by Chanda Hahn
“You decided to join us.” Devin grinned jovially. “I saddled her for you, just in case.”
“I couldn’t let you have all the fun without me.” I shoved the sandwich in my mouth, pulled myself up into the saddle, only slightly wincing from having to use my injured hand. Then we were off.
The trek was brisk, the hours long, and I suffered in silence. By late evening, we came to a lake, and Liam called a halt so we could rest. Everyone easily dismounted, but I leaned forward and grimaced when I bumped my injured wrist on the pommel. Devin noticed, and he held out his hands for help, and I shook my head.
“I got it.” I leaned forward and slid from the saddle to the ground.
“Independent. I like it,” he said.
It had nothing to do with being independent. I rarely liked to be touched, and the habit of avoiding people was still strong, unless it came to Liam.
Hayes came over and unloaded the wagon. “It looks like we’re going to get a few hours of rest.”
“Sounds good. Let me help you.” Devin jumped up onto the wagon and helped Hayes unload.
I kept busy and helped Joshun chop the fresh vegetables we got from Duke Tallywood for the evening’s supper. After a candle mark, I noticed my hands were shaking, and I was fidgety, struggling to concentrate.
Devin came to check on me and noticed. He leaned forward, and whispered, “Are you okay?”
I flinched as his soft question rammed into my eardrum and split my skull painfully. “I think I just need to take a b-break.” I shivered.
Devin patted me on the head and nodded in understanding. I blinked and tried to focus as I headed over to my bedroll by the nook of a tree. I took my cloak and wrapped it around my shoulders, then snuggled into the base, pulling my knees up to my chest as I tried to control my shivering. Sweat dotted my brow, and I could feel a pool of it trail down my back, and the sulfur smell of the fog changed to a sweeter smell—one that terrified me and reminded me of the incense.
Staring off into the woods, I saw a silhouette of Madam Esme materialize as she puffed on her pipe before disappearing into a cloud of fog.
“Oh stars, no,” I whispered, realizing that I was hallucinating and that my body was having a withdrawal to a substance I equally wanted and despised.
Devil’s breath.
Chills rode up and down my body. I knew I was in for a rough night until I could ride out the withdrawal, but how did I do it without putting the camp in danger or upsetting Liam? I had seen my mother treat an addict back home, and it wasn’t pretty. He had lost a leg in a farming accident and had taken to different substances to try to overcome his loss. His wife begged my mother for help and to intervene. It surprised me when Mother agreed.
She had the man chew on guanna root to keep the cravings at bay while we kept him in our barn. She did her best to let him ride it out, and whenever he became dangerous during a hallucination, she would use a spell to put him back to sleep. After a few days, he was almost as good as new. But that first night was a nightmare. It was terrifying to see him screaming and hallucinating. Going from sweet and kind, promising us the world if we would let him go, to threatening to hurt us if we didn’t bend to his commands.
Would I go through a similar ordeal? I held up my hands and saw the tremor. I was in for a similar ride, and I couldn’t bring myself to disturb my friends.
I grabbed my pack and tucked it behind my back as I leaned against the tree. Liam had his back to me and was speaking with Berk and Hayes. Devin had moved to the edge of camp and was watching the perimeter, having relieved the guard on duty. I leaned my head against the rough bark of the tree, looked up through the canopy at the stars beyond, and prayed that I could overcome this. I laid back and covered myself with my cloak.
You’re the worthless sister.
No one can ever love you.
Even Liam can’t stand to be near you.
The pack dug into my shoulder as the whispered voices haunted my mind. My mouth was dry, my tongue swollen, and I couldn’t stop thinking about the drugs.
“Stop it,” I whispered loudly to myself. My cloak muffled my voice.
I dug in my pack for a leather belt strap, placed it between my teeth and bit down, muffling my cries. Time came and went. My tears flowed and dried over and over, coating my cheeks and eyes with crystal salt deposits.
The hallucinations were the worst.
