by Cathy Glass
‘Do you like your room?’ Graham asked him.
Alex gave a small nod.
‘Good, and remember Adrian’s room is just next door,’ I said.
We’d seen the other rooms upstairs, so Graham led the way out of Alex’s room and downstairs. He didn’t return to the living room; instead he stopped at the coat stand and unhooked Alex’s coat. ‘Get your trainers on then, mate,’ he said. ‘You’ll see Cathy again tomorrow.’
I appreciated Graham wanted to get back to his wife and pack. ‘We’ll see you in the morning,’ I said to Alex with an encouraging smile.
He nodded.
‘At eleven o’clock,’ Graham said to me. ‘Is that what you were told?’
‘Yes.’
Alex had put on his trainers and Graham passed him his coat. ‘Will I still be able to go to my old school?’ he quietly asked Graham.
‘I think so, mate,’ he replied.
‘Yes, you will,’ I confirmed. ‘I’ll take you there in my car. You go to breakfast club so we’ll take you there first and then Adrian to his school and Paula to nursery.’
Alex looked relieved and managed another small smile. School is often the only constant factor in a foster child’s life if they have to move home; it’s familiar, safe and reliable, so it’s important that they remain at the same school if at all possible. There was a chance that Alex would have to change schools when he went to his adoptive parents, as the matching process – children with prospective parents – stretches across the country, but if so that would be unavoidable, and it would be the last move he’d have to make.
‘See you tomorrow then,’ Graham said as they headed down the front path.
We watched them go and then I closed the front door.
‘I like Alex, he’s nice,’ Adrian said.
‘I like him too,’ Paula agreed.
‘He’s a lovely little boy, but remember he’ll only be staying with us for a few weeks,’ I cautioned, as much for my benefit as the children’s. I knew how easily we became attached to the children we looked after, especially a child like Alex, unassuming and vulnerable. You felt like you wanted to give him a big hug and never let him go, but he’d only be with us a short while.
We played some card and board games that afternoon and then in the evening, after dinner, the three of us watched some television. The house phone rang at six o’clock and I was slightly surprised to hear John, their father. He usually telephoned on a Sunday evening, but he quickly explained that he was away for a few days so he was phoning now while he had the chance, as he didn’t like to let the children down. I bit back the retort at the tip of my tongue about letting the children down in a much bigger way and passed the handset to Adrian, who usually spoke to him first. Adrian told him about school and football and what he’d been doing generally – a life that John had once been part of and familiar with but now needed to be told about. When Adrian had finished his news he passed the phone to Paula who, not understanding about divorce, asked as she had done before, ‘When are you coming home, Daddy?’ It stung my heart now as it always did.
‘He’s not,’ Adrian said under his breath.
‘It’s OK,’ I said quietly to him. Then to Paula I said, ‘Daddy is coming to see you next Sunday.’
John must have said something similar for she repeated, ‘Seeing Daddy next weekend.’ Then, satisfied that she’d spoken to him, she said, ‘Goodbye, Daddy,’ and passed the phone to Adrian to say goodbye and hang up.
John would now return to his life as we returned to ours, and while it was getting a little easier for us to accept, I would never understand how a father could leave his family for another woman. Had John’s life with me really been so bad? He’d admitted once that it hadn’t, that it was just one of those things, beyond his control, that he’d fallen in love with another woman. As though it wasn’t his fault!
Chapter Two
Unsettled Early Life
The following morning Adrian was up earlier than usual for a Sunday, eagerly awaiting the arrival of Alex. We’d had our Sunday-morning fry-up for breakfast and I’d cleared up so that I was ready to give Alex my full attention. It’s always strange when a new child first arrives – for us as well as the child – as we all adjust to each other’s likes and dislikes, habits and mannerisms, but by the end of a few days we’re all usually jogging along together in our new routine.
The front doorbell rang a little after eleven o’clock and the children came with me to answer it.
‘I’ll play with Alex while you help Mum unpack,’ Adrian told Paula.
‘I want to play too,’ Paula said with a whine.
‘You can both play with him,’ I said diplomatically.
