by Chanda Hahn
“I sent you food so you would eat. And here you are, not even with a lick of sense to start a fire. Do you know how cold it gets at night in the north?”
I shrugged weakly.
I wanted to run to him and wrap my arms around him and let him comfort me. But that was a silly notion. He only did that when he was trying to shield my magic. Now I had none. I wrapped the blanket around my shoulders and watched Liam, memorizing every inch of his frame. The color of his golden hair, the green of his eyes and his angular jaw.
He held up a piece of hardtack. I shook my head, the thought of food making me queasy.
“Here,” he said firmly. “You’ve lost weight. You’re nothing but skin and bones.”
“I can’t.” It was true. After spending a week eating drugged food, I’d lost my appetite.
“Eat,” he commanded, and I felt my hand reach for it and put it in my mouth. I didn’t want to eat. My stomach was roiling, but my body was reacting to the command.
I chewed on the biscuit, and the taste made me gag. I crawled on my knees away from him and coughed.
“I’m sorry,” Liam said, kneeling next to me and handing me a handkerchief. “I should have known it was too soon. Devin mentioned they used drugs to control you.”
I nodded and wiped my mouth before moving closer to the fire. I couldn’t stop shivering.
Liam kept his distance and stayed on the opposite side of the blaze.
He watched the fire dance. The reflection made his eyes glow. “He also said that the drug made you susceptible to commands, is this true?”
I nodded again, tears forming in my eyes.
“I have to know.” Liam took a deep, agonizing breath and met my gaze. “What I saw when I walked in—did Devin command you—did he force you against your will? If he did, I will kill him, and no childhood pact would save him.”
I vehemently shook my head and struggled to form my words with conviction. I didn’t want Devin punished for something he didn’t do. “No.”
“I see.” Liam’s head dropped, and he rubbed his palm over his face. He was struggling with what he learned, but could he not also see that I was struggling just as much?
Oh stars, I wanted a signal, a flash of an aura, something to tell me what he thought of me. Not knowing was almost worse than knowing.
He pulled back and pleaded with me. “Tell me what happened when you left the inn. You do not understand the agony, guilt, and fear that coursed through me when you disappeared. Only to find out you were kidnapped and sold to a . . . I can’t even say it. I keep running it through my mind, blaming myself for not running after you.”
I never even thought of what the experience did to Liam. How traumatic it must have been, not only for me, but to him. The guilt he felt as well. I didn’t want to tell him everything, but I explained how they took me from the hillside, the hidden wagon, and my foolish attempt at escape. With each additional detail, I could see the anguish and guilt eating him up. I decided it was best to stop and spare him the details.
“You’re different,” he said.
My breath hitched. Was this sadness I heard in his voice, or accusation?
“Of course, I’m different. One does not walk through the fire and leave unscathed. We all have scars that haunt us for life. Some are physical, others emotional. I’d be a fool to assume that I’m any different.”
“I failed you.”
“It’s no one’s fault. It’s over. It’s in the past,” I said firmly, trying to make myself believe my own words. “And we’re both changed because of this experience, and we’ll have to learn to adjust to our new circumstances.”
He looked at me, and I heard him swear under his breath. Feeling like I was just disappointing him more, I retreated into my tent and stared at the bedroll.
“Aura. Look, I’m sorry, I failed you. But I promise to protect you from now on.” His voice was full of determination.
I pulled a blanket around my shoulders, lifted my chin, and stepped out of the tent to confront him. To tell him the truth he didn’t want to hear.
“There’s no need. There’s nothing left to protect.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t use my magic anymore. The world has become silent. I can’t hear anyone’s thoughts.”
“They can’t be gone.” He grasped my upper arms and shook me so I would look at him. “Just listen, Aura. Listen to me.” His forehead scrunched up, and I could tell he was trying to think or send me images.
Burning built up in the corner of my eyes, and I dropped my head to hide my shame. “Stop. It’s no use.”
“Will it come back?” he asked.
“I don’t know. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t.”
