by Harper Bliss
“But… I’m moving on, Tess,” Laura says while she turns on her side. “With you.” She draws her lips into a small smile. Her skin looks a bit ashen and the wrinkles around her eyes seem to have deepened overnight. “And I may have a hell of a hangover today, but I remember every word I said to you last night.”
“I love you,” I say again. “Now you should probably go back to sleep.”
“What if the bear returns?” There’s laughter in Laura’s eyes now.
“I’ll pretend it’s a teddy bear and cuddle it profusely,” I joke, waiting.
“I love you too.” Her eyes have gone serious again. “And I’m not going anywhere either.”
Thirty-Three
Laura
“Where are you taking me?” Tess asks. I picked her up at The Ledger’s office just when I thought the light outside was beginning to look perfect. That thin strip of time between late afternoon and early evening when it changes into something out of this world, takes on a glow of purples and oranges you can only find in nature.
“You’ll see.” I drive us in my old Honda to Tess’s land. It’s not far and Tess is a smart girl. She’s just playing dumb to amuse us.
“Laura Baker, full of mysteries.” She puts her hand on my knee and squeezes tightly.
“We’ve arrived.” I park my car where Tess parked hers when she took me here first. I couldn’t tell her at the time, let alone admit it to myself, but it was the first time I could possibly conceive of Tess and me as a ‘thing’. It was impossible not to recognize the sparks flying between us, the chemistry that coated our words and, perhaps, shaped how we sat and looked at each other. We were becoming fast friends and, underneath the platonic falling in love that happens when you make a new friend like that, something else was stirring. That’s why I wanted to bring her back here. This place means something to me now, and not a lot of places in Nelson do, because I don’t have much history in this town yet.
“Well, what a surprise,” Tess says, her voice dripping with irony. “I would never have guessed.” She turns to me, her eyes shiny with glee. “It’s the pull of the land, Laura, I get it.”
If she keeps this up, I’ll never be able to make my heartfelt request. But Tess knows when to shut up, despite her big mouth and the words that just keep rolling from it. She knows when a moment calls for silence, which makes her even more perfect for me.
I have questioned Tess’s perfection, because how can any person be so good at so many things? How can she be so patient and so understanding and so pretty at the same time? It seems like an impossible combination. Because Tracy was these things too when we first met. She picked up the broken pieces of my daughter-heart long after I had cut off contact with my parents. She restored my faith in humanity, and she was a looker as well. Until she destroyed my heart all over again.
But what I see now, is the difference between them. Every day, I see where Tess comes from. I know the people who made her into the person she is and, every time, I think, how can she not be the amazing woman that she is? And I stop questioning her perfection because she’s not perfect—no one is—but what she is, is perfect for me. She’s the light to my darkness. The voice to my stillness. The smile to my sad face.
“Give me a hand, will you?” I hand Tess the blanket I brought. It’s hot and humid outside and sweat already pools in the small of my back. I’m wearing a t-shirt that Tess gave me a week ago, saying, “I think it’s time the color of your t-shirts started reflecting the color I’ve brought into your life.” Only Tess can say things like that without making them sound silly—can make me believe something like that. She handed me a turquoise v-neck and said it would bring out the color of my eyes.
Once we’ve sat down and I’ve handed her a bottle of beer from the cooler I brought, I say, “I did some research and building a house here is not inconceivable.”
Tess looks at me from under her lashes. If she’s surprised at all by what I just said, she doesn’t show it. “Research, huh?”
“Just looking to the future.” I look at her, because, especially in this light, and on this evening, I can’t keep my eyes off her. To her left, the sun is sinking deeper, but still blasting Texas heat. It’s June now and Chicago will be warming up, getting ready for its own hot and humid summer. I look at her because she is my future.
“I always knew bringing you here had impressed you,” Tess says.
