My head falls to his chest as I try to catch my breath. He buries his face in my hair whispering. "God, Parker! I love you. I have missed touching you and loving you."
We stay like that until the water is cold. We climb out of the tub, proceeding to the shower. The water is hot and eases my muscles that are still sore. He grabs the loofah, adding body wash to it and soaping it up as he starts to run it over my body; My shoulders, arms, breasts and tummy. Then he soaps his hands, running them over my mound, and my sex clenches. He turns me around, starting the process over with my back. He gets to my ass and massages it. Then he slowly runs his finger between my ass cheeks, massaging my tight knot. Ian leans to my ear and whispers, "Relax." As I do he continues to massage it. I suck in a breath as he sticks the tip of his pinky finger in. God, the feeling is foreign and intruding. But damn, did it have me hot! My sex is clenching, and I am moaning uncontrollable. He pulls it out and I have a strange feeling of emptiness.
I take the loofah from Ian, starting to move it over his body. I start with his chest and down his arms, before using the soap on my hands to wash his masculinity. Of course, spending a little more time than necessary there, I cause his nether regions to stand up and say hi to me again. I chuckle to myself. "God you are beautiful." I say. His eyes are closed and he is trying hard to concentrate. I turn him around and start on his shoulders, working down his back to his gorgeous ass. I run my finger between his cheeks and I feel him tense. I'll ask him later what he thinks of it. I continue down his legs. I turn, looking up at him as I drop to my knees.
Taking him in my mouth, he says, “Holy fuck!” Throwing his head back, a groan deep inside escapes his throat.
I swirl my tongue along the tip of his cock as he gets bigger and bigger, filling my mouth. I take him in so the tip touches the back of my throat. I swallow, taking him down farther. “Oh God," he whispers. I swirl my tongue over him again, moving my mouth up and down his long hard shaft. He grabs my hair, holding me as he fucks my mouth. I feel as if he’s about to cum and he tries to pull away but I grab his hips, holding him. My lips are wrapped tightly around him as he shudders, screaming loudly as he finds his release.
He pulls me up to him as I lick his essence from my lips. “God, you’re amazing.”
He kisses me and then he grabs the shampoo, pouring a little on his hands. He starts to massage my head working my hair into a lather. “Mmmm,” I moan. “Your fingers are incredible," I whisper. I rinse my hair, grabbing the shampoo as I stand up on the bench so I can reach him, returning the favor of washing his hair. He rinses then turns, wrapping his arms around me while kissing my neck and nibbling on my earlobe. Turning the water off, Ian grabs a towel off the warming rack before wrapping it around me and drying me off. Then gets his and wraps it around his waist.
He picks me up, carrying me to the bed. He pulls me to the edge of the bed, kneeling on the floor in front of me. He places his hands on my knees before spreading my legs apart and trailing his fingers down my thighs. I shiver with pleasure. Slowly he pushes a finger inside me, then a second one begins massaging my clit. Then he moves his mouth up to my clit, sucking it as the two fingers glide in and out. I shudder as heat rushes through me. "Please, Ian... I want you." Then suddenly he is in me, filling me, and I moan loudly. Ian puts my legs over his shoulders, slamming into me as I cry out in pleasure. He pulls out almost all the way just while leaving the tip in which leaves me feeling empty. "Ian... Please, Ian, don't stop." He slams into me again as I scream. My orgasm comes almost before I realize it and I climax around him. Tipping his head back, Ian's jaw strains as he shouts incoherently while finding his release. "Oh my God!" I pant. Ian shifts me back on the bed as he slides in next to me, cuddling me to his chest as I drift off to sleep.
Chapter 31
Now and Forever
Parker
I awake in the morning thinking I didn't have any nightmares. Ian was right; it does get better. I know that my scars will heal. I might forget about them with time but they are permanent, and I will have to learn how to live with them. Am I going to let them rule my life or am I going to learn how to live my life? Through all of this, I learned I am a fighter. I will no longer be a victim.
I remember before my mom died, if I faced something I didn't think I could handle, my mom would quote a specific saying. I never really understood it until now. 'God would never give you a situation you don't possess the strength to handle. You have everything you need to deal with the situation within you. The only thing you are missing is courage and God will give you that if you ask.' This is something I now honestly believe.
I know now more than ever that I will be a counselor for abused children and young adults. I remember asking myself why these things are happening to me, and I now know why. If I hadn't gone through what I had in the last five and a half years, I wouldn't ever be able to relate to children that have. I don't just want to be book educated. I want to know what someone like me would have to go through to recover.
I get out of bed to get ready for work when Ian saunters over to me in nothing but his panty-dropping smile. I think if I looked at him long enough I could have an orgasm.
"You know you don't have to work. In fact, I would rather you not work."
"Ian, I have to pay my share. I can't live off you. That's not right."
"Parker, you need to concentrate on your education and that will be a lot harder if you have to work. I appreciate what you are trying to accomplish, but it's not necessary. Let me take care of you so you can finish school faster."
"God, Ian, I don't want to be a kept woman. I don't want people to think I'm a gold-digger. That's not why I moved in here with you."
