He played with the ruffles of my chiffon top as he listened to my explanation.
“Baby, your place is always visitor ready and you haven’t been home in days, so what could you possibly need to do?”
I leaned against him with a sigh.
“For starters I want to put fresh fabric softener smelling linens on his bed, and I have to put groceries in the refrigerator so he can actually eat while he is here.” There was a slight pause as he nuzzled my neck seemingly lost in my scent. I could feel the small shivers slicing through me.
“OK, so how about I meet you after work and help you. I don’t know why you feel the need to do everything by yourself. Unless you need some space ... then just tell me that.” I flicked his nose at that suggestion and he flinched.
“If I wanted my space I would tell you that. I’m just used to doing things alone that’s all. I would love your company as I do my chores.”
A victory smile spread across his face.
“Good. Now watch yourself, I don’t like being abused!” I flicked him again and he grabbed my hand before I could do it again.
“Puhleez, you know you like it!”
He kissed my hand. “Oh yeah baby, abuse me!”
I just shook my head.
Freak!
The rest of the day flew by and before I knew it my phone was buzzing with a text from John saying his car would be here in ten minutes. I grabbed all print outs for the BBQ and checked in with Donna before I left. I bumped into Roland, another Jr. Agent who had been with Emerge about a year longer than I had. He had gotten his invitation to the party and wanted to know if he could bring his daughter. He and his wife didn’t get out much and he didn’t have a sitter lined up. Aww. I assured him it was a family event and to feel free to bring them both. Apparently the BBQ was the buzz of the office and no one wanted to miss it. Kewl!
16 SECRET ADMIRER
The car ride to my house took longer than my usual train ride because traffic in the city sucked until about 9:00 pm. I felt like a visitor to my own place, since I truly hadn’t been home since Sunday. John was engaged on a call with a client who was on the West coast and needed some documents reviewed and faxed back by COB. He, of course, had every portable office gadget known to man in his brief case so this was no sweat off his back.
I waved at Manny, as we walked in the building, who noticed the quizzical look on my face and he informed me that he had to fill in for Donovan the last couple of days.
I hope everything is OK.
When the elevator doors opened I was immediately aware that something was amiss in my hallway. There was a large box leaning up against my apartment door. I looked up at John who was still on the phone. He was eying the package and was now regarding my reaction. I wasn’t expecting anything and the pit of my stomach started churning at the thought of who this was from. Usually packages where picked up from the doormen. I was struggling to fight a feeling of dread for this moment that I knew was coming.
After I settled into the apartment and put my bags down I went to open the box. It was a large vase with a dozen long stem lavender and pink roses. My heart stood still since it couldn’t sink and soar at the same time. There was no note, but I knew who they were from. I put them on the counter and went to the fridge to grab a water bottle silently offering one to John who was wrapping up his phone call. He headed towards me accepting the water and eying me expectantly.
“Sooo, who is your admirer? That is one heck of an arrangement.”
He was so hard to read sometimes, but common sense told me there was some jealousy and concern to be dealt with here.
“I would love to tell you, but there wasn’t a note.” I gulped my water hoping the chill would help cool my internal stirrings.
“No note? Well, shouldn’t it have been left with the doorman?”
No amount of water was going to help me.
“Um. Yes, packages are usually left with the doorman.”
There was an awkward silence as he pulled away from me and loosened his tie.
I watched really in suspense, because I didn’t know how he would react. I didn’t want to lie but I knew my evasive answers weren’t going to cut it either. He picked up the box examining the exterior.
“Well there is no label, no note, and it wasn’t left with the doorman which is usual protocol. Pink roses mean happiness or romance, and lavender roses mean adoration or love at first sight. So, Jade, either you have a stalker or you are not telling me something.”
He put the box back down and walked over to the chaise, lying back with his hands supporting the back of his head.
Grow a pair and have this conversation already!
I followed him over to the couch.
“I think it’s the Dark Knight.”