As I opened the front door the cold January air rushed in. Alex and Graham stood side by side in the porch, loaded with bags. ‘Good morning,’ Graham said cheerfully. ‘I’ll bring these in and then unpack the rest of the car.’
I held the door wide open so Graham could manoeuvre in the two large suitcases he was carrying. ‘Are they all right there?’ he asked, setting them down to one side of the hall.
‘Yes, fine. I’ll sort them all out later.’
‘That case has Alex’s school uniform in and his winter clothes,’ he said, tapping one. ‘You may not need to unpack the other. It’s his summer gear.’
‘OK, thanks.’
Alex, holding his school bag and a carrier bag of toys, with a bulging rucksack on his back, was now standing in the hall looking very lost.
‘Here, let me help you with that,’ I said, and eased the rucksack off his back.
‘You stay here with Cathy,’ Graham told Alex, ‘while I unload the rest of the car.’
Adrian took the bags Alex was holding from him so he could take off his coat. The poor lad looked even more bewildered now than he had done yesterday. ‘Are you OK, love?’ I asked him as he stood immobile, making no attempt to take off his coat or trainers. He nodded. ‘You’ll soon feel at home,’ I reassured him with a smile.
‘Is this my new home?’ he asked.
‘For now, yes.’
‘But you’re not my new mummy?’
‘No, love. I’m your new foster carer. You should be meeting your new mummy and daddy in a week or so.’
He nodded again and then began unzipping his parka. Slipping it off, he handed it to me and I hung it on the hall stand with our coats. Graham returned with more bags and set them in the hall beside the suitcases. He also handed me a folder containing the paperwork I needed.
‘Do you want his bike in here or shall I take it round the back?’ Graham asked me.
‘In here, please. Alex can help me put it in the shed later.’ It was important Alex saw where his new bike was going so he knew it was safe.
‘Shall we play with some of your toys?’ Adrian asked, peering into the carrier bag.
Alex gave a small nod and, picking up the bag, followed Adrian down the hall and into the living room. Paula ran after them. Graham returned with Alex’s bike and some more bags, which we stacked in the hall. There was hardly any room to move. Children who’ve been in care a while tend to acquire many possessions – as much if not more than the average child – as carers try to compensate for the depravation of their early years before coming into care. Graham brought in the last of the bags and I was pleased to be able to close the front door against the cold winter air.
‘I’ll just say goodbye to Alex and then I’ll be off,’ Graham said, aware that it was advisable to keep his leave-taking short.
I went with him to the living room, where the children were sitting in a small circle on the floor playing with Alex’s toys. Toscha was asleep on the sofa.
‘Bye then, mate,’ Graham said from just inside the door. ‘Be good.’
Alex didn’t turn or speak. ‘Say goodbye to Graham,’ I said.
‘Bye,’ Alex said, but he kept his back to Graham and I knew he was feeling rejected.
I could see Graham was a little surprised, even
hurt, by Alex’s reaction, perhaps expecting a hug or even tears, but it’s a trauma for a child to have to move home when they’re settled and Alex was stating how he felt. ‘Don’t worry,’ I said quietly to Graham. ‘He’ll be fine soon.’
‘Bye then, mate,’ Graham said again, and then, with no response from Alex, he returned down the hall.
I went with him to see him out. ‘I hope everything goes well with the pregnancy,’ I said.
‘Yes, thanks.’ And he was gone, although I knew that the memory of Alex would stay with Graham for a long time, probably forever, just as Alex would remember them, hopefully in a positive light.
Today was all about settling Alex in and unpacking his belongings, so I hadn’t planned an outing. After Graham left I checked that the children were still playing happily in the living room, then I carried Alex’s suitcases up to his bedroom one at a time. I returned downstairs again for some of his bags of toys and took those up too. I would suggest to Alex that he kept some of his toys in his bedroom and some downstairs to play with, as Adrian, Paula and the other children I’d fostered did. With the hall much clearer I went into the living room and sat with the children for a while and watched them play, then Alex said he needed to use the bathroom so I went with him upstairs to show him where it was, and waited on the landing until he’d finished. As he passed his bedroom he looked in.
