by L. Ann Marie
I hear Brantley connect him. “We planned this out. You stay with your team. I’m not changing Ops because you made a new friend. Every position was chosen based on skill and experience. You’ll leave your team vulnerable and jeopardize the Op and Brothers. Follow your next assignment.” Fuck he’s growling like my dad. My dad is smiling happy to hear Uncle Danny slapped down I bet, I laugh.
I take a couple of breaths before I connect. “Jason will guide you to your next location LP1.”
He’s laughing. “Roger Ghost.” He was fuckin’ playing with me. I crack up. Fuckin’ Brothers.
***
Eagle Eye
Digs meets me at the entrance to the warehouse. “This is Chet; he’ll ride to the hangar with you.”
I throw him chin and watch him take position behind Danny. Rayne moved up. I wonder about the order. I thought Digs was Danny’s partner. They are all laughing. I look at Chet and shrug. The hangar is less than thirty minutes away. I go over the Op making sure nothing will be missed. As I pull in Cloud is talking to a tall man. This must be my Zack. I am glad he has his own suit and we do not have to go through that again.
Chet throws respect turning around. I throw him chin and walk to Cloud. “Your artillery and backup are set. This is Zack.” I put out my hand. “Eagle Eye. You would know him as Dakota Lightfoot,” Cloud finishes and Zack is surprised.
He looks at Cloud. “Seriously?” Cloud laughs and nods. Zack takes my hand shaking it hard. I pull it away and take a breath. He is happy and excited to meet me. I do not get why.
“Touch affects him,” Cloud tells him. He nods and smiles bigger.
“What am I flying?”
“You’re in Prince, Jared is Halo, and I’m in MC1. Jake is giving the flight crews the plan. Jamie knows you haven’t flown with a lead. You listen to Air 1, but acknowledge my order. The same as a lead in HS. If you are not clear just ask. Yeah?”
“Yes Cloud. I found Air 1 easy to adjust to and will be honored to follow your orders as lead.” He bumps my fist then Zack does. I throw chin at them walking to the hangar. I listen and watch noting the other choppers’ positions and locations. Jared is in a support role. I am relieved and ask the ancestors for strength and guidance for our mission today.
***
I set down to a cheer and smile. It has been a long day, but a very productive one. I have one day left on Ops and find myself happy it is coming to a close. There are so many Brothers to acknowledge. Getting out and getting the guns and supplies away, the Brothers all try for a slap on my back. Zack stays beside me putting his fist out so that is our new form of acknowledgement. I thank him and finish the checks. Prez tells me I am due at the Club. For the first time I am tempted to ask him for a pass, but I need to let this happen as it will.
Zack rides beside me to the Club and a cheer goes up as we walk in. I see Jessie and stand beside him. He looks tired. Sadly, this is not going to improve tonight.
“Good fuckin’ job Dakota. Your crew was awesome.”
I smile. “Yes, they were new to me, but are very good at their jobs. How was Ops today for you?”
“Perfect. Uncle Danny was fuckin’ with me, but it kept it interesting.” I nod and look around. It is packed and I want out of this crowd. Just as I am thinking of leaving Pres, Danny and Jamie come in. More Brothers show and there is no way for me to leave the bar. I talk with Geek and Digs telling them I like the new tracking, it is upgraded from what I had at Lightfoot. We turn when another cheer goes up and Prez comes in with Kevin and Driscoll. Fuck! More Brothers show and I flip behind the bar. Geek and Digs are laughing, but I need to get out of the crowd. Since I am here I help the Prospects putting beer up. Prez talks about what we did and everyone cheers some more. Since I know what we did I am not finding anything about tonight uplifting. We need to get home. Prez finds me and tells me to go. I look for Jessie, but I am not finding him. ‘We need to go Brother!’ I yell in my head to him.
“It’s been a fuck of a day Brother; why do you want to go so soon?” he’s yelling from the end of the bar.
‘We need to get home to Jessica.’
“I’ll meet you there, I’m finishing my beer. Jess is cool with all this you don’t have to run home to her,” he yells again. I walk to the opening and out the door.
