by Karen Rock
She smiled in relief. John’s life had hung by a thread at the YMCA. Thank goodness for Eli’s quick-thinking aid. She might be a trained RN, but she hadn’t been on a code response team in years. She wasn’t used to the adrenaline rush that came with that kind of pressure. Having him beside her had helped keep her steady.
“Christie, are you coming?” Tommy called. He held out a silver purse. “And you forgot this, Mary.”
Mary took the purse and put an arm around Tommy. “I would have been sadder if I’d forgotten your good-night kiss.” Tommy tipped his bright head back, his dimples so like his father’s.
“Goodbye, Becca,” Mary called through the doorway.
Tommy waved a dismissive hand. “She’s in her room talking to her boyfriend.” He clamped a hand over his mouth. “Oops, I wasn’t supposed to tell.”
“We’ll deal with that tomorrow, dear.” Mary ruffled Tommy’s hair, stepped into the elevator and gave a last wave.
Tommy grabbed Christie’s hand and yanked her inside. An excited Scout wove in and out of their legs, halting them to beg for an ear scratch before moving aside.
“Want to see my dinosaur? His name’s Rexie and he’s awesome.”
“Sure.” She smiled as the youngster scampered down the hall to her right, Scout hot on his heels. She turned to survey the rest of the apartment and— Wow.
A mammoth open space, so unlike the illegally sublet SoHo loft she and Laura shared, yawned before her. Despite the vintage exterior, the apartment had an ultramodern aesthetic that blended rather than clashed with its Corinthian columns. Square light panels alternated in a checkered pattern across the vaulted tin ceiling. A woven beige area rug covered gleaming maple floors. Floor-to-ceiling windows encompassed an entire wall, commanding a panoramic view of the neighborhood and city. The neutral color palate, repeated in black leather couches with white and beige accent pillows, was broken by vibrant artwork and framed photographs. The apartment could have graced the cover of a decorating magazine...if it wasn’t completely and utterly trashed.
Holy cow.
She leaned against the closed door and gaped at the mess. It looked as if a Kansas twister had barreled through the room, scattering papers, books, toys and, of all things, a sewing machine covered in fabric pieces, feathers and open bags of sequins and rhinestones. Not that the place was dirty. In fact, every uncovered surface shone. No doubt Mary was doing her best to keep things clean, but why leave it so untidy?
She twitched at the lack of organization and bent to pick up a paperback.
“Dad doesn’t like anyone touching his stuff,” Becca said behind her.
Christie put the book on a recessed shelf and turned. “I can see that.” She smiled at the young girl, who wore a pink tank top and gray sweatpants. Her dark hair hung past her shoulders in loose curls. “How are you, Becca?”
“Good. A little hungry, though,” Becca laughed. “I can never eat enough after dance class.” She looked around and lowered her voice. “Is Mr. Vaccaro going to be okay?”
“He’s getting the best possible care,” Christie assured the girl. Good thing her voice sounded steady. When she’d seen John sitting so still in his wheelchair, she’d felt as if her own heart had quit beating. “Now, let’s find you something to eat.”
“Oh. Me, too. Me, too.” Tommy burst from behind his sister and dropped his plastic Tyrannosaurus rex. Scout snatched the toy, trotted to a plaid dog bed beside the door and settled down to gnaw on the dinosaur’s tail.
“It looks like everyone’s starving.” Christie eyed Scout. “Give,” she commanded in her firmest nurse voice. The dog’s mouth slackened, the toy dropping to the floor.
“Wow.” Becca tucked her hair behind her ears. “He never listens to anyone. How did you do that?”
She grabbed the toy and sidestepped a shoe pile on her way to the kitchen. “I have a dog, too.” She turned on the hot water and washed the dinosaur in a double sink set in a black granite countertop.
It felt good to clean. Create order. There was nothing like busywork to distract her from worries. She took her first solid breath since she’d noticed John was unconscious.
“What kind of dog? Is he big like Scout?” Tommy and Becca seated themselves in beige leather stools at the counter that separated the kitchen from the rest of the living space.
