She made some biscuits to go with the stew and promised herself she’d make more bread that afternoon. The Mounties all liked to have fresh bread every evening with their supper, and if she could do something so simple that would bring them such pleasure, why wouldn’t she? They were serving their country after all, their lives on the line on a regular basis. Of course she’d make their lives better during her short time there.
When Theodore came in for lunch, she was just setting food on the table. “Do you know where your mother is?” she asked. “I haven’t seen her since breakfast.”
He shook his head, eyeing the berries she’d picked. “Is all that for jam, or am I getting more muffins?”
Jess laughed. “You’ll get muffins and jam. I found a big patch of berries, so I’m going to go and pick a bunch more. I’m surprised no one else is picking them.”
“Where’s the patch?”
“On the other side of the lake.”
“Yeah, the men aren’t likely to wander over that way to pick them. Feel free to pick as many as you’d like. It’s public land there. I’d hurry though, or the birds might beat you to them.” He sat down at the table, reaching for a biscuit and buttering it. “Besides, I’ll take all the muffins and jam you want to make for me.”
Jess sat down with him, her hand going to his for their prayer. “I’ll do my very best to get as much stored up for you as I can before I go. I’m going to wander over to the mercantile later to get some canning supplies.”
“Now don’t go spending all your time shopping and picking berries,” he said with a grin. “We need to eat tonight, too!”
“I have never seen men eat as much as the five of you do. I don’t know how you all stay so slim!”
“We work hard, and we only eat like this when there’s good food to eat. Well, except Nolan. I swear I saw him eat a bug once. That man is never full.”
“I’ll make a few meals on Wednesday that you can all heat up over the next few nights and put them into the icebox. I want you to have meals for as long as I can provide them.” She looked down at her stew. If he wanted her to stay, surely he’d say something now. Please, please, please say something now, Teddy. I need you to ask me to stay.
“We’d all really appreciate that, Jessica. Having you here has been like a dream. A dream I never want to wake up from. You’ve brought joy to all of us, not only with your cooking, but with your ready smile and your sharp tongue. I don’t know why you have a sharp tongue, but you sure do!” Theodore wished she’d tell him she could stay. He couldn’t ask her to live a life without female companionship, but he wanted her there, at his side, for the rest of his life.
“I’ve enjoyed being here. I’ve felt really needed. It’s hard to feel needed when all you do is count out money for bank customers.” She finished her stew and put her bowl into the basin.
Theodore watched her, wondering just how lonely he was going to feel after she was gone. For days, she’d filled his every waking thought, and the very idea of her leaving physically hurt. Staying with Joel for another month was preferable to letting her get on that train on Thursday. He had to think of some way to get her to stay—even if it meant getting his mother to feign an illness. He needed more time with her than a week’s visit afforded him.
After Theodore was gone, she hurried back to the berry patch. Jess figured she could make three more trips there before she needed to start supper. If she could figure out where Miss Hazel went, she was sure she would help her, but she was missing for whatever reason.
When she returned to the house, Miss Hazel was at the table, reading again. “Where’d you go?”
Miss Hazel shrugged. “I needed to walk and think about what happens next.”
“I was wondering that myself. I guess I’m going back to my parents’ house. I wonder if I can get my job at the bank back.”
“You can’t work at that old bank again. You hated it there!” Miss Hazel shook her head adamantly.
Jess nodded, carefully picking the stems and leaves out of the buckets of berries. “I did, but I need to be doing something. There aren’t a lot of jobs for ladies.”
“No there aren’t, but I don’t want you going back to that awful bank. Maybe you could live with me. As my companion.”
“You don’t need someone living with you, Miss Hazel,” Jess said. “You are perfectly capable of living on your own.”
“I know I am, but I get lonely. I get stir-crazy. And then I come up with ridiculous ideas that involve marrying my son off to someone he hasn’t agreed to marry, and I make a mess of things. We should have just kept traveling. Would you like to finish our trip around the world?”
