“OK, but what about me?”
I was confused. He lifted the empty bottle and I actually laughed.
He pushed a plate across the look through.
“Sandwich?” Again in a whisper.
We ate our BLTs in relative silence until I began asking questions and he filled me in on what happened earlier. I figured he wouldn’t say much unless he knew I was ready, and I wasn’t really sure I was, but since he was beyond kind enough to be here taking care of me I could at least try.“So I‘ve been asleep for the last eight hours?”
It was about 2:00 pm when I started drinking. Now it was after 11:00 pm.
“Yes ma’am. A deep, deep, sleep. I had to put my finger under your nose to check if you were breathing when I first came in.”
I blushed with embarrassment. “Shut up! No, you did not have to check my breathing.”
He shook his head. “Oh hell yeah I did! You had such a tight grip on the bottle… you know how rigor mortise sets in and…”
I couldn’t believe him. “Oh God! OK, enough. I passed out in the privacy of my own home and you invaded it, so you don’t get to make fun of me!”
He smiled at my outburst. “Well, I just wanted to make you laugh and I did so I should get a 'job well done'.”
I smiled sheepishly. “Thank you.”
I prayed that I wouldn’t cry again, but it didn’t seem that I had any tears left.
After we ate I headed back to the couch and snuggled under my blanket and John lounged on the chaise across from me staring up at the ceiling. I was actually feeling a little bit better, but guilty that I had dragged John into my wallowing.
“You don’t have to stay you know. I think I’m out of the woods as far as dying from drunkenness goes.”
He glanced at me and rolled his eyes. “Do you want me to leave?”
The directness of his question caught me off guard. “No.” I was grateful for his company.
“Do you feel like talking?” He asked.
I thought about it. “Yes.”
He got up and moved to the opposite end of the U shaped sectional.
“So my ex fiancé and my ex best friend are dating each other.” I began.
He just nodded and I figured that Jackie had filled him in on the details.
“I’m not jealous, because I had come to terms with the fact that he didn’t make me happy, and that I probably didn’t make him happy, but we were together for 6 years. I’ve been friends with Colleen for 9 years. So at what point did those years become null and void?”
My words hung in the silence until he mustered a reply.
“Today. For you, today because until today he was your possible future husband and she was still your best friend. If you think about it they were the ones that cheated themselves out of any time they took away from the amazing friend or fiancé that you were. Let’s just say they started this a year ago. You have that year and they don’t. I know it may not make sense but you never had the guilt that they carried around for however long.”
I kind of understood his point. I still felt sick to my stomach at the thought of it. Had I really been that blind to think that either one of them had ever really loved me? In my entire life they were the only people that I let get close and they both betrayed me.
“My mother abandoned me when I was 3 years old. She left me and my baby brother to be closer to my father who lived in another country. Just like that. She tucked me in one night and I never saw her again. My grandmother, God bless her, she didn’t know what to do with a stubborn little girl and a baby. Colleen was the first person that chose to love me.”
OK and the tears came back. John came and sat next to me.
“Jade, you are a strong woman. Your mother was weak. Your friend is weak. Weak or, strong we all make mistakes, but you will never understand their motivations because it takes much more to move you. Maybe that’s why Colleen was so special to you.” He didn’t finish but I understood what he was getting at.
He stroked my hair as he continued. “You left them both for a reason and now you are here and look how different things are. You have me, your aunt, Jackie, and even the Dark Knight.” I snorted in laughter.
We talked for a while longer and then John began to doze. He had been up early, hit the gym and got some work done before we even met for lunch so he was wiped out. I covered him with my blanket and headed upstairs. I took a long hot shower and crawled into my bed. This is when my other torment happens. I know Julian leaving contributed to my breakdown today but I couldn’t tell that to John. So now I prayed for sleep before my thoughts were flooded with his green eyes.
I woke up drenched in sweat. My heart raced as I looked frantically at my surroundings.
It was just a dream.
I lay back trying to erase the visions that had just haunted my sleep. I was with Julian and we were trapped. I couldn’t tell where we were, but then I couldn’t see him anymore. I could only hear him scream in agony. A knot threatened to form in my stomach as I wondered if he was OK.
“Jade?”
I jumped back up at the sound of a male voice, and then I remembered that John was still here.
“Are you OK? I heard you scream.” His voice was soft, but filled with concern.
“I am now. Bad dream I guess.” I didn’t realize I had been screaming.
John walked over and took a seat at the edge of my bed and held my hands which were still trembling.
“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked as he continued to stroke my hands.
“No, it was a stupid nightmare. I just want to get back to sleep.” I couldn’t bear to relive it.
John kissed my cheek and released my hands to go. Even though I didn't want to talk, I wanted him to say. Something about him made me feel safe. I opened my covers and moved over patting the space I made for him.
“Do blackberry types like to cuddle?” I teased him to lighten the invitation into my bed.
He flashed me a huge grin as he crawled into his spot pulling me close to him.
“In fact, it’s one of our favorite past-times.”
I sighed as I snuggled into his embrace, enjoying the feel of his arms around me.