I was back in the brothel with Madam Esme one minute, with strange men gathering around me, calling me names. The next, I was in Nihill, trapped in an alley surrounded by Clive, Tobias and Armon. Another one, I was in the ship’s hold as it was sinking, and Meri’s rage waged an oceanic war on us. The water filled the cabin and covered my mouth. I couldn’t breathe. A silver dagger slipped from my fingers and disappeared into the bottom of the boat as I drowned in the depths of the sea—forgotten.
With a gasp, I sat up. My clothes were soaked with sweat, my fingers were thin, and my body was sore and ragged, like I had hiked up a mountain and then clumsily fell down the other side. My head pounded, and I rose to my feet, and then stumbled, my muscles weak.
My belt had serious teeth marks embedded in the leather, and it lay discarded on the ground next to me. The men were up and ready for the morning, and I felt like mush—with a constant buzz in my ear. I tried to ignore it, shaking my head and swatting at the air, hoping it would dissipate.
“Here.” Devin handed me a tin cup full of dark liquid.
I wrinkled my nose at the bitter smell. “What is it?”
“It will take care of aftereffects of the withdrawal.” He pointed to my head.
“I thought I was hiding it well,” I said shamefully. Heat rose to my cheeks.
“You did. It was a valiant effort and would have fooled most people.”
“But not you.”
“I had a friend addicted to various substances. I know the signs and what to look for. This helped him until it couldn’t anymore.” His smile was forced.
“I’m sorry about your friend.” I shuffled the cup in my hands, knowing that Devin was hiding his pain.
“It’s okay. But this will stop any cravings or withdrawals in its tracks.”
Relieved, I took a large swig of the cup’s content.
“No, not that much,” Devin warned too late.
I choked and coughed. I handed the cup back to him and felt the drink burn through my throat and sinuses. My eyes watered, and I wanted to sneeze. “Take it away! What poison is that?”
“It’s a home brew. Guaranteed to put hair on your chest and get you feeling like yourself again.”
The second round was a mix of me coughing and laughing. “I could do without the first part.”
“I figured.” He winked. “Feel better?”
Slowly, I took a deep breath and took stock of my body. I felt better. I was less achy and sore, and the buzzing lessened.
“Yes. Thanks.”
“I will be happy to make you a second cup when we stop later.”
“Pass. And pass on all future cups. In fact, never offer that to me again.”
“No one respects my medicinal skills.” Devin turned toward the wagon, and I followed.
Hayes brought over a cup of water, and was about to comment on my haggard appearance, but I held up a finger and shook my head in warning. He quickly retreated. I drank the water down greedily and did my best to get ready for the day.
When we mounted, I strapped myself to Damsel’s saddle horn, in case I fell off. I pulled my hood over my head and kept my face low, trying to hide my shaking hands. I was thankful for the pace we set because no one tried to talk to me, and I tried to get through another arduous day. With each passing candle mark, the shivering lessened as the final dregs of the drugs worked their way out my system, no longer numbing my mind.
By the time we stopped again, I was so exhausted that all I had the energy for was to take my bedroll out and treat my hand, then I promptly fell into a deep sleep.
“Devin, can
you train me to fight?” I asked the next morning, feeling exhilarated.
Devin tossed a roll of canvas to Hayes and gave a wary look over to Liam, as if seeking approval.
“You don’t need his permission to train me to defend myself, do you?” I taunted.
Devin’s cheeks flushed in embarrassment. “Uh, no. I don’t.”
Hayes snorted. “Maybe you should have me teach you. All Devin is good for is picking up the ladies.”
“Am not.” Devin took a playful swipe at Haye’s shoulder.
Hayes reached down and picked an item out of the wagon. “Watch out,” he yelled.
I flinched as he tossed a sheathed sword toward me. It hit the ground.
Devin laughed as he picked up the discarded weapon, patting off the dust. “First lesson, work on your reflexes.”
“Hey,” Hayes said, his expression brightening. “We should teach you how to use the staff you carry.”
