “You want to go to lunch with the guys, don’t you?”
“Yeah, we thought we’d check out the microbrewery where they get the beer next door.” He tilted his head. “Are we okay?”
“We will be.”
However, his twin might not be.
After Dallas left, Cara went back to the dressing room, fully expecting to find it occupied. Surprised that it wasn’t on such a busy day, she entered and knocked once on the wall. “You still there, sailor?”
“Aye, aye, Cap’n.”
She’d aye-aye him. So he’d waited at the scene of the crime. “You know, I was thinking…we hardly spend any time alone.” Wasn’t that the truth. “Let’s stay in Rocky Falls tonight. I have to meet with the florist at one o’clock, and the photographer wants us to check out the park. Why don’t you book the room and I’ll get us a romantic picnic supper.”
There was a telling silence. “That’s not a good idea.”
“It’s a wonderful idea! It’ll save us an extra trip up here.”
“I can’t tonight. I’ve got a full schedule.”
“That’s what you always say!” Cara added a loud sniff. “If…if I’m important to you at all, meet me at the gazebo at five-thirty.”
AUSTIN CLOSED his eyes. All he’d wanted was the memory, something to keep for himself. And knowing that he’d told her he loved her. Cara was going to marry Dallas, and Austin had to live with that for a very long time. She’d shown him what an arrogant ass he’d been. And he believed her because she was the only woman he’d ever known who saw right through his brother. Now, it was time for damage control.
ALL AFTERNOON, Cara expected to get a phone call from Austin telling her that Dallas was sorry, but he couldn’t make it. If Austin was really desperate, he’d borrow Dallas’s cell phone so his number would show on Cara’s caller ID and cancel that way.
If…if I’m important to you at all, meet me at the gazebo at five-thirty. She’d never issue a juvenile ultimatum like that. She’d just wanted Austin to squirm. In a bad way, not a good way.
Cara had several very different reactions to learning that she’d been talking to Austin. Oddly, embarrassment wasn’t one of them. She’d thought she was having a little sexy fun with the man she was going to marry—nothing to be embarrassed about.
Austin had known it, too. And that was unforgivable. It had gone way beyond a joke. Deceiving her that way wasn’t in Austin’s character. So why had he done it? If he actually showed up at the gazebo, she was going to ask him.
What she’d do with the answer, she had no idea.
After she and the florist had discussed flowers, they walked over to the Rocky Falls Community Church to assess the space. The florist had been wildly enthusiastic about the Chrysanthemum Wedding, as it was now called. All shades of pink ranging from the very lightest next to the bride and groom, to the deepest rose on the outside of the aisles, would be echoed in the floral choices.
Hadn’t anyone ever thought of it before? Cara was an interior designer—she knew about making a dramatic impact and focal points and using color. She also knew how easy it was to get carried away at the expense of the budget. She was lucky her parents wanted to pay for most of the wedding. But that wasn’t why she’d stayed behind at the church after the florist left.
It was a contemporary church with sleek lines, blond wood and natural stone. The silence made it a good place to think, which was why Cara was sitting here.
When she’d thought she’d made the deeper emotional connection with Dallas, she had felt such relief to have identified the source of her “something’s not right” feeling. Only, it turned out she hadn’t connected with Dallas. She hadn’t connected with Austin, either. It was all just a fake.
She still needed that deeper, emotional connection, the feeling she was sharing her soul with someone who felt that way, too. Dallas didn’t need that. He loved her and that was enough for him.
Why wasn’t it enough for her? Why couldn’t she accept that they had different love styles? Maybe hers was a female style and his was a male style. She might have believed all couples were like that if Austin hadn’t told her why he supposedly loved her. He had been sharing his soul.
Whether he meant it or not wasn’t the issue—for now anyway. Solving the problem he’d unerringly illustrated was the issue.
Cara reached into her purse for the notebook she kept with her always. She’d identified the problem, now she’d list solutions.
She could continue trying to connect with Dallas, maybe get him into some couples’ therapy. Except that Dallas would easily learn to say the right words and charm the therapist.
So, if he never tapped into his deeper emotions, she could accept what they had, which was pretty darn good, or walk away and hope she could find that connection with someone else, someone not named Varnell.
She was like a game-show contestant who had to bet a perfectly good prize for a chance to see what was behind door number two.
It was late afternoon, and she needed to get on the road back to Houston. It was tempting to drive on out of town, but she swung by the park first in case Austin actually showed up.
She turned off the ignition, and from the parking lot, she could see a man standing in the gazebo.
