“Are you okay? I’m so sorry, Carson.” I could see the tears welling up in his eyes as he stood over me, staring directly into my eyes.
“I’m fine.” I lied as I cradled his face in my hands. “Don’t even worry about me, worry about getting us the fuck out of here. Do you hear me?” His eyes were scanning the room, but I clutched his face a little harder so he would look at me. “I trust you, Ruger. I know you’ll do whatever you have to, to get us out of here, and so will I.” I made sure to emphasis the do part, so he would know that I was okay with him having to possibly kill someone. He nodded into my palms and pressed his lips lightly to my forehead before he made his way back over to where Ky and Rollins stood.
“You may not have had a choice before, but you sure as hell have one to make now. You either help us get Carson out of here and take down Ray, or I’ll kill you to do it. Your choice.” Ruger used Rollins’ words against him to prove a point.
Rollins held his gun up and pointed it in Ruger and Ky’s direction as he heard Ray coming back in. “Any word, Ray?” The look on Rollins’ face was stoic and I couldn’t tell if he had made the right choice to help us out or not.
“Looks as though your littlest son decided that he would rather stay in jail than help the FBI bring down my little organization. Now that’s one committed employee. I knew I liked him for a reason. Now that we have that all cleared away, let’s deal with you two. You know, I honestly never thought I would get this opportunity so soon. I thought I’d have to come up with this elaborate plan to get all of you in one room so I could kill you all, but it looks like Christmas has come a little early this year.” Ray was practically dancing around the room as he spoke. “The only tricky thing is that there is only two of us and three of you. So who would like to go first?”
Ray glanced around the room, making sure to stop and look at each one of us longer than necessary. When he came back around to Ruger, my heart jumped into my throat and I began to panic. I couldn’t, no I wouldn’t let this man that I loved so dearly, sacrifice himself anymore for me. His life was worth just as much as mine, and I was about to prove it.
“Me. Pick me.” My voice was strong and it never wavered.
“No!” Ruger growled.
I just looked at him and gave him a half-cocked smile. This was something I had to do. I couldn’t go the rest of my life with him thinking that he always had to sacrifice for me. I wanted to show Ruger that I was willing to sacrifice myself just as much as he was, for us, for love.
“Don’t touch her, Ray. I swear to God…”
“You’ll what? You swear to God you’ll what, Ruger?”
“I’ll kill you where you stand, without hesitation.” Ruger’s voice broke mid sentence, just as I could only assume his heart did.
Ray started to laugh, and laugh, and laugh. We all glanced around the room at one another as his laughter slowly started to fade. I pushed myself up off of the table with everything I had in me. I clutched my stomach in pain as my feet touched the ground. I held tightly onto the side of the surgical table as I caught Ruger staring at me with a forlorn look. I knew he wouldn’t understand what I was doing and that he most likely didn’t agree with it, but it was something I had to do.
“Okay, I’m ready.” I mumbled.
“Such a brave little girl, aren’t we?” Ray ran his fingers down the side of my face, catching the one tear that managed to escape. “No need to cry my lovely, this will all be over real soon.”
Ray took a few steps back and held his gun out straight in front of him. I tried to stand as straight as I could as I stared down the barrel of his gun. I took in a deep breath and held it in as my chest constricted. There were no words left to say, no apologies to be made, and no regrets for the things I’d done. In my final moments on this earth, all I could do was look at Ruger. His presence alone brought me comfort and joy, and I was thankful that I was able to have him for as long as I had. I looked at him with all the love that I had inside of me, and all the sadness of this moment dissipated. I was dying for the one man I would ever love. It was my last act of selflessness. I stood there and closed my eyes, and a few seconds later, the shot was fired.
Twenty Nine
Ruger
I ran over to Carson just as she fell to the ground. The weight of her limp body caused me to collapse on the ground beneath her. I pulled her tightly against my chest and held onto her with every ounce of strength I had. She clung to me in sheer desperation. As I looked down into her wet eyes, I couldn’t help but fall even more in love with her than I already was. Her bravery alone filled my heart to epic proportions.