My hand reached for the tube at my side and I looked down. Seeing the red scabs left from the burn of Aspen’s attack only bolstered my desire to learn to defend myself. I wouldn’t be left vulnerable like that again. Dorian believed in me. That’s why he gave me the staff. I was grateful that it was still in Damsel’s pack and I hadn’t lost the gift.
“Okay,” I said, and headed into the clearing. I was wearing the pants and overshirt that I had gotten from Eden, pleased that it gave my legs plenty of space to maneuver. I unstrung the leather strap and took out the tube, and with the push of a button, it sprung out into a long staff.
“Nice,” Devin commented. He ran over to the wagon and pulled out a spear, testing the weight in his hands. “Okay, do you know how to block a downward strike?”
I held the staff parallel above my head.
Without warning, he struck, swinging downward, hitting the staff and knocking it from my limp fingers. He pulled his spear before it hit my head.
Devin frowned. “Well, that won’t do you any good if you can’t hold on to it.”
“You startled me.” I leaned down to pick up the staff, my fingers already sweaty with nervousness. I didn’t know how I was going to keep my grip on the thing.
“Again,” Hayes instructed from the sideline. “Expect pain, lean your body forward, brace with your back leg, absorb the strike.”
Devin held the spear at his side and waited for me as I clumsily followed along. As soon as I raised the staff, the strike came again. I yelped, and felt the reverberation through my fingers, but I didn’t drop the staff.
“Again,” Hayes called.
Devin struck a second and third time, and I was becoming less scared, then he changed direction. He feigned a downward attack, but swung his arm inward and up, knocking the staff out of my hands.
“Oh, come on,” I grumbled, as I went chasing after the staff as it rolled into the woods.
“Expect the unexpected,” Hayes said. “Your enemy won’t strike the same way every single time. They are constantly testing you, sizing you up, looking for your weaknesses.”
I knew that, but it was different putting it into practice. I hated physical harm. It went against my nature, but I didn’t want to give up. I picked up the staff and came back, and this time I waited, watching Devin as he attacked. He swung, I blocked, and as soon as I made contact, I felt the lack of power. It wasn’t a full blow. He was feinting. I stepped back as he spun under my staff and hit me in the side of the ribs with the edge of the spear.
I gasped and cried out, falling to one knee. My hand still clutched the staff. Sweat beaded across my brow, but I wasn’t ready to give in. I could do better. As we practiced, a crowd grew, and I noticed Liam was watching from the side. Devin was grinning ear to ear while Liam’s deep frown showed his disapproval.
Did Liam think I was worthless?
All of a sudden, the need to prove myself became great. I no longer wanted to defend. I wanted to attack. I screamed and raised the staff, swinging it around my head, and attacked Devin. His eyes glinted with mirth as he easily blocked each of my attacks and toyed with me. He became a little carried away and quickened his steps, attack and feint faster, keeping me on my toes. I barely blocked his side hit.
I faltered and became distracted by Liam’s intense gaze. The staff felt heavy in my hands, and I struggled to raise it. I was tired, and slowing down.
The staff dropped from my fingers and I looked up as Devin’s strike came toward my face.
“Aura!” Hayes yelled in warning.
A golden blur appeared in front of me as Liam pushed me out of the way. I heard his grunt of pain as he took the full force of the hit.
“I’m so sorry, Commander!” Devin cried out, dropping the weapon.
Liam’s eyes were closed, his lips pinched into a thin line of pain. He looked up at me, and I saw the hint of a smile as he turned and picked up my dropped staff.
“My turn,” Liam challenged.
Devin retreated as Liam bore down on him. Devin signaled to Berk, who tossed him two short swords. He crossed the swords in front of his body, accepting the challenge from his leader.
“This is going to be good,” Hayes said.
“Liam is at a disadvantage,” I commented. “A staff against two swords.”
“Don’t let the choice of weapons fool you. It’s Devin you should be worried for. He almost injured you, and Liam is going to make sure he pays. He’s making a statement.”
