It might leave the door open for all manner of impropriety you understand. I think until you get yourself situated and start taking those acting classes that you’re so keen on, that it’s best if you stay close.
And you might reconsider becoming too friendly, if you’d notice I keep mostly to myself, there’s no point in mingling with the others since you probably won’t be there that long anyway right?”
“Oh, okay that makes sense I guess.” I felt a little deflated after that, not quite sure what she meant by me not being there that long. She went back to ignoring me until the car pulled up outside the apartment and we headed up.
The sickening feeling hit me again as soon as we reached the door, and I started plotting my escape to my room as soon as it closed behind us. I realized then that I was a little afraid of momma’s friend.
I bit my lip and fumbled around a bit like the ninny that I am trying to come up with the right words to say goodnight at five thirty in the evening.
“Uh, I guess I’ll be going to my room now.”
“Do as you like, I might be having company tonight so I’d appreciate it if you stayed out of the way.” My stomach chose that moment to make itself heard and my face went up in flames.
All I’d had all day was half an apple and a half-cup of coffee. The sneer on her face had me taking a hasty step back as she turned back to me.
“Please do something about that horrendous noise; I hope your body hasn’t been making those obnoxious sounds all day.” I could only shake my head at her as I made my way towards the kitchen.
In the refrigerator all that was on offer was more water and a banana that had seen better days and I was too nervous to open the cupboards and see what was on offer there.
Making my way to my room I reminded myself to get something more to eat tomorrow. I didn’t let myself think about the way she’d smirked at me when she mentioned company.
Did that mean that ‘he’ was coming over? I got weak kneed at the thought, but then realized that he would be coming to see her and not me.
I pushed those hurtful thoughts aside as I gave more thought to my more immediate problem. If I had too many more days like this I’d starve myself to death inside of a week.
Taking out the money I had hidden in a sock, I added up how much I could safely spend each day before it was all gone. I’d done some research on how much classes were going to cost, and with my pay, I should barely be able to make it.
If I was really careful, I could afford to buy lunch for the rest of the week until I get paid without putting too much of a dent in it. Momma and daddy weren’t expecting aunt Marion to pay my way, but neither had they been expecting her to starve me after all.
Chapter 5
For the whole of that first week I didn’t see him at all, and it was depressing. Aunt Marion seemed to be in a better mood too, which was good. She still ordered me around and made snide comments about my clothing and my hair and stuff, but I noticed that pinched look on her face was gone, or at least less pronounced.
The other girls had seemed to notice my food dilemma and started sneaking me food and snacks to take home with me, which was a whole lot embarrassing. But I wasn’t too proud to accept their kindness even though I promised to repay them at my earliest convenience.
Robyn seemed really upset by the situation no matter how much I told her I was okay, and took to asking me everything about my time alone at home with aunt Marion.
It wasn’t like me to share such intimate details, but somehow she had a way of getting things out of me, though I kept the worst of it to myself.
My nights were spent alone in my room trying to remember every feature of his face and battling the melancholy blues that assailed me whenever I had a moment to think, which usually revolved around him. He’d taken up so much of my time for someone I barely knew.
I’d looked into classes but aunt Marion for some odd reason kept finding fault with all the instructors I’d mention.
Since I was sure as she said, she knew more about these things than I did, that I should let her handle it, and besides it had only been a week so there was no real rush.
Still, I felt a sense of urgency, especially every evening when the apartment door closed and I shuffled off to my lonely room to stare at the four walls until the next morning.
She had bought food for the house, well, salad makings and fruit, but it was so uncomfortable sitting at the table across from her, that I chose to forego that.
Which meant that every morning I woke up starved and my tummy would make that unruly noise which more often than not would set her off.
The weekend was the worst and I almost, almost tucked tail and ran. I’d awakened Saturday morning fresh from a wonderful dream where Callan had been holding me in his arms.
The dream had been so real that I’d actually expected him to be there when I opened my eyes.
I was enveloped in such warmth as we laid together on a bed the size of a lake, while he whispered of his love for me and told me how beautiful I was. It was a crashing disappointment to wake up and find him not there.
I laid in bed an extra five minutes as I waited for the sadness to pass. It had seemed so real. “I’m not running a hostel young lady get up out of that bed.”
My eyes flew open and I jumped off the mattress in such a hurry I almost slammed into the wall. My heart was racing out of control in my chest but not for the same reasons that it had been just moments before.
Her face was a mask of displeasure as she stood just in the doorway studying me. It was the first time she’d stepped foot in the room since I’d been here that I know of and I ran a quick glance over the room to make sure it was still as neat as a pin.
I stood in the corner unsure of my next move not quite knowing what had set her off this time and not willing to do anything that would make her even more upset. I’d come to realize in the last day or so that I was actually afraid of her, just a little bit.