“Are you okay?” I whispered just below her ear, causin’ her body to shiver beneath my touch.
“I am now.” She replied.
I looked back at Ky who was now cuffin’ Rollins. In the seconds that lead up to the gun goin’ off, I silently prayed that Rollins would find it in himself to stand up for what was right. Time stood still as I thought about what this girl was willin’ to give up for me, for how she felt about me. She was the most selfless person I knew, and as much as it should’ve made me feel relieved, it actually did the opposite. This girl was willin’ to give her life to save mine, and I was the one responsible for gettin’ her in this situation in the first place. What did that say about me?
I was a bit shocked when Rollins actually pulled the trigger, but thankful all the same. As much as he portrayed himself as a bad guy, the sincerity and honesty behind his stories that he told me made him a fake. For whatever reason, he wanted to be the bad guy in this story. He wanted me to hate him, no matter how long it took for me to do so. It was hard to believe that someone who was willin’ to risk someone else’s life to save his own, was related to me.
I pride myself on bein’ a man of honor. In my line of work, I run across a lot of dishonest and heartless people, but that wasn’t me. I would never turn my back on somebody to save my own skin or move my way up. Rollins on the other hand, he was that guy. I had gotten a small glimpse of what our relationship could’ve been if he actually had turned out to be the man I thought he was, but just like everythin’ else, it was pulled right out from under me.
“Ruger, are you okay?” Carson’s voice was low and muffled and caught me completely off guard.
“I don’t deserve you.” I replied as I pushed a few stray hairs out of her face. “Everythin’ I touch breaks and crumbles beneath me.”
“That’s not true.” She twisted in my arms into a sittin’ position so she was now facin’ me. “You are the most deserving man I know.” She hung her head. “I know what you’re doing Ruger, and I won’t let you. I refuse to let you push me away, not because of this.”
She still wouldn’t look up at me, and it was tearin’ me apart not bein’ able to see her beautiful face. I tucked her head under my chin and wrapped my arms snuggly around her. I wasn’t ready to let her go, but I knew that it was in her best interest to never be around me again. I knew I was takin’ the decision away from her, but this was one instance that I knew she would make the wrong one if given the chance. Eventually she would move on, and maybe even one day, thank me.
The door came flyin’ open a few minutes later, and at least ten guys in full S.W.A.T. gear came runnin’ in with their weapons drawn. “Everybody down.” We all put our hands up, except for Carson. “Hands up now, young lady.”
“She can’t.” I responded. “She’s been shot.”
One of the men came runnin’ over to us, pullin’ Carson out of my arms and away from my grasp. “Miss, are you okay?”
Carson nodded and the man helped her stand up, and then escorted her out of the room. Before we could say anythin’, the other men were cuffin’ Ky and myself, and then takin’ us out as well. We walked through the front door and into the cool night air. They sat us down next to each other on the top step of the porch, and told us to not move. I watched as the guy who had taken Carson out of the room led her to an ambulance. He helped her onto the gurney, and then
removed his helmet so he could speak to her. I would’ve recognized that smug face anywhere.
“XANDER GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HER.” I yelled as I tried to stand, but the officer in front of me pushed me back down.
“Don’t move.”
“What the hell are you holdin’ us for anyhow? We are Deputy United States Marshals. This is ridiculous.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. As soon as your boss gets here, you’ll be free to go.”
“Ugh, can you believe this shit Wakely?” I looked over at Ky, but he wasn’t respondin’. “What’s up with you?”
“I don’t know about this life anymore. I mean, I’m getting ready to marry the woman of my dreams; do I really want this kind of life for her? Carson was willing to die for you tonight, Ruger. Don’t you get it?”
“Of course I get it. I don’t want this life for her. I never want her to be in harm’s way ever again, but that’s why I’ve decided not to.”
Ky turned towards me, “Decided not to what?”
“It’s the right thing for me to do. You’re not gonna talk me out of it, Wakely. She deserves better. She deserves more in this life.”
“I think that is the most selfless thing you’ve ever said, and you’re a pretty selfish guy.” He laughed, but he was right.
