Elliott’s silence told her all she had to know.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
ELLIOTT COULDN’T JUST stand there forever, raw, with his life a puddle at her feet. He’d trusted her heart to hear him. And she wasn’t saying a word. “If I hadn’t understood your issues regarding the trustworthiness of the men in your life, I would have told you who I was before I married you. By the time I knew you were far more than a job to me, I knew about your mistrust of my species. I was between a rock and a hard place. In the end, what it came down to was that if I told you, I lost you for sure. If I didn’t, we had a chance at making it. That was the gamble I took. From my perspective, I didn’t have a sure thing to bet on. So I took the choice that gave us the best chance at happiness. Your mother and I were the only two people who knew that I’d worked for her. I figured, at the time, which was when we were in Vegas, that the chance of you ever finding out, of being hurt, were minimal. Neither your mother nor I would ever hurt you that way. It wasn’t until after we were married, and back home, that I couldn’t live with myself, knowing there was a lie between us. I didn’t have to tell you, Marie. I chose to. Because I understand your issues. I took them on. And I trust you to be accountable to them.”
Starting right then. She needed to see that this was just her issue cropping up and let him come home.
Except that it wasn’t just her issue. It was his, as well. He needed things, too. Like the security of knowing he wasn’t going to come home some night to find the locks changed on his doors for some perceived wrong.
“I’m trying to tell you I married you knowing what I’m up against. I just need you to need this as badly as I do. To give us a chance.”
But was he being completely fair to her? What he needed was a home of his own. A place to belong. And could he ever find that with her? If she couldn’t trust him?
“I’ve realized, Gabi helped me see, that in my previous relationships, I always chose men who had other priorities in their lives. I don’t ever date men who might actually be serious enough about me to form a lifetime bond. Or at least, not serious enough at that time in their lives...”
He had no idea where this was going. And was still relieved. She was talking to him. Really talking.
“I think I did that, subconsciously, to protect myself from ever having to make the choice to commit to someone. I did it so I’d never be put in a position where I’d have to trust someone that completely...”
That sounded more accurate than her mother’s version—that Marie just didn’t make good choices where men were concerned.
“With you, it was different. It was like I didn’t have a choice to trust you or not. I just...did.”
They were the best words he’d ever heard. Until he realized that she’d been speaking in the past. And knew what he’d done by his bad gamble for good reasons. What he’d destroyed.
“That’s what love does, Gabi said. But I already knew in my heart what she was telling me. I was in love with you. Trust grew naturally from that.”
Past tense. Still past tense. He was waiting for the present to catch up with them.
“When I called my dad to tell him we were married, I told him that I was worried about the baggage I carried—the fear of being hurt like my mother was—by giving my ultimate trust and having it betrayed. He told me that women are gifted with this instinct to know when we’re being lied to. On some level, we’ll just know.”
“I can tell you that in my business, I’ve seen more than one occasion when a woman’s instinct has prevented danger. Or led authorities to a place they needed to be in an investigation.”
He was so much taller than she was. Wanted to sit down. To meet her eye-to-eye.
To know that he could stay awhile.
“I told myself that I would be fine. That we would be fine.”
So maybe this was going to be okay. Marie had to go around the block, to get all nuances in the telling. He was a guy who liked the full picture. Even if, in the moment, the waiting was excruciating.
“But then I found out that you’d lied to me, and I didn’t have any instinct about it at all...”
He searched for something to say and came up blank.
“I’ve finally realized something.” She met his gaze head-on, and that was when Elliott knew that the train was barreling down, coming straight at him. Full speed...
“I don’t have the ability to discern whether or not someone is lying to me. I looked you in the eye. I opened my heart. I was certain I could feel your heart. And I had no idea, that night we got married, or anytime during the week afterward, that you were hiding something from me. You made a deliberate choice to do so—and I’m speaking from Vegas on—and I had absolutely no idea. Then Saturday night I see your name on the news as the escort of a beautiful woman—not her bodyguard, her escort—and the original lie plays through my mind and... The other guys I dated, I’m sure now that part of why I went out with them was because they felt safe to me in that they weren’t going to ask me for more of a commitment than I felt safe giving. But still, when they lied to me... I had no idea. The rodeo guy was the only one I saw through, but only because Gabi and I talked and it was obvious that he was lying to us. Until then, I’d believed him.
“And even my own mother... She hid you from me, and I had no idea. Surely, if your mother is hiding something that intense from you, you’d have some inkling...”
In a way, Marie’s speech comforted Elliott. She was trusting him with her real thoughts again. But he also knew it wasn’t going to end well.
She stood away from the counter. So did he.
Toe-to-toe with him, she said, “It’s not just you I don’t trust, Elliott. That’s what I’ve been forced to see head-on. It’s myself. And until I figure out how I live with that, without driving myself and everyone else crazy, I have nothing to give anyone.”
