Eldredge encouraged all men to take journeys like this. Not necessarily physical ones, but spiritual ones: To recover his heart’s desire a man needs to get away from the noise and distraction of his daily life for time with his own soul. He needs to head into the wilderness, to silence and solitude. Alone with himself, he allows whatever is there to come to the surface.
As he turned off the lights in his office to head to bed, Darren wondered what the wilderness would feel like, and what things were going to come to the surface.
He couldn’t wait to discover them.
7
The days are long but the years are short. The longer time went by, the more Heather thought of this quote she had heard from another mother once.
As she looked for candles in the kitchen to put on Sam’s birthday cake, she couldn’t believe how four years had simply blinked by. One minute she was holding her little baby boy, who wasn’t that little at ten pounds. The next minute he was wobbling desperately to walk, then he was running and climbing over everything. Sam was all energy and excitement. He spoke more in his actions than with his tongue, except, of course, when he was giving his older sister a hard time.
The days are long . . .
After looking for the candles for fifteen minutes, she gave up and called for reinforcements.
“Babe, could you do me a big favor?” she asked after reaching Darren on his cell phone.
“Sure.”
Today he was meeting with a financial adviser who was helping them get all their accounts and banking issues in order before he left for Iraq.
“I need you to pick up some candles for the birthday cake. I know I had a box of them but I can’t find any.”
“They must be in that missing box. You know—the one with those picture frames and my Bulldogs socks.”
“Yep,” she said. “We’ll add candles to the list.”
There were still quite a few boxes in the garage waiting to be unpacked, but she had already skimmed through them and couldn’t find the half dozen framed family photos she had carefully wrapped and boxed herself. For some reason, the one box she had made sure to keep track of herself during the move had vanished.
As for Darren’s nasty Georgia Bulldogs socks . . . She might have “accidentally” left them back at their old house. And they might have somehow made their way to one of the garbage bags they filled with stuff to throw away.
She didn’t mean to deceive him. Heather planned to go out and buy him some new socks. The old pair had holes in them and seemed to smell even after they were in the wash. Some things did not need to come with them with this move.
“Any particular type of candles?” Darren asked.
“I’m sure your choice will be perfect.”
When Darren arrived back home an hour later, he showed off the candles he’d bought with a boyish pride. They were green army men candles.
“The set came with five, so we’ll have an extra,” Darren said. “Look—each guy has a unique pose.”
One soldier carried a rifle, while another was talking on the phone.
“Should I be worried there’s someone throwing a grenade on our son’s birthday cake?” she teased.
“My personal favorite is the guy with the rocket launcher.”
It was no surprise that this was Sam’s favorite army man candle as well. He seemed almost more excited by the candles than the cake itself.
Darren had picked up not only the candles but also some pizzas from a new favorite joint near their house called Maciano’s. Sam loved bacon, so one of the pizzas had bacon, pepperoni, and sausage on it. Before eating, Darren asked God’s blessing on their meal.
“Dear heavenly Father, thank You for this day and for this celebration of life. We thank and bless Your holy name for giving us Sam. We praise You as we watch him becoming a young man before our very eyes. Thank You that he replenishes those around him rather than depletes. Please, Lord, help Sam continue to grow up being a person who gives to people. We ask this in Your Son’s name. Amen.”
“What’s replemish, Daddy?” Sam asked.
“Well, a lot of people in this world don’t give to others; they only take,” Daddy said to him. “They don’t think of others. But you do. And we think it’s a great thing to see you be kind.”
“He’s not always kind to me!” Elie chimed in.
“Be nice,” Heather said. “It’s his birthday.”
When they were ready to sing “Happy Birthday” to their little man, Heather found herself getting choked up. She stared at the lit candles and the joy in Sam’s face as his big sister proudly looked on and the little sis sat in her high chair, mesmerized by the flames.
It was a simple thing, Darren swinging by a store to get the candles and picking up the pizza. A simple and easy thing to do. But it was help.
How am I going to do all of this on my own?
As they sang to Sam and laughed throughout at Daddy’s voice thundering through the kitchen, Heather knew the days were about to get longer. But . . .
I hope the next year is short. The shortest I’ll ever have to experience.
8
“I’m going to miss these walks,” Darren said as they strolled through Freedom Park on the picturesque afternoon.
“Me too,” Heather said. “I can’t believe it’s only a month away.”
“Yeah. I can’t believe how busy the battalion has been.”
The “surge” announcement really sped up the timeline for getting ready for deployment. He had already been able to do some overnight exercises with the battalion, going for five nights to do training with them. When they weren’t in the field, the days were full of packing containers, getting uniforms and equipment ready, and prepping vehicles. There was an element of anticipation in seeing soldiers running around town buying everything in sight.
“It’ll be fun going to see your family this weekend,” Heather said, thinking about their upcoming trip to Atlanta.
“I can’t wait until we have our block leave.”
“You just can’t wait to go to Disney,” Heather joked.