“Did you need me to do something for you aunt Marion?” I kept my voice on an even keel because she seemed to take everything said as an affront.
I’d noticed it at the office as well so it wasn’t just me, however I was the only one here. There was no Robyn to run interference like she had the day before when aunt Marion was scolding me in front of everyone for a misplaced file that was later found in her desk drawer.
Robyn, who seemed to be the only one not afraid of her wrath had told her in no uncertain terms that it was rather unprofessional of her to berate me like that in front of others, and it was she who had suggested that maybe aunt Marion had misplaced it herself.
Though I appreciated the stand, I knew it would only make things worst for me, I just wasn’t sure how. I guess I was about to find out.
“I need you to not discuss me with my employees, you think I don’t know what you’ve been saying about me?”
“But I haven’t…”
“Silence. You better watch your step young lady, don’t forget it’s only because of my kindness that you’re even here. Do you know how much it cost to live here on your own? To have to pay bills, have food on the table, and a job that pays well? When I came here I had no one. So I would think you’d be grateful for all that I am doing for you, instead I find that you’ve been talking about me behind my back, spreading lies.”
I started to defend myself against these new accusations, for all that she had been in a better mood, she always seemed to think I was undermining her somehow with every little thing. I wasn’t sure if that was her usual behavior but by the way the others ignored it I guess it probably was.
I’d heard whispers about the last assistant and had been bending over backwards not to suffer the same fate. I no longer believed that my mother’s dear friend wouldn’t hang me out to dry in this fair city.
Whatever, I wasn’t a child anymore and I could certainly put up with her erratic moods if it meant having a roof over my head and a job until I found my way.
I tried once
more to reason with her, “aunt Marion I promise that I haven’t, I would never do such a thing…”
“Of course not, you’re too sticky sweet to say a bad word aren’t you? Well you might be able to fool some people with that innocent schoolgirl act, but it’s lost on me. Don’t forget I know where you came from. How friendly do you think your new pals would be if they knew you’re nothing but a pig farmer’s daughter?”
The smirk on her face was ugly and distorted. Should I tell her that in fact the others did know of my background since I hadn’t seen any reason to keep it from them when they’d asked?
I wasn’t ashamed of my life back home, just because I wanted something different doesn’t mean that I would change anything about the life I’d led; except maybe where no one had asked me to the prom or out on a Saturday night, but those were minor.
In the end I held my tongue and waited for whatever spell had befallen her to pass. I suppose my silent acquiescence satisfied her this time because without another word, she turned and left the room. That warm glow I’d been enjoying was long gone and I snuck down the hallway to the washroom to take a quick shower.
I’d already been warned about being wasteful in the shower. I longed for a nice hot soak but was sure that was out as well. When the misery of my situation threatened to choke me I battled it back. It was only for a time, I told myself; nothing is forever.
It was only on Monday of the following week that I knew why I hadn’t seen Callan. I’d decided that I could call him that to myself; how was she to know after all? Anyway, the buzz around the office was that he had been away, some last minute thing at one of his other businesses, but that he’d been spotted coming into the building this morning.
That’s when I also learned that along with the magazine, he owned a movie studio and a newspaper, as well as a whole slew of other things that I couldn’t wrap my head around. The man I’d met hadn’t seemed like the mogul type, but apparently that’s what he was.
I was like a sponge soaking up every ounce of information I could get about him. Of course all the girls thought he was the hottest thing on two legs, though none of them had ever spent any real time with him.
They all seemed to think he was this bigger than life persona, way beyond their reach, and nothing at all like the man I remembered buying me a burger and talking to me about my dreams.
I tried to keep my interest well hidden and was sure I had succeeded since no one seemed to catch on to my infantile crush. I pretended ignorance whenever his name came up and that just garnered me more information.
All the while as I bustled around from place to place carrying out aunt Marion’s orders, I felt more and more depressed. Now I knew I could never have him. If these girls who were way more sophisticated and beautiful than I didn’t think they stood a chance, then there was no way I would ever be in the running.
Not to mention the fact that I still didn’t know what had gone on between him and aunt Marion before I came here. And if she was his type, then I’d already lost the race before it begun.
She might be a it touched in the head, but she still is one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen and that’s including some of the models I’d seen going in and out of the building in the last week.
She is the typical blonde blue-eyed beauty, with a body that most girls half her age would die for. It was hard to believe that she was the same age as momma, not that momma looked old or anything, it’s just that aunt Marion had access to certain things that momma didn’t, that kept her looking years younger. I don’t think momma’s homemade skin potions could keep up with whatever aunt Marion could afford.
It was too bad about her personality though, or whatever sickness made her lash out sporadically. Without that little hitch, the woman would’ve been almost perfect.
So it stands to reason that if she couldn’t hold onto Callan, then there was no way I was going to, granted I could even catch him in the first place.