“What if we go to a healer? Do you think they could fix you?”
“Fix me?” I blurted, feeling my anger rise. “There’s nothing wrong with me, and maybe”—I took a deep breath—“maybe I don’t want to get them back.”
“What?” My confession surprised him. “You can’t be serious?”
“I am. Maybe I don’t want to be saddled with powers that don’t let me near people and are destined to make me go crazy. Did you think of that?”
He dropped his hands from my shoulders and turned away. The frustration was apparent as he stared north. I could see his mind working as he debated his options. I was no longer useful to him, and I was nothing more than a liability.
“Maybe this is for the better,” I said. “Now I’m just like every other woman.”
“I don’t agree,” he said stiffly, turning back to me. “You’ll never be like other women.”
Confused and hurt by his words, I shook my head and whispered. “Just go.”
His eyes full of sorrow, he mounted his horse and rode away.
“Hey, wake up, buttercup,” a cheerful voice announced outside my tent.
I could smell it was early morning and moisture covered my blankets. My fire had gone out, and I was freezing. I peeked my head out to see Devin standing over my fire with a concerned look.
“You had plenty of firewood. How come you let it go out? Do you know how cold it gets in the north?” he asked.
I shivered and groaned as he repeated Liam’s warning. It occurred to me that I didn’t have a lick of survival skills. I’d always used my magic to start the kindling. I didn’t even know another way of starting the fire.
I felt better after a full night’s sleep and my head was less foggy. I popped backed into my tent and saw that my pack was tucked in the corner. I changed into the men’s pants and long overshirt, grateful that I didn’t have to deal with buttons on a dress. The old Aura wouldn’t be caught dead in pants, preferring dresses and curls and braids. But that Aura was dead. This one needed to find an alternate way to survive. I pulled on my boots, then it took me forever to roll up my bedroll and blankets. My fine motor skills weren’t working yet, and I was almost in tears trying to tie a knot around my bedroll. I made a makeshift knot and stepped out, tossed it on the ground, just as Devin released the tent line and it came collapsing down, just missing me.
“Ah, I almost caught a girl.” He shot me a grin and I couldn’t help but smile wanly. He really knew how to lighten the mood.
“Well, what would you have done if you caught one?” I asked, pleased I didn’t stutter.
“Why, marry her, of course. She’d cook for me, clean up after my messes, and I could kiss her anytime I wanted . . .” Devin’s joke trailed away when we made eye contact and we both remembered the kiss. His eyes glanced to my lips and then he looked away. “Well, there’s always next time.”
“Next time,” I breathed to myself and felt a blush warm my cheeks.
Devin moved to finish breaking down my tent. I sat on a log, wanting to help, but still not feeling in control of my limbs. My mind was a hazy mess, and I frequently found myself lost in a daydream.
“Aura.” Devin snapped his fingers in front of my face, and I struggled to focus on him. “Hey, where were
you? I called your name three times.”
“I’m here. I’m fine. I think.” I stood up, and the world spun, and I immediately fell forward.
“Whoa.” Devin stepped in and caught me. “I got you.” He held me in his arms and didn’t release me. I could feel his silent perusal of me. “You’re even prettier without all the makeup.”
I looked away, and he grasped my chin, and I gazed into his serious eyes. “Don’t be ashamed about what happened between us. I’m not. It was just a kiss.”
Just a kiss, but to Liam it probably seemed more like a betrayal. I should explain what happened. Try to make things right between us. But I kept seeing Liam’s disappointed face, and I remembered that maybe it was better this way.
Devin gently released me and then worked on getting me on his horse. He hopped up behind me, and we were on our way to catch up with the rest of the company. They were already on the road, heading further into the woods. I couldn’t see Liam anywhere, and Devin could tell where my focus was.
“He’s not here.”
“What do you mean he’s not here?” I asked. “Where’d he go?”
“He left in the middle of the night. Went on ahead to Duke Tallywood’s home to see if he can take the women we rescued and help them go back to their families.”
