by Ashley Logan
“If I’m talking to you, I probably need a break.”
She keeps staring at me and I sigh. Getting out of my chair, I stretch my back and close my books. Heading to the kitchen, I grab a cookie from the tin and pour myself a glass of milk. Dunking the choc-chip delight, I suck the milk back out before the cookie goes completely soggy. One won’t be enough at all.
Reaching for the tin again, I listen to one of the guys telling a story in the living room.
“... So I’m naked on the bridge, calling this cop a fucking idiot. The cuffs fall off - proving my point, so I just start running. I figure I’ve got no pockets he can search for ID, so he doesn’t know who the hell I am. If I can just beat him back over the state line I’m home free!”
The group erupts into laughter. Poking my head around the corner to find out which of my roomies likes to run around starkers, I freeze.
“...So I’m running and then-” Damon sees me and stops.
“Then what?” Scarlett prompts, lowering her beer.
“Nothing. That’s the end of my completely inappropriate and therefore totally fabricated story,” he says in a rush, standing up. “Alexa?”
Bruno, Scarlett, Cooper and Ireeni turn around to stare at me, and I just stand there like some mannequin advertising milk and cookies. I can’t even move my mouth to speak.
He’s found me.
“You live here?” he asks, looking at Bruno, then back to me. “You were here? The whole time?”
Bruno looks between us, a strange expression on his face.
“Lexi is your sparkles girl?”
Delivering a swift kick to Bruno, Damon doesn’t shift his eyes from mine. He takes a step toward me and I panic. Dropping my cookies, I manage to toss the milk into the sink as I run to my room, but not before a glance over my shoulder. The sight of Damon leaping over a chair to pursue me makes the panic much more real.
Slamming my door shut, I lock it as I hear him bump into the wall outside.
“Shit. Alexa? I didn’t mean to scare you! I didn’t stalk you or anything - I’m a friend of Bruno’s. Please. Alexa.” He sounds hurt. Not physically, but as if he’s been wounded by my dash to safety.
“Is true, Lex.” Scarlett’s voice says through the door. “He’s harmless. He and Bruno have been friends for years. They were in the army together. Well not the same unit, but that’s kind of how they met. His name is Damon Shermansky and he’s quite hilarious, and pretty damn non-threatening. Lex? Are you okay?”
Now I’m really freaking out. Looking across my room, I start to shake a little.
“Shermansky?” I ask through the door.
“Shermansky,” he confirms. “Alexa?” he says, sounding in even more pain. “Do you want me to leave?”
“No!” I answer, before actually thinking. “I mean yes. Maybe?”
“Just tell me which one and I’ll do it,” he says, as if I can just order him about.
“He’s a good guy Lex,” Bruno offers.
“I know.” Wow. Do I?
At least I know he has the tick of approval from some of my closest friends. That’s got to count for something. That’s the usual safety test I use before I try to go further with a guy. Maybe I can do this. Maybe he’s perfectly reasonable and can live with all of my weird shit. I look across the room to the painting on the wall.
“I’m going to open the door,” I say as calmly as possible. “But Damon?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t freak out, okay?”
“Why would I freak... out?” he finishes as I pull the door open. Damon’s warm olive green eyes travel from me to my walls. Taking in my collection of dolls, his gaze comes to rest on the painting.
“Holy shit,” he whispers. “Is that... my painting?”
“It is,” Bruno confirms. “Lex did you buy that at the charity exhibition?”
“Yes.” My voice isn’t much more than breath. “I love him.”
Damon’s eyes are back on mine in a flash and I swallow the nerves that are streaming in every direction inside of me. His hands push further into the pockets of his hoodie and he glances back at the painting.
“I’m glad you like him,” he says softly, before looking sideways at Bruno. “Most critics said he was creepy as fuck.”
Bruno raises his palms and shrugs. “I said haunted and depressing. Jenkins said creepy as fuck. But to each their own, I say. We good here Lex?” Bruno asks, his eyes searching my face as he raises his eyebrows.
