Erin walks out and wipes the corners of her mouth. The door shuts again. She sees me watching and gives me a smirk. My heart is in my throat. Another minute passes by and the door opens. Tyler walks out buttoning his sleeves. He doesn’t see me studying his actions. I am so sick, my head feels woozy, and I am afraid my knees are going to buckle. I almost gave my heart to him. How could he? I have been honest with him from the start.
I grab the counter for support. I can’t control the tears as they start to flood my cheeks. Rushing through the front doors, I tell the bouncer something has come up, to tell Trina I had to leave. What a shitty fucking day! My mom is dying and Tyler doing whatever he was doing with that whore!
My phone buzzes, it’s Tyler calling. No thank you, I send the call to voicemail. He leaves a message, but I can’t bear to hear his voice and whatever lie he is about to feed me. Not this girl, I’m not going to just bend over and take it.
After I change clothes and send Caroline home, I spend the rest of the night watching cartoons with the only man I can trust besides my daddy, my little Jace.
The next morning, I drop Jace off at daycare and head to the tanning salon. I have a party of five scheduled for spray tans today. A bride and her bridesmaids are getting ready for her wedding. I keep catching myself eying the front entrance of the gym next door, watching for Tyler to come in for his daily workout. He never shows and even though I am mad at him, a part of me still wants to see him. I am a glutton for punishment. This is what I deserve. After the way I have treated Brian, it serves me right. After my shift is over, I leave Jace in daycare for a little longer so I can go to the hospital to check on Faye.
When I arrive at the hospital the doctor is waiting for me. “Miss Stuart, I regret to inform you that your mother’s condition is not improving, it is declining. I am afraid there is nothing more we can do for her. I would like your permission to take her off life support.” The doctor places his hand on my shoulder. “Is there anyone we can call for you, any other family?” I shake my head. “Do I have your permission?” I nod in response. I can’t bring myself to say the words. He reaches me a form and I sign.
They give me a few minutes to say goodbye. I rub her hand; it is still so warm. Her pulse is there but very faint. I’m not ready to say goodbye her, and where in the fuck is Bender when she needed him the most, he just fucking bails. Another action that tells me I am probably better off leaving shit with Tyler alone. He’s a biker too and probably a dirty fucker like Bender.
“I am so mad at you right now! How can you leave me while I need you the most?” I take a moment to collect my thoughts. “I’ve made a decision, I’m going to call Brian. I am going to tell him about Jace. I wish you could be here when they meet. I know you will be proud of me for doing the right thing. I love you mom.” I haven’t called her mom to her face since I was a girl. I felt she had lost the right to the title until the past few years.
I wish she’d squeeze my hand or flutter her lashes. Something, anything, to give me a sign that she can hear me. Anything to let me know the doctor is wrong and that she’s still here and not going anywhere.
The doctor and a few nurses come into the room, they ask me to leave the room, but there is a part of me that is hanging on. Hoping that they are wrong and when they unhook the tubes and machines she is going to breathe on her own. But it finally hits me once they have unhooked everything that her chest isn’t raising. My mother is gone.
I place a call to my dad from the hallway to let him know that she has passed on. I don’t think I have ever heard my daddy cry until now. Just because they have been divorced all these years doesn’t mean he don’t care for her. “I’m so sorry daddy. I’m so sorry,” I cry into the phone as he sobs.
He isn’t able to regain his composure long enough to tell much else accept that he’ll call me soon to talk.
I pick my son up from daycare and take him home, we spend the evening curled up in Faye’s recliner together. “Mam Mam,” he says pointing at her picture on the side table.
“No baby, Mam Mam has gone to be with the angels.” It’s hard to fight back my tears as my baby keeps asking to see her.
After getting Jace tucked in, I make a call to Trina at the club and Chrissy at the salon to let them know I won’t be in for a few days, that my mother has passed away. Each of them sends me their condolences and tells me to take as much time as I need.
I call the last person I ever expected to call. I call Brian. I can’t believe his number is listed.
“Hello.”
“Brian, I need you,” I whisper into the phone.
“Who is this?”
I clear my throat. “It’s me B, it’s Aria.”
“Aria, is this really you?”
“Yes, it’s me. I have no right to ask this of you but my mother has passed away, and I don’t want to be alone.” I almost want to take back my words, but I don’t. It’s time to right the past.
“I don’t know what to say. I’ve been thinking about you. A lot lately. Arai...” he trails off in thought, possibly shock.
“Please, Brian. I can’t do this alone.”
“When is the funeral, I can clear a day to be there, just name it.”
“The funeral will be held in a day or two.” I tell him where I am and there is no taking it back once the words leave my lips.
“It will take some rescheduling, but I’ll be there, email me the information.”
Oh my God! Did I really just call Brian and ask him to come here?
**
Caroline comes over after she gets home from work to keep Jace so that I can go to the funeral home to finalize the arrangements. My father called not long after I spoke with Brian, said he helped mom get her finances settled before she passed away and he called her attorney. Things I wish my mother would have entrusted to me, but maybe she didn’t want to stress me out.