Everyone was encouraged to take personal leave before deploying for Iraq. They planned to visit Disney World for a few days, while the rest of the time would be spent packing his personal things and trying to have quality family time. There were still lots of “honey-do’s” that needed finishing around the house.
They walked toward the gazebo and sat down on the steps. It was nice to be together and alone, with the kids at home with a babysitter.
“I’m already getting a dose of what things are going to be like out in the field,” Darren said. “But people are in pain everywhere. And that’s when they’re ready to invite God into their lives. Some of these guys are going through rough times. A few of them have opened up to me already.”
She squeezed his arm. “It’s easy to open up to you. You’re pretty likable.”
“Oh yeah? You think so?”
“Hmmm. Sometimes.”
They both laughed as she leaned against him.
“It doesn’t seem real,” Darren said. “Not yet. It still feels like I’m just imagining that I’m going to be overseas playing soldier.”
“I’m sure it won’t take long before it becomes very real.”
“Yeah.”
“And when it does, you’re going to be the chaplain people are going to turn to.”
He nodded, hoping those words would prove to be true.
9
As she scanned the lawn, camera in hand, Heather spotted Meribeth bouncing in her jumper, her cheeks even rounder with her big grin, loving the sudden ability to maneuver up and down without falling. She zoomed in for a snapshot, then kept walking and guiding their expensive new toy on to the rest of the family. She found Darren pausing for a moment during the game of tag, trying to explain in terms they could understand the news he had delivered to them.
“It’s like when we play Fort Bumblefoot and somebody gets hurt,” he said to Elie and S
am, while they waited to see if he was going to move to try and tag them. “I’ll be there to talk to the soldiers if they need someone to help them feel better.”
Then without another beat, Darren raced over and made a lunge at Sam, diving into the thick grass.
“Gotcha!”
Sam scampered away. “No, you missed! You missed!”
“Oh yeah?” Darren looked over at Heather and smiled. She kept taking pictures, knowing these moments would be precious a few months down the road.
Darren sprang up and ran over to Sam, scooping him up in his left arm, then kept running until he reached Elie, grabbing her with his right arm. He spun them around, their arms and legs dangling while their laughter floated by. Darren pretended to lose his balance and stumbled forward, letting the kids drop down onto him while they hollered and laughed. Sam, of course, bolted back up to get away, but Elie remained on her back, sadness suddenly overshadowing her again.
“But Daddy,” she said. “What happens now when we need you to cheer us up?”
Darren shifted back onto his legs, but before he could answer, the sound of Elie’s familiar wheezing could be heard. She was wincing, her lungs gasping for air.
“Elie, your inhaler,” Heather said.
Elie searched her pockets but came up empty. “I don’t . . . know.”
Heather rushed over to her side. “When did you last have it?”
Elie didn’t know and couldn’t get any words out anyway. Heather turned and ran back into the house.
“Stay with her,” she shouted to Darren. “I’ll get a backup. Sam, look in the grass!”
“I’ve got it! Heather—I found it,” her always-calm husband said just as she reached the doorstep.
Darren handed the inhaler to Elie, who squeezed it and took a long breath in, then slowly began to breathe again. Heather finally could breathe too, and she walked slowly back over to them.
“You’re okay, sweetie,” Darren said as he sat down next to her. “You’re okay.”
Elie leaned back on the grass, steadying each breath as she looked at the sky. Her father did the same, and so did Sam.
“Who’s going to find my inhaler when you’re gone?” she asked.
“I think that should be Sam’s responsibility,” Darren said. “Sam—do you think you’re up for this job?”
“Sure!”
All three of them were now lying back on the grass, looking up at the blue heavens. Heather picked up the camera and took a few more pictures.
“I wanna start a countdown, Daddy,” Elie said. “When will you be home?”
The zoom of the lens captured Darren’s bittersweet smile.
“Well, probably a few months after your next birthday, Bug.”
“Aw, but I just had one,” she said.
Heather lowered her camera.
Make this good, Chaplain.
“Well, I promise we’re all gonna get through this just fine,” Daddy said.
“We know. It’s because ‘God is always with us.’”
“Wow. Tough crowd.” Darren paused for a moment, still looking up. “But that’s right. Because when He’s with us, He’s also there to give us what we need. To protect us. Help us feel better. Even help us have fun while we wait for something that’s hard to wait for.”
Well done, Heather thought, knowing it had been hard to utter without becoming overcome with emotion. Mommy and Daddy had to be strong for the children.
“To have fun, like playing tag!”
With that Darren changed the reflective moment, tapping Sam while springing up in the air and helping Elie to her feet.
“You’re it, Sam! Elie, run!”
Darren held hands with Elie as they tried to evade Sam. He tagged Elie, and she then chased after her father, all while Meribeth continued bouncing and chomping at her fingers with her gums.
Normally the busyness of life wouldn’t allow her to slow down to watch and be mindful of this time, but Heather was totally there, solely focused on the simple fun her family was having.
The simple moments are the ones we’re going to miss most.