When I get home I check and see her clothes are gone. I am not surprised, but saddened that it had to come to this. All this could have been avoided by giving her an indication of where we are headed. The one thing I did not want to concern her did and she is gone. I find her hurt and feeling alone. ‘I love you my sweet Jessica. We will make it right.’ She cries and I cannot see anymore.
I go to the spare room and lie down. I guess this will wait until tomorrow. I think of the Op tomorrow then training the new PD. They are better than the last class. When I do not have anything to keep my mind busy I think of Jessica and jumping. Would it work with us far away? I hear the door and Prez. I do not bother getting up. Prez leaves and it is quiet. I fall asleep thinking of our girl.
Chapter Twenty
Jessie
Where the fuck is everyone? I’m on the bed, but no one is with me. It wasn’t slept in last night, I’m on top of the comforter. I look around. Fuck! I sit up fast and hold my head then neck. Jesus! “Dakota!” I don’t hear anything. Maybe they slept in the spare room. I stand and step slowly. My fuckin’ head feels like it’s going to split open. Jess’ laptop and phone charger aren’t on the night stand.
I know it isn’t right, but I can’t think. Is she pissed because I stayed last night? I make it down the stairs and look around the spare room. Her stuff isn’t here. I check the living room then kitchen. I don’t find a note. My heart is beating fast and I don’t think it’s the hangover. Back in the room I look in the closet. Her clothes are gone. Fuck! I sit and try to think. This isn’t working so I take some Tylenol and shower. She left us. Why? I knew something was wrong. Why the hell didn’t I come home and fix it?
I know why. I’m a fuckin’ coward and was afraid she changed her mind, but didn’t want to ask her. Jesus I’m a stupid fuck. I need to see what she said to Dakota. With a little more life in me I check the time and get dressed. He’s in Ops already. He must be a mess. I stop. He knew. He knew last night and I embarrassed him. Fuck I’m such a shit. I’ll wait for him at the hangar. He should be done soon then I can get this straight and fix it. I need to call her.
I make it to the kitchen and make some coffee. While it’s dripping I call Jess. With my heart ready to beat out of my chest I hear her voice so sad and I want to beg her. “I know I fucked this up. I will fix it if you give me a chance. Can you meet us at the café at five?”
She doesn’t say anything right away and I’m more scared than I’ve ever been in my life. “Yes.” I breathe and thank her. She’s gone before I can tell her that I love her.
“Jessie LaPonte-James you are a fuckin’ idiot.” I shake my head and feel it on my neck. I’m not taking the pills and wish Dakota was here. I call Jeremy. “Where are you buddy?”
“Home.” He doesn’t say anything else.
He can’t help me from there. “Jeremy I fucked up. Can I fix this?”
“Dakota knows.” He’s gone and I want to pitch my phone through the glass door.
He knows. He knew last night. I want to be pissed at him, but what was he supposed to do? He all, but drew me a fuckin’ map. I sit and drink coffee after coffee. When I hear the choppers I get up and drive to the hangar.
I sit and watch them offload the supply boxes. The Brothers are happy and slapping each other’s backs. Cloud and Jared are happy and talking to the crew. Dakota is never touched. They fist bump him and it bothers me. He doesn’t get what everyone else does so freely. This is why he was always alone. I can’t imagine what him, Jeremy and Christian go through seeing the shit they do. He knew and I did nothing to help with that. This is why he was quiet, he knew what was going to happen and I didn’t listen. Oh fuck. The hospital. He knew in the hospita
l. Why didn’t he tell me?
I watch him do paperwork then say something to his gunner. He doesn’t ever look at me, but walks over and gets in the truck. “You couldn’t tell me so I didn’t fuck up any other lives.” He nods looking out the window. “Brother, you were right and I’m a fuckin’ idiot. Tell me what to do to make us right.”
“There is nothing for you to do, but we need to get her back.” He still won’t look at me.
“I know you’re pissed at me. You have every right to be, but I need to fix us before we see Jess.”
“This is the way it is Jessie. I will always see, but not be able to fix it. I chance someone else’s life or neither of you trusting me if I tell you. It is just the way it is. It is the way it has always been.” He’s not pissed, but alone in this. “I will always be alone in this.”
