by L. A. Casey
“Da!” Jules hissed at the same time that Nixon said, “That hurt!”
“Good,” Branna quipped. “I hope it hurt because seein’ both of ye’ harm one another hurt me! You’re brothers. Twins. You’re supposed to protect each other, not fight one another!”
Jules looked his mom’s way and so did Nixon. I watched as both of their shoulders sagged as what they did registered with them. All my boys hated upsetting their mother, but none more than the twins. They adored her and seeing her so upset because of them made them feel like crap. I could tell by the solemn expression on their identical faces.
“I’m sorry, Ma,” Jules said at the same time Nixon said, “Sorry, Ma.”
They spoke in unison an awful lot, but we were all used to it at this stage in their lives.
“Sorry isn’t good enough!” Branna snapped as she stomped over to the table. “D’ye ever stop to think that ye’ could have seriously hurt one another? All it takes is one punch to a certain point on the head and ye’ could have died.”
Jules and Nixon looked at one another, and their anger began to recede as their mother’s words sunk in.
“I can’t even look at ye’s right now. I’m bloody sick of the pair of ye’. Ye’ act like babies!”
Branna stalked out of the room, shooing our three other sons away from the doorway where they were eavesdropping. They needed showers because they stuck to the high heavens, apart from Alfie because he didn’t go to his game, he spent the day in Alec’s house instead. Once Branna gave them their marching orders, they filed up the stairs, and my wife followed to run a bath for Israel who didn’t like taking showers on his own yet.
I stared down at my twins, and said, “Do either of you enjoying hurting your mother?”
“Don’t be stupid,” Jules scowled. “Ye’ know we don’t.”
“So what exactly did you think fighting in front of her was going to result in?”
“We didn’t know she was home,” Nixon answered. “We thought she was out, and by the time we realised she was home, we were already fightin’.”
“About that,” I said. “What made you guys beat the crap out of one another?”
“Because he,” Jules spat, “is not me brother.”
Nixon didn’t answer. Instead, he looked down at the table.
“He’s not your brother?” I repeated. “There’s another reason you’re identical twins then?”
Neither of my boys were amused.
“I don’t care if we’re twins, and that we look the exact same, he’s nothin’ to me. Nothin’.”
Nixon flinched, and I’d be lying if I said my heart didn’t break a little.
“Care to expand on why you’re saying such hurtful things?”
“Ask him,” Jules answered, his tone clipped. “He’s the one who mucked everythin’ up.”
I looked at Nixon and waited.
He glared at his twin, and said, “It was an accident.”
“Bollocks,” Jules snapped. “How d’ye accidentally kiss me girlfriend, Nix?”
“Whoa.” I blinked. “You kissed his girlfriend, Nixon? Wait, you have a girlfriend, Jules?”
“Not anymore because she’s a cheatin’ bitch!”
“It was an accident,” Nixon repeated. “It wasn’t Avery’s fault.”
“Explain,” I said.
“Our game finished about twenty minutes before the others, so that’s why we walked home instead of waitin’ around with you and the others,” Nixon began. “I was waitin’ outside the clubhouse for Jules when his girlfriend, Avery, came runnin’ up to me. She jumped on me and kissed me before I knew what was happenin’. I lost all train of thought for literally three or four seconds and kissed ‘er back until I realised just who she was and what the hell was happenin’. I put ‘er down and told ‘er I wasn’t Jules, and ‘er face dropped. She thought I was ‘im, I could tell by the look on ‘er face. She has trouble tellin’ us apart still. She begged me not to tell Jules because it was an accident, but we don’t keep secrets from each other, so I told ‘im when we got home. He punched me in the face, so I hit ‘im back and then ye’ got home and stopped it.”
Jules stared at his brother, and said, “Why the hell didn’t ye’ start by sayin’ she thought ye’ were me?”
“I was startin’ from the start of what happened, but ye’ hit me before I could get to the part that is was a misunderstandin’.”
Jules shook his head. “Nixon, ye’ made it sound like both of ye’ mutually kissed.”
“Because ye’ swung at me before I could finish me sentence and say it was all an accident,” Nixon argued. “Ye’ always overreact.”