There I said it.
I didn’t do anything wrong and needed to stop acting like I did. He nodded in satisfaction that his hunch was correct and that I told the truth.
“Are you still seeing him?” There was no expression in his tone.
“Really? When would I be doing that? I haven’t seen him since the last time you saw him so this is equally weird to me. As far as I knew he was out of the country so…” I replied.
He didn’t ask any more questions so I walked back to the kitchen to unpack my groceries so that I could get started on dinner and my light house work. My thoughts raced as I wondered if Julian was really back. I felt the stirrings of panic at the thought of one of his emotional confrontations.
Would I be strong enough to resist?
As I was putting my eggs and bacon into the fridge, John came up pushing the door closed from behind, pinning me up against it. Lost in my own thoughts I jumped at his sudden presence behind me. I didn’t even hear him approach me. I could feel the intensity of his emotions and it made me tremble as he played with the loose tendrils of my up do.
“Jade, I asked you if he was your guy and you said he wasn’t. If there is something more going on please tell me. I hate finding things out,” he finally responded.
I shuddered from both the soft touch of his fingers as they lightly caressed my neck and the strange darkness that lined his words.
“John, there is nothing going on that I am hiding from you. I met him before you and he was interested in me. Very interested but for some reason unexplained to me he had to go away for business and I haven’t seen him since nor have I heard from him.”
My voice sounded like a small child. I turned around to face him not being able to stand the torture of being cornered anymore. He placed his other hand on the fridge trapping me in his prison. We stared at each other wordlessly, me because I didn’t know what I should say and him because he wasn’t sure what he could say. He had to trust my words and any further questioning would indicate a lack thereof. He also had to know that I couldn’t stop another man from wanting me.
I anchored my hands onto the side of his navy blue dress shirt wanting desperately to break the silent impasse between us. It was almost as if he didn’t want to take off the armor that he just put up but I didn’t want him to slip away from me.
“John? I love you.”
He leaned down pressing his forehead against mine. His body trembled and I knew he had to be afraid because I was too. Even if it was for different reasons.
I turned my face up to his in an offer, leaving it up to him to decide how far he wanted to go, and rubbing my cheek against his. His eyes were closed tightly as he slowly let his lips find mine. We both whimpered with the need to make things right between us and he began to kiss me hungrily. I curled my arms around his neck grabbing onto the hair that barely grazed it. His breathing heightened as his kiss became more aggressive and his hands grasped at me as if they couldn’t decide where to touch first. I felt so fragile as if I could shatter at any moment.
Surprisingly John began to pull at my clothing tugging my shirt out of my high waisted skirt and sliding his hands underneath so that he could roam across my bare skin, his thumb he
avily massaging my diamond hard nipples. I sagged against the stainless steel door trying to undo his clothing but he just grabbed both my hands pushing them back down to my sides. I whimpered against his lips as I was suspended in anticipation of his actions. His kiss was so demanding and overwhelming that I had to turn away at times to catch my breath.
Oh God!
He pushed my shirt up over my thin pushup bra and began to suck first one then the other nipple out of their padded housing.
“Please John!” I panted my pleas on deaf ears.
“Shh.” was his only response.
I alternately arched and sagged away from him. I could hear his harsh ragged breathing as he continued his silent onslaught. He kissed and nipped at me, and when he couldn’t reach where he wanted he pulled the crease of my top ruffle and ripped my shirt open. I gasped in shock as I heard the buttons of my top falling on the floor around my feet. He covered my half-hearted attempt at a protest with his ravaging kiss.
His militant hand found the zipper of my skirt pulling it down to reveal my pale green panties and garter which he pulled to let snap against my skin. My leg was pulled up around his waist so that he could grind against me. Again I had to turn away from his kiss and his heavy breathing against my neck made me convulse against him.
