“Carter, I can’t do this. I’m with someone else!” Her voice escalates.
“I know you are and I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.” Yes, I do. I’m falling for her. Fuck, where did that come from? How can I be falling for someone who doesn’t even want me? “Listen, I know he was probably mad about you coming here tonight. But you’re already here, so as long as I promise not to kiss you again, will you hang out?”
“Carter, I don’t know. If I do, you have to promise me that won’t happen again.” Her words and her face tell a different story. I can see that she didn’t hate the kiss as much as she wants me to think.
“I do. Now come sit down.” I just want her here, even if I have to pretend like I don’t want her.
She seems so uncomfortable now and I am pissed at myself for making it that way. “Your house is really nice. You mentioned earlier you had off work. What do you do?”
“I’m a bouncer at Rebellion.” By the blank expression on her face, I guess that she’d never heard of it. “It’s a club downtown. I’m guessing you’ve never been there?”
“No, I don’t really go out much.”
If she were my girl, I’d take her out all the time. It makes me sick that she is with that asshole. We watch TV for about an hour. Some comedy is on and she is laughing at it. I miss hearing that sound. I miss just being around her.
She turned to face me. “So, tell me about your family?”
“Well, I told you my mom passed away. After that, it was just me, my dad, my brother, and sister. Holly is seventeen and Anthony is fifteen. What about your family?”
Her face drops like she didn’t expect me to return the question. She seems to be looking anywhere but at me. “Listen, Carter, I had fun, but I really need to go. I have to study.”
What did I say? Why is she all of a sudden telling me she needs to study? I wonder why asking about her family upset her so much. I want to ask her, but I don’t think she is ready to tell me anything. “Okay, let me give you a ride home.”
“No, it’s okay. I will-”
“Come on, I’m taking you home.” She reluctantly goes outside and gets into my car. The car ride is short and in no time I am pulling up to her dorm. I get out of the car and walk over to her side.
“You don’t need to walk me in. I’ll be fine.,” she says, as she closes the door and looks up at me.
I run my hands up her arms, stopping at her shoulders, before trailing them back down. “It’s okay, I want to.”
She nods her head. When we get to her door, she is about to unlock it when her roommate opens it. I recognize her. She is in one of my afternoon classes.
I give Maddy a hug. It feels so good to have her pressed against me that I don’t want to let go. She pulls away first, but the look in her eyes lets me know I’m not the only one feeling it.
“Thank you for tonight, Carter. I’ll see you in class.”
The door shuts and my determination to make her mine is stronger than ever.
Chapter Seven
Madison
When Carter kissed me tonight, I did something I’d said I’d never do again-I let someone in. I didn’t want to and it scares me, but it was inevitable. I wish everything happened differently. I wish Chris didn’t want me and that I could be free to be with Carter.
Chris has been getting especially paranoid lately, telling me that I can never leave him. If I did, he’d find me and he’d make sure that me and whoever I left him for would pay. I can’t bring Carter into this.
I walk down to the bathroom to get ready for bed, trying to push thoughts of Carter out of my mind. Nicole is watching me when I come back, and I lay down, trying to pretend that she isn’t. I feel like she can see through all of my bullshit.
“So, Carter James, huh? I’m glad you finally came to your senses and told that abusive asshole to take a hike.”
What did she just say? Shock runs through me as my spine stiffens. No one knew. This can’t be happening. “What are you talking about? Carter and I are just friends.”
“Listen, girl, I went to high school with Carter. He isn’t ‘just friends’ with girls. And he sure as hell never walked a girl to her door, unless he was going in. Even then, he’d leave once they were done. Don’t fool yourself. That boy likes you and if I didn’t see it with my own eyes, I wouldn’t have believed it.”
She doesn’t know what she is talking about. Sure, Carter kissed me, but I’m sure he’s with a lot of girls. He probably assumed by me coming over to his house that he was going to get some. Chris is right. He just sees me as one of his whores. I feel a tear roll down my face. Why the hell am I crying when Carter and I weren’t even together?
“As for Chris, you need to get out while you can. I know you think you hide it well and you do, but I live here and I see everything. I don’t know why you’re with him when he does that to you and treats you the way he does. You may not think you deserve better, but you do. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here.”
She lies down and starts reading her book again. How would she know I deserve better? I barely ever talk to her. As much as I hate to admit it to myself, I am looking forward to spending time with Carter on this project, even though with my luck, he is probably only trying to use me. Why the hell would Carter James want anything from me? Chris is probably right, he just wants to use me and then throw me away. No matter how much I try to convince myself of this, though, there’s still a little part of me hoping that he wants something more.
“Hey, Mads?”
There goes another nickname and, truthfully, I don’t mind that one either. “Yeah?”
“Just so you know, if you’re not ready to make a decision yet, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt you.”
“What do you mean?”
“Chris, what he doesn’t know won’t piss him off. So do what you want.”
Nicole may have just given me the best, and the worst, advice ever.