Devin charged, the swords spinning in a deadly dance. Liam towered over Devin, and with deft movements, he easily sidestepped and blocked, twisting the staff, and pinning Devin’s left arm. With a twist, he disarmed him and tossed the sword into the ground.
“What statement?” I asked.
“That no one hurts you, or they answer to him.” Hayes gestured with his chin to Liam.
“It was an accident. If I were a man, this wouldn’t be an issue.”
“If you were a man,” Hayes warned, “it would be Liam beating you senseless for dropping your weapon. But you’re not, so count your blessings.”
“That’s not fair,” I exclaimed, and watched as Liam made quick work of Devin. He jabbed him in the chest, swung the staff, knocking his knees out from behind, and then brought the end up to Devin’s throat.
“I yield.” Devin swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing against the pressure of the staff. His hands up in the air.
A roar of approval and taunts came from the surrounding troops. Liam didn’t back down, and for a moment, I thought he would strike his friend. His eyes were wild, his nostrils were flared with anger, yet he didn’t even seem out of breath.
Liam nodded and held out his hand to help Devin up. He pulled the man close and whispered something into his ear. Devin’s face paled, and he looked over at me with fear in his eyes. I wanted to know what he was thinking and hearing.
It was my turn to frown with displeasure.
“Why the long face?” Hayes asked. “I would think most women would love the thought of a man fighting for their honor.”
My face flushed. “I’m not most women. And I wouldn’t call that fighting for my honor. He beat him within seconds.”
“Would you rather he dragged it out and completely humiliated him? Which he’s done in the past.”
“No. I wished he wouldn’t have interfered at all. It makes me seem weak.”
Hayes snorted. “Believe me, you have enough weapons at your disposal that you are quite dangerous.”
“What weapons?”
Hayes rubbed his palm over his face and groaned. “It’s sad that you even have to ask. Just shows that you don’t know how to use any of them, which makes you even more innocent.” He looked up and grinned.
Devin limped over, a bruise forming on his cheek, a wide smile on his face. “That was fun. I almost had him.”
“No, you didn’t,” Hayes called out.
Devin shrugged. “Come on, your lesson isn’t even over yet.”
“It’s not?” I asked.
“Commander’s rule
. We don’t stop training until you can no longer walk, or until you pass out from exhaustion.”
“I’m going to regret this.” I sighed.
Chapter Sixteen
Devin and Hayes spent every break over the next two days training me in combat. They were both right about working me over until I could no longer walk, and I passed out from exhaustion each night. I’d stretched and worked muscles I didn’t even know I had, and I felt empowered because of their encouragement.
Liam didn’t interfere in my training again. In fact, he was always occupied, even when I wanted to show him I was improving in my skill. He became distant. Cold, even.
Then Liam announced we would stop in Briarwood, the last town, before we would reach the blight. That knowledge made me nervous and on edge.
Devin described Briarwood as a sleepy city compared to the bustling city of Thressia. Slow in pace and atmosphere. The shops were older with thatched roofs, and wooden shingles advertised the alchemy shops, local hedge witches, and even an acupuncturist.
We slowed as we navigated the narrow streets, falling in line, one behind the other, like a string threading its way through a needle. We poked and prodded our way toward our destination. Fae and human alike crowded the streets as they prepared to flee the oncoming darkness. I could feel the underlying fear that coated the air.
As we rode down the main road, I saw wagon after wagon being loaded with furniture and crates. Many of the people that had the means were leaving, trying to outrun the blight that was bearing down on their home.
City guards rode their horses up and down the street, trying to intimidate the townspeople into staying instead of running away. My heart lurched as a father loaded up his children into a cart and pulled them by hand toward the city gate.
One guard blocked his way, and the youngest child cried out in fear. Her tears left a white trail down her soot-stained face.
“Move out of the way,” the man yelled at the guard.
“The king needs you to stay and defend the city,” the guard ordered.
