“Is my baby okay?” I say avoiding his question.
“Ma’am, I am so sorry there was no heartbeat when you made it to the hospital.” He finally confirms what I already know and pats my arm.
I shake my head and ball my hands into a fist.
“NO!”
He turns away from me and looks to Joslynn.
“I gave her something for pain. It will calm her down and make her go to sleep.”
He looks back to me again and walks out of the room. The room gets fuzzy and I try to ball my hands tighter welcoming the pain of moving anything on my body and think that will keep me awake. I don’t want to fucking sleep.
“Taylor, I am so, so, so, so sorry,” are the last words I hear Joslynn say before the world once again goes dark.
***
It’s been three weeks since the wreck, three weeks since Kipper decided to run me off the road and take my life. Only he didn’t just take mine, he took my baby’s life. He took my child away from me. And for what? Because I said no?
I left the hospital with a broken leg and a broken heart. I would have welcomed more broken bones over what I feel inside me right now. Trevor tries to talk to me and I hear nothing. I feel nothing – everything is numb. This pain is so immense that even his words can’t bring a relief from it.
I avoid looking at him as he walks in the room and hands me a plate of food.
“Taylor baby, you have to eat please.” I shake my head and wipe the tears from my cheeks.
He sets the plate on the table beside the bed and sits down next to me. He leans in and wraps his arms around me and kisses my cheek.
“Please talk to me.”
“What do you want me to say, Trevor?” I look towards him.
He wipes the tears from my cheeks.
“This wasn’t your fault, Taylor.”
I laugh then. Wasn’t my fault? I wanted happiness so bad that I didn’t say anything about Kipper. If had just said something I could have kept all of this from happening. Trevor looks away from me and I see him wipe his cheeks as well. I did that, I put those tears there. He should be pissed at me. He should be yelling at the top of his lungs and throwing things across the room. Instead he has spent the last three weeks by my side the whole time.
Telling me how everything will be okay. Kipper is in jail. He is the one who called 911 and told them all that he had done. I overheard the doctors at the hospital telling Marshall and Trevor of his health issues and how he wasn’t in his right mind as they said it.
It was like he would do something one second and not think but the next he would feel sorry. He had major anger issues which I learned firsthand. The answer no is not something that makes anyone happy but for him it pushed him over the edge and I was the one who got the raw end of the deal.
He gets to sit in jail while my world has ended. Alive or not it has ended and there is nothing I can do to fix it.
“This is all my fault, Trevor, all of it,” I admit.
The tears I had done so well to let slide down my face only once in a while finally come out, all of the pain and anger comes out at once. Trevor pushes the covers back, gets in bed beside me, and pulls me into his arms.
He kisses my head over and over and I feel his chest shudder as he cries too.
“No, baby, no it’s not.”
I close my eyes and let sleep and exhaustion take over my body. Sleep has been a welcome thing the last few days. Sleep is where it all goes numb – the physical pain of my leg and the mental pain of the memories. I can still see the world spinning outside my car like it was all in slow motion. I can still hear my screams.
Chapter Sixteen
I sit in the bar and watch as the brown liquid circles around my glass each time I swirl it in between my fingers. Some of it slides off the side of the glass and drips down to my fingers. The liquid is something that I take comfort in. It tells me that everything is going to be okay shortly. In a few seconds, the pain will be gone and the memories will be dull. It tells me that in a few seconds even my name won’t be a problem anymore.
I down my third drink and bring my phone out of my pocket. Trevor’s face lights up my screen for what feels like the hundredth time. Each time he calls I send him to voicemail and each time he calls back a few seconds later.
“Hell...” I hiccup before I can finish the word and press my fingers to my lips. “Hello?”
“Taylor, what the fuck are you doing?” he yells in to the phone.
I can feel his anger through the phone like it is reaching out and choking me. I want to feel bad, I want to tell him I am sorry and ask him to come and get me. But in the end I signal the bartender for another drink and smile when he sends it my way.
“I am numbing the pain,” I say and take another sip.
“Where are you?”
“In a bar.” I giggle.
“What fucking bar, Taylor? Dammit this isn’t the way to fix shit!” he yells again.
“Why are you not pissed at me? Why don’t you hate me?”
It’s hard not to let the pain in his voice reach me. He has that pain because of me.
“I love you, Taylor, do you hear me? I would move the world just to make you see that again. Let go of the pain and anger, baby, let it go and let me love you please!” he cries.
I wipe my cheeks and push my glass away from me laying money on the bar.
“I’m at Gold’s Pub,” I confess and hang up the phone. I sit on the stairs and wait knowing I shouldn’t get behind the wheel of my car. I may make a lot of the wrong choices but that will never be one of them.
While I sit on the stairs, I watch the road waiting for Trevor to fly in the parking lot and think of all the ways he will cuss me out when he makes it to me. Telling me how stupid this was and how all I had to do was let the pain go and he could have held me and made it better.
He walks up the stairs and sits down beside me not saying a word. He just wraps his arms around me and kisses my head.