Jess shrugged. “Somehow it’s lost its appeal, I’m afraid.”
“You want to stay here and cook for those five men, don’t you?”
“Of course I do. I want to marry Teddy and spend the rest of my life having babies and being in love.”
Miss Hazel frowned. “Have you told him that yet?”
Jess shook her head. “No, but I did tell him that the reason I’m still unmarried is because I’ve been in love with him since I was ten years old. I would think that would be the information he would need to have to know I want to stay with him forever.”
“Maybe you need to just stay it right out. Men are dense sometimes. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart. You need to talk to him and make sure he wants you to go. It would be a horrible thing if he wanted you to stay, and you wanted to stay, and you left anyway. Why, it would be a crime against love!”
Jess couldn’t help but smile at that. “You are so dramatic sometimes, Miss Hazel.” She picked up her pails. “I’m going to pick more berries. I’d love some help if you don’t have some reading that has to be done.”
Miss Hazel got to her feet. “I always have reading that has to be done, but I’m happy to help you pick berries. When are we making the jam? Tomorrow?”
“We’ll need to. I’m going to spend Wednesday making meals to last them a few nights. I worry that poor Nolan will starve to death!”
“I’ve never in my days seen a man who can eat the way that man does. I worry that something’s wrong with him.”
Jess grinned, handing Miss Hazel the two pails she carried, and fetching two more for herself. “I think he’s fine. He just likes food.”
They chatted about the five Mounties as they walked. “I haven’t quite figured Joel out yet. He’s so serious,” Jess said.
“Elijah is the one I don’t understand. Have you heard the boy say more than three or four words at a time?”
“I have! He was teasing Theodore about me this morning. I really enjoyed the whole conversation.”
“Huh,” Miss Hazel said. “Maybe he’s one of those men who needs to get to know you before he’ll talk to you, but when he starts speaking, he never shuts up.”
Jess shrugged. “That sounds like it could be right. Kendall is still pretty quiet, but it sounds like he’s very musically inclined.” They reached the berry patch, and Jess put one of the buckets down while she started filling the other. “Theodore has promised me there would be dancing one night before I go. There are only three nights left.”
“Theodore is afraid to dance. He knows that the other men will each expect a turn with you. No one is going to want to dance with me.”
Jess smiled. “I think if they realized just how sprightly you are, they’d beg to dance with you. I’m not much of a dancer myself, but I sure do enjoy watching.”
Miss Hazel smiled. “You wouldn’t have a chance to do any watching. The men would all want a turn to spin you around the floor.”
“It’s odd there are no other women here. It’s a beautiful place, though, and I love it here.” Jess put her full bucket on the ground and picked up the empty one, continuing to pick while she talked. “I do wonder if I’d be able to keep from going mad if there were no other women around. It would be lonely.”
“You miss your friends, don’t you?”
&n
bsp; Jess nodded. “If JoAnn or Lisa were here, this place would be my very own version of paradise. A man to love, friends to spend time with, and a beautiful place to walk and explore. Plenty of work to do.”
“Only you would be looking for work to fill your paradise, Jess.” Miss Hazel frowned. “I wish I had an answer for you.”
“Me too. But the only one who can change things at all is Teddy. And he has to want to.” Jess continued picking berries, trying to keep her mind off the fact that she was leaving soon. Tomorrow the preacher would be gone, and there’d be no way they could marry.
8
When the Mounties filed in that night, Jess noted that Kendall was carrying his guitar. She smiled, happy that she’d have a chance to dance with Theodore. There was something about being held in a man’s arms as he spun her around a room that made her feel loved.
As soon as supper was over, Jess hurried to the sink, and she and Miss Hazel made short work of the dishes. As they were doing that, the men were pushing the tables up against the wall so there would be room for dancing.
Kendall sat down in a chair along one wall and tuned his guitar. Jess was surprised when he started to play. Theodore had said he was good, but she’d had no idea he could possibly be that good. Why wasn’t the man playing professionally? And when he sang, Jess felt goose bumps on her arms. He was absolutely fantastic.