"Parker, there comes a point when you have to realize that you'll never be good enough for everyone; that's just how some people are. The question you have to ask yourself is if that is your problem or theirs. Parker, please just think about it. Take a bigger load at school so you can graduate faster."
"I'll think about it." I hate to admit it, but he makes sense. I'm not bringing in that much money compared to the amount of time I could be taking more classes. He is right. I really need to think about it.
I drive to work in Ian’s Jeep, thinking about what he said about me working. He did make a good point about taking on a larger class load to graduate early. I do like the idea. I will talk to him more about it after class tonight. He has asked me to go to dinner with him tonight and we can discuss it then.
After class, I drive home and take a shower before Ian gets there. I finish getting dressed when he walks in. God, he looks so good tonight in his black suit with a black t-shirt. He strides over to me, taking my face in his hands, taking my mouth to his. He starts out gentle then, like a fire that's hit gas, he explodes, taking my mouth franticly and passionately. My breathing is ragged as he sucks my tongue into his mouth and our tongues dance together. He puts his arms around my waist before pulling me closer. I put both my hands in his hair, pulling at it as if we are not close enough. When we pull away, I have to sit to regain my breathing. Ian leans against the wall.
"Do you have any idea what you do to me, Parker?" he pants.
Ian walks over to me. He takes one of my hands and places it over his heart. "Feel my heartbeat. This is what you do to me, and it will never get old."
"I intend on inducing that reaction out of you for the rest of my life. I am glad I can make you feel this way. I never thought you were a possibility," I say.
He takes my other hand, pulling me from the bed. Letting go of one of my hands, he spins me around to see my plum halter dress that has a low back. "You look amazing."
"Thank you. You're looking pretty hot yourself," I tell him.
"Let's get you fed," he says.
We walk to the floating restaurant at River Place. We sit by the window so we can see all the boats sailing by. Ian takes my hands in his as he rubs small circles on the backs of my hands. We sit just, talking. I am so comfortable with him; he has taught me
to trust, something I never thought I would do. This is what I have always longed for.
"Parker, can I ask you a question?"
"Of course, you can always ask me anything."
"Has a man ever asked you to marry him before?" Ian asks. I look, at him with a confused look shaking my head no. "Then I am glad I am your first."
Covering my mouth in surprise, he continues. "Parker, in you, I have found the love of my life. I want to be your first and your last I look at you and I see my best friend. I want to protect you and cherish you. I want you now and always. Parker, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" Tears are rolling down my face. I can't find my voice. I look into his eyes, nodding my head yes. He pulls out a small black velvet box, opening it. Inside sits a beautiful vintage setting princess-cut solitaire engagement ring with filigree swirled around it. It is absolutely gorgeous. Ian slips it on my finger before kissing it and pulling me up to stand. He places his hand at the nape of my neck and pulls me to him, kissing me lovingly. I don't realize until we take our seats again that people nearby are clapping for us.
As I look up at Ian, he has tears in his eyes. "Parker, you have made me the happiest man alive. I love you."
"Ian, You have shown me how to live and love again. How to trust and how to stop running away from you and to run to you. You are my best friend, my missing half and my soul mate . I love you."
Epilogue
Five Years Later
Parker
I sit back from my mahogany desk, looking at my new surroundings. I have 'little people' chairs with tables, easels for painting and drawing, beanbag chairs to curl up in, bookcases full of stuffed animals, blocks, Tonka trucks, dolls, video games, and puppets; anything that will help a child to feel relaxed. I am thinking how time has flown by and how my life, my beautiful life, which I wouldn't have dreamed to be possible five and a half years ago, is today.
After Hank died, Ian disposed of the house and all the furnishings. We took the life insurance, using it to pay for my college. What I had left over, I had Ian invest for me.
Ian and I had a quaint little wedding with just our friends and family at Cannon Beach, in the middle of August. After everything that had happened we knew we couldn't wait. Life is too short to live with regrets. I wanted to marry the man that I love. I was lucky to get a second chance and this time I plan on grabbing it with both hands. I have always believed that things happen for a reason. I will never forget my past; it's what made me who and what I am today. Although from here forward, I can start to write my future and I'm not going to waste a minute of it.
We got married in bare feet. I always loved Ian's naked feet; they are so sexy. He wore a black tuxedo jacket with a shawl collar, and a white shirt with a black bow tie. God, he is gorgeous. I wore a white satin A-line halter dress, with a lace court train.
We had a big white tent set up on the beach with twinkle lights hanging around the top and sides. We danced most of the night as the scent of the ocean air permeated my nose. The interior was magical. White lights covered with tulle draped across the ceiling of the tent. Crisp white and black linens covered the tables and chairs. Crystal goblets and white china, rimmed with a silver and black edges, adorned the tabletops. In the center, black and white roses were surrounding a crystal candelabra that casts rainbow colored sparkles around the tent, adding to the romance. A big bon fire outside had chairs lined around it, keeping everyone warm as the DJ played music to dance to inside. I don't think I have ever had such a fun time. Since I was still in school, I didn't have time for a honeymoon so we took a long weekend. Sometime in the middle of the night Ian and I left to our hotel. We had a beautiful view of the ocean. It even had a Jacuzzi spa in the living room.