I lowered my red face as I sat at my desk going over the papers I’d just been handed. I had to proof something for my aunt before she sent it off to copy. The butterflies in my stomach kept me from concentrating and I read the same line three times before it made any sense to me.
There was no guarantee that I would even see him, but just knowing he was back had me on pins and needles all day. By end of day when there was still no sign of him, I finally relaxed, though the disappointment was like a bitter pill.
Aunt Marion seemed a little on edge when we got home that evening and I wondered if it had anything to do with him being back. I would just die if he came to see her. I don’t know why I felt this strongly about it; I just knew that I couldn’t bear it, seeing those two together.
I did my usual nightly ritual of a rushed bite to eat in the kitchen before hiding myself away in my room.
All that night I tossed and turned as I worried about whether or not I’d see him again. I was actually starting to lose some of the memories of him, the way his hair curled, or that crinkle at the corner of his eye when he smiled. They were so crisp and clear in the beginning, now they were fading fast.
***
In the morning I was in more of a rush than usual. I had the odd feeling that something was going to happen, what, I couldn’t say.
I would be happy just to get a glimpse of him, it seemed so long, and no matter how I’d scolded myself throughout the night, it was no use. I was already halfway in love with him and I’d only seen him once for a few brief hours.
Instinctively I knew that these feelings were nothing like I’d felt before, no teenage crush this, is what I jokingly told myself as I pulled the brush through my wayward hair.
I was going to fuss a little bit with my appearance but aunt Marion started to have one of her fits outside the bathroom door so I just passed the gloss across my lips and left it at that.
“What took you so long in there? Ugh, your hair, what a monstrosity, you want to be an actress the first thing you need to do is get rid of that ugly mop on top of your head…” She had that ugly sneer on her face, but it seemed even worse that before and I had that sense of genuine fear again.
I wasn’t sure why she hated my hair so much, the others were always raving about it, and though I’ve complained about it a time or two, I didn’t think it was as horrible as she made it out to be. Would she force me to cut it if I didn’t want to?
I was saved from answering her when she turned on her heels and snatched up her purse on the way heading for the door. “Come along, I have lots to do today and I need to get a move on. Callan’s back and we have some things to take care of before regular office hours begin.”
She was watching me very closely for my reaction and I kept my face placid as if she hadn’t just torn my heart to shreds. Did she have to say his name so intimately?
“Okay aunt Marion, sorry to keep you waiting.”
“Oh that’s okay, I guess you need the extra time getting ready.” Again she looked me over as though I was the biggest loser on the planet and I felt two feet tall.
The second hand black knee length silk skirt wasn’t worn looking or anything and I’d paired it with another nice cream-colored top. This one was a simple button down, but it did nice things for my figure I thought. Of course walking next to aunt Marion in her Chanel suit, I looked like what she was now fond of calling me at every turn, a country hick.
I felt sick all the way to the office wondering how I was going to play my part when we did run into him. Or maybe he wasn’t coming down to her office but she was going up to his.
Whatever the case maybe I never found out one way or another because five minutes after we walked in and she went to her office I heard the phone being slammed down and a chair scraping against the floor.
I didn’t dare go see what was going on so I kept my head down and pretended to be looking over the list of things she’d written down at end of day yesterday for me to see to today.
I noticed that she had me pretty much out of
the office all day, running from floor to floor and even some outside errands. I couldn’t help but wonder if this was part of her bid to keep Callan and I apart, but then again, why bother?
She didn’t leave her office, but there was quite a bit of stomping and slamming with some loud muttering going on. I was at the edge of my seat until the others started showing up half an hour later.
When I took in her first cup of coffee for the day I could tell that she’d been having one of her spells. Her skin was flushed and her hair wasn’t as perfectly coiffed as it had been when we left the house this morning, almost as if she’d been tugging on it.
I wanted to feel sorry for her, really I did, and in the beginning I had. Especially when during one of her more calm periods at home, she’d told me how stressful her job was and how hard it was for a woman like her; one who’d fought her way to the top. She made the task sound grueling, not to mention the way she described hanging onto that spot at the top.
I could see her side of things, after all, even though she might’ve forgotten her roots, I more than anyone else here knew how hard it must be for a girl from Sutter’s Creek to make it to her level of success in such a demanding field.
But I couldn’t accept her behavior, or the way she relished putting everyone else down. It made me just a little weary of success and what I might have to do to achieve it.
I know one thing was for sure; I never wanted to be that alone and miserable. In the time I’d been here there hadn’t been one visitor and her phone never rang in the evenings either. The other girls had a lot to say about that, and the thought made me feel guilty when I remembered her yelling at me about gossiping about her.
I hadn’t done that of course, but maybe I should’ve walked away when the talk turned to her and how much and why she was so despised. Instead I usually just sat there with my mouth closed, what could I say after all? it was mostly true and besides, they knew her a lot better than I did.
My Little Farm Girl Page 5