Her body has already been transported to the funeral home. Thankfully, Faye was better prepared for this than I knew. She even has a casket picked out. It’s a charcoal gray. The inside is white satin and embroidered with roses. She had life insurance and she had most of the details setup with her attorney. The insurance isn’t much but it is enough to cover the expenses for her burial.
Everything is happening so fast. I wish I could rewind time and go back and be a better daughter. I should have been there for her more. I should have made Bender be more present in her life.
I sign the necessary paperwork, finalizing the details.
Now that the details are final, I go home to e-mail Brian. I can’t believe I am finally going to tell him about Jace. Caroline has agreed to keep him for me during the funeral and while I talk to Brian afterwards. If everything goes well, then I will have her bring Jace over to meet him.
My father wanted to be here, but I understand it’s hard for him. I think a part of him has always still been in love with her.
I send the following e-mail To Brian.
Me: Brian,
I don’t even know where to begin. It’s not you, it’s me. Sounds so lame, but it is the truth. I will explain everything after the funeral. Thank you so much for agreeing to come. I know I don’t have the right to ask much of you. I know you have questions, and I hope to answer them all for you soon. The funeral is tomorrow. I am so sorry for the short notice. I can pick you up from the airport if you need me to just let me know. Thank you so much for coming. I can’t wait to see you.
Aria
Brian: I don’t understand, what did I ever do wrong Aria?
Brian: All I have ever done is love you and only you, please, I need to know. Why did you walk away?
Brian: I needed you, more than I have ever needed anyone, and you walked away.
Me: Brian,
I am so sorry for hurting you. I hope one day you will be able to forgive me. I wouldn’t say I am the only person you have ever loved, you did get married.
Brian: Are we really going to go there already, and besides, you see how well th
at worked out for me. I lost everything in the divorce. Guess it serves me right for not having her sign a prenuptial agreement. Anyways, I have already booked a flight and scheduled a rental car. You can text the directions to the funeral home after I land. I can’t wait to see you either. We have a lot of catching up to do. You owe me a lot answers…
I am so nervous. There are so many emotions flowing through my veins right now I’m not sure what I am feeling. I am so consumed with guilt and grief. The only thing keeping me going is my handsome little man, my Jace. I know Faye would be so happy to know that he is finally going to meet his father. I just hope Brian doesn’t freak out on me. It’s been so many years since I have seen him. People can change, can’t they? God, I hope so.
I have to take Faye’s pant suit to the funeral home. I feel like there is something I am forgetting to do, but I can’t place my finger on what exactly. I thought that Tyler might call or stop by when he heard about my mother, but I guess he is done with me. I know we weren’t exactly official, but what he did stings me to my core, but right now, I need to focus on doing right by Jace.
**
The day is here that I have to say goodbye to my mom. I don’t know how I am supposed to say goodbye when I feel like I just got her back. We didn’t always have the greatest relationship. But once I moved here and Jace was born, she became the mother I always wanted but never knew I needed. I take Jace over to Caroline’s. She hugs me and tells me she is so sorry about Faye. She gives me a kiss on the cheek and wishes me luck with Brian. Leave it to me to make this day as fucked up as possible. But Brian is only able to be here for tonight. He has to fly straight back to Cincinnati on the red eye at midnight. I didn’t think it would be a good idea just to spring Jace’s existence on him at the funeral.
I dress in a simple black dress and heels. Sweeping my long, dark locks into a tight bun, I look very Breakfast at Tiffany’s in my pearls. I pull my cell phone from my clutch and text Brian directions to the funeral home. There aren’t many people here. Faye didn’t have any family here besides me and little man, and both of her parents have long passed.
Some of her former co-workers have come to pay their respects. Bender and a few members of his club finally show their faces. I don’t know how he can even bother now that she is gone. I march over to Bender ready to give him a piece of my mind. He thinks he’s so tough wearing his leathers. His weathered face holds a snarl. With his arms crossed he greets me. “Aria, I’m sorry about your mom. If there is anything I can do, just let me know. The club is here for you.”
“Wow really, like you’ve been there while your wife was dying.” I spit at him.
“I only did what she wanted. We had our time. When she started getting worse, she made me promise to stay away. Your mom didn’t want me seeing her that way. She wanted to save every last minute for you and Jace. She was a damn fine woman to me, and I owed her that much. I’ve had time to make peace with her death, but you don’t get to say I wasn’t there for her and that I didn’t care. You don’t know shit about our relationship.”
I swallow my pride and apologize. As mad as I want to be at Bender, I can’t take my anger out on him.
“I’m sorry Bender, she never told me. I don’t know what to say.”
“Nothing to say sweetheart, you’re grieving and want somebody to be angry with. It ain’t me though. My offer still stands. You need anything, you call me.”
I nod and look around the room.
There isn’t any sign of Brian, maybe he changed his mind.
I have taken my seat in the front and just as the preacher is about to begin his short sermon, Brian takes up the seat next to me in the pew. He takes my hand in his and gives it a gentle squeeze. Something about my hand being placed in the cradle of his feels so safe and familiar, I feel an inner peace take over me. His gentle touch soothes me.