What I’ve learned is that, unless I reveal something nasty about my past that snaps her right out of whatever’s going on in her head, it’s not possible to cut right to the chase with Tess. She always has a deflection ready, a quip to steer the conversation any way she’d like it to go.
“What I’m trying to say”—I’ve also learned to, when I really want to make a point, ignore Tess’s defense mechanisms—“is that I can see us living here someday.”
She’s silent for a few seconds, then says, “Are you going to build us a house, Laura?” That smirk she’s sporting slowly develops into a smile.
“I’m not sure my DIY skills stretch that far.” I inch a little closer and take her hand in mine. “I can’t do what you’ve done for me, Tess. I can’t even take you to meet my parents, show you where I come from. Maybe one day we’ll go to Chicago and I’ll show you the place where I was happy once, but it would be a mere act of looking back. I know I need to look forward now. Moving to Nelson was the first step I took. I hadn’t even thought it through properly. I just needed to get away and came here because of Aunt Milly, and then I met you. And you started pestering me, and charming me, and getting under my skin. And look at us now? I’m not the same woman who left Chicago, and that’s all down to you.”
“What can I say?” Tess winds her fingers tightly around mine. “Meeting a dark, handsome stranger with brooding, mysterious blue eyes brings out the pestering side of me.” She lifts up my hand and plants a kiss on it. “You may not realize it, but you’ve done plenty for me too.”
“There is one more thing you can do for me.” I take control of our joined hands and bring them to my lips. I kiss the tip of her index finger, then take it into my mouth.
From the way she cocks her head, I can tell that Tess is catching my drift. The sun is low now, but still strong enough to illuminate the activity I’m referring to in a way that would please me. “What would that be?” Tess gets that smoldering look in her eyes—a look I haven’t always been able to reciprocate.
“I want you to make me come on your land.” It sounds quite ridiculous when I say it like that—not that it sounded more dignified in my head when I hatched my plan. “I want to make love to you here, outside, in the last of the light, and I want you to look me straight in the eyes when you do.” It’s my way of saying that I want to surrender to her completely, that I want to expel the cobwebs from my brain—those memories of what I’ve done and what was done to me that tend to pop up at the most inconvenient times.
“Okay.” Tess nods solemnly. Her defenses are all down now. My honesty has that effect on her. “I will happily oblige.” She scooches a little closer, the hem of her dress riding up in the process, giving me a nice view of her thigh. “I’m cool that way.” She leans in to kiss me. It’s not a gentle kiss, but one with purpose and determination. “You really are full of surprises,” she says when we break apart and she pushes me down onto the blanket. She gazes down at me. “What if someone comes along?”
I shake my head. “I scouted the place at this time of the day on various occasions. No one comes here.”
Tess chuckles, her lips curving into a grin. “Of course, you have.” She gives a knowing smile. “But you’ll see, the universe is crazy that way, today of all days, someone will drive past.”
“The prospect of that will only make me come so much harder,” I whisper. This calls Tess back to the task at hand. She bites her bottom lip, nods again, and leans in.
Tess folds her long body over mine, curls her hands around my neck and kisses me until, when I open my eyes again, the sun
has sunk dangerously low. “I want it to be light,” I whisper as soon as I get the chance.
Tess understands and proceeds to hoist up my t-shirt, exposing my bare chest. “No bra, huh?” She narrows her eyes. “I hope you know it’s a sign of how respectful I am toward you that I didn’t even notice.” She doesn’t wait for a response—and I’m sure she did notice, but just didn’t say anything about it—and goes straight for a nipple, sucking it hard between her lips.
My bare chest exposed to the air like that feels like the entirety of nature connecting with my body. Tracy would never have been up for this. She was way too controlling for that. Which is why I picked this spot, why I wanted some out-door loving. Stop it, a voice in my head scolds me, because this is what I do and once my thoughts start spiraling down, there really is no return. I brought Tess to this spot to ban Tracy from my mind and, if only for the next fifteen minutes, the ghost of Tracy Hunt will leave me in peace. It’s the only way I can move forward, remove myself from my past—and the only way for me to enjoy this.