“He is actually a she and her name’s Sweet Pea.” She handed Tommy the slobber-free T. rex. Scout trotted over at the toy’s reappearance but scuttled back at her stern look. She glanced at a stainless-steel microwave over a matching cooktop. It was 8:15. How much longer until Eli called again?
“Sweet Pea.” Becca spun in her seat. “That’s such a cute name. What kind of dog is she?”
She smiled, picturing her small, white-and-tan dog. On her way to the apartment, she’d phoned Laura, who’d agreed to walk Sweet Pea. How lucky to have such an amazing roommate. She’d pick up Laura’s favorite frozen yogurt, Pinkberry’s chocolate with honey-almond granola topping, on her way home.
“She’s a Cavalier King Charles spaniel.” She thumbed to a photo of Sweet Pea on her iPhone and passed it to the kids. She headed to the fridge. “How do grilled-cheese sandwiches sound?”
“Are they the healthy kind?” Tommy’s fingers traced Sweet Pea’s long ears and their curly fur.
Christie paused on her way back to the counter, organic cheese and butter in hand. “Do you have whole-wheat bread?”
Becca grimaced. “That’s the only kind we have. Dad’s been a complete health-food nut ever since—” Her face froze and she fell silent.
Christie located the bread behind a stack of unopened mail while her mind turned over the possibilities of Becca’s unfinished sentence. Although Eli had sounded annoyed at the cancer-support-group meeting, she’d glimpsed pain, too. Was his decision to be more health conscious related to that?
“This is seriously the cutest dog ever.” Becca held up the iPhone, Sweet Pea’s tilted head and tiny snout on display.
“Is she a puppy?” Tommy got to his knees and stretched toward an overhead pot rack. “Here.” He handed her a frying pan as Becca steadied his stool.
“Thanks.” Christie hunted for a spatula and a butter knife. “Sweet Pea’s almost ten, which is old for a diabetic dog.”
Becca came around the counter, pulled open a couple of drawers and located the utensils. “Need a hand?”
“Sure. Would you turn on the cooktop while I butter the bread?”
“What’s tiabetic mean?” Tommy hopped off his stool and stood next to Christie. “I can help, too.”
“It’s diabetic, Little Man.” Becca grabbed a buttered sandwich. “It means she needs shots.” The frying pan hissed as she placed it inside. “Insulin, right?”
Christie nodded, impressed. “Twice a day, breakfast and dinner.” She handed Tommy two cheese slices, which he lined up with careful precision, tongue sticking out between his teeth. “Becca, I’ll take over the frying, okay?”
“Why do you do that?” Tommy placed the last piece of bread on top and followed her to the range. “Shots hurt.”
Becca pulled Tommy away from the hot pan and wrapped her arms around him. “Because if she didn’t, Sweet Pea would die. We learned that in health class.”
“Die?” Tommy looked stricken. He ran back to his stool and picked up the iPhone.
Christie turned from the stove and gave Tommy a reassuring look. “Not until it’s her time, Tommy. Her medicine keeps her healthy and I make sure she gets it every day.”
Tommy’s quivering lip stilled and Christie flipped the browned sandwich.
Why had Becca said that? The bluntness of teenagers. Her veterinarian had advised her to euthanize Sweet Pea years ago, saying that she’d go blind (she hadn’t) and that it would be difficult to keep up with the shots (it wasn’t). Sweet Pea�
�s life expectancy was shorter than other dogs, but it only made their time together more precious. She would rather have ten years with Sweet Pea than fifteen with another dog.
“My daddy got medicine so he wouldn’t die,” Tommy blurted.
Christie nearly dropped the cooked sandwich as she slid it onto a plate. Was he saying his father had been treated for a terminal illness? Her insides clenched.
“Tommy!” Becca scowled and passed him the dish. “Eat.”
“Well, it’s true.” Tommy ignored the steaming food. “And Christie understands ’cause she helps other people with cancer, like Mr. Vaccaro.”