“So ye’ didn’t wanna kiss Avery?” Jules pressed.
“No, I didn’t wanna bloody kiss ‘er,” Nixon quipped. “She’s your girlfriend. I’ve no interest in ‘er like that, and even if I did, I’d never act on it because you are with ‘er. Ye’ say I’m not your brother, but I would never mess around with a girl you’re with. Never. I’m mad that ye’ would even hit me over a girl. Ye’ didn’t even give me a chance to explain it, Jules.”
Nixon, who was rightfully upset, got up and walked out of the kitchen, leaving his brother to stare after him. After a minute of silence, Jules looked at me, and said, “I messed up.”
“Yeah,” I said. “But you can fix it, go and apologise to him.”
“I said he was nothin’ to me, Da.” He swallowed. “Nixon loves that we’re twins, he always has. He loves me more than anyone, even Georgie ... well, maybe he loves me the same amount as ‘er. She’s everyone’s favourite.”
My lips twitched. “He knows you spoke out of anger.”
“Yeah,” Jules agreed, “but I shouldn’t have said he wasn’t me brother. He’s right, no one girl should ever come between us. I should have listened to ‘im from the jump. I know Nix would never want to hurt me, but I just got so mad when I thought of ‘im kissin’ Avery, and I lost it.”
“Speaking of Avery,” I said. “Who said you could have a girlfriend?”
Jules widened his eyes. “I’m not allowed to have a girlfriend ... seriously?”
“You’re fourteen.”
“So?” he pressed. “It’s not like we do anythin’ sexual. I mean, she only let me kiss ‘er for the first time the other day, and I’ve been with ‘er for four months.”
“Four months?” I blinked. “Why is this the first I’m hearing about it?”
“I ... uh ... I guess I knew you wouldn’t be happy about it.”
Damn right.
“Listen to me, and listen well,” I said sternly. “Sex is off the table until you’re an adult. Now, with that being said, I know my warning may be ignored when the opportunity is presented to you over the next few years, but if you have sex, you better wear a condom or God Himself won’t be able to help you. I’ll kick your ass if you get a girlfriend pregnant or catch an STI. We clear?”
Jules cheeks were flaming red, and he said, “We’re clear.”
“I’m serious, Jules,” I said. “Responsibility comes with sex.”
“Da,” he groaned. “I hear ye’, and trust me, at the rate Avery wants to take things, I’ll be a virgin until I’m thirty. Ye’ really don’t have to worry about me.”
Something in my heart told me that I didn’t have to worry about him, so I accepted that with a nod.
“Go clean up your eye, then talk to Nixon,” I encouraged. “Bring an ice-pack with you for his lip. Tell him what you just told me, and both of you will be cool by the end of the day.”
Jules nodded, then said, “Ma will be a harder hurdle to tackle.”
I snorted. “I’ll handle your mom. You go and find Nixon.”
Jules bumped fists with me and left the room armed with an ice-pack for his brother. I went in search of my wife, and after finding Israel playing in the bathtub on his own, I went into my bedroom and found Branna lying on our bed with her eyes closed.
“Tough day, Mama?”
She grunted. �
��Is it too late to put the twins up for adoption? Because I’m seriously considerin’ it.”
I crawled onto the bed beside her, chuckling. “I think we’re a little passed that, don’t you?”
Branna opened her eyes and looked up at me as I settled next to her.
“They scared me, Ryder.” She frowned. “Jules almost hit me when I tried to separate them. They are only fourteen, and they’re already bigger than me. Can ye’ imagine when they in their twenties and fight? I’ll still try to stop them and will probably get a broken nose for me troubles.”
“That’ll never happen because I’d break their bones before they ever get a chance to break yours.”
“I’m not playin’.” She shook her head. “Today was the first day that they didn’t listen to me when they fought, and it really scared me, Ry. I was on me own with them, and all I could think of was throwin’ water on them.”
I realised then that my wife was crying, so I bundled her in my arms and rested her against my body.
“I’ve spoken to them both, and trust me when I say they both feel like shit. Expect apologies from them before the day is up.”
Branna sniffled. “I’m so mad at them. They could have really hurt each other.”