Slamming the car door, Cara started down the narrow asphalt path toward the gazebo. She had no idea what to say to him, so she was just going to wing it.
“Hey, there you are!” He bounded down the steps and met her on the path. “This place is great. We’re going to get some awesome pix.”
Dallas smiled down at her and leaned in for a kiss.
Dallas. This was not one of the possibilities she’d considered.
“Hey, where’s the food? I thought we could walk over to the falls and eat there.”
“The last I heard, you were too busy, so I didn’t exp
ect to see you.” Cara wondered how he was going to play this.
Dallas draped an arm around her waist. “I knew how important this was to you, babe.”
They began walking on the paved path that would lead them to the falls. The falls weren’t high or dramatic, just unexpected in this area of Texas, and remarkably pretty.
Their rushing sound camouflaged Cara’s silence, but not the buzzing of Dallas’s cell phone.
“What’s up?” He listened and said, “Nah. Don’t worry about it,” before flipping the phone shut. “Bad news on the hotel room. There’s some festival going on in New Braunfels and rooms are booked solid everywhere. Austin found a motel, but said it looked hinky.”
“That’s okay. It was a spur-of-the-moment idea.”
They’d reached the first of many “scenic photo opportunities” and sat on one of the wooden benches, a thoughtful gift from Mr. and Mrs. Julian Wainright, according to the tasteful brass plaque.
They stared at the falls. “You had something planned tonight, didn’t you?” she asked.
“No big deal.” His mouth tilted up. “Austin is going to cover for me. At least he’s going to try.”
“What was it?”
“Oh—” he shrugged it off “—sponsors’ party in the owner’s box at the stadium. Austin has been there before, so he knows the layout.”
“And if people mistake him for you, so much the better.”
“Yeah, but he’d be doing it even if he weren’t my twin.”
“Because you’re covering for him,” Cara said.
The falls splashed in the background. Dallas looked at her carefully. She could see him trying to figure out what she knew and what she didn’t know.
“The only reason you’re here is because Austin talked to you and told you what happened.”
Dallas didn’t say anything.
“I didn’t know I was talking to him until you brought the shirts and I figured out you couldn’t be in two places at once.”
“No,” he admitted.
“You were trying to protect my feelings.”
Dallas shifted on the bench and raised his eyebrows. “From what he told me, I figured that was the way to go.”
Cara felt a rush of affection. “You know what, Dallas? I don’t think I’ve ever loved you more than I do right at this very moment.”
“For real?”
She nodded. “What you’re doing shows great sensitivity. You put my feelings ahead of an important gathering of moneymen. Why, this must be the sponsorship kickoff.”
Dallas shifted again. His heel began to bounce up and down.
Cara continued, “The whole football season could be impacted by the tone of this party. You need to have someone who can make sure things are hopping and the mood is exciting and that everyone believes the team is headed for the playoffs.”
Dallas glanced at her and then away. He twisted the heavy class ring he wore.
“But you jeopardized all that—and you did, because we both know Austin will be way out of his element. You jeopardized all that to put me first.”
“It was Austin’s idea,” he muttered.
And that was why Dallas wasn’t right for her. Cara took pity on him. “I know. But you went along with it and I’ll never forget that.”
“Yeah, well.” Both feet were tapping now and he stared at his hands.
“Dallas.”
He looked at her.
“Why did you ask me to marry you that night? We’d never discussed marriage.”
He blew out his breath. “You were so unhappy. I wanted you to be happy. You’re good for me. And I’m good for you, right?”
“Yes.” But there needed to be so much more.
“And I love you. I do, Cara.”
She looked into his handsome face. He meant it. He truly did. “But you’re not in love with me.”
“Love, in love, it’s the same thing.”
“No, it’s not.” She smiled and kissed his cheek. “I need someone who’s in love with me.” She pulled off her engagement ring and handed it to him. “Someday when you know the difference, you’ll thank me.”
He stared at the ring. “You’re breaking up with me?”
“I’m not thrilled about it. But here’s what would happen. I would keep bugging you about telling me how you feel and you would resent it. We’d argue. I’d be unhappy and you would start avoiding me. And then I’d nag you about that. In a few years, we’d hate each other.”
“Gee, Cara.” Dallas took the ring. As he twisted it in his fingers, the diamond caught the afternoon light. “Are you in love with Austin?” He sounded bitter and Cara had never heard that before.
“No.” She shook her head. “No, no and no.”
“But you’re attracted to him.”
“He’s your identical twin. Clearly, he’s my type. Now hurry up and call him so you can get to the party.”
Dallas pressed his forehead to hers. “I would have married you.”