Nodding, I release my breath fully. “Yeah. Sorry. Thanks guys. I panicked. Go back to what you were doing. I was just taking a study break.”
“What are you studying?” Damon asks, his eyes landing on my books. Frowning a little, he looks to Bruno, then back to me. “Do you work downstairs?”
“Yes. I’m a stripper, Damon. Sorry.”
Narrowing his eyes at me carefully, he studies me a while, his head tilting just a little.
“Why are you apologizing? Bruno’s not sorry he’s a stripper. Scarlett are you sorry you’re a stripper?”
Scar looks at him as she tries to hide her smile. “Not at all.”
“I didn’t think so,” he says with a grin as he turns back to me and leans against my door frame. “Please don’t tell me you were saying sorry because you thought I would judge you, because I don’t think I’ve ever met a stripper that I didn’t like. Oh -” he says, interrupting himself and leaning his head adorably to one side. “There is this one old lady in that rest home Bruno visits. She takes her clothes off while she sings to you. And it’s not that I don’t like her exactly, it’s just that she makes me a bit sad.”
Laughing a little, I watch Bruno and Scarlett creeping slowly away.
Clearing my throat, I fold my arms in front of me. “I thought maybe it might take some of the shine off that kiss we shared. Strippers don’t have a great reputation.”
“Nothing could take the shine off that kiss, Alexa. You could be a puppy killer and I’d learn to love it,” he says, cringing afterward. “Please tell me you don’t kill puppies.”
“I don’t kill puppies. Or anything else if I can help it. But I don’t go as far as being a vegetarian, because steak is delicious.”
His smile grows into a grin. “It is,” he agrees, looking to the floor a moment. “Bruno’s been telling me to come up to the apartment for months,” he says quietly, moving one socked toe in an arc, leaving a rainbow shape on the carpet. “I wish I’d given in to him sooner,” he says, raising his eyes to my face and smiling sadly.
“Why didn’t you?” I ask, sitting back at my desk and bringing Charlotte into my lap.
Taking a breath, he blows it out slowly and gazes down at his pockets where he looks to be fidgeting. “I get shy,” he says, shrugging. “There are like, a dozen hot people living up here. It’s pretty intimidating.”
“You’re pretty intimidating.”
“Not really,” he says, shaking his head. “I mean, I know I’m tall, and I go to a fight gym, but it’s not because I want to rip people’s heads off. I’m really more of a lover than a fighter. Plus I...” Damon’s face twists into a grimace and he sighs as he scuffs his foot through the carpet rainbow. Sighing, he looks from his pockets to me.
“I don’t want this to end, Alexa. I know that sounds weird, because I only just met you so it hasn’t really started, but...” He looks at the painting on the wall a moment before his face turns to the floor again. “I really want to kiss you again, Alexa.” Biting the corner of his bottom lip, he raises his face just enough to look through his lashes at me.
I am in so much trouble.
Holding Charlotte tighter, I try to calm myself, because there’s a strange sensation building inside me, and it feels dangerous.
“You want that even though I’m a stripper? Worse,” I correct myself. “I’m a stripper at Beyond. If you know Bruno well, you’ll know we’re all messed up in here right?” I ask, looping my finger in the air to indicate the whole club/apartment situati
on. “I wasn’t kidding on the phone, Damon. I’m a big problem.”
“You are a problem, or you have a problem?” he asks, watching me patiently. “Because we all have problems.”
“Both,” I confirm in a serious tone.
“Okay,” he says, nodding. His eyes rise to the dolls, as if looking for answers. “What happens to the problems if I still want to kiss you?”
Saying nothing, I watch his look of appraisal as he studies my dolls. “They don’t bother you?”
“What?” he asks, stepping closer to inspect Arthur, the one-legged doll closest to him. Bending his knees a little, Damon meets him eye to shattered eye. “The dolls?” he asks, turning back to me. “I have sisters. Dolls don’t bother me.”
“I only collect broken dolls,” I say, clarifying what I think is the part people normally find ‘creepy’.
“Broken things still need love,” he says quietly. “More, probably,” he adds sadly, looking at his painting again. “But you already know that, I think. What happens to the problems, Alexa?”