“No. You aren’t alone, Brotherhood is never alone.”
“Brotherhood does not have anything to do with this. It is great when everything is good, but through this I was alone. It will always be. Take us to go talk to Jessica. I have the ring. If she will have us we need to do it right.” Okay now he’s pissed.
I pull my phone. “Uncle Danny, I fucked up with Jess. Dakota knew and couldn’t tell me then I made it worse by getting drunk and leaving him to shoulder it all himself. We’re supposed to meet Jess in half an hour and I don’t know how to fix us before that.”
He takes a minute. “Sounds like you fucked it up Jessie. Dakota isn’t going to be able to tell you everything. It’s like Tess. She needs to keep things. We saw what happens when you change visions. Tess has known from the beginning. Dakota knows it too. I’m not sure you can fix that. What you can fix is the way you react to what he says. Dakota is smart he gets his point across without giving you the details. You need to pay attention and listen to the words he’s saying. I bet you can avoid him shouldering everything alone if you put a little more effort into your relationship. It has to be about you all together not separate, but you and Jess need to consider what he’s saying to you. He has plenty of reason not to share so take what he does and put weight to it.”
Fuck I’m an idiot. “You’re right and I can do this. Tess, Rich and Patches figured it out. You, my dad and Mom did too. I can, no strike that, I will do this. Thanks Uncle Danny.” He wishes me luck and hangs up.
I look at Dakota and wait until he finally looks at me. “Tess keeps things and they are still happy. We can do this and we can do it together Brother. Brotherhood is never alone no matter what is going on. The problem isn’t that you will always know things, it’s me and how I listen and hear what you are saying. You tried to tell me so many times. This is about the ring and Jess feeling like she matters to us isn’t it?”
“Yes.” He looks hopeful and I feel like a shit. I could have fixed this from the beginning. “Let’s go talk to Jess and bring everything to the table. We talked about everything, but how to include you and the freaky high plain shit in our relationship. I need direction and Jess can help. We do this together Dakota. There is no alone in Brotherhood and I’m not fuckin’ this up again.”
He watches me and I’m nervous until he smiles. “Brothers always. Jeremy is yelling in my head.” He laughs.
I smile and drive. “Fuckin’ kids.”
When we get to the café I’m nervous. Jess deserves more than I’ve given her and it really is me. I need to own it and fix us so we work without her having to leave to show me I’m an idiot. I just hope to fuck she takes us back. I get the cut from behind my seat and Dakota smiles. This is right. At least I hope it is. I put the cut on my chair and sit. Dakota brings three coffees over and sits watching the window. When he sees Jess he takes in a breath. She’s beautiful. Always beautiful. I stand when he does and smile as she gets closer. She’s been crying and looks sad, but she’s here.
I kiss her cheek and Dakota holds her hand. When she sits I start talking and don’t stop until I tell her all the times Dakota tried to get me to hear him and I blew it off, then the whole conversation with Uncle Danny, then Dakota.
She listens then looks at Dakota. “You asked me so many times if you could do something for me or if everything was okay and you knew?”
He looks down and I feel like shit all over again. “Yes.”
She looks at me then him again. “I’m sorry Dakota. I should have been honest and told you how I was feeling so we could have talked about it. I left you alone too. I never thought about what you see only about how I felt. I feel like a spoiled brat.”
I put my hand out to her. “I’m the idiot.” She smiles and shakes my hand. I pull her over for a kiss and she comes with a smile. “I’m sorry Jessica. I will listen better.”
She nods and stands up. I’m wondering where she’s going ready to stop her when she sits on his lap. “Will you give us another chance my beautiful Indian?” I smile, so fuckin’ relieved I want to flop on the table or jump for fuckin’ joy. I don’t know what the fuck I want to do, but I’m happy. I realize Dakota hasn’t said anything.
‘Say yes!’ I yell in my head.
“Yes,” he says then looks at me. ‘I want to give her the ring, but do not know what to say.’
I crack up and Jess watches me like I’m a lunatic. Fuck. I look down controlling myself then ask Jess to sit in her seat. “This all started because Dakota didn’t want to give you your old lady cut without you knowing what you meant to us and what our intentions were. Let’s fix that so we can get to the next.” Fuck now I’m nervous and she’s watching me expecting me to go on.