* * *
When I walk into class Friday morning, there was an open seat next to Carter so I decided to sit down next to him. He looks over at me like he is confused and surprised at the same time. Shit, did he not want me to sit here? I am contemplating moving seats when he gives me one of those smiles and I know I made the right choice.
If I am going to do this, I have to do it before I chicken out. I rip a piece of notebook paper out and scribble a note down on it.
Remember how you said you worked as a spy? I enjoyed our night together the other night and I like being around you. I’d like to do it more often, if you can keep it a secret.
I debate whether or not to give it to him. I pass it to Carter the way I used to watch all the girls do it in high school.
He opens it cautiously, then smiles before writing something back, handing it to me. I open it up and exhale a breath I didn’t know I was holding.
Are you suggesting that we sneak around? Cause if you are, I’m in.
When I read his reply, I smile so hard that my face hurts. When I turn to look at Carter, I can tell that he’s been watching me and I feel the blush he always causes creep up my neck.
When class is over, he waits for me and we walk to our next one together. “So, why the sudden change of heart?”
“I don’t know. I like talking to you and I had fun the other night. However, Chris doesn’t want me hanging out with you, and I thought that what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” Or me. “But only if that’s okay with you, and I understand if it isn’t.”
“Hey, listen, I’ll take what I can get here.”
I smile as he accepts my offer.
Things just might be turning around.
Chapter Eight
Carter
The fact that Maddy wants to spend time with me, even if it is in secret, makes me so happy. I love being able to be around her and I have a feeling she feels the same. I don’t understand why she doesn’t just leave him if she isn’t happy. I still have a feeling that he is doing something shady.
Maybe if we get close enough, she’ll tell me.
We talk and joke around all morning, but split up at lunchtime because she is meeting Chris. When I walk into my afternoon class, I see her roommate. I think her name is Nicole. Actually, I think she went to high school with me, but was a year behind me.
I hope she isn’t telling Maddy about my high school days. I am not exactly proud of them. She looks up, sees me, and waves me over to the empty seat next to her.
“So listen, I just wanted to-”
Just then the professor decided to start class, which cut off whatever she was trying to tell me.
She passes me a note and her cell phone with it. When I look at her phone, I see that it is open to the contacts and my name with the number slot blank. She is trying to get my number? I thought she was calling me over to talk about Maddy. I start to hand her back the stuff and she shakes her head and mouths, “Read the note.”
I need to talk to you about Mads. Put your number in.
I put my number in her phone, then call mine so I can save hers, before giving it back to her. Not even a minute later, my phone starts to buzz.
Nicole: First, conceited much? I don’t have any interest in you. Second, don’t give up on her. She will come around ;-)
Me: What do you mean?
Nicole: Mads, whether she wants to admit it or not, she’s starting to fall for you. I can tell.
Me: But what about Chris?
Nicole: Don’t get me started on that asshole.
Me: What’s going on? I know something isn’t right.
Nicole: Sorry, not my story to tell. Now, let me learn something!
Was Maddy really falling for me? And what did Nicole know about Chris?
* * *
Getting out of bed after working all night is difficult, to say the least. I think the only thing that got me up is knowing that I am going to spend the whole day with Maddy.
We are going to be handing out our surveys today, and then coming back here to tally them up. She asks if I want to go to the library, but I shoot that idea down. I want her here with me.
I bet Chris is giving her shit about it. I really didn’t care if he liked it or not. We spend all day handing out surveys and talking to people, Shawn and Jason even coming to help us out. As much as they didn’t want to admit it, they liked Maddy. They could see how I felt about her and I think they were beginning to get it.
Once we get back to my house, I don’t even want to move. I call and order a pizza before falling down on the couch. Maddy is walking over to sit down, and I can tell she is exhausted too.
She trips over my book bag and falls down right on top of me. She looks up at me and starts to laugh. I love that sound. She doesn’t do it nearly enough. I brush a stray hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear.
Her gaze is fixed on my face and when it landed on my lips, excitement ran through me. I can tell just by looking at her that she wants me to kiss her, that it is me she wants. She never looks at Chris like that; sometimes I watch them and she is so different around him. I can’t resist the temptation anymore, so I lean up to kiss her.
The second my lips touch hers, I feel the electricity move through me. Her lips are amazingly soft. I take the risk and try to deepen the kiss, and she let me. I gently take her lower lip between my teeth and pull on it. She lets out a moan. Being with her like this is what I’ve wanted since September.
A knock on the door startles us both and we jump apart. Since when did those delivery men get here this quickly? I went and got the pizza while Maddy was getting us plates. We take our food and go into the living room with it. Her lips are red and swollen from kissing me, and it is a beautiful sight.
After we finish eating, she grabs the dishes and I get out the surveys from earlier. We work on tabulating the results, talking and laughing in between. I look at the clock. Damn, it is already eleven.
I wish she’d just stay over, but I know there is about a snowball’s chance in hell of that. Her eyes follow mine and I feel like she wants to stay but won’t. It’s like she is fighting an internal battle every time we are together.