“I know, and they know that now, too. It was misunderstanding over a girl, but Jules is apologising to Nixon as we speak. You’ll be next.”
I had barely finished speaking when a light knock sounded. Both Branna and I looked at the open doorway of our room, and found Jules and Nixon standing side by side, their eyes locked on their mom, and an identical frown on their faces. Jules’s eyebrow was cleaned and had stopped bleeding. Nixon lip was still a swollen knot but icing it for a few hours would help.
“Ma.” Jules swallowed. “We’re really sorry for fightin’, we didn’t mean to upset ye’.”
“Yeah.” Nixon nodded. “We were wrong. We shouldn’t have fought at all. We’re really sorry.”
If I didn’t know any better at that moment, I’d say my twins were my twin brothers. Their white hair was inherited from Damien, and their mannerisms were most definitely thanks to Dominic. They looked very much like me, but so did my brothers, so in a way, they resembled them, too. It freaked me out for a minute.
“I accept your apology, but both of ye’ really upset me. Today was the first day ye’ scared me, and it’s not a feelin’ I enjoyed at all.”
The second the words left my wife’s mouth, my son’s eyes widened, and they walked into the room and crawled up onto our bed. I was pushed aside as my sons replaced me and cuddled my wife.
“We’re sorry,” Jules said.
Nixon nodded. “We love ye’, Ma. We’d never ever hurt ye’. We’re sorry we scared ye’.”
Branna hugged them both while I was sitting on the edge of the bed completely forgotten about.
“Both of you guys upset me too, if you want to offer me hugs.”
Branna giggled, making my sons laugh. They both released their mother, turned to me, and without a word, they jumped on me and tried their hardest to pin me against the mattress. They almost succeeded. Almost. I flipped Jules onto his back, which he found hilarious before I shoved Nixon against him and pinned both of them to the bed by lying on top of them.
“Pile on!”
I looked up just as Alfie and Creed barrelled into the room, freshly showered and in clean clothes as they jumped onto my bed and attacked me. It was four against one then, and for a few minutes I was holding my own, until a naked, and very wet, Israel joined us and sat his slippery ass on my head resulting in my defeat almost instantly. My sons and wife, who was recording the chaos on her phone, cracked up laughing, and so did I.
“We win!” Israel announced as he jumped up and down the bed, not caring that he was naked as the day he was born. “We beat Daddy!”
Jules and Nixon clapped their palms against his, Creed tickled his stomach, and Alfie, who got off the bed, threw him over his shoulder, slapped his butt, and marched out the room with Branna following so they could get him dried and dressed. I sat up, wiped the wetness from my face, looked at my three remaining sons, and said, “If any of you tell your uncles about this, I’m beating your asses.”
The three of them left the bedroom, laughing as they went, which meant they would tell my brothers and they’d do it with a smile on their faces. I lay back on my bed, smiled, and closed my eyes. I loved my life, I loved every little thing about it ... even all the bad that it took for me to have it. After years of worry and shouldering the responsibility of raising my brothers for my absent parents, I knew if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a damn thing.
My past brought me my future, and as fucked up as my past was, I’d live it over and over again to get my future because to me, it was my true happily ever after.
CHAPTER TWO
Six years old ...
* * *
The shrill sound of a baby’s cry woke me.
I opened my eyes, rolled onto my back, and listened. The crying continued, and it got louder and louder. I groaned, turned onto my side, and pressed my hands over my ears to drown the sound out, but it didn’t help. I dropped my hands, sat upright on my bed, and shouted, “Mama, Kane is awake!” I waited for her to make some noise to let me know she heard me, but she didn’t. I frowned as I pushed my warm, cosy blanket away from my body and slid out of my bed. I rubbed my eyes as I walked over to the doorway of my room, I squinted my eyes to help me see because my nightlight wasn’t very bright.
I opened the door and stuck my head out into the hallway. It was dark, and the only light I could see was the moonlight that shone through the windows. I swallowed, and the urge to close my door and get back into my bed was strong, but when my baby brother screamed, my chest tightened. With trembling limbs, and tentative steps, I made my way down the hallway to my parents’ bedroom. I opened the door without knocking, and said, “Mama? Daddy? Kane is awake.”