Theodore waited until Jess put down her dish towel, before grabbing her hand and spinning her out onto the floor. To Jess’s amusement, Elijah bowed low in front of Miss Hazel, begging for the pleasure of her company on the dance floor.
The beat was fast and fun, and Kendall seemed to pick up the pace after a bit. For the second dance, they switched partners and Jess danced with Nolan while Miss Hazel danced with Joel.
When Kendall started a slower song, Jess found herself back in Theodore’s arms. “He’s really good,” she said, her voice filled with amazement.
“He is! He could be playing and singing professionally, but he was more interested in fighting bad guys, so he’s here. We’re glad to have him, because he’s a good Mountie, and he does a lot to keep us entertained.”
“I’m glad you have him. I can’t imagine how lonely it would be if you didn’t have someone like him around.”
Theodore nodded. “I’ll be lonelier than ever before when you get on that train to go back to Ottawa. Mother never should have put the idea of marrying in my head!”
“I’m really sorry we showed up the way we did. I feel bad for my part in it.” Jess didn’t meet his eyes, and instead watched as Elijah and Miss Hazel danced cheek to cheek, Miss Hazel’s eyes filled with mirth.
“I’ve never blamed you for what happened, Jess.” At her look of disbelief, he amended his statement. “Well, not after the first few minutes at the train station. When I had time to think about it, I knew you weren’t being deceitful. That was all my mother. I don’t think she’d ever do anything like that to anyone but me. She thought the two of you would get off the train and I’d marry you, because I would fulfill her promise. I couldn’t, though.”
Jess sighed. “I know. You haven’t done anything wrong.”
“I feel as though I have.” He struggled to find the words he needed to say—the words that would make her want to stay. “At the academy, they discourage Mounties from marrying. I always felt that if I did marry someday, it would feel like I was providing a hostage to any man who I angered in my line of work.”
“And? Is that how you feel?” she asked.
“All I can think about is how much I want to have you by my side for the rest of my life. It’s selfish of me, because I know that your life back in Ottawa is so much better than I could give you here. A life with no friends to call your own. What kind of life would that be?”
“If I was married to you, it would be wonderful. I can live without female friends, but I don’t know that I can live without you.” Her eyes met his for the first time since the conversation had started. “When I dreamed of you and the future we could have together, it was just some sort of peaceful dream where we walked along hand-in-hand and smiled at each other a lot.” She shook her head. “Since I’ve taken the time to get to know you…to really spend time with you…to be kissed by you…I know I’ll spend the rest of my life missing those things. Because now that I’ve had them, I want them forever.”
His heart sank at her words. She was rejecting him. Jess was still planning to go back to Ottawa and live out her life without him. “Would it be better if I stayed away from you for the remainder of your time here?”
A tear sprang to Jess’s eye. “No, it wouldn’t. Let me have my dream for a little bit longer. Please.”
He nodded, but he couldn’t meet her eyes again. Not when she was crying. It was all he could do not to growl in pain, like the bear she’d called him. Maybe he should quit his job and go back to Ottawa. He could be a police officer there. It wouldn’t be the same as being a Mountie, but he wasn’t sure how much that mattered. Without Jess, his life wouldn’t really feel complete.
He stared over her head as he continued to spin her around the room. None of the other men tried to cut in. They must have recognized that he simply was incapable of letting her go for now. How could he? Soon she would be off to live her life without him, and he’d be left to deal with her memory. He would see her everywhere he walked.
Jess wanted to beg him to let her stay, but if he didn’t want her, then she wasn’t going to plead. She’d find a way to be happy. She had to.
Jess cried herself to sleep that night, and was glad there was no mirror the next morning. She didn’t want to see her bloodshot eyes. She was up even earlier than usual, making muffins for the men to go with their eggs and bacon. She couldn’t sleep, so she might as well work.