10
The get-together that Heather and other family members planned to say goodbye to Darren turned into a full-fledged party with a lot more people than he’d expected. Almost every stage of his life was covered, from family members he hadn’t seen for years to longtime friends and even teachers and former neighbors. The flow of smiling faces bringing their shared histories with them made him feel both honored and humbled to have so many in his life. All he could say was how blessed he happened to be, and how he gave God the glory.
While playing the role of both the host and the guest of honor, Darren was also showing off his grilling skills. He wouldn’t be cooking with his big grill for some time. The hot dogs were already well cooked but he was monitoring the hamburgers and the chicken as he saw a family of four walking across the street toward their lawn.
I can’t believe she persuaded him to come.
Their neighbors, the Lewis family, slowly made their way toward Darren while he closed the lid on the grill and went to greet them. They had gotten to know Tonya and the twins, Mia and Nia, a little more since their awkward first encounter after moving in. Yet besides a few customary waves or hollered hellos from their opposite sides of the street, Darren hadn’t yet spoken to Michael. Even now, it looked as if Tonya was all but pulling her husband to the yard adorned with streamers and balloons.
“Hey there! Thanks for coming, guys,” Darren greeted them, quickly looking back to the house to find the rest of his family. “Heather, kids, look who’s here!”
Michael’s grip was strong, his expression nothing but serious.
“Darren Turner—Chaplain Turner, actually. Nice to meet you.”
His neighbor’s eyes shifted for a split second. “Major Mike Lewis.”
“Good to see you again,” Tonya said as she shook his hand.
Heather appeared and greeted their new guests. “Girls, the rest of the kids are in the back by the trampoline.”
The twins thanked her and went in search of others to play with.
“They’re so pretty,” Heather said. “How old are they?”
“Twelve going on twenty,” Tonya said, rolling her eyes. “It’s so great you guys are doing this. We really should be the ones hosting, since we’ve been here four years and know the drill.”
“We love doing this, but we don’t know ‘the drill,’ so I’m all ears.” Heather led Tonya toward the party indoors so the men could talk.
Mike stood there on the grass, wearing the expression of a man in a women’s clothing store waiting while his wife tries things on in the dressing room.
“Hope you’re hungry, because we have a lot of food,” Darren said.
“I already ate. Got a cold one?”
“You kidding? Been icing them down since dawn.”
Stepping over to the cooler, Darren dug into the ice and pulled out a drink, tossing it through the air and watching Mike catch it without missing a beat. As his neighbor looked at the square juice box in his hand and then back at Darren, his face said it all.
“Hey,” Darren said, “if grape’s not your flavor, I have mixed berry and prune. Which the mature crowd seems to like.”
Mike didn’t even bother to feign a smile. He took off the straw and jabbed it into the box, taking a sip that might have drained it in one big swoop.
“Chaplain, huh?” he said, finishing with another slurp. “So, our occasional fights you’ve seen—they’re not what they look like.”
“Hey. All I know, Major, is we all got life goin’ on in our houses. And family or not, life’s plain hard. Especially, as I can only imagine, for parents of twin girls.”
Mike’s tense frame appeared to relax just a bit, seeing Darren wasn’t going to launch into some kind of lecture or judgment.
“Yeah, twins can be something else. I mean—the family I got in Iraq is one crazy, ugly bunch. But a whole lot easier to deal
with than this one.”
Darren gave a chuckle that sounded more bleak than amused. “First tour for me, so I’ll take any advice you’ve got.”
Just then a volley of laughter fell over them, and they looked to see the twins running with Sam and Elie. Mike’s stoic, distant glance didn’t change as he looked back at Darren.
“My advice? Just leave your heart at home.”
11
There was no way Darren could personally thank every person who came to the party, so instead he left each of them with a note he had written.
Thank you for coming today. I appreciate your support. It’s humbling to receive this type of recognition. Many people making the same sacrifice never get this sort of party. I honor them today as well.
The decision I made three years ago to pursue this ministry has finally panned out. I didn’t choose to go to war, but I did choose to be in the army and risk the possibility. Now it’s no longer a possibility, and in about three weeks I am going to war. Let me say up front that it is a privilege to be a part of this. I make no apologies for doing it. Men and women are laying their lives on the line every day, and I want to be right there with them as their chaplain.
Please don’t grieve for me—grieve for the soldiers and Iraqis who don’t know the great salvation of God: “Because God’s children are human beings—made of flesh and blood—the Son also became flesh and blood. For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the devil, who had the power of death. Only in this way could he set free all who have lived their lives as slaves to the fear of dying” (Heb. 2:14–15 NLT). That’s the message I will share with soldiers as they are being shot at.
I believe this is God’s will for my life. Heather feels the same way. If she didn’t feel the same way, I wouldn’t be doing this. Since that’s the case, I’D RATHER BE WHERE GOD WANTS ME THAN WHERE I THINK IT’S BEST TO BE. My life is His, and I believe this is His plan for us. It feels more “right” than anything I’ve ever done. I am blessed, because I’ve found what I was made for!
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