“If you kiss me?”
“Yeah.”
Taking a breath, I look to the ceiling and shrug, trying not to focus on how much I really want to kiss him again. “Some will get better, some will get worse. Some will stay the same, probably.”
“Well that’s not all bad,” he says lightly, before his face becomes more serious. “How do I make it better without making it worse?”
“You stick to my rules,” I tell him, wondering if Kat might be right about him handling my baggage.
“Which are?” he prompts.
“You can’t touch me.”
Frowning, he takes a small step back towards the door. “How do I kiss you without touching you? By definition, I’d be touching you with my lips.”
“You can’t use your hands.”
Laughing, he shakes his head. When he sees my face, he stops immediately. “Seriously? That wasn’t Bruno’s idea of a - No. Of course not. Sorry. Okay. No touching with my hands. That will not be a problem. At all. I guarantee it. Can I kiss you now?”
“There’s more,” I say slowly, feeling my body beginning to rev up at the thought of Damon’s lips on mine. He waits for me to continue.
“I set the pace.”
“Okay...” he says, nodding slowly. “And?”
“I’m not interested in a relationship. At the moment my priority is myself. I can’t deal with what a relationship entails.” Well that, and because I already know it won’t last. Every guy I’ve ever tried to get close to since making my no-touch rule has needed to touch me at some stage. They start out saying they can handle it, but soon enough, they can’t help themselves. It’s human nature. It’s only natural to reach for the woman you’re with, to stroke her, angle her, and possess her.
“So we would be doing... what exactly?” he asks, his eyes searching my face. “Because I want to get to know you better Alexa.”
“And maybe you will, if the other stuff goes well.”
“Other stuff?”
“The kissing and the following of the rules.”
“Sooo, this is an audition for a... non-relationship?” he asks, looking more confused than ever.
Sighing, I rub my forehead and set Charlotte back on the desk. Standing, I move to the bed and sit on the edge. Here goes nothing. Closing my eyes, I blurt out what I want.
“I’m attracted to you, Damon. Like, really badly. But I’m no good at balancing that with any of the other stuff. Essentially I want to use you for my pleasure, but... maybe we could be friends too.” It almost sounds like a question, because I have no idea how to keep a friend that I’m sexually involved with. I haven’t ever been a willing friend of my sexual partners.
Damon’s eyes widen and he looks out the door as if someone might be listening.
“Are you suggesting a friends with benefits scenario?” he asks, looking surprised and maybe a little... disappointed?
“Shall we just start with a kiss first?” I suggest, patting the spot next to me on the bed. “We might be blowing that last one out of proportion. If we kiss now and there’s no spark, we can just forget all about it. Sound fair?”
“I guess,” he says slowly, stepping towards me and pausing.
“What’s wrong? Now you don’t want to kiss me?” I ask, bringing my knees up to my chest.
“I definitely want to kiss you, Alexa. I just... I’m a bit confused, and actually quite nervous that if I don’t perform well, I won’t get to kiss you ever again, which would be devastating. It’s um, a lot of pressure and I’m really attracted to you too, and I don’t want to make anything worse, and... I feel like we have an audience,” he says, looking at the dolls. “Which is fine,” he adds quickly, “So long as I do a good job, but I don’t want them to see me fail. They don’t need that shit. Does that make sense? Shit.” Looking to the ceiling, he shakes his head. “None of this is making any sense to me because all I can think about is what it felt like when I kissed you last time, and I would give anything to feel that again, but what if you’re right? What if I’ve built it up in my head, and things are different now, and holy shit, I can’t stop talking!” he says, looking to me for help.
Standing up, I take his elbow and lead him to the bed. Pushing him lightly until he sits, I close the door.
“Relax. I’ll drive us,” I say softly, returning to stand in front of him. “All you have to do is make sure your hands don’t come out of your pockets,” I say as I straddle his lap.
Tensing beneath me, he starts to breathe a bit faster and his eyes widen in what could be fear. “Alexa, I should -”
“Shh,” I whisper, cupping his face with my hands and silencing him with my lips.