While the muffins baked, she mixed the dough for bread, leaving it to rise on the work table. While she waited for the men to come, she got out a huge pot to make jam. She loved making jam for some absurd reason no one understood, including herself. There were still berries left to be picked, so if she could get all of the jam made today, perhaps she’d have time to do more tomorrow. Then she wouldn’t have to worry so much about Theodore or any of his friends having to eat the old bread that came from the mercantile.
She forced herself to think only about the work she was doing, not letting her mind flit to going home. Home. It was such an odd word. It didn’t even feel like Ottawa was still her home.
She looked around the little cabin, thinking about how it had looked when she’d arrived. The windows now sparkled, and the floor was clean enough she wouldn’t mind eating off of it.
She pushed the jam to the back of the stove a few minutes before she knew the Mounties would arrive, and tried to tell herself she was happy. Knowing she wouldn’t have to work nearly this hard back in Ottawa should thrill her, shouldn’t it?
Joel was the first of the Mounties to arrive that morning, and he quickly set the room to rights, moving the table to the middle of the floor where it had been. “Are you all right?” he asked softly.
Jess shrugged. “I’m sure I’ll be fine.” She forced a smile to her face, but it took everything she had in her to do it. It actually hurt to try to turn up the corners of her mouth. She’d always been a relatively happy person, the first one to pitch in during a crisis. This wasn’t going to change that about her.
When Theodore walked into his cabin, his eyes immediately went to Jess. She looked so sad to him. He wanted to gather her in his arms and beg her to stay, but how could he do that? She’d already told him she had no intention of staying in British Columbia.
Having grown up in the hustle and bustle of the nation’s capital as she had, he knew that the quiet of Squirrel Ridge Station would never be right for her. No, they’d made the right decision, he was sure of it.
Jess made sure she didn’t make eye contact with Theodore as she served all of the men their breakfast. When she didn’t immediately sit down to eat with them, Joel asked, “Aren�
�t you eating, Jess?”
Jess shook her head. “I have to watch the jam. Go ahead without me. I’ll get something later.” She took a wooden spoon and continually stirred the jam, though it really wasn’t necessary at all.
After they’d eaten—a particularly quiet meal—the men put their dishes into the basin so she could wash them. Theodore stopped behind her, but didn’t touch her as he usually did. “I’ll need to work through my lunch break today. Maybe you or Mom could run something over to the office?”
“Of course.” She knew she’d send his mother. He knew she’d send his mother. She was too heartbroken to do anything else.
He left for work absolutely dejected. What did you say to the girl you loved who was about to disappear from your life forever? He had to figure it out, because in two days, she’d be gone.
As Jess washed the breakfast dishes, she saw the pastor ride out of town toward the north. He was gone, and so was her hope of marrying Theodore. There was no pastor now. Their fate was sealed.
When she’d finished with the jam, she made a sandwich for Theodore’s lunch, left a note for Miss Hazel to deliver the lunch to him at noon, and she left the cabin, taking only paper and a pencil with her. She’d always enjoyed drawing, so she went to the lake and captured the sun over the water. She spent hours there, drawing whatever came to her, and at the end of the day, she felt better.
She looked through the sketches she’d made, and after the one of the lake, every single sketch was of Theodore. She flipped through them, and couldn’t help but smile. She’d captured him in every mood, but mostly she’d captured a look of love on his face.
She closed the notepad, hugging it to her. Maybe she’d give it to his mother, but more likely she’d keep them to pull out and look at. She’d drawn him in his Mountie uniform in every picture, knowing she’d always remember him that way.
It was late afternoon when she finally got up and headed back toward the cabin. She needed to get supper on the table, and she didn’t even know what she was going to cook. She didn’t know if she had it in her to cook, but she couldn’t let five men go hungry simply because she was sad. Whether she was heartbroken or not, Nolan would gnaw the back of his chair if he wasn’t fed on time.
RNWMP: Bride for Theodore (Mail Order Mounties Book 0) Page 7