I could hear his hand fumbling with his belt and then I could feel his erection pressed against my thigh. He turned my face back to his rubbing his thumb against my cheek and then my bottom lip almost forcefully but never hurting me. I whined with frustration and desire. The tip of his erection was playing dangerously with my moisture ridden slit. I tilted my hips towards him instinctively wanting more. He slowly pushed in a little and I moaned in agony of needing more. His body shook and convulsed at his own need to find release. He grabbed my other leg and wrapped them both around him and eased all the way into me.
I refused to make any loud noises and instead took deep breaths. It was my revolt at him taking away all my power. He thrust into me with calculated pumps and with every stroke I had to fight a scream, but that’s what he wanted so each thrust became more calculated and each scream came closer to my lips until he began to ride me mercilessly. I couldn’t hold it.
A savage moan escaped my throat against his lips and he took it greedily not letting up until I exploded around him, my walls clenching wildly. He shuddered again but slowed his pace as he savored my orgasm, holding my limp body against his, and lowering me to the ground. I was lost.
Again he began his calculated thrusting and I couldn’t help my cries that met each one. I could feel a button under my back but didn’t care. This time I knew was for him as he grabbed my fleshy behind and pulled me against him. I grabbed hold of his golden locks as his body begged mine for possession. The shaking of my legs showed my undoing and my arms fell away as I lost all sense of space and time. He took me to another place and I rode each wave there.
As usual, John took care of me, carrying me up to my bathroom, and bathing me in a warm shower. The streams of water hitting my skin felt so good against my still sensitive orgasm ravaged skin. I moaned in delight. He grabbed my body wash and gently massaged the thick gel into soapy suds all over my body.
“You are so beautiful baby. I love you so much.”
He whispered against the skin of my back as he soaped my breast and stomach from behind. I was glad he couldn’t see my face and used the stream of water to hide my overwhelmed emotional tears. Just thinking of Julian made me feel like I was betraying John. I loved him and needed him too and at that moment I hated Julian for cutting in again.
I was too exhausted to cook so John whipped up a huge Caesar salad. I did my laundry and set up the guest bed while he used my desk to finish up his work for the day and fax the required documentation to the West coast. I let him finish up my other chores while I sprawled across my bed.
Why did I feel this way?
And how could twelve fucking flowers turn two people into stark raving fools? I knew what happened in the kitchen, while it felt great, it was not John. He thrived on control not reckless abandon. If I told him to have his way with me that was one thing, but for him to have his way without permission wasn’t his style. Knowing that made me feel sad that he felt whatever caused him to go there. At that thought he came to bed and pulled me against him holding me. I guess my silence wasn’t hiding anything.
“You OK baby?” He kissed the back of my neck and relaxed against his own pillow. I pulled his arms around me curling into his embrace.
“Yes and no.” This was true because I didn’t know how to feel.
“What’s wrong?” The question was more of a pointed statement.
“I know that wasn’t you. Does that make sense?” I asked.
He locked his hand into mine.
“Your right, but in a way it is. I like things neat and tidy because if I don’t have those lines I can be wild. Really wild. There’s nothing neat and tidy about how I feel about you. I would do anything for you. You always give yourself willingly; I just wanted to feel how bad you needed me. See if you would tell me to stop,” He explained.
I was beginning to think I drove men crazy. I let him talk because there wasn’t really any way for me to respond.
“I couldn’t get the way you looked when you danced with him at the party out of my head for a while. I know what we have now is special, but when your golden face went pale tonight at the sight of those flowers it did something to me. I don’t want to lose you Jade. Just always be honest with me and we can work anything out.”
I squeezed his hand and nodded in agreement, his voice was easing me into a deep sleep.
17 CLOUD 9
I jumped up feeling like I had overslept, but it wasn’t even 6:00 am yet. I was exhausted. My body had gotten use to the minimal sleep I had been getting. John was still knocked unconscious which was unusual for him too. I guess he was just as tired as I was. Since I wasn’t pinned under him in our usual fashion I got up to check my personal emails to print out Andrew’s Itinerary before I forgot. Plus, I hadn’t checked my email in almost a week.