“We had your ring at the hospital. I never told Jessie about them not telling you anything or you thinking he died. It was one of my concerns with giving you a cut without the ring.” He holds her hand.
Fuck, no wonder she freaked right the fuck out. “You deserved to know you mean everything to us. Every day, every emotion, everything that is in us is yours Jess. We want you to know every day for the rest of our lives you are the center of that,” I tell her hoping she sees it.
She looks at Dakota. “We love you Jessica, you make us the us we are meant to be. Say you will marry us so we can be that for you.”
She nods and we both hug her. Oh my fuckin’ God she is ours again. Forever this time. Dakota laughs and tells her what I’m thinking. She laughs and kisses us. She shows me the ring on her finger. When the hell did he do that? He smiles at me and I laugh. She loves the ring. It is her favorite color. To me it looks like a dark Crown Royal bag, but she has a name for the dark blue-purple. Someday I’ll write it down, but that’s not today. Today I see her eyes shining for us and loving the etching on her pretty ring. She makes me smile.
I pull the cut off the back of the chair. “That one is the one that leads to legal. This one is the one that leads to our hearts. I was raised in the Brotherhood; every life lesson I have ever learned was taught to me by my Brothers. Today Uncle Danny gave me advice on how to be a better Brother to Dakota. Explaining how it should be for the most important Brother I’ll have for the rest of my life. This cut means something to me. More than a ring, paper or the leather that’s used to make it. This is our promise to you that we are all in. That means everything. We don’t get divorced, we don’t get to leave, we don’t have an out. We promise to stay all in every day and put the work in to making that good for all of us. I have some good fuckin’ role models and they taught me what all in means every day. We’d be proud for you to wear our cut Jess.” I turn it over and she sees the tiara and our names. She squeals and everyone claps. What the fuck? Everyone is here. Fuck. Dakota laughs. He knew? He nods. Jess jumps on him then me. Everyone is laughing.
My dad and Uncle Danny slap my shoulder. “That was the best explanation of all in that I’ve ever heard,” my dad says.
Jess is still on me and I’m not really into the whole Club commenting. “You think for one fuckin’ minute of my life I can be alone?”
Uncle Danny laughs. “Not a fuckin’ chance Brother. You will never have a minute with these fuckers anyw
here close.”
“You do realize you are right here with them?” Dakota asks with a straight face. The whole place erupts in laughter. He smiles at me and I crack up with Jess crying on my chest. I kiss her head. My baby angel is ours forever.
She sits on his lap while everyone in the entire fuckin’ world stops to say congratulations. VP just says, “Good job,” and walks away making us laugh. I wish they’d all do that.
Mitch, Kevin and Jamie hug all of us. I swear I could hear Kevin growling something, but I didn’t get it. Mitch drags them away and the Brothers come in. I swear someone announced it to the world. I pull them out the side door and we walk around the back. I text Darren and he picks us up. He congratulates us and tells Jess he’s happy for her. His voice sounds muffled. I look at Jess, but she’s not saying anything. He drops us at the house and we don’t turn any lights on. The fuckin’ Brothers won’t let us sleep if they know we are here.
We walk in and a candle is lit, three others light going around the room. Jess laughs and I look at Dakota. “Let’s talk about the freaky high plain shit and how that works with us. This was very cool and worked just fine.” I smile at him.
We sit looking at each other. “You have spent your life alone with everything coming at you never having anyone to take it to. I understand what changing a vision means I’m pretty sure Jess does too. She knows Aubrey and Marty.” I look at her.
She has tears. “I didn’t know they were from a changed vision. What they went through was because it was changed?” Tears are running down her face. Dakota wipes them.
“It was baby angel. For three years they lived a nightmare because a Brother that didn’t believe changed that out of spite. Aubrey is our lesson.”
“The things we do to keep our people safe, changing what could happen, only works when we see the change. Jeremy will not tell us if the change worsens what is to be. I knew you were leaving, but I saw both of you not trusting in my words and could not say. It would have ended without us being where we need to be for others,” he says looking down.