“I… I’m sorry,” I say.
“Taylor, just let me love you… Just let me revive you. Please don’t give up. This is not the end for us, baby.”
He stands and holds his hand out waiting for me to take it. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I know how lucky I am to have a man who loves me without question and lets me know that each day. There hasn’t been a day that has gone by that he hasn’t shown me his love for me. Showed me that no matter what life throws at us we will make it and we will be okay.
When I open my eyes, I take Trevor’s hand and he walks us to his truck. Once I sit down I lean my head back and close my eyes again. Trevor reaches his hand across the seat and wraps his fingers around mine.
The ride home neither of us say a word. Trevor drives silently rubbing his thumb over my fingers. It’s the small things he does that lets me know that he loves me and that he cares. The rubbing of a thumb, waking up and my coffee being ready, a love letter by the coffee pot before I go to work. It doesn’t take much and each day he finds a way to let me know.
I know how lucky I am. But I want him to show anger that we both lost something. It was ripped away from us. I know he is dealing with it in his own way but the fact that he doesn’t take it out on me is something that makes me not sure if I want to smile or cry .When we make it home, Trevor jumps out of the truck and runs around opening my door and pulling me into his arms. He totes me through the house and lays me on the bed. I watch him as he slips my shoes off and throws them to the floor. He slides the rest of my clothes off leaving only my panties and bra. Once he’s done he takes his clothes off and lays beside me in the bed.
“I love you, Taylor.” He kisses my head.
“I love you too, Trevor.” I lean my head back and push my lips against his.
I trace my tongue along his lower lip and he opens his mouth letting me in. My tongue glides along his and he moans. He pushes me back against the mattress and climbs on top of me. I run my hands down his back. His hand moves down my stomach and he kisses m
y cheeks, eyes, nose and chin.
He pulls back and smiles at me while he removes my thong and his boxers follow not long behind them. The feeling of him penetrating inside of me has me gripping his back with my nails. It feels like each nerve in my body is wide awake.
His rhythm tells me that this is just what he needs to know that he hasn’t lost me. That the pain is something that we will make it through. I tell him with my eyes the words that I know he wants to hear. The tears running down his cheeks tell me that he knows just what I am saying.
It’s not long before both of us are trying to catch our breath and come back down from a high that only the other can bring. He lays down beside me and pulls me into his arms not bothering to wash either of us off.
Soon both of us are sleeping.
Chapter Seventeen
I sit at the coffee table the next morning and stare at the man across from me. He is reading the paper and sipping his coffee. The pain isn’t as strong as it was before but it’s still a dull reminder as I think about what we could have had. I want to hate Kipper. I want to rip his heart from his chest and watch him feel the same pain he put us through but in the end I think maybe hating him was making me hate myself as well.
Trevor catches me staring and smiles at me over the top of his paper.
“You have been doing that a lot lately you know.” He lays the paper down on the table.
“Just trying to think of what you see in me is all,” I acknowledge him and look away.
Trevor drops to the floor and gets eye level with me and waits until he knows he has my full attention. He grabs my hand and plays with the engagement ring on my finger.
“I will tell you what I see in you. I see life. I see hope. I see a future with the only woman who has ever made me feel like I am worth something. I see pain and know that with a kiss I can take it away. I see a beautiful soul. You are the love of my life and each day I wonder what you see in me,” he says and kisses my ring.
I lean in and steal his move kissing the top of his head. His words cause the pieces of my heart to slowly push themselves where they should go.
“I see love. I see a man who each day finds a way to let me know that I am the one. Each day in his own way he shows me that without him there would be no reason for life. I see comfort and protection. I look at you and know that the world can throw rocks and curveballs at us and we will make it past them and we will do it with a smile and come out on top.”
We both sit and stare at the other for a long while until he stands and kisses my lips.
“I know that we are both hurting, Taylor, but you are right, we will make it through this and when we do we will be on top.” He leans in and kisses me again before he walks back to his seat and sits down.
I watch him open his paper and take another drink of his coffee.
“Thank you for not giving up on me when others would have,” I admit to him.
He looks at me again from over the top of his paper and smiles.
“I will never give up on you.”
I smile and turn my head towards the door when I hear it open. Marshall and Joslynn just walked in. They are the only ones who know just to walk in and make their coffee. Joslynn smiles and hugs me when she makes it to the kitchen.
“How do you feel?” she asks after she sits down beside me after making her coffee.
“Good. Where’s lil man?” I ask.
She smiles and nods towards the door. For once in what feels like a month full of hell, happy tears stream down my cheeks. When I look towards Trevor he’s watching me, smiling. Marshall walks in holding Elijah both of them holding some roses.
“Here you go, Aunt Taylor,” Marshall says pulling them from Elijah’s hand.
“Thank y’all so much.” I kiss lil man’s head and walk to the sink.
Once I get the roses in a vase and add water I make Marshall a cup of coffee and take it back to the table with me.
“Here you go.” I take Elijah.