Even though I wasn’t really in the mood, I met Jackie for our weekend lunch. Aunt V was away on travel since Tuesday so she wouldn’t be joining us. There are no words to explain the look on Jackie’s face when I told her about the day that I had 24 hours prior. She was livid about the Colleen and Evan situation but when I gave her John’s perspective she totally got it.
“Wow, so he sat there with you on the floor? Held you and tucked you in when you passed out, then cooked food for you to eat when you woke up, and then sat there and counseled your ass through your crisis?”
I knew where this was going.
“Yeah, he did all of that.” I confirmed.
She poked her lips out in an effort to minimize the smile that was washing over her face.
“Then, he spooned you to sleep after your nightmare? And, he did all of this without once touching you or trying to make a move?”
She was really dragging this one out.
“Yes, my virtue was still intact when he left to go home.” I joked.
She chuckled at that.
“He. Is. In. Love! He is your White Knight, no pun intended. Julian is the Dark Knight that swoops in and throws you over his horse and after the dust settles you realize he's a prince, but John is the White Knight, always a gentleman and ever ready and willing to be at your service. Oh Lawd. I don’t envy you at all right now...”
I rolled my eyes.
“No Jacks. He. Is. A. Good. Guy. Like me? Maybe. In love? I think you’re reaching.”
She rolled her eyes right back at me.
“You must really enjoy the view from up there because it must be good for you to keep missing what’s going on down here. You can’t be that far removed from your own shit that you can’t smell it Jade.”
“Excuse me?”
; My chest clenched with that last statement and I put my Armani sunglasses back on so she wouldn’t see me staring at her. She went on.
“Oh, Honey! I’m sorry. You know I understand your pain, but you’re at a point where you can’t hide out anymore and you’re dealing with not one, but two men who won’t let you. Evan my ass, you’re dealing with some real men now.”
She sipped her drink as if she desperately needed it.
“Hide out? I’ve never had to deal with so much at one time. Have you? Julian blazed into my life and disappeared even faster, Evan has moved on uncreatively with my best friend, and John is almost too good to be true. Am I supposed to ignore the last ten years of my life just because two men are now interested in me? How would you feel if I slept with your ex?” I retorted.
“OK, so I’m not trying to downplay what you’re feeling. I’m just trying to focus on the positive things that are happening because you can’t change the past. Evan is the past. Even back then you didn’t really want him or else you wouldn’t have left.” She explained.
“Well, you’re right but I’m used to dealing with things on my own timeline. But every time I turn around there is someone in my face!” I glared at her in mock annoyance.
She laughed at me and shrugged her shoulders.
“Well, that’s what people do when they care about you. They make sure your OK. Sue us!”
“Damn this overcrowded city! I can’t get any freakin space!” I joked.
Jackie shook her head and tilted it to the side. “Don’t blame the city, blame your kitty!”
She caught me off guard and my virgin strawberry-colada went flying out my nose. “Jackie!”
She laughed at my reaction. “Meow!!”
Work brought a much welcomed distraction from the drama that was my personal life. I looked forward to my days in the office and with each week that passed I became more certain that this was the real deal. The other Jr. Agents threw a surprise breakfast to celebrate the success of my first event. The Anglers sent me a bouquet of flowers in appreciation of already booking 3 jobs and a steady gig at VI, and Hector Delgado sent me an email to thank me again for my vision and invited me down to Peru to work on something there.
Interesting.
After breakfast I began pulling my files to review the previous history of each client. It was awesome that Aunt V was able to give me a head start, but I wanted to make sure all my bases where covered. Something didn’t seem right about the huge commission check I had received. I had Donna pull records of anything in the files that didn’t make sense at a glance.
I spoke with John almost daily and it seemed like he and Jackie were tag teaming me to keep my spirits up. If we weren’t grabbing a bite to eat, we were at the movies, or bowling, or out dancing. If they had a plan it was working, because I was having a blast.
He was also helping me go over my client contracts. As I suspected there were a few areas for concern with the commission structure, but he was looking further into things to insure that there weren’t any serious implications.
Great...
I didn’t really feel as awful as I would have expected considering the fact that I still hadn’t heard from either Evan or Colleen. I know that they must have seen Andrew that night at Mangos. I also hadn’t heard from Julian which was weighing on me more than I wanted to admit.
14 WHO AM I
Central Park was streaming with people clamoring to enjoy an unseasonably cool Sunday in July and it was just like I imagined. There where people sunbathing; playing with their pets; jogging; rollerblading, and just strolling along like I was at the moment as I headed to meet John. I was in awe of how green and lush the landscape was compared to the cement and brick metropolis that surrounded it.
Once John found out that I hadn’t checked it off my 'things to do in NY list', he insisted that we come here this weekend. I spotted him walking towards me looking like a college student, down to the backpack he sported. His golden hued hair was longer than usual, and was lightly wind tousled and he sported his signature sleeveless tee this time in white with red shorts and a pair of throwback Jordan’s.
Jordan’s?
He smiled at me and I could only imagine I didn’t look much different with my hair pulled back into a high bun, a snug white wife beater and coral colored shorts that stopped mid thigh and all white old school Adidas. We walked into an easy hug having spent so much time together lately that we were more than familiar. I pointed to his sneakers
“Nice kicks!” I joked.