Tess pushes my breasts together and looks at them as though they are the singular biggest feast ever offered to her in her life. By the way her breath is coming faster, and her fingers start kneading more profoundly, I can tell she’s beginning to lose herself. That she doesn’t care that we are doing this out in the open, free from the privacy and, more importantly for me, the oppressing constraints of a house, a room, a bed. On this field, in this light—dimming, but still there—is the only place where I can feel completely free.
Rachel always used to say, after one of her conquests ended in a one-night stand, “When you know, you know, and I know she’s not the one.” In this very moment, I know Tess is the one. I can’t even rationally explain it, which is an even bigger leap for me than taking a chance at dating her, but I just know. As her lips reach the waistband of my jeans, and she plants kiss after kiss on the sensitive skin there, and I can’t even see her face, all I see is her. Her smile and the kindness it radiates. How her eyes light up every time she looks at me.
Tess unsnaps my jeans, lowers the zipper, and starts tugging them down. I’m not sure me kicking my legs about in an excited fashion is helping, but I’m eager—oh so eager—for what’s to come, and I don’t want to miss my moment. I don’t want this evening to fail me.
Once my jeans and underwear are off me, I spread my legs wide. And, oh, the sensation of the hot Texas breeze on my nether lips, of being exposed to nature, of doing this under a slowly darkening sky, is more than enough to flood my clit with pulsing desire.
Tess climbs up until her face is level with mine, her knee pressing between my legs. She doesn’t say anything, just looks at me as though she effortlessly understands why I need this. She kisses me long and deep, while her hand follows the path her lips traced earlier. It halts at a nipple to pinch it into a hard peak, before slowly meandering down over the expanse of gooseflesh my skin has become, until her finger hovers over my clit. Though I can’t feel it, it’s as if I can sense the promise in its proximity there. We break from our passionate lip-lock and she gazes into my eyes. It’s not easy to just glance back at her without qualms, to make like I’m very self-assured about this. But what Tess has done so swiftly, so easily, is peel away a thick layer of fear I was carrying around with me. She scratched it away to reveal a little more of my true self to her with every day that has passed. And that’s why I can now, finally, give myself up to her, here, on her land, where, I hope, one day we’ll live together.
Tess’s finger slips and slides along my wet, wet lips. Her mouth twitches in a display of focus and her eyes narrow as she pushes inside of me. And as she does, I know I’m home. Not because of the land, or because I’ve grown to love life in Nelson, but because of the person who is inside of me—in every cell of me.
I look up into those gray-green eyes as she pushes deeper, harder, inserts another finger, and I let go. I let go of everything that has held me back up until this point in my life. It’s just me and Tess under the fading evening light. And I don’t close my eyes when I feel the first heat swarm underneath my skin. I keep my eyes on her, the real woman of my dreams.
Tess adds her thumb to the action and she lets it press against my clit every time she strokes me deep inside and this level of intimacy is not something I dreamed I’d ever be capable of again, but here I am, surrendering to Tess, reaching those new heights easily now, because it’s with the right woman.
She intensifies the pace, thrusts deep within me, flicks more determinedly with her thumb. I can feel her breath on my face, short gusts passing along my lips, mixing with moans that come from my own mouth, piercing the Texas air.
Then it takes me. Everything she’s doing to me and everything I feel for her crashes over me in a wave of tingling, limb-stiffening warmth. I try not to close my eyes, to stay with her in this moment, because it deepens the sensation in my flesh, reaches deeper into my core.
When I collapse underneath her, my limbs soft, my skin covered in a sheen of sweat, my entire being is so relaxed I couldn’t even stop the tears welling in my eyes if I wanted to. But I don’t want to. I can cry in front of Tess now. I can do everything in front of her now.