No one answered me. Feeling worried, I quickly found the light switch to the room, and flipped it on. My parents’ bed was empty; the sheets were still neatly made which told me that they hadn’t gone to sleep yet. I turned off the light, closed the door, and ran all the way down to the end of the hallway to my brothers’ bedroom. When I opened the door, the room was in darkness, which I knew wasn’t right. Alec liked having a nightlight just like I did. He was only three, still a baby, so he needed one. I just liked having one ... I didn’t need it or anything.
“RyRy,” Alec sobbed when I flipped the light on. “Kane’s sad.”
I widened my eyes when I saw tears stream down Alec’s face. He was next to Kane’s crib, trying to climb into it. My one-year-old brother was screaming so loud it made me want to cry too.
“It’s okay,” I said, rushing over to Alec, pulling him into a hug. “It’s okay, Alec.”
My brother squeezed me so tight it hurt a little, but I couldn’t focus on him. Kane was screaming so loud that I worried something might be wrong with him. I leaned down to Alec, put my hands on his shoulders and said, “Grab your favourite teddy, and go and sit on your bed, okay?”
I had to repeat myself three times before he understood what I wanted him to do. He sniffled as he bobbed his head and did as I asked. I turned my attention to Kane who had tears running down his face as lay on his side and looked at me. His eyes stared into mine, and I knew he was telling me something, but I didn’t know what.
“Hey baby,” I smiled at him. “It’s okay, RyRy is here.”
Kane didn’t care that I was there. He continued to cry, and scream, and because of this, so did Alec.
“Alec, it’s okay,” I said, my throat tight because I was fighting off a sob. “It’s all okay.”
“Mama,” Alec cried. “I want Mama!”
I wanted our mama, too. I knew I couldn’t search the house for her, or my dad, because I couldn’t leave my brothers alone while they were crying. I needed to protect them and make sure they were okay even though I was so scared that I couldn�
��t stop my hands from shaking. I looked from Alec to Kane and tried to pull the bar of his crib down, but I wasn’t strong enough to do it, and that was when my own tears fell. I tried my hardest not to cry, but I was scared. I didn’t know how to make my brothers stop crying, and I wanted my mama.
I wanted her so bad.
I looked at Kane, then wiped my eyes. He was only a baby. He couldn’t even walk yet, and he needed me to help him. I was six, I was a big boy, so I had to be brave and take care of my brothers because I loved them, and they loved me. And when you loved someone, it meant you took care of them. That was what Barney said, so that was how I knew it was the truth.
“I’m coming, Kane.”
I used all my strength and pulled Alec’s toy chest to the front of the crib, then stood on it. I jumped, pulling myself over the bar of the crib, and fell next to Kane. He was still crying, but when I sat up and reached for him, he calmed down, but only a little. I lifted him into my arms, which was a little hard to do because he was starting to get a little heavy. I hugged him to my chest and kissed his face. It made me feel better to do that, so I kissed him a lot. I set him on my legs and wiped his face. I smelled his dirty diaper then, and I realised why he was crying.
“Alec,” I called my brother who was sitting on his bed holding his brown teddy bear, watching me. “Come help me. Hold Kane when I give him to you, just until I get out of here.”
He climbed off his bed slowly, lowering himself down until his feet touched the floor. He stood on the chest in front of Kane’s crib, then he raised his arms and waited as I lifted Kane over the bar. I struggled to lift him high enough, but I knew I made it when Alec grunted, and said, “Got ‘em.”
I quickly pulled myself over the bar once more and lowered myself onto the chest. Alec was struggling with Kane; I saw his little arms lowering because he couldn’t hold him up anymore, so I quickly took him in my arms and told Alec to get back into bed. I carried Kane over to the bed and pushed him up onto it. I grabbed a clean diaper and the wet wipes I saw our nanny use to clean Kane back when she worked for us. She hadn’t worked for us in a few days. She usually took care of my brothers at night-time, but now that Mama fired her for wrestling with Daddy, it meant that Mama should be taking care of Alec and Kane ... but she wasn’t here to do it.