A month before we were married, we spent a lot of time with Ian's family. Ava and Ella helped me with the wedding plans, as well as his mother. It was so nice to have a family again. It was something I hadn't experienced in a long time. I fell in love with his family almost as much as I loved Ian.
Since I had money from Hank's estate, I decided take Ian up on his idea and quit my job. I began volunteering at a local counseling center with some of my free time. I enrolled in as many classes as possible for each term, graduating two years early. I was recruited by a large medical office after I graduated, working there for a year until we were blessed with our beautiful little girl, Aurora Hudson Blake. She has her daddy's curly dark hair, bright green eyes, and his amazing dimple. Aurora is the apple of her daddy's eye. She's a happy baby.
Feeling a little melancholy, I couldn't imagine going back to work and missing one of Aurora's firsts. I didn't want someone to raise my child; especially knowing how I was feeling a month after Aurora's birth. How was I going to feel knowing I only had twelve weeks off for maternity leave and that I was going to have to leave her? One night Ian and I were sitting on the balcony. "Parker, can we talk about the future?" I looked up at him with a questioning look.
"Of course."
"What would you think if we bought a big house, making two of the rooms our offices? We can set it up so you can see your patients in the house. You wouldn't have to leave the house to work. We can have a housekeeper to help with everything around the house and if we happen to cross our schedules and we were both in the middle of meetings, she could look after Aurora until we are free. That way we can both take care of Aurora. I know we will have to juggle, but I think we can make it work. What do you think?"
I looked up at him in surprise. "Really? You would move from downtown?"
"Parker, I told you how I was raised and what I wanted to do when we had a family. I don't want someone else raising our children either."
I walked over to him, crawled into his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck and begin kissing him. "You are an unbelievable man, Ian Blake. I love you and I love your idea." Then I stepped out of his lap, took his hands and started pulling him from the chair, dragging him back to our bedroom and showing him how much I loved his idea.
The next day we started looking for a house that would be suitable for our offices, as well as our family. That's when we found our home. We bought a craftsman style home with a wraparound porch that has a swing hanging out front. I has hanging flower baskets around the porch and colorful flowerbeds around the outside of the house. It is a beautiful home. We turned the study into my office and therapy room for my patients, children, adolescents, and young adults that had been sexually abused.
We had Alexis decorate the house before we moved in. I love my new office. I set it up so children of all ages would be comfortable. When I am ready to take on a few patients, I will have everything in place and begin taking clients on slowly.
Ian also made an office out of the den for himself. He still has his main office downtown, but tries to do the majority of his work at home, with his family.
Ian's dad finished the book that was based on my life. It became a best seller. I can't say that it wasn't difficult to go back by drudging up the past that I had shoved so deep in the recesses of my mind, but I knew that if it helped one person that had lived through any of what I had, then it would be worth it.
Looking back, I know I should have said more; made my voice louder until someone heard me. It's always hard when the victim feels as if they are betraying someone they love. But it's not the victim that is betraying the abuser. It’s the abuser who is betraying the victim. And no matter how much an abused person may love the person who has betrayed them, if that person is abusive, be it sexual, mental, or physical, they don't love their victim no matter what they say. They are just plain selfish. And each victim is worth so much more than that.
The End
If you or someone you know is being abused, please call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at:
1-800-4-A-CHILD 24/7
One out of every three girls is sexually abused before the age of eighteen.
One out of every six boys is sexually abused before the age of eighteen.
I
t is time to stop sweeping this problem under the rug. Tell someone, anyone, MAKE THEM LISTEN
There are so many things I want to say at the end of this emotional journey. Firstly, the story of Parker and Ian shows us that love and healing can also come out of abuse. No matter who you are, there is someone out there that is your other half; a person that will cherish and love you.
Thank You
To my Husband:
Thank you for believing in me more than I believed in myself. And for putting up with me until I finally saw the light of what was important; that life is too short and to appreciate what I have in front of me. I would choose you again. And thank you for the picture of Portland. I think it was perfect for the background of my cover.
To Suzanne:
What can I say? You were the first one that dropped everything when I needed help! You are unbelievably awesome. Thank you so much for everything and thank you for bringing Anne into my world!
To Anne Conley:
Words cannot express how much I appreciate everything you have done for me! You are truly amazing! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for all your help and support, I don't know what I would have done without you.
To Jill:
Where do I begin, you are awesome, thank you for coming into my life and helping me when I needed it most.
To my girls:
Thank, for your love and support.
To Alex, Fabie, and Kearsty:
Thank you for being my awesome beta readers. I love you all!
To all the authors who have helped me through this process (mostly through Facebook and emails) during my process:
Cheryl McIntyre, Vi Keeland, Jasinda Wilder, and Tijan: Thank you for putting up with my endless questions. Maybe one of these days we can meet!
My deepest gratitude goes to the many bloggers and to all who have supported me and helped spread the word on Facebook, Twitter, and on blogs. I can't express my gratitude enough.
Stolen Innocence Page 20