I was a selfish person, and I always put myself first beyond anythin’ else. Carson would never be able to have the life she’s always dreamed of if she is with me. After this, I was pretty sure that her parents wouldn’t let her stay with me anyway. I was fightin’ a losin’ battle, one that I would always lose.
“Hey fellas. You guys look like shit.”
“Thanks Tom, so do you. What’s your excuse?” I laughed.
“Funny Ruger. Turn around. Hey can we get these cuffs off of my guys?” A police officer came struttin’ over lookin’ all high and mighty as he removed our handcuffs. “Thanks. All right guys, follow me.”
We followed Tom across the drive and over to his car. Ky and I looked at each other in confusion as Tom told us to sit. “Dunn, what the hell is this all about?”
“Ruger, I’ve got some bad news for you. They found your brother’s body this morning. His cellmate stabbed him. I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell ya.”
I looked at Tom and held out my hand. “Thanks for lettin’ me know. You’re a good man, Dunn.”
“Wait, that’s it?”
“What do you want me to say? It’s like you expect me to be heartbroken, or to burst out into tears. I barely knew the kid. Am I free to go check on Carson now?”
“Um…yeah. You’re free to go.” Dunn was at a loss for words, which was rare for him.
I walked over to Ky and gave him a half hug. “Thanks for bein’ here, man. I’m sorry you were put in this position, but still thankful you were here.”
“I didn’t do much, Ruger, but you’re welcome. Hey Ruger, I know it’s not my place, but I really think you should reconsider the whole Carson thing. You deserve to be happy.”
“Do I? Because I’m pretty sure the big man upstairs would care to disagree with ya.” I smiled and turned to go check on Carson. As I was walkin’ up to the ambulance, I ended up runnin’ into Xander. “Why the hell are you here Wright?”
“Just doin’ my job, Ruger. How ya been?”
“Small talk? Really? Wow you’ve got some balls on ya, don’t ya?”
“Ruger, like I told you before, nothin’ happened between me and Rowan.”
I threw my head back in laughter. “Whatever helps ya sleep better at night. I’ve gotta check on someone. Hope to see ya around…never.” As I approached Carson, I could tell that she had been cryin’. I sat down next to her and pushed her head down on my shoulder. “How ya feelin’, sweetheart?”
“Better now.” She smiled up at me. “They gave me some awesome medication that makes me feel all loopy.” She laughed. “It is ah-mazing.” We both laughed together and I started to feel a bit nostalgic. These were the things I missed and would continue to miss once I was gone, but tonight just wasn’t the right time to do it. So I sat there and continued to laugh and joke around with the amazin’ girl in front of me. Right now, we had this and it was all I needed in this moment.
Thirty
Carson
I sat back and watched as the world around me flashed by in an instant. I could feel Ruger’s hand on my thigh, but the vibe I was getting from him was exactly what I expected it to be. I wasn’t some stupid naïve teenager who didn’t understand guys. I knew when all of this was said and done, that Ruger would leave. When he first said something, I thought it was because of the seriousness of the situation, but in the end I realized that he meant every word he had spoken.
I honestly don’t know what I expected to come from all of this. Did I really expect a man who was seven years older than me to want to marry me, and spend the rest of his days with me? I would be a fool if I believed and bought into that misconstrued version of reality. I just had to face it; Ruger was the kind of guy who liked the chase.
Ky came up to us after he squared things away with his boss. “Well boys and girls, I’m headed back home tonight. Lots of wedding stuff to take care of. You know how it goes.”
I could see remorse in his eyes as soon as he said it. “It’s okay.” I laughed. “Hey Ky, can you give Ruger and I a minute? But don’t leave just yet, I need to talk to you as well.”
“You got it. I’m gonna head inside and get something to drink.”