Oh wow!
The same buzz-filled feeling travels down to my toes and back, and my scalp tingles excitedly; it tingles all over. Definitely not a one-time thing.
Wondering if Damon’s felt it too, I pull back. His eyes fly open in alarm.
“More,” he whispers. I don’t know if it’s a question or a demand, but it’s exactly what I want. Leaning in, I give him a tentative lick before sucking his bottom lip into my mouth and releasing it. Damon moans a little and something flickers deep inside me. His beard is softer than it looks, but still rough against my cheek as I brush over it. My fingers work into his hair.
“Alexa,” he whispers, making me shiver. “Oh,” he sighs, as if he’s felt it too. “Is this real? Can you feel this?”
“I feel it,” I whisper back, sealing his mouth with mine and tasting his approving moan as his body completely relaxes beneath me.
CHAPTER SIX
DAMON
All of the pain evaporates when she touches me, replaced by sparkling, humming delight. I can think of nothing beyond her. I will do whatever she wants. Whatever it takes for her to be present in my life.
I think I’m in love.
The logical part of my brain informs me I’m an idiot, and that I’m just addicted to any form of effective pain relief, but the romantic in me says that we’re meant to be.
She has my painting. I know it doesn’t look it, but that painting is essentially a self-portrait. And she loves him. It’s as if she’s adopted the doll in the picture somehow, and cares for him in a way that he needs. When she’d said she loved him, her words were sincere, not in the casual way someone might say, ‘I love ice cream’.
My mind goes blank when her fingers massage my scalp. Her mouth teases mine and it’s pure heaven. I never want to leave. Alexa’s body presses into mine and I feel every subtle move she makes, as if my body knows her well enough to recognize her cues. It feels as if she is warring with herself to pull back, but the urge to keep going is stronger, and I hope like hell that’s the case. Moaning into her mouth as her breasts nudge my chest again, I resist the urge to wrap my arms around her and pull her closer.
That will make it stop, just keep your hands in your pockets!
Oh shit. I don’t have hands. She’s going to frea
k out. I should stop. Fuck. I’m going to screw this all up for myself.
Forcing myself to leave her beautiful lips enough to speak, I whisper against them. “Alexa.”
The slightest tremor runs through her body and her hips rock against me, causing all thoughts to leave my mind except for the one about her rubbing against my hard dick. That one intensifies beyond control, because it’s happening. Images of our clothes disappearing and her sitting on me flood my mind.
“Damon?” she whispers back, her hands traveling my shoulders, my arms, and my back as she pulls closer.
“Mmmm.” It’s half question, and half answer. I can’t remember why we’re talking instead of kissing. Her thighs move more snugly around me and my humming sensations become stronger, as if the vibration is both faster and deeper.
“You make me feel...” I open my eyes as her voice trails off. Her body finishes the sentence with the most appealing movement I have ever experienced. Slim, feminine fingers twist in my hair as her hips tilt her into my dick. Her back arches, and her breasts present their hard nipples toward my face. “Would you mind if I took advantage of you right now?” she whispers. Biting her lip, she gives me the hottest look I have ever been blessed to be on the receiving end of. This girl is pure dynamite.
“Would I mind?” I ask, not sure I can believe my ears. She nods, a hopeful look in her eye. “I’m pretty sure I would love that,” I gush, moving in to kiss her.
Alexa leans out of reach. “Remember the rules?”
I tense. Nodding, I look between us to where my hands should be, in my pockets, and deflate.
“Alexa, before we go any further, I need you to know something,” I say in a rush, hating my stumps for turning one of the best moments in my life into one of the most terrifying and difficult.
“Sounds serious,” she says.
“It is, I guess. It might be a deal breaker for you, but I want to be honest.”
Narrowing her amber eyes at me, she leans back a little more, but doesn’t get off my lap. “Continue.”
Taking a deep breath, I look at my front pouch and sigh. How do I do it? Just whipping the stumps out and showing her is far too shocking. If I’m gentle, I’ll maximize the chance of her accepting me.