He glanced down quizzically at his choice in footwear. “What? Are you kidding? These are classic!”
I just shook my head as we linked arms and set off to stake our claim to a blanket sized plot on the big lawn. We settled on a spot that was relatively less crowded and I watched as he set up the blanket, two pillows, a large thermos, hummus, crackers and chips with onion dip.
“Wow, you are really prepared! I’m impressed. What’s in the thermos?”
He shot me a sly grin and handed it over for my inspection, watching as I opened it sniffed and tasted the mystery drink.
“Yum, is this Riesling?” I took another sip.
“Very good Ms. Spencer. You’re a lush after my own heart.”He teased.
I threw the top of the canister at him.
We spent the afternoon relaxing together. Sunbathing with a good book is a very much underrated experience. Well, partial sun because it had grown considerably overcast as we enjoyed our picnic, which was probably what contributed to the cooler weather. I reclined back on a pillow slightly perpendicular to John while using his torso as a foot rest. My oversized Channel shades concealed the fact that I had stopped reading the hilarious Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter, and was watching him instead. He was intently covering each page of an old National Geographic edition.
Nerd!
A very handsome nerd though, and I could watch him all day. It was so cute the way his eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed slightly as he read. I found myself wondering how his lips tasted. Just then he looked at me and I pretended to be just looking up from my book and he shot me a wink.
Could he tell I was staring at him?
I flashed him a smile.
So what if I was looking?
Especially since I caught him studying me when he thought I wasn’t looking. Often.
After a while he closed and pulled his aviators down.
“So how’s your book?” He asked as he grabbed one of my bare feet and began to knead and rub.
Ah that feels good!
“It’s really not bad. I was skeptical when Donna told me that she was reading it, but it is funny and holds your interest.” I raved.
He continued to massage my thankfully pedicured foot.
“I don’t know, but I’m having a hard time picturing our sixteenth president hunting and killing vampires in his spare time. Vampires?” He shook his head with speculation.
I laughed in agreement.
“I know! I did too, but I’m telling you it’s crazy because it’s mostly a true story so it almost makes you want to believe the parts that are farfetched.”
He didn’t seem swayed.
“Well, how about I just take your word for it because I don’t plan to read it.” I pulled my foot away and waved my other foot at him for attention.
“Or, how about I read it to you?” I suggested.
John cocked his head to the side as he tugged my foot lightly pulling me of my pillow.
“I think I like that. That’s a creative compromise Ms. Spencer.”
I giggled as I repositioned myself on my pillow and began reading to him about Abe Lincoln meeting Edgar Allen Poe in New Orleans.
Just as I finished the chapter I was reading a splatter of water hit my book.
I knew it smelled like rain.
I looked at John who was wiping a drop from his nose and then we both scrambled to pack up our garden party.
The downpour hit just as we were scurrying out of the
park. John grabbed my hand and I followed him as he ran a few blocks west of the park to his building.
“You can wait it out with me until it clears up.” He offered.
I nodded in silent agreement at his suggestion. I was soaked and my bun came loose somewhere between the pouring rain and the running. His building was older but it was very well maintained. We took the large ornate wooden stairs up to his second floor apartment and I leaned up against him involuntarily for warmth at the air conditioned hallway. He opened his door and pulled me into the apartment with him. I wrapped my arms around myself as he put down his back pack.
“Let’s get you warmed up. OK?” He rubbed my arms before he disappeared down a hallway, I assumed to his bedroom.
I loved his place. It had a totally dark wood, Sherlock Holmes without the clutter feel to it. There was a large bay window in the living room that was surrounded by floor to ceiling bookcases on either side. His sectional was light brown micro suede that went perfectly with the tone of his wooden floors. I walked over to one of the bookcases to marvel at his book collection but a glass door at the bottom caught my attention. It housed a record player accompanied by a rather large record collection. Elton John, The Beetles, Neil Diamond, Michael Jackson, Dionne Warwick and Burt Baccarat, Led Zeppelin, Motown Greats, The Big Chill Soundtrack. There had to have been well over 100 records. I kept flipping through and stopped when I spotted the Isley Brothers.
Yes!
I turned on the sound system and gently dropped the needle on the groove for the first track.
“You find something you like?” I heard John shuffle back into the room while I was loading the album, and turned around to face him with glee as the soulful ballad filled the room.
He stood there shirtless, his wet hair disheveled and holding a big T-shirt and towel for me. I was captivated by the definition of his body. He wasn't bulky, but chiseled. Every muscle was defined, even the hard lines that led to his hips stood out. He didn’t have a six pack, he had a ten pack.
The look in his hazel eyes was unmistakable as he looked me up and down and I realized what I must look like. My hair hanging in wet spirals around my T-shirt that was soaked, and plastered to my body revealing my black lace bra, and all of my curves. I flushed red hot even more aware that I was now aroused so my nipples were probably peaking thru my top. I stood wordlessly as he walked over to me holding up the accessories to get me dry.
Jaded Hearts (The Jaded Hearts Club) Page 10