I waded thru all the junk emails that didn’t get caught be their designated filter in search of the one I wanted. Then I blinked my eyes in disbelief. I had an email from Evan.
Seriously? WTF was after me?
I hesitated to open it, but if nothing more than conversation for Donna and Jackie I read it.
7:42 pm. August 28th 2011Jade,
I’ve been meaning to call you but I know any conversation we have right now would derail me from what I want to say to you. I know I screwed up. I am screwed up and I want to apologize to you. I’m coming to New York soon probably in the next week or so. I will let you know the dates. I hope you would be willing to give me the chance to see you.
Love always,
E
I could feel the heat steaming from the back of my head. How dare he!
Love always?
I was incensed at how selfish people could be. I contemplated a response:
6:10 am. August 30th 2011
Dear Evan,
Bitch Please! Go fuck yourself. Jade Spencer.
Or maybe,
6:10 am. August 30th 2011
Dear E,
Biiiiiiiitch!
Fuck off forever, Jade
In the end I decided to ignore him. Evan fucks my friend and then asks for the 'I fucked up pass,' and this other mad man disappears but still manages to have flowers delivered to my door. I closed out of my emails and went back to cuddle with the only person who seemed to understand how I deserved to be treated.
When I woke for the second time I had a new found confidence. I was also excited that my baby bro would be here soon enough. On our way uptown John assured me that he understood my spending time with Drew and would leave me be until Saturday, but he wasn’t making any promises. I encouraged his resolve and assured him of my faith in his abilities to go a day without seeing me even though I secretly hated the idea. I loved waking up to hi
s sweet face. He didn’t like that name.
My morning seemed to drag on in my haste to leave for my early weekend. I could have worked from home today, but feared I wouldn’t have been very productive and that John would have caught wind and monopolized my few precious hours until I headed for the airport.
I left the office at 5:00 pm to meet Andrew’s 6:30 arrival. I figured I might get there early but with the traffic on the FDR and the Triborough Bridge I would probably get there just on time. John had his car service come pick me up and I had to beg him not to be in the car when it got here. Part of me knew he was just kidding and if I told him I needed space for any reason he wouldn’t stress me, but part of me wasn’t too sure.
JB: Is it Saturday yet?
Me: Aw, don’t be so dramatic
JB: :( don’t be cruel
Me: Sorry! Miss you 2 Sweet Face
JB: Doggy Style!
Me: Butt Hole!!!
JB: Hmm, let me think about that.
Me: Gasp!
JB: Bye!
If ever there where a cloud nine feeling this had to be it, and I wanted desperately to sail into the blue yonder with John, but the idea of Julian coming back shook me to my soul. I still couldn’t figure out what it was that made me so unstable. My instincts told me to run from him, my aunt told me to avoid him, but my heart exploded at the sight of him. This was as close to magic as I had ever gotten because the hold he had on me was definitely mystical.
18 SWEET-FACE
I arrived at LaGuardia airport at 6:35 pm. I had the car drop me off at baggage claim and drive back around. I walked into the crowded Delta terminal and spotted him instantly. Drew always looked like a rapper or a model. Today he was sporting a peach colored Polo Shirt with Khaki cargo shorts with the green Polo logo and green and white Lacoste loafers. His wrist donned a two-tone gold watch with a blue face, and he sported the white gold chain and cross that I bought him on his twelfth birthday.
Drew had the same light barely brown complexion as aunt V and Jackie and wore his hair low with just a slight wave at the top. Today his hazel eyes were covered by platinum reflective aviator shades. There was no mistaking he was my brother until he opened his mouth. I saw the shattered look of disappointment on a few of the young ladies who had been ogling him as they waited for their bags when he came toward me with open arms.
Jaded Hearts (The Jaded Hearts Club) Page 13