“Well, I had fun today, Carter, but I need to go now.”
“Okay, let me get my shoes on,” I say as I stand up.
“I’ve told you before, I can find my own way home.”
“If you think I’m sending you back to campus by yourself at night, you’re out of your mind.” Campus was pretty safe for the most part. I still wanted to make sure she got back okay; that and it gave me more time with her.
“Okay, thank you.” She gives me a small smile before gathering her things.
When we were driving back, she seemed so sullen, almost disappointed. “You know, the weather isn’t supposed to be that bad tomorrow. What would you think about taking a ride down to Myrtle Beach?”
“Carter, you know I can’t do that with you. And besides, I hate the beach.”
She hates the beach? There went my dreams of being able to see her in a bikini. “Okay, I’m sorry for asking. I’m still trying to figure out how this is going to work.”
“I know this situation isn’t easy. If you want to change your mind, I’ll understand. It’s a lot to deal with just to spend time with me.”
I pull into the parking lot and turn to face her. She isn’t looking at me so I lift her chin up. “Hey, I love just being around you, Maddy. If this is what I need to do to be around you, it’s worth it. You’re worth it.”
We are sitting in the car outside her dorm, and I don’t want her to leave. She looks over at me, silently saying the same thing. She wants to be with me too, she just isn’t ready yet. I had so much fun with her today, even if we were working on schoolwork. I walk her inside and then go home alone.
One day soon I won’t have to say goodbye.
Chapter Ten
Madison
Over the next two weeks, Carter and I finished our project and hung out together. It had been the best two weeks of my life. I just wished I didn’t need to hide it. I saw Chris at least once a day, and there were a couple times I almost got caught with Carter. The way that I saw it, Chris would find a reason to hit me no matter what I did, so I might as well enjoy the time I had.
Yesterday, he freaked out because he saw me going into an office with a guy. He never even bothered to see who it was or why I was with him. I had a conference with my professor for the research paper I was working on. Now, I was sporting a huge bruise on my side.
I wish I was strong enough to leave him, but he’s been threatening me more often recently. He even told me last week that he’s been going to the shooting range so much that his dad bought him a gun.
They should do some sort of mental health evaluation before people can have a gun. If they did, he would have never gotten one.
I’ve been getting closer with Nicole. She hasn’t brought up the things that Chris does since that day, although she’s been talking about Carter more and more.
It feels nice to have a friend. I’ve never had one before, at least not that I can remember. Tomorrow is the start of Thanksgiving break and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t going to miss Carter and Nicole.
Chris is going home for Thanksgiving, but he said dinner was family only and I wasn’t family. I guess I had hoped that since we have been together for so long that he and his family would welcome me as their own. I finish my last class for the day and am walking back to my dorm when I see Carter waiting outside the door.
Nicole walks in and he follows her. Are they hooking up? Why do I feel like I can’t catch my breath right now? Is that why he’s been so nice to me? I can’t handle this. This is why I never let myself care. I want to leave but, truthfully, I don’t have anywhere else to go right now.
I walk into my room, dreading whatever I am about to walk into. When I open the door, I see Carter sitting on my bed, alone. He looks up when he hears me come in. “Hey.”
Is he here for me? “Hey, what are you doing here?”
; “I…uh…I asked Nicole to sign me in because I wanted to talk to you. I hope that’s okay.”
“I guess so. What’s up?” I can’t help but smile. He came here for me. I hate that I always immediately think the worst of people. I wish I was the kind of person who could give their trust to someone. I wasn’t, at least not now, but I have a feeling that Carter can change all of that.
“I just wanted to say goodbye to you before I left for break tomorrow. I keep finding myself wanting to text you or call you, but I don’t have any way to do that. Why are you so anti-cell phone?” There is a joking tone to his voice.
He thinks that it is a choice? I hate that I need to explain this to him; it’s embarrassing to admit. I don’t want him to feel sorry for me. “I’m not anti-cell phone, Carter. I don’t have a job, and my scholarships and loans covered my tuition and housing with just a little bit left over for necessities.” I can see that he feels sorry for me, but that’s not what I want. I got to go to college, which was all I spent last year dreaming about.
“I don’t want you to feel bad for me. I have what I need.” I am not going to cry. I take a deep breath, trying to hold it together and not let him see how damaged I really am. I should be thankful that I received enough aid to go to school, not feeling sorry that I don’t get to have any luxuries.
“I understand being tight on money. After my mom died, we had it pretty rough. My family still isn’t very well off. I really just wanted to stop by and see you before I left. I hope you have a good break, Maddy.” He gives me a hug, and it takes every ounce of strength I have to hold back the tears. “So, where are you going?”
Shit. I don’t want to tell him this but, for some reason, I can’t bring myself to lie to him. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying here on campus.” I avoid looking up at him and seeing the pity etched on his face.
“Why?” I don’t answer him. None of the reasons are anything I want to admit to him. I stare at the floor hoping that he will just leave. He lifted my face to his. “Why are you staying here alone?”
Fall for Me Page 3