He took it on the chin. At least on the outside.
“Would you agree to leave our marriage intact until you’ve had some time to think everything through?”
What he thought he might be buying himself, he didn’t know. But time was better than nothing.
“I can’t sleep in the same bed with you right now.”
“I understand.”
“You’re asking me not to file for divorce.”
“Correct.”
She nodded. “Believe it or not, divorcing you is the last thing I want to do, Elliott.”
Her gaze begged him to kiss her.
Fool that he was, he tried.
And got pushed away for his effort.
* * *
BARBARA CALLED WHEN she and Bruce were off the ship and back in Florida. Marie had spent three full days working, and then alone—other than a quick dinner on Tuesday night with Liam and Gabi while Elliott was out somewhere. She’d hired a new woman for weekend help. A divorcée with enough money to be comfortable, no children, a love of coffee and people and a need for something to do. Her name was Betty. Marie liked her.
She was no closer to understanding herself than before. But she liked Betty.
And had turned more profit that week than ever before.
There’d been no more word from or about Liam’s stalker.
Elliott had warned them it was probably the calm before the storm. An attempt to lure him into safety.
There was no more word on a plea deal for George Costas. Walter was still in Florida, and the next installment in Liam’s piece about his father was due to go to press with simultaneous internet publication.
Marie was no closer to finding any answers about herself. But she was calm.
And missing Elliott. He’d been around. She’d seen him coming and going. Seen him in his car across the street from the shop a time or two. And in the shop.
Doing his job for Liam.
That wasn’t all bad.
When Barbara’s call came on Friday morning, Marie had just finished helping Grace bag and label cookies and was in the office getting Grace’s check before heading out to open the shop.
“It’s early” was the first thing she said to her mother when she recognized the number and picked up.
“So people can make plane connections,” Barbara said back. And then, “I feel like I’ve been gone for months. How are you?”
“Fine. More important, how are you? How’s Bruce? How was the cruise?” Are you still as happy as you were three weeks ago? Is your life still intact?
“Happy, happy and wonderful.” There was almost a giggle in Barbara’s voice. “We’re in the rental car, on our way to a hotel on the beach...”
“Wait. I thought you were due home tonight.”
“We were. But Bruce hasn’t had a vacation in years. And we’re having such a good time. He was able to rearrange his schedule. The doctor who’s covering for him has agreed to do so for another week in exchange for Bruce’s reciprocation in June. So we’re spending the next week on the beach.”
Marie smiled. And felt a stiffness in her face.
She had a tight rein on her self-control. Maybe a little too tight?
“So, tell me about you.” Barbara’s statement opened the door for Marie to have the conversation she’d been waiting to have.
But her mother was happy. On her honeymoon. Everything else could wait.
Except that she couldn’t lie. Couldn’t be upset with her mother for deceiving her and then practice deception herself.
“I know you hired him, Mom.”
Dead silence hung on the line.
“I know why you did it. And I understand. You were tending to your own need to know, to your own worries, not checking up on me because you didn’t trust me.”
“You know me well.”
“You’re my mother. And we’ve been through some hard times together.”
“Yes, we have.”
“But it still hurts...you lying to me.”
“I know.” Barbara sniffed, and Marie knew her mother was crying. “And I’m sorrier than you’ll ever know. It really only started out as one small investigation—just to make certain that Connelly wasn’t somehow robbing you of your life savings. It wasn’t you I didn’t trust. It was him. And you’ve always known that. I liked him, by the way, last weekend. He’s changed. Anyway, right after I hired Tanner to check into the Threefold deal for me, all that mess happened with Connelly Investments and you really were in danger, and by then I didn’t know how to explain to you why I’d done what I’d done.”
“You could have trusted me to understand.”
“You’re talking to a woman with trust issues...” Barbara’s dry response made Marie smile again.
“But that wasn’t the only reason, Marie. You’re thirty-one. And still unattached. I wasn’t just afraid that you’d think I didn’t trust you, I was afraid I’d feed your own sense of not trusting yourself.”
Marie had just figured that out this past week. That she didn’t trust herself. “You knew that?”
“Of course. It’s been clear since you left for college and called home for the first week to run every single decision and conversation by me. You weren’t relying on your own judgment on anything.”
“I was homesick, Mom. The calls stopped after the first week.”
“Because you had Gabi. You were living with her. And relied on her judgment.”
She sat back. Stunned.
Her problem was worse than she’d thought.
“For what it’s worth, I came clean with Bruce this past week, talked to him about all this...”
“He didn’t know Elliott was working for you when we were all in Vegas together?”
“No.”
Her mother had married Bruce under the same pretenses that Elliott had married her?
