by L. L. Akers
“I know—and I am. I’m making progress.” Gabby paused and thought of the night at her mom’s house. They’d said Mom wasn’t going to be there for dinner. Why had I blindly believed that bullshit? Mom would never be gone during our monthly dinner at her house. It all makes sense now, what they were talking about when I overheard them, why Nick was cooking and doting on me... She knew she owed Nick some time, time to grieve Mom together—properly. Everyone had put on a strong face for her—and lied, sort of.
“I do have a question, Dr. White. Did you ask my family not to tell me my mom had died and my husband was alive?”
Dr. White nodded his head. “Not at first. You just said yourself that your sister, Olivia, did tell you those things at the hospital immediately after the accident. You couldn’t handle it so you made up your own reality to avoid the guilt of your mom’s death—and maybe to punish yourself by feeling your husband’s. I’m not positive, Gabby. What I do know is you had to be sedated, and when you woke up, you were in a fragile state of mind and you told us your altered version of reality.
“I asked your family to not argue that reality. I told them if you didn’t come to your senses on your own, your husband and I would confront you together, once he had recovered enough to get out of the hospital and meet me here. That was our plan and it would have happened this week, but you did it on your own, as I’d hoped you would. I’m glad you did. It shows you’re stronger than we thought you were. But you can’t let your PTSD take control and sink you into avoidance again. You need to embrace the real reality, even if it hurts.”
“I am. I’m one hundred percent going through it—not blocking it out anymore,” Gabby said and bit her lip to stifle the urge to cry. She knew her time was almost up and Dr. White wasn’t here to handle her grief. She had Jake, Nick, and her sisters to help her through that, and she to help them.
“Good. That’s what I need to hear.” Dr. White smiled and stood up. “I guess I’ll see you next week, then?”
Gabby couldn’t help herself; she let out a frustrated sigh. “I feel pretty good about where I am now. Do you think I need to come again?”
Dr. White smiled and nodded his head. “I do. For now. Let’s be sure we stay on the right track. I think it’s important to talk through the stages you’re going through as you’re going through them. I also need to know if anything else pops up that we need to deal with. Okay?”
Gabby stood too and grabbed her bag, holding it closely, as if it held the one guarded secret she was keeping from Dr. White and she didn’t want it to escape. She felt like she was being watched—stalked—and if she told him, he’d chalk it up to paranoia, delaying her release even longer. She quickly made her way to the door, answering him over her shoulder. “Sure, I’ll make an appointment for next week, then,” she said, reaching for an upbeat voice in effort to conceal her disappointment. She had hoped he’d release her from these visits now that she had stepped out of the dark camouflage of her illness and come to grips with her reality.
On her way to the truck, she realized Jake was at home—finally. She hurried to get there. It was time they talked too.
CHAPTER 26
“Jake,” Gabby whispered, “I’m so sorry...”
She sat on their bed as Jake stood looking around their bedroom, leaning against the footboard for support. Gabby ran her hand over their bedspread, smoothing out invisible wrinkles, unable to meet Jake’s eyes.
They hadn’t spoken much on the way home from the graveyard earlier. Gabby had felt self-conscious driving Ruby with Jake in the passenger seat, and a little weird just being together again. She hoped that would go away soon; they’d never been this way with each other before. But she hadn’t been able to break the silence on the short ride home. There was too much to say; she didn’t know where to start, so she just didn’t. Jake had seemed happy enough to gaze out the window at all he’d been away from for so long, occasionally sneaking a glance at Gabby.
After they’d gotten home, Gabby had helped Jake in and settled him on the couch, then had rushed out to make her appointment with Dr. White, thankful to avoid facing Jake with an explanation for just a little longer while she was still trying to work it out in her own head. Talking it out at Dr. White’s office had helped, although she’d never admit that to anyone.