“I know.”
“I don’t understand why my love wasn’t enough.”
“I know that, too. But you will find someone and you will fall in love with her and then you’ll understand. And when you do, you call me and say, ‘Now I get it.’ Okay?”
“Deal.” Leaning back, he grinned his patented Dallas grin. “Until then…friends with benefits?”
“No!”
Laughing, Dallas flipped open his phone. “Dude, we’re busted. Get back here and pick me up.” As he closed the phone, he checked his watch. “He’s already thirty minutes down the road.”
Cara dug in her purse. “Take my car.” She handed him the keys. “Austin can drive me back.”
Dallas jingled the keys as he gave her a measuring look. “Do me a favor and don’t cancel the wedding until you talk with Austin.”
The wedding. Her mother. Ugh.
“Just a few adjustments to the guest list and a couple of new groomsmen and you’re good to go.”
“Dal!”
“I’m just sayin’.”
4
HE WASN’T SORRY.
Austin walked toward the bench where Cara sat staring at the falls. No matter how bad this conversation got, he wasn’t sorry for telling her how he felt.
And he wasn’t sorry for the sexy talk, either. Sure, he wished he could have prevented her from feeling embarrassed. He regretted wronging his brother, which he’d actually been trying to avoid. Rather than let his feelings boil away inside and perhaps explode in the future, he’d sought to release them safely.
To be honest, he was only sorry he’d been caught. That’s right, Austin Varnell, straightest of straight arrows, had been a naughty boy.
So sue him.
That probably wasn’t the best attitude to take into a conversation with his future sister-in-law.
Truly, he was only a rebel in his mind. He would do the gentlemanly thing and deliver a groveling apology with repeated assurances that he Didn’t Think of Her That Way.
In other words, he would lie, because how could he not think of her that way? She’d run toward him naked, flung herself into his arms and kissed him. He didn’t have to imagine what she looked like—he knew. So when he’d described massaging her with oils, he could visualize her body perfectly. And had. And would for a very long time.
And he was about to tell her he wouldn’t. Right.
Austin wasn’t good at lying, but he was good at keeping his feelings hidden. Sometimes.
Cara had noticed him and was watching as he approached the bench.
She was so…so Cara. The Cara who had made him realize that he’d had a little superiority thing going on. That he’d mistakenly believed that people who laughed and talked about nothing were shallow and not worth their time. Cara had taught him that socializing had value. He’d never be a natural at it like Dal, but he was no longer the supercilious lump on the sofa, either.
But what had he given to her? Nothing good.
Austin reached the bench, ope
ned his mouth to deliver the apology that would allow them to meet at future family gatherings with a minimum of awkwardness—and told her, “I’m not sorry. And I meant every word I said. Every. Single. Word.” Then he sat down.
He’d never been good at lying.
“Is that supposed to make me feel better? Because it doesn’t.”
“I feel better.”
“This isn’t about you.” She gave him a withering look and stared out at the falls. “Why did you let me think you were Dallas?”
“Because it was the only chance I would ever have to talk to you as a lover. I could tell you how I felt and you’d never know. So I went for it.”
“I’d never know?” She looked at him in disbelief. “You didn’t think there’d be a conversation like, ‘Oooh, Dal, let’s do the massage thing.’ ‘What massage thing?’ ‘You know, with the special oil? The one we fantasized about in the dressing room that day?’ You didn’t think there’d ever be a conversation like that?” She threw her hands up in the air.
“Dal’s next line would have been ‘I don’t remember—why don’t you remind me.’ And then neither of you would have cared,” Austin said.
He thought he saw a flicker of a smile before she turned away.
“You’ve ruined massages for me.”
“I can fix that.”
“Stop it,” she said coldly. “Flirting with your brother’s fiancée is completely out of line.”
Except while she’d been flinging her hands around, Austin had noticed something. He reached for her left hand and rubbed his thumb over her bare ring finger. “Are you still my brother’s fiancée?” Dal hadn’t said anything, but Dal was mad at him right now and justifiably so.
Cara snatched her hand away and crossed her arms. “No.”
Austin’s heart began beating in heavy thuds. “Then I’m not out of line.”
“You think you can just move right in? One brother is as good as another? Maybe I won’t notice the difference? You two are nothing alike! Dal would never sneak around behind your back and do what you did. He genuinely loved me—in his comfortable, easy-breezy way. He has no idea that love can be so…” She gestured as she sought the words. “Intense. Rich. Deep.” She dropped her hands. “More.”
One-Click Buy: June 2009 Harlequin Blaze Page 45