“Oh. Who is Duke Tallywood?” I didn’t realize how sad I’d be that Liam had left without saying anything to me.
Devin’s face brightened. “Everyone knows Duke Tallywood. He is a rich, old man who has a fondness for taking in orphans. You won’t find a kinder man than him. Don’t worry. We’ll get there by nightfall. It’s on our way, and I’m here to entertain you with the stories of my many daring exploits.” I smiled. “Not to mention all the dazzling ladies I’ve wooed, including one who had six toes on her right foot.”
I laughed hard. It felt good to laugh, considering a week ago I didn’t know if I ever would laugh again. Devin kept me occupied laughing most of the morning. Around noon, we stopped to stretch our legs, and I checked on Tamara. She was sitting in the grass away from the other women, watching a butterfly hovering over a wildflower. I counted twelve women. Twelve girls that would never be beaten, sold, or trafficked again.
“Tamara.”
She looked up at me and smiled. “I thought I was dreaming. That it was just a horrible dream, and I kept telling myself that it’s all right. One day I’ll wake up from it.” She reached for the butterfly, but it flew away. “But it wasn’t a dream, was it?”
I kneeled next to her and gently placed my hand on her shoulder. “No, it was real.”
“I can’t tell what’s real and what’s a dream anymore. Is this . . . right now . . . real, or a dream?”
“Real,” I said, my heart breaking for her.
She picked a flower, brought it to her nose and inhaled. “I hoped so.” She turned and gave me a hopeful smile. “One soldier told me we are going to a duke’s house this evening, and they’ll be helping us return home.” Her smile faded.
“What’s the matter?”
“I just don’t know if I want to return home, yet. I don’t know if I can face my family. How do I explain what happened? They’ll look at me differently. Think I’m less. They’ll know.” Her thin hands covered her face in shame. “I can’t face them.”
I grasped her hands and I repeated the words of wisdom my sisters had spoke to me when I was attacked by Tobias and Clive. The day that Armon was killed. The guilt I felt—the shame. It was the same. “Tamara, you were the victim. You did nothing wrong. What happened to you was against your will, and it’s in the past. That incident does not define you. It doesn’t make you a bad person. Do you understand me? You’re strong, beautiful, and full of wisdom. You have a bright future ahead of you. It’s just going to take a few things.”
“What’s that?” she asked hesitantly.
“Time. It will take time to heal here.” I touched her heart. “And here.” I pointed to her temple. “And you’ll need courage to face the future, for the road to recovery isn’t easy, but with the right people by your side—whether family or friends—I see no reason you can’t have a normal life. You’re a survivor, and all the stronger for it. If you need anything, I’m here.” I realized as I said the words, they were not only for her benefit—I needed to hear them as well.
Tamara’s eyes filled with tears. She reached for me and sobbed loudly. I hugged her as she began the first step in her healing process. I ran my hands over her hair comfortingly.
We sat like that until her sobs ebbed away, and the pain lessened. It wasn’t gone fully. There would still be feelings of guilt. Even though she was the victim, she carried a heavy load, and there would be self-esteem struggles she would have to overcome. They all would. No one could bounce back quickly from any kind of abuse. It’s a long healing process, and they would need understanding and patience from family and a powerful support group.
Tamara sniffed, wiped her nose. “Maybe the lord would hire us on as servants . . . until I’m ready to go home.”
“Maybe.”
“I hope so. It would be nice to make new memories. Ones that didn’t include that place.”
I closed my eyes and was grateful that I couldn’t feel all of her previous painful memories. I didn’t experience the horrors she lived through, nor could I fully comprehend them. I had only been there a week, and others were there for much longer. I desperately wanted to reach out and take that pain from her. Make it vanish. With my powers gone, I couldn’t do that. But I could help her on her new journey, one of healing. So I did what Eden would do for me when the mental and emotional turmoil of crowds overwhelmed me. I was present with her, and patient.
I listened to Tamara talk of her dreams. She wanted to open a pastry shop one day, get married, and have little children running around.