Now they were home together—finally—and Gabby was still fumbling for words. How could an “I’m sorry” ever explain to Jake how confused she’d been, how she’d thought he’d died and just put that thought away, like a piece of fine China, never to be taken out and examined for fear of breaking, but it was her who would have broken. Her mind had blocked her memories in self-preservation, twisted her thoughts and tangled everything until all she could do was focus on life after. Now she could see after wasn’t what she thought it was going to be. She still had Jake—and she was so thankful—but she’d lost her mom.
She started again. “I know it sounds crazy, but I really did believe it was you who died. I didn’t remember it was my mom. I don’t understand how I could have not known... I’m so sorry I left you there in the hospital alone. I should have been there—”
“Shh, Gabby,” Jake answered, limping over to take her hand in his. “You don’t have to explain. Dr. White and I talked every week. Between him and your sisters, I knew what you were goin’ through, and your sisters were there every day, bringing me food and clean clothes, jibberin’ and jabberin’, driving me a little crazy...” he trailed off and laughed. “Seriously, they took turns popping in and kept me motivated so I would work harder to get to walkin’ again. I needed to get outta there and get home—I was chomping at the bit to get to you.”
Gabby looked up to see a mischievous smile cross Jake’s face. He raised an eyebrow. She smiled back. She knew that look. “Should you be... can you...?”
“Damn straight I can,” Jake said as he pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it across the room. He unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, showing a peek of his boxer briefs. “I may just need a little help gettin’ my boots and pants off.”
He sat down beside her on the bed, thrusting his boots out before him. He turned to Gabby, tilting his head and giving her a half smile. He waggled his eyebrows at her, as if to prompt her into action. It was obvious he wanted her to take off his boots, and Gabby knew where that was leading.
She leaned over, resting her head on his shoulder.
“Jake, I don’t know. I want you, I do...” Gabby said, feeling a blush creep up, “but your leg... my mom... Do you really think we should be doing this right now?”
“Heck yeah, Gabby. Stop thinking. It’s time to start feeling again... time to feel me, girl. I’m here. I’m real. Your mama’s gone, but I’m not. You can grieve for her later. Right now, I just want my wife.”
Gabby’s resistance melted away. Although she still felt fresh despair for her mom’s death, she needed Jake... in the intimate way a wife needs her husband. He was her rock, and she knew once they reconnected, it would keep her grounded in the here and now. Jake knew her well—better than she knew herself, she sometimes thought. He’d known Gabby needed to feel him again, as close as they could be.
She got down on her knees and looked up at his chest, studying the lines of his muscles standing out. Smooth skin, still holding on to his summer tan, although it had faded somewhat from the deep brown he’d had before. He looked surprisingly good to have spent the last six weeks in the hospital—actually, better than before. The physical therapy must’ve worked his entire body. He was still toned and lined with ridges of muscle. She smiled as she reached up to run her finger down his happy trail—a line of hair starting in the crevice of his chest and trailing down to wind over and around his navel and down again toward his beltline, abruptly cut off by the band of his underwear, but Gabby knew exactly where it ended.
She dropped her head to concentrate on his boots, carefully pulling them off and tossing them to the side. Jake leaned back on his heels and pushed himself up off the bed long
enough for Gabby to work his pants down below his hips. She gently freed them from his legs.
When her eyes met the scar—long and winding from knee to ankle, still pink from the newness of it—she ran her fingers over it and her eyes filled with tears.
“Gabby, look at me,” Jake said.
Gabby hesitantly looked up, not sure she could keep herself from crying. Another scar stared back at her, stretching from his hairline to his cheek, stopping just before the sexy two-day stubble he now wore. Although the scars were healing and the stitches removed, the marks were there. Jake was still gorgeous—no scar could take that from him—but he wouldn’t have had to go through the surgery that placed the pins to straighten his leg or the excruciating physical therapy afterwards, and he wouldn’t have the mark on his face to forever remind him of the pain he’d suffered—none of it would have happened if not for her stupid mistake that night.
