You'll Grow Out of It

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You'll Grow Out of It Page 22

by Jessi Klein


  To the staff of One Girl Cookie in Dumbo, Brooklyn, where a large portion of this book was written: Thank you for letting me sit for hours with my laptop in your establishment and for not saying anything about the fact that I was ordering wine and cake at two in the afternoon.

  Thank you to my brother and sister for being Kleins with me and for putting up with a sibling who writes.

  Michael: Thank you for being the best and happiest story of my life, and for reminding me, always always always, that more heart is the way to go.

  And to the Roo: Thank you for being the sweetest, greatest Roo in the whole world.

  Lastly:

  My parents spent countless hours teaching me to read and write. My mother was an English teacher who patiently taught me where to put my periods and commas, and my father, who loves books more than anyone I know, taught me from an early age that books are precious and should be handled gently, “like butterflies.”

  This butterfly exists because of, and for, them.

  About the Author

  Jessi Klein is the Emmy- and Peabody Award–winning head writer and an executive producer of Comedy Central’s critically acclaimed series Inside Amy Schumer. She’s also written for Amazon’s Transparent as well as Saturday Night Live. She has been featured on the popular storytelling series The Moth, and has been a regular panelist on NPR’s Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me! She’s been published in Esquire and Cosmopolitan, and has had her own half-hour Comedy Central stand-up special.

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  Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Welcome

  Dedication

  Tom Man

  The Bath

  Walking Through the Cloud

  Dale

  How to Get Older

  All the Cakes

  Bar Method and the Secrets of Beautiful Women

  Poodle vs. Wolf

  The Cad

  Anthropologie

  Types

  The Bachelor

  Connie

  Carole King and the Saddest To-Do List Ever

  The Lingerie Dilemma

  How to Get Engaged

  The Wedding Dress

  Long Day’s Journey into Porn

  Leap of Faith

  Ma’am

  How I Became a Comedian

  Dogshit

  Get the Epidural

  The Infertility Chapters

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  Newsletter

  Copyright

  Certain names and identifying characteristics have been changed.

  Copyright © 2016 by Jessi Klein

  Cover design by Jay Shaw

  Cover copyright © 2016 by Hachette Book Group, Inc.

  Hachette Book Group supports the right to free expression and the value of copyright. The purpose of copyright is to encourage writers and artists to produce the creative works that enrich our culture.

  The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book without permission is a theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like permission to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), please contact [email protected]. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.

  Grand Central Publishing

  Hachette Book Group

  1290 Avenue of the Americas

  New York, NY 10104

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  twitter.com/grandcentralpub

  First Edition: July 2016

  Grand Central Publishing is a division of Hachette Book Group, Inc.

  The Grand Central Publishing name and logo is a trademark of Hachette Book Group, Inc.

  The publisher is not responsible for websites (or their content) that are not owned by the publisher.

  The Hachette Speakers Bureau provides a wide range of authors for speaking events. To find out more, go to www.hachettespeakersbureau.com or call (866) 376-6591.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Names: Klein, Jessi, 1975-

  Title: You'll grow out of it / Jessi Klein.

  Description: First edition. | New York : Grand Central Publishing, 2016.

  Identifiers: LCCN 2016009270| ISBN 9781455531189 (hardback) | ISBN

  9781478936619 (audio cd) | ISBN 9781478983798 (audio download) | ISBN

  9781455531196 (ebook)

  Subjects: LCSH: Klein, Jessi, 1975- | Women comedians--United

  States--Biography. | BISAC: BIOGRAPHY & AUTOBIOGRAPHY / Entertainment &

  Performing Arts. | BIOGRAPHY & AUTOBIOGRAPHY / Women. | HUMOR / Form /

  Essays.

  Classification: LCC PN2287.K6725 A3 2016 | DDC 792.702/8092 [B] --dc23 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2016009270

  ISBNs: 978-1-4555-3118-9 (hardcover), 978-1-4555-6856-7 (int’l), 978-1-4555-3119-6 (ebook)

  E3 20160506-DA-PC

 

 

 


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