“Yes, I do.” The spatula slipped from her grip and clattered to the floor. She bent down and rested her forehead against a lower cabinet, hiding her surprise. So it was true. Eli was recovering from cancer. Her stomach twisted in empathy for him and his children. What they must be going through, and by the look of things, without a wife or mother to help. No wonder he sounded bitter. She grabbed the utensil and rose, her face as composed as possible.
She turned off the stove and handed a scowling Becca the last grilled cheese. “Becca, eat something.”
“Dad doesn’t want people knowing.” Becca pushed the plate away. “He won’t let us talk about it with anyone. Even each other. Ever.”
Becca’s frustration touched a chord, her distant behavior toward her father suddenly making sense. Becca didn’t ignore him out of anger—she avoided him out of fear. And Christie should know; she’d done it to her own brother.
She hated thinking about that painful time in her life. But Becca’s reaction to her father’s illness reminded Christie so much of herself at that age. Confused, hurt and lost.
She waved the grilled cheese under Becca’s nose until the girl gave her a reluctant smile and grabbed the sandwich. “Please don’t worry,” she said. “Everything will work itself out.”
“So you can help Daddy!” Tommy’s blue eyes were wide and bright.
“I can’t promise you that.” She looked from a crestfallen Tommy to a narrow-eyed Becca. “But if he gives his permission, you can call me anytime to talk.”
“Anytime?” Becca looked at her intently. “Even really late?”
Her heart squeezed tight at the thought of Becca—scarcely more than a child herself—scared for her father with nowhere to turn.
“As late as you need,” she promised, hoping she wasn’t getting too involved in Eli’s personal life.
Then again, helping kids deal with cancer was her job. If only Eli could see how much his kids needed to talk through their fear, she’d be happy to help. Besides, it wasn’t as if she was getting involved with him. His handsome, anguished face came to mind. Now that was a risk she didn’t trust her heart to take.
The phone rang, breaking the silence. Becca grabbed the cordless. “Hello?” She listened for a moment then shoved the handset to Christie. “It’s Dad,” she said, her voice hollow.
“Thanks, Becca. Hello?” She clutched the phone and paced. The children’s eyes followed her.
“Ms. Bates, it’s Eli. How are the kids doing?”
“They’re great.” She grinned at Tommy as he polished off his sandwich. His gap-toothed smile was really too precious, especially with cheese squirting out of it. “They’re eating sandwiches, and then I think we’ll watch a little TV before bed.”
Becca finished her last bite and carried the dirty plates to the dishwasher. When she returned to the counter, she helped Tommy climb onto her back and carried him to the living room.
“That sounds perfect.” A feeling of lightness overcame her at the husky cadence of his voice. “But bedtime’s at nine, so not too much TV, okay?”
“Nine o’clock. Got it.” She heard cartoon voices from the living room, where Tommy and Becca sat watching a talking sponge on a flat-screen TV.
“How’s John?” She cradled the phone between her ear and shoulder and began cleaning the countertop.
“The same. Stable, but still critical. We’re waiting for some test results. How much longer can you stay?”
She eyed the snuggling siblings, grateful for the company they’d given her tonight. “As long as you need.”
“Thank you, Ms. Bates, for everything—helping with the kids, letting me stay with John.” His voice thickened. “Saving his life. I think I gave you a hard time tonight, and I’m sorry.”
Warmth rushed through her at his admission. “Don’t give it another thought. And please call me Christie. Would you let me know when John’s condition improves?”
“When or if?”
“When. Think positively.”
His laugh wasn’t exactly warm and fuzzy, but then again, it didn’t sound bitter. “You never quit with that faith and hope stuff, do you?”
She grinned as she swiped a damp paper towel across the cooktop. “Nope.”
“Then you’ll have to hope for the both of us.”
“I can manage that. And, Eli?”
“You know. That’s the first time you’ve called me that, Christie.”
Her heart did a little flip. “Oh.”
He cleared his throat. “Sorry. What were you going to say?”