“These scars will fade even more, Gabby. And they don’t hurt. I’m okay,” he said. “I know what you’re thinkin’ ‘bout, but you’re wrong. That accident wasn’t your fault—or mine. It just happened. The road was wet. It ain’t no one’s fault.”
Jake paused. “I’m sorry about your mama, I really am. But we survived—you and me. That’s all that matters now.”
“I know, Jake. It just hurts me to see how hurt you were, and I wasn’t there for you. I hope you never thought I blamed you... or that I didn’t love you,” she whispered, unable to look him in the eye or speak up, fearing her voice would catch. “I do... love you, I mean. I wasn’t living—I couldn’t really live without you. I was just surviving... I need you, Jake. ”
“Girl, don’t tell me... Show me,” Jake answered in barely more than a whisper.
Gabby put her hands on his hips, hooking her fingers into the top of his briefs, and looked him in the eye, sending him an unspoken message to push up again. She pulled them down slowly, her touch making Jake moan and come alive. She saw his eyes close for a long moment and then open again. They worked together until he was completely bare, except for the hungry look in his eyes and the hard set to his jaw.
“Take your clothes off, Gabby,” Jake moaned through a fierce voice.
She did as he asked, resisting the urge to forget about her clothes and just get lost in him—to touch him, pleasure him, and feel him hot and alive in her bare hands—but she quickly complied with his demand, knowing it would be even sweeter with her skin against his.
She started slowly. Jake had pushed himself back onto the bed and stretched out his legs, rearranging his long, lean body to make room for her. Gabby crawled up on the bed between his feet, gently pushing his legs apart—being extra gentle with the injured leg—and settled herself between his thighs, opening her hands to run her fingertips from his upper thighs to and around the core of his heat.
“Gabby, come up here,” Jake moaned in a husky voice.
Gabby could feel an immediate wetness between her own legs at the sound of his throaty command, her body begging her to do just as he said. She pushed the thought away—that could wait—and took him in her hands, feeling his heat burn through her as she slowly worked her fingers over him.
Jake groaned and Gabby felt another shiver of desire roll through her; she shuddered in anticipation. He lifted his hips, pushing up toward her, unable to control the movement. She knew his pressure was building. He’d been without her too long. She eased back but kept her hands on him.
“You’re killing me, girl. Just come up here,” Jake begged, “please.”
He gently tugged at her hair until she had no choice but to follow it, sliding up his body, her nipples brushing across his belly and chest until instinctively their bodies connected—a perfect puzzle piece snapping slowly into place. Gabby blew out a breath at the sudden pressure of him inside her and sat up. She sighed. There was nothing like this feeling and she didn’t know how much she’d missed it until she felt it again. She pushed her hair out of her face to better see him... and their blue eyes locked together.
Jake placed his hands against her face, holding her still a long moment before moving down to knead and squeeze her breasts, flicking her nipples before he moved even farther downward to touch her everywhere. His hands reached around to her back and he splayed his fingers over the swelling of her hips, massaging them and pulling her closer at the same time. Gabby slowly rocked against him, closing her eyes and letting her body relax as he stretched her and filled her up. She rocked back and forth, rubbing faster and faster until she—
Jake grabbed her hips and stopped the rocking motion, instead lifting her up and back down again, the muscles bulging in his arms, until Gabby picked up the new rhythm, and even then, he dug his fingers deep into the flesh of her hips, increasing their tempo and matching every downward pull with an upward thrust of his own, until the sensations built back up beyond their ability to hold back.
“Jake! I... I...” Gabby moaned.
“I hear ya, girl. Just let it go,” he answered breathlessly while keeping up the momentum. Gabby watched his face, seeing his expression change as he set his jaw. He too began to come undone. With relief, she let herself go and they both cried out together, reaching and reaching and then falling into each other’s arms. Tears ran down Gabby’s face—happy tears—and it felt good not having to explain that to Jake. He just knew.