I take a moment to study his features. He hasn’t changed much. His hair is still the same sandy brown waves, except they are shorter than I last remember. His green eyes still sparkle, but I notice a few lines that weren’t there before around the corners. His nose is still angular and when he gives me a reassuring smile it is lopsided just like Jace’s.
The preacher begins talking, and I focus my attention on his every word.
“Family, friends, we are gathered here today to celebrate the life of a remarkable woman. Faye Walker was a loving mother and friend. She was born in 1965 in the town of Huntington, West Virginia on a warm summer’s day. She touched all who knew her with her warm friendly smile. She never met a stranger and always had a helping hand for those in need. So, I ask you today friends, to lift her family in your prayers as they lay her to rest.”
The funeral concludes with everyone filing out row by row and paying their last respects at her coffin. Brian clings to my side offering me his support as my knees give out when I look upon my mother’s face one final time.
I am drowning in my emotions and feel like I will never swim my way back to the top. She looks so peaceful lying here. Her brown hair lies across her shoulders. Her lips are tinted with nude gloss. She is wearing her favorite black pant suit. Around her neck is the heart locket I gave her with Jace’s picture after I decided to keep him. She looks like she is taking the best nap of her life and it makes me feel better that she looks so at peace. It makes me feel like it is a sign that she approves of Brian being here and what I am about to tell him.
Brian drives me to the cemetery so I can see her placed in her final resting place, she didn’t want a graveside service. I’m not in any shape to drive myself. I am crying so hard I can barely walk straight. I know I need to tell Brian the truth, the real reason why I asked him to be here. Leave it to him to get a flashy sports car. He is driving a red Porsche. “Nice ride,” I manage to tell him between my tears
“Thanks, I am thinking I may need to buy it.” He flashes his famous lopsided grin at me.
Bender followed us to the cemetery and invited me to the life celebration they are having in my mom’s honor at his clubhouse but I decline. I need to deal with my past— Brian.
Chapter Eleven
Watching the dirt be shoveled onto my mother’s coffin chills me to the bone. I have never had someone I love so much die before. I start to sweat, being here right now and seeing how precious and short life really is makes me see now more than ever that I need to tell Brian the truth. I say one more goodbye to Faye. I blow her a kiss and tell her I am about to make things right. I join Brian in his rental car.
“Hey, I need to check in at my hotel and make a few phone calls. I figure we could swing by there before dinner.”
“Sure,” is all I manage to choke out.
My stomach is flip flopping the whole drive. The valet takes Brian’s keys and I follow him into the lobby. I feel like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, walking into this fancy hotel with a handsome, rich man. I know my situation is completely different, but it’s the way I feel. I take a seat by the nearest elevator and steal a moment to send Caroline a text to check on Jace.
She tells me not to worry and to take my time. Brian gives me a toothy grin, and leads me into the elevator. “I can’t believe I am really here with you right now,” he whispers against my neck. Being with him right now feels like we haven’t been apart for five years, it feels so natural.
Walking into his suite is surreal. This room is gorgeous. I don’t know why a person would spend so much for a room for a few hours. “Make yourself comfortable, I will only be a few minutes. Fifteen at the most.”
I walk around the room and take in the décor. It looks like a honeymoon suite. There has to be at least three or more different floral arrangements in here.
He walks into what I assume is the bedroom and closes the door. I take a seat on the sofa and pick nonexistent lint from my dress. I can’t believe I am about to do this. I don’t know how to form the words. I play them over and over again in my head. It is so much easier in theory. I roll the words, “I lied to you,” around on
my tongue. They taste bitter.
There is a knock on the door. Peeking through the peephole, I see it is only a bellhop. I open the door and he reaches me Brian’s suitcase. Awkwardly, I knock on the bedroom door. “It’s open,” he calls from the other side. I open the door to find a shirtless Brian sitting on the bed talking on his cell phone. He holds his hand up signaling that he will be just a minute more. I set his suitcase on top of the dresser and wait.
The past few years have been good to him. His build is more defined than I remember. I know I so shouldn’t be checking him out right now, but I can’t help it, he looks good. Damn good.
Ending his call, he looks me over. “You look like you could use a drink.”
“Brian, that probably isn’t a good idea.” I follow him into the kitchen area and he pours himself a shot. I notice his hands are trembling.
“Are you nervous or something, your hands…they’re shaking,” I observe.
“You, being here in front of me, yeah it has me worried that I am going to say something stupid to fuck this up.”
“I see that you still like to drink.” The words slip from tongue, before I realize how they must sound.
He semi smiles. “Don’t worry, I can handle myself now. I just have an occasional drink.”
I give in and take him up on his offer for a drink.
“Your mom, she had cancer?”
“Yeah, she was terminal but that’s not what killed her. She had a stroke.” Talking about it makes me start to cry again. The waterworks start and I have to grab a tissue.
“Hey, it’s okay. Just relax.” He places his hands on my arms. I can see his heart beating through his chest. Dang, he needs to put a shirt on. Him standing this close to me half naked is not good when my emotions are all out of whack.
Dirty Truth (Fighting Dirty Series Book 2) Page 8