Thirty-Four
Tess
I’ve convinced Laura to share babysitting duties with me, and after all three children have finally gone to bed—each more reluctant than the last because of the excitement of having a new person in the house—we sit on Scott and Megan’s back porch with a chilled glass of chardonnay. Laura isn’t so afraid of consuming alcohol anymore, though I hardly think she’ll be touching Dad’s brandy anytime soon.
“Your sister must have been thrilled when you moved back to Nelson,” Laura says. “All this free babysitting that you do.”
“I don’t mind and, besides, silly as it may sound, it gives me some much-needed privacy. I can just flick through some channels, or walk around in my underwear, or bring a girl over.” I catch Laura’s gaze.
“No hanky-panky tonight, babe.” She grins.
“But to answer your question, yes, I think Megan was very thrilled when I came back. Not just for the babysitting, though there is that.”
“Does she ever… do anything for you in return?” Laura asks.
I quirk up my eyebrows, unsure what to reply to that. The question has never even entered my mind. “She gave birth to three little people who adore the hell out of me. Children I love dearly, but I don’t have to parent, only spoil rotten. That’s a pretty good trade-off. Plus, I get to keep my ultra-toned body.”
“See what you did there?” Laura asks. “You diverted my attention from the matter at hand by mentioning your ultra-toned body.” Her grin has grown seductive.
We both know my body is far from toned, but I’ll happily play along. “What I can’t get off my mind,” I say, “is your ultra-toned body naked on my land.” Unlike me, Laura is super fit, though her running routine has suffered greatly since we went on our first official date. We do, however, engage in plenty of other calorie-burning activities.
“What can I say, babe? The thought of you owning all that sprawling Texas land made me horny as hell.” Laura chuckles.
“I can see it too, you know. You and me in our brand-new house. Socks frolicking on the lawn. We can try to take Moby, though I doubt Mom will let me. But we can adopt another dog. The kids visiting their awesome aunts.” I take a quick sip from my wine. “Though what we are doing right now is extremely lesbian. We’re skipping the U-haul altogether and starting to talk about building a house together straightaway.”
Laura purses her lips together. “We can always practice at my house.” She drums her fingers onto the table. “We can start with a drawer,” she muses. “Well, actually, I have so few clothes and belongings, you may as well have most of the wardrobe and the other closet space.”
“Are you asking me what I think you’re asking me?” My palms break out into a sweat.
“I’m asking you what you’re hearing me as
k you, babe.” Laura plants her elbows on the table and looks at me intently. “You’re at my house all the time, anyway. We might as well make it official and stop fussing around with leaving the keys under the mat and texting back and forth about where and when we’ll meet.” She shoots me a kind grin. “That is, of course, if you are ready to move out of your parents’ house. I know you’re not really old enough yet.”
“Funny,” I bite back playfully. “But handy. And we won’t even need to rent that U-Haul. We can use Dad’s truck to move my meager belongings.”
“You can walk around in your underwear as much as you like. Or without.” Under the table, Laura’s toe sneaks up my shin.
“Or in one of your t-shirts, which barely cover me, anyway.”
“While we dream of our house,” Laura says, her voice serious again.
“I would love that, Laura.” I could grab her hand over the table, or clasp her feet in between mine underneath it, but it’s not enough. I need more. I push myself away from the table and walk to her. I put my hands on her shoulders and kiss her for a long time.
“This was a bit of a spur-of-the-moment decision. One I’ve been thinking about, but, well, I don’t exactly have a spare key on me to make it official,” Laura says.
“Give it to me when we get home.” I peck her on the forehead. I must have driven past Milly’s house a million times in my lifetime, but never would I have guessed I’d one day end up living there with another woman. With the woman I love.
* * *
We’ve finished the bottle, me drinking two-thirds in my giddy enthusiasm and Laura one and a half slowly-sipped glasses, when she asks me, her eyes on me, her voice low, “When did you get your heart broken for the first time?”