Gabby opened her eyes and smiled. She raised her head up just a little—enough to feel Jake still had a handful of her hair clutched loosely in his hand, as if holding her to him in his sleep. She didn’t mind; there was nowhere else she wanted to be, even if it was the middle of the day.
She looked at their bed. The sun shone through the window, splashing soft light on the tangle of blankets and sheets, painting a messy after picture, with Jake lying asleep and content on his old, familiar pillow, and with the blanket covering only the slightest of skin, she was able to look him over from head to toe. His features were softened by sleep, framed by his other arm stretched over his head, fingers splayed open as though still waiting to catch something. He looked so peaceful.
From now on, she would keep this as a snapshot in her mind, one she would choose to think of when she remembered after. This was her new after.
CHAPTER 27
“Hello?” Jake answered sleepily.
The phone ringing had awoken him. Who’s calling the house phone? Jake thought. It was rare it ever rang. Most people called either his or Gabby’s cell numbers.
He’d opened his eyes to find Gabby gone and saw the note she’d left on the bedside table. He wasn’t awake enough to read it.
“Hello?” he said again.
There was someone on the line—Jake could tell that much—but there was a long hesitation before a deep voice asked, “Who is this?”
“This is Jake. Who’s this?” Jake grumpily answered, rubbing a hand across his eyes, trying to clear the sleep from his brain and connect the voice with the owner, but it didn’t register. He wasn’t sure he’d ever heard this voice.
“This is Tom, from Gabby’s office. Is she there?” Tom demanded.
Jake sat up. This sounded serious. Was Gabby in trouble? He didn’t remember her ever mentioning a Tom that worked with her. Was this a new boss?
“Naw, she’s...” Jake reached for the note, quickly reading it. “Out picking up groceries. She left a note here. It says she’ll be home in a few hours. She’s probably not gonna make it in today. I assumed she’d call Jerry. Who are you again?”
Click. The line went dead.
Jake held the phone out, squinting to see the screen just to be sure. The display didn’t show in use. No call. What the hell? he thought. He dialed Gabby’s cell number.
“Hello?” Gabby answered.
Jake sat up, easing his legs over the side of the bed. “Gabby. Where ya at, girl?”
“Oh! You woke up,” Gabby answered. “I was hoping you’d stay asleep and I could surprise you with dinner. I’m just leaving the store now,” Gabby answered, her voice
sounding like it was carrying a smile.
“Have you called your boss?” Jake asked.
“Yeah. I called him after I dropped you off at the house this morning. He gave me the rest of the week off—to take care of you,” she nearly sang into the phone. “He’s been great, Jake. I took a few weeks off after the accident—I guess you know that—and I know I haven’t been up to snuff since I’ve been back, but I explained everything and he told me to focus on you this week and start back fresh next week.”
“Is Jerry still your boss?” Jake asked, rubbing his hand over the stubble on his chin.
“Yes, why?”
“Some dude named Tom just called here and asked for you. He didn’t sound happy that you weren’t here. Actually, he didn’t sound happy that I answered the phone,” Jake explained. “Who is that guy? He hung up on me.”
“Tom? He’s the new guy. He transferred in from someplace else. I have no idea why he’d be calling me,” Gabby answered, sounding confused. “Maybe Jerry asked him to call. I’m going right by there on the way home anyway. I’ll just pop in and see if they need something.”
Jake grabbed the footboard and eased up on his feet, stretching. “All right, Gab. Say hello to Jerry and the guys for me, but hurry home... I miss you already.”
“I miss you, too. I won’t be long. Love you,” Gabby answered.
“I love you, too.”
Jake hit the off button and then pressed it on again, leaving it off the hook so he could try to sleep a little longer without interruption. He put it in the drawer on their bedside table and then stretched some more. He wasn’t sure he could fall asleep as easily this time without Gabby there. Maybe a hot bath would be good first. He got up and slowly limped toward the bathroom, anticipating a long, hot soak in his own tub.