She turned her back to the living room and lowered her voice. “Take care of yourself.” A quiet moment passed. Then another. “Eli, are you still there?”
“Yes,” he breathed. “It’s been a long time since anyone’s said that to me.”
Despite her best intentions, things were getting personal. “Just part of my job,” she said offhandedly, not feeling casual at all.
“Oh. Right. Of course.” His gruff voice returned. “I’ll call you soon. And, Christie?”
“Yes?”
“I’ll see you when I get home.”
For a moment, she warmed to the image. A strong, caring man coming home—to her. Then she shook off the ridiculous sentiment. After tonight, they’d never see each other again. And it was for the best.
She’d vowed to care for support-group attendees. Falling for them, however, was not an option.
* * *
ELI CLICKED OFF the phone and slumped in an upholstered chair in the Bellevue emergency-department waiting room. Beside him, a young mother jiggled a wailing toddler. A large family huddled on a nearby couch, some weeping while others paced. A young man hollered and punched a soda machine until uniformed security officers dragged him away. The air was thick and smelled of antiseptic, illness and despair.
Was it possible to feel both glad to be somewhere and wish you were anywhere else?
He watched the harried nurse at the reception desk briskly sort patients. Her calm, no-nonsense manner reminded him of Christie and the impressive way she’d managed John’s emergency.
He leaned his head against the wall and replayed his conversation with her. The way she’d said his name had loosened something balled up inside him. For a moment he’d imagined himself in another place and time, able to date a woman like her.
He strode to a glass vending machine and glimpsed his reflection.
Fool.
He was a single father recovering from cancer...not exactly the catch of the century.
Hadn’t the desertion of his ex-wife, Jacqueline, taught him anything? Cancer infected more than bodies. It destroyed relationships, too. He might be in remission now. But what if his cancer returned? To protect his children, he’d never let another woman into his life or theirs.
Eli dropped some coins in the slot and grabbed the bag of trail mix that fell to the bottom. He glanced at the clock. How long since the nurse’s last update on John? There was no lineup at her desk. Now was the perfect time to ask.
She looked up from her computer with a weary expression.
“Mr. Roberts, you’re still not allowed to go inside. Family members and ca
regivers only,” she repeated patiently for the umpteenth time.
“I rode in the ambulance with him.”
The nurse inclined her head, the harsh light casting shadows on her gaunt cheeks. “I’m afraid that’s not enough.”
Eli smiled politely and handed her the unopened bag of trail mix. He’d lost his appetite. “It’s all right. I understand.”
But he didn’t. In what universe did biology count more than humanity? Despite repeated calls, John’s sons hadn’t bothered to show tonight.
He crossed to the window and watched rain blur the city’s lights into a colorful kaleidoscope. Ninety minutes had passed and he needed to reassure John that he wasn’t fighting alone. But how could he get by security? He paced, each step taking him nowhere fast.
A half hour later, his cell phone buzzed.
“Eli?”
Christie. He sat in the nearest chair and gripped the phone. “Are the kids okay?”
“Fine. They went to bed like angels. Listen, I was wondering if you preferred your books alphabetized or lined up according to size?”
What? Was she organizing his apartment? He liked it the way it was. Jacqueline had never allowed Tommy’s toys or Becca’s dance gear around, the regulated order a constant reminder of how he’d never fit into her picture-perfect world. Nowadays, the chaos kept them from remembering their past.
“Christie. Please don’t touch anything.”
“Oh. Okay. Did the test results come back on John?”
He pulled out her rabbit’s foot and ran his fingers along the soft fur. “I don’t know. They won’t let me see him.”
“Who’s on the front desk?”
He peered at the nurse. “I think her name tag says Rachel Smith-something.”
“Smitherson.” Her voice rose. “I know her. Put her on and tell her it’s me.”
“You’re not related, either.”
“No. But I’m also not a defeatist.”
“Or a realist,” he said dryly.
“Please give her your cell, Eli.”
How could he say no when she said his name like that? He walked over and handed Nurse Smitherson the phone. “Christie Bates for you.”