He seems to be bigger and bigger each time I see him. Each time he has learned a new noise or a new part on his body. I am so grateful to be able to watch him grow and look more and more like his daddy each day. He makes my heart hurt a little thinking about our little boy or girl and who he or she would have looked like.
“Thanks, sis.”
“How’s Sunshine’s?” I ask Joslynn.
“It is running smoothly. We have employees and faithful customers.”
“That’s great. I am so ready to get back to work.”
Lil man puts my fingers in his mouth and I feel his tooth finally made it through as slobber runs down my fingers. Joslynn laughs when I scrunch up my nose at him and he coos.
“Do you think you’re ready for that?”
“I think it would help. It’s time for us to get our lives back on track and keep going on.”
She nods her head and the rest of the morning is spent talking about the normal things. This is what I need – it is all I have ever needed. The love of my family and the beautiful man sitting beside me who each day revives me.
Acknowledgments
To my husband for always being there! For always pushing me to keep doing what I love!
To my street team girls… You ladies are amazing! Thank you for being on this ride with me and for loving my books and characters as much as I do.
To Krystin… thank you for being the best PA any author could ask for!
To Thai… you, my dear, are a ROCKSTAR. Thank you for all the pimping and love! And HAPPY BIRTHDAY sweetie ;)
To Kathy for being a great friend and editor!! Love you!!
To Angie… thank you for believing in my books and in me!
And last but not least to the readers! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU for everything!
Also By Salice Rodgers
Say Something Series
Say Something
Forgive Me
Master May I Series
Master May I
Mistress A
Lillies
Para/Romance
Deception of Annika
If you love this story of true love trumping all try You Are My Sunshine by Angie Merriam
Excerpt
Chapter One
Who would have thought that by twenty four years old I'd be a divorced mother of two? I guess no one ever plans those things do they?
“Hey, Sunshine,” I hear a voice say in greeting from behind and don't have to look to see who it belongs to, Matt Everly. He's my ex-husband and current best friend. He sits in the empty spot beside me on the park bench and hands me a coffee cup. “Skinny Vanilla Latte?” I ask. “What else would it be?” He responds a smart ass as usual. I smile at him in thanks, and he nods in acknowledgment before bending over and lifting our little girl from her stroller. Little Danica Everly is almost one and has been squirming and trying to escape her restraints the moment she laid eyes on her daddy.
“Where's Elijah?” He asks, and I point out my five year old climbing the steps towards the slide. The boy loved sliding.
“Ahh, and how are you, little Miss Danica?” Matt says in his best baby voice. I sit back, relaxing with my coffee, relishing the tiny break Matt afforded me. We were high school sweethearts who got pregnant senior year and of course did the right thing and got married right before Elijah was born. I loved Matt. I really did and I know he loved me but life had different plans for us I guess.
Life was great for a little while. I waited tables while Matt went to the police academy and when he graduated Elijah and I were there cheering him on, but as time went on Matt and I grew apart. He worked nights, so I was home with Elijah during the day while he slept, and he watched him while I worked the swing shift at the restaurant. It seemed the perfect arrangement until I saw Matt slipping away and felt myself doing the same.
Sex had become non-existent for us as did any sort of affectionate contact. I was lucky to see Matt for a few minutes between our babysitting shifts so, one night, when my parent
s volunteered to keep Elijah, I jumped at the chance. A night out with my husband, the one I rarely saw anymore, the one who I'd had a terrible fight with the night before sounded fantastic. Plus, I was horny. Matt and I hadn't had sex in forever, and I missed him. It began as a good night. We both dressed up, and for the first time in a long time Matt seemed happy to be with me.
We ate dinner at a fancy restaurant in town and had a few drinks before hitting the liquor store on the way home where we continued our date. We were both more than a little tipsy and making out like we hadn't done since high school when he stopped mid-kiss. “What's wrong?” I asked breathless and felt a sense of dread wash over me when I saw his face. See, I'd known Matt since we were little kids. I'd known him intimately since we lost our virginity to each other at fifteen. I knew him inside and out, still do, so I knew that look on his face meant bad news for me.
“I'm so sorry, Sunny,” he said, his voice shaky.
“For what, Matt?” I responded and surprised myself with how steady my own voice sounded. I watched him. His head hung down, and his face hidden behind his hands. I waited for him to speak, but he just sat there, his shoulders trembling, and I knew it was from him crying.
“What the fuck, Matt? Did you? Oh my God, did you fucking….?” I muttered, still steady but feeling my resolve crumbling, and I had to force the words from my mouth. “Are you cheating on me?”
The look on his face when he finally lifted his head answered for him. Well, needless to say my resolve crumbled. I was hurt, shocked, and thoroughly pissed off. I went on a tirade. I destroyed the house while spewing cuss words at him and throwing anything I could get my hands on at his head. Maybe not the most mature way to handle it, but I was only twenty two, and I was drunk. Honestly, he deserved everything I threw at him, words and objects.
Revive Me (Say Something Book 3) Page 7