‘Will I be sleeping in there tonight?’ he asked.
‘Yes, love. I’ll unpack your cases soon.’
We returned downstairs and I made the children a drink and a snack, which we had at the table, with Alex sitting in his place next to Adrian. Everyone was very quiet and on their best behaviour, but I knew from experience that it wouldn’t take long before they felt more comfortable with each other. Once we’d finished eating the children wanted to continue playing in the living room. As they were playing nicely – Adrian was sharing his toys with Alex and Alex was sharing his with Adrian and Paula – I said I’d go and unpack Alex’s bags and they should call for me if they needed me. I wouldn’t have left all the children I’d fostered unattended on their first day, but Alex didn’t have any behavioural issues and appeared responsible, as was Adrian, so I felt OK leaving them with Paula. Adrian knew to fetch me if there was a problem.
With school in the morning I wanted to be organized, so I began by unpacking the case that Graham had said contained Alex’s school uniform and his casual clothes for winter. I hung them in the wardrobe and then arranged his underwear and socks in a drawer. I placed a pair of his pyjamas on his bed ready for later and hung his dressing gown on the hook on the back of his door. I took his towel and wash bag into the bathroom, where I placed his towel next to ours on the rail and set his wash bag on the shelf within his reach. I listened on the landing for the children and could hear them still playing, so I returned to Alex’s bedroom. With the first case empty I opened the second but, as Graham had said, it contained Alex’s summer clothes so I closed it again and then put both cases out of the way on top of the wardrobe.
One of the bags I’d brought up contained soft toys and I arranged these on Alex’s bed and on one of the shelves. Another bag contained more toys and I emptied it into the toy box. There were another couple of new toy boxes downstairs ready for the toys Alex might want to keep in the living room. Although Alex was only staying for a few weeks, it was important he felt comfortable and ‘at home’ and wasn’t living out of cases. Satisfied his bedroom was now looking more welcoming and lived in, I took his slippers downstairs. Alex and Adrian were just coming out of the living room to take another of Alex’s bags of toys through to play with.
‘Before you do that let’s put your bike away,’ I suggested. ‘It’s a lovely bike – you are lucky.’
‘Father Christmas bought it for me,’ Alex said with a small smile.
Adrian wanted to come and help put the bike in the shed, and then of course Paula, not wanting to be left out, arrived in the hall and said she did too. We all put on our coats and shoes and Alex carefully wheeled his bike down the hall, through the kitchen, and then Adrian helped him out with it through the back door. Our garden is long and narrow, with a patio at the top and then mainly grass to the shed at the very bottom. ‘Shall I ride my bike to the shed?’ Alex asked, clearly wanting to.
‘Yes.’
He carefully mounted the bike and then rode confidently to the bottom of the garden, where he dismounted. We caught up. ‘If the weather is good next weekend we could take the bikes to the park,’ I suggested.
‘Yes!’ Adrian said, and Alex nodded enthusiastically.
I unlocked the shed door and Adrian helped Alex in with his bike and rested it carefully next to his and Paula’s. There were other garden toys here too, stored for winter.
‘My bike’s got more wheels,’ Paula said, referring to the stabilizers.
‘Otherwise she falls off,’ Adrian said with a giggle to Alex.
‘Your bike had stabilizers too when you were very little and were learning to ride,’ I reminded Adrian. ‘I expect Alex used them as well. Many children do.’
We returned indoors and the children continued playing in the living room and sharing their toys nicely. At present, playing together and discovering each other’s toys was a novelty, but I knew it was quite possible that after a while the novelty might wear off and squabbles could break out, just as in any sibling or friendship group. Experience had taught me that this was more likely with similar-aged children of the same sex, as Alex and Adrian were. They were either inseparable and best buddies or arguing over the same toy. Generally, if there is a choice of carers then foster children are placed with carers where there aren’t already children of the same age, especially if they are staying long term. But often there isn’t a choice, as there is always a shortage of foster carers, and as this wasn’t long term I didn’t envisage too many problems.