“But do you think any man will want me after . . . what happened?”
I ran my hand over hers and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “The right man won’t care.” I instantly thought of Liam. I needed to explain what really happened, but maybe he should ask instead of assuming.
Tamara blushed and smiled. “What do you dream of?” she asked me.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I have unusual circumstances, so I never allowed myself to have dreams of the future. Instead, I live in the moment.”
“How sad. Without dreams, there’s no hope, and a life without hope is dark, indeed.”
Tamara had such insight and wisdom for someone so young.
“Well, then I hope to live a long and glorious life.”
“Ahem.” We turned, and Devin was waving for us to get going.
I gave Tamara’s shoulder a squeeze and headed back toward the troops. Tamara crawled up into the supply wagon with the other ladies, and I headed over to my horse.
“You feel up to riding solo?”
“I have to,” I said. “I can’t continue to rely on others.” It took two tries, but I mounted by myself, and we were back on the road. Devin wanted to continue on with his tales, but I was in a somber mood and interrupted his story. “Devin, what can you tell me about the blight?”
He shrugged. “It appeared a few weeks ago. A great fog rolled inland from the sea, and anyone who enters the fog hears voices. Most of them wander around and die of starvation and thirst.
“If you survive the fog, then there are the miles of enchanted thorns. Twisting and devilish snares that are slowly moving across the land like snakes, heading deeper into the heart of our kingdom. But the thorns are sharp as daggers, and their scratch is poisonous.
“We’ve tried to attack it with fire and steel, but they do nothing. Rya’s forces have been working on trying to get through the fog to find the heart of the blight, but most that go into the fog don’t come out.”
It was too horrible to imagine. That meant if we didn’t stop it here in Rya, then nowhere was safe. Not even the town of Nihill. The news weighed heavy on my heart.
Chapter Fourteen
We arr
ived at Tallywood estate, a sprawling manor that overlooked a massive garden and over sixty acres of land. It was just as picturesque as a fairytale, with its lake filled with swans, a grove of weeping willows, and numerous cherry blossom trees. I wasn’t the only one who noticed, for the women in the wagon with Tamara chattered excitedly among themselves.
The contingent of troops in our party numbered twenty members total. That was after they sent six to escort the prisoners to Highbridge Tower. The men brought their supplies around toward the stables and set up camp in the back.
At the front steps stood an elderly man with spectacles, dressed in velvet pajamas and slippers, despite it being early evening.
“Good morning.” He flapped his hand jovially.
“Don’t you mean good evening, sir?” Devin corrected.
He blinked at the setting sun. “Ah, yes, Devin, I see it is evening. Well, I guess I should cancel my eggs and bacon, and can focus on dessert.” He slapped his gums together and tottered back inside.
The delightful old man made me giggle. He seemed harmless, and already the women seemed smitten with the one who would be their guardian.
Hayes drove the wagon up in front as Liam came out of the manor. His blonde hair was slicked back, his uniform and armor replaced by black pants, a pressed shirt, and a blue button-up uniform jacket with gold cufflinks.
He looked highborn, as if he were a noble. Which, as a knight, he probably was. Our eyes met across the drive, and my heart fluttered at seeing him.
He adjusted the cravat at his throat and cleared his throat. “Duke Tally, do you have anything to say to your guests?”
Duke Tally pulled off his spectacles and polished them on his robe. “Oh, that’s right. I have guests.” He plopped the glasses upside down on his nose and spread his arms wide. “Welcome to Tallywood Manor, I’m the Duke of Tallywood, but you can call me Tally.”
“No, he’s Duke Tally to you,” Liam corrected, rubbing his forehead. “He’s graciously offered his home to the ladies as we work on turning them to their family.” He turned those stern green eyes toward the wagon. “And for those that have nowhere else to go, you have the option of staying on as an employee. It’s hard work, but it is honest work, and you’ll be paid and housed in the servant’s quarters. You can stay as long as you like. You are not slaves, but free people.”