“Thanks.” I slowly pushed myself up off of the ambulance and turned to face Ruger. “There are so many things I want to say to you, but words seem to be failing me at the moment. Look, it’s been fun, this thing between you and me. I wouldn’t take any of it back for anything, and as much as I love you, I just don’t think we should be together.” I kept my eyes on my hands that I was fidgeting with while I spoke. I knew the minute I was to look at him, that I would lose it. “I’ve never met anyone quite like you Ruger. You are a decent guy, who deserves an amazing girl who will understand the job that you do. I just don’t think that I can be that girl for you.”
“Carson, wait.”
I held my hand up to stop him from cutting me off. “Maybe my dad was right. Maybe the age difference is just too much. You’ve been amazing to me and I seriously want nothing but absolute happiness for you. So with that being said, I’m going to go back to Chicago with Ky. I’m going to go live the life I was supposed to, out there. I mean what did I really expect from you, marriage, kids, and a house with a white picket fence? Who was I kidding?” I grabbed Ruger’s hand in mine and gave them a tight squeeze. “Thank you for everything Ruger. I wouldn’t have made it through all of this without you.” I stood on my tiptoes and placed a chaste kiss to his cheek. “Stay safe.”
I turned and walked away, and never looked back. I couldn’t or I would’ve lost it and frankly, I was sick and tired of crying all the damn time. I walked into the kitchen, and found Ky talking to someone on his phone. When he caught sight of me entering, he quickly hung up and brought me a glass of water.
“I think I need something just a little bit stronger.” I let out a half-hearted laugh. “Can I go home with you?”
“Of course. Is everything okay?” I shook my head in response, knowing that if I spoke I would break. Ky wrapped his arm around my shoulders and gave me a small squeeze. “It’s all going to be okay. How about we take your car? That way you don’t have to leave anything behind.”
It was a great idea, mainly because now I never had to come back to this place, and that would make getting over Ruger that much easier. Ky helped me with all of my boxes and luggage, and as everyone was finally clearing out, so were we. I made my way out to the car and left Ky to say good-bye to Ruger. I stood beside my car and watched the police cruiser take off with Ruger’s father in the back seat. I hadn’t had the opportunity to say it to him, but I was thankful that he chose to shoot Ray before he could shoot me. I knew he would never be able to make amends with Ruger, but his saving m
e redeemed himself in my eyes.
When I turned back around I practically had a heart attack. Xander was standing right there in front of me, speechless. “Jesus, maybe next time warn a girl, huh?” I slapped him across the shoulder, but all he did was smile.
“Sorry. I don’t think I ever actually introduced myself. I’m Xander.”
He held his hand out for me to shake, but I refused to do so. “Let me guess, you’re a United States Marshal as well?”
“Well, yeah.”
“Bye Xander.” I opened the car door and sat in the seat, but before I could close the door, he was pulling it back open. “If you don’t mind, I have to go now. Bye.” He still wouldn’t let go of the door and now I was just pissed. I stood up, fuming. “What is your deal, Xander?”
“His deal is that he can never take a fucking hint. Get the fuck away from my sister-in-law, Xander, or I’ll be forced to make you.”
“Man, some people never change.” He scoffed.
“Especially people named, Xander. What, you thought because you were able to get with Rowan when she was with Ruger, that you’d try it on Carson?”
“That’s not what I was doing, Ky. Get a fucking grip. I was just checking on her. You know you really shouldn’t judge things you know nothing about.”
“Do you really believe that if you tell yourself enough that it didn’t happen, that some how it will make it true? You’re delusional. Now get away from the car before I run your pathetic ass over.”
“Ky, calm down. I don’t think he meant any harm.”
“Trust me Carson, all Xander knows how to do is harm people. Get in the car. Let’s go.”
I shot an apologetic smile in Xander’s direction, but he seemed unfazed by what had just happened with Ky. I swear these guys had more issues than anybody on any soap opera on TV. I sat in the passenger seat and buckled up as Ky took off like a bat outta hell down the dirt road. I took a chance and glanced out the side mirror hoping to see Ruger standing in the drive, waving for me to come back, but I was severely disappointed when I saw no one. He was really just letting me go, no questions asked. And as much as I wanted him to fight for me, I knew that I was probably better off if he didn’t.
Chasing Carson Page 13