The rest of the afternoon passed happily, and when I called everyone to dinner Alex went straight to his place at the table, far more relaxed and confident, as indeed Adrian and Paula were; everyone was thawing out. We talked as we ate and it was only natural that at some point Alex was going to mention his adoptive family, whom he had been told a bit about and was looking forward to meeting for the first time.
‘I’m going to have a forever mummy and daddy,’ he said. ‘I used to just have a mummy, but she can’t look after me.’ I nodded. ‘Graham says my daddy will do lots of things with me, like playing football. Do you have a daddy?’ he asked Adrian.
I saw Adrian’s face fall. ‘Yes,’ he said quietly.
‘But he doesn’t live with us,’ I added, saving Adrian the embarrassment of having to say it.
‘Daddy takes us out and buys us sweets,’ Paula put in.
‘That’s nice,’ Alex said, and began talking about the sweets he’d had for Christmas. Although Alex’s question was entirely innocent, I knew Adrian struggled at moments like this. It had taken him months to admit to his best friend that his father wasn’t living with us any more, and many of his friends at school still didn’t know. Adrian perceived a stigma where others did not, and while it greatly saddened me that he had been placed in this position, there was nothing I could do about it beyond supporting him as he adjusted to having an absent father, as many children now have to do.
After dinner I checked I had everything ready for the following morning. Alex’s school bag was in the hall beside Adrian’s, his school coat was on the hall stand with our coats, and his school shoes were paired beneath the stand with our shoes. Alex had school dinners, as did Adrian, so I didn’t have to make any packed lunches. As we would need to rise early in the morning for our new school run I began the children’s bath and bedtime routine just before seven o’clock that Sunday. I read Paula some stories and then, leaving the boys playing, I took her up for her bath and settled her into bed with her favourite cuddly – a velvety soft furry rabbit, which her father had bought as one of her Christmas presents.
I returned downst
airs for Alex. He was used to a similar bath and bedtime routine at his previous foster carers’. ‘What shall I do with all my toys?’ he asked. They were strewn across the living-room floor and Adrian had begun to pack his away into the new toy boxes.
‘I have just what you need,’ I said with a smile, and I brought in the new toy boxes. ‘You can put your toys in these and then you’ll be able to take them with you when you leave us.’ Which is what I usually did so the children I fostered left me with their toys in boxes and their clothes neatly packed in cases. I only use plastic bags as a very last resort as I feel it’s degrading for a child to move home with their belongings in carrier bags and bin liners.
Once the boys had packed away Alex said goodnight to Adrian and I took him upstairs, firstly to his bedroom to fetch his pyjamas. He liked the way I’d arranged his soft toys on his bed and shelf and the toys in the toy box.
‘Can I take that toy box with me as well?’ he asked.
‘Yes.’
He was pleased. Plastic toy boxes aren’t expensive but the children love having their own, and of course they help to keep the rooms tidy. I showed him where I’d put his pyjamas and dressing gown and he carried them round to the bathroom, where I ran his bath to the right temperature. I pointed out the laundry basket where he could put his dirty clothes and then, to give him some privacy, I waited on the landing while he washed and dried himself. Once he was in his pyjamas I waited while he cleaned his teeth. I wouldn’t leave a child of his age to just get on with it, especially on their first night, although his self-care skills were very good. We returned round the landing to his bedroom, where I asked him, as I always do when a child first arrives, if he liked to sleep with his curtains open or closed. He said closed. Similarly I asked him if he slept with the light on or off. He said off, and with his bedroom door left open a little. Small details, but their familiarity and the comfort they give to the child help them settle in a strange room. I told Alex that I always left a night light on the landing so he could see where he was going if he needed the toilet, but to call out to me if he woke in the night, as I didn’t want him wandering around by himself. Before climbing into bed he chose one of his soft toys to sleep with – Simba from the Walt Disney film The Lion King. I asked him if that was his favourite, but he said he didn’t have a favourite and just chose a different one each night. Once he was snuggled beneath the duvet with Simba beside him, I said goodnight and then asked him if he’d like a kiss and a hug. He shook his head shyly.