The more she learned, the more confused she became. There was no doubt how loyal her mother was to Bruce.
“He wasn’t pleased when I told him, but he understood, too. And he had an interesting take on things.”
He was a psychiatrist. He would. “What was his take?”
“That you are very careful, obviously because of the horrendous relationship experience your father and I exposed you to during your formative years...”
Psychobabble...
“But that you have every reason to trust yourself.”
Marie rolled her eyes. “Do I?”
“Yes.”
“And how would he know that?” The man hardly knew her.
“You exhibit great trust in your judgment in that you find someone you know you can trust, and you stay there. And most important, you don’t always agree with them. You aren’t a follower. You stay strong in your belief. I can think of a lot of times that you’ve disagreed with me and told me so. And times when you disagreed with Gabi. And told her so, too. Not many people can do that, Marie. A lot of people with trust issues are more apt to agree with those they’re closest to in fear that if they don’t, they’ll lose them. And they also tend to agree with whoever they’re with while they’re with them, and then change what they say to suit the next person. Also, trust issues and closed minds commonly go hand in hand. Because one who fears his own ability to assess, doesn’t open himself up to that which would require him to assess.”
“He said all that?”
“He’s nodding right now. I got it right.”
Wow. Maybe having Bruce for a stepfather was going to be better than she’d known. Though, as long as her mother was happy, she was thrilled to welcome him into the family.
“I did some things I’m not proud of, Marie. I knew I needed to tell you about them even before Bruce and I talked. Elliott Tanner, he practically begged me to let him tell you the truth about our association and I refused to let him.”
“I know. And I need to talk to you about that...” Since she brought it up. “You can’t go after Elliott for breaking his word to you, Mom. Because you’d put him in an unfair position—making him pose as my friend, and then telling him to lie to me about who he was. He’s a man of integrity and...”
She heard her own words—not her inner critic—as if she were giving advice to someone else. The advice she would have given if she’d been able to step outside herself. She stopped.
“I’d already made that determination, too,” Barbara said. “He was going to be my next phone call. So...you’re not angry with me?”
“I told you I wasn’t happy you lied to me. And if you ever do again, we’re probably going to have some serious issues.”
“I have to tell you something else.”
Marie’s heart made a rapid tattoo against her chest.
“I threatened him, Marie. The first time he came to me, asking to be let out of our agreement. And then in Vegas, too. I told him I’d sue him if he broke client privilege and confidentiality.”
“The first time? I only know about one time. Right before your wedding.”
“That was the third time he’d asked.”
Feeling a little dizzy, Marie laid her head back and closed her eyes. “And you threatened his career.”
“I told him I’d sue him,” Barbara repeated, and the words hit Marie as strongly the first time as they had the second. “I also told him that I knew you, inferring that I knew you better than anyone, and that if he told you what I’d done, he’d be robbing you of your mother. Or some such hogwash. It’s been eating me up ever since. Which is why I finally came clean with Bruce.”
“He didn’t tell me any of that.” He’d kept more secrets.
To protect her mother. And her. When he could have sold her mother out for his own benef
it. He had integrity. Was steeped in it.
“I have to tell you something, too, Mom.” She took a deep breath. Scrambled for what to say. How much to say. “We got married. That night in Las Vegas. We went back to the same chapel...”
“You’re married?!”
Marie had to pull the phone an arm’s length away from her ear and could still hear her mother clearly. “You and Elliott Tanner? You actually... My baby girl is married?”
If she’d been afraid, even a little bit, that her mother would be upset by the news, she’d wasted her energy.
“I can’t believe it. We’ve got to have a celebration! We’ll cut our week short in Florida and fly to Denver! Or you two can fly down here and we’ll have a few days together in Florida. Our treat. A wedding present. And, heck, bring Liam and Gabi with you. It’ll be...”
“Mom.” Marie spoke firmly.
“Bruce just said absolutely, Marie. He’s as happy as I am to welcome you all down—”
“Mom. Elliott and I...we’re...not together.”
“What?” The word was drawn out on a whine. “But you got married.”
“I know. But it wasn’t right. Marrying in haste. I just... You and Daddy. He loved you so much, Mom. But there was no trust between you. And... I can’t live like that.”
“You’re hanging him out to dry for a promise I made him keep.”
“He made his own choice, Mom. But no. I’m hanging myself out to dry because I’m afraid I won’t trust him.”
“But...”
“And I realized this week what you’ve apparently already known. I can’t trust myself to discern when someone is lying to me. And knowing that, how do I trust anyone?”
“But... I just told you... Bruce said...”
“I know what you just told me. And I’m going to think about it. Which is what I’m doing full-time these days. Thinking. I told Elliott I needed some time to figure myself out before I can know what I can give to someone else.”
Once Upon a Marriage Page 22
