by Mick Farren
Billy and Reave flopped into two of the chairs, and Burt the Medicine took another.
'What brings you way out here?'
'We were getting away from the war.'
'The war, hey. It's still going on?'
'It's still going on.'
'You wouldn't believe the way they could drag it out.'
'When we ran, it looked like it would go on for ever.'
'It's amazing what some folks will do for amusement.'
Reave scowled.
'We didn't find it too amusing.'
Burt the Medicine smiled.
'You done well to get out then.'
Billy and Reave both nodded, and the conversation flagged in the way it does between people v/ho have only just met. The albino pulled a deck of tattered cards from somewhere inside his robe.
'Fancy a game of Loser Take Nothing?'
Billy shook his head,
' 'Fraid we don't play, and besides, we don't have any money.'
Burt the Medicine put the cards away.
'That's too bad. I don't get too much company out here. In fact, I ain't had a good game since the last time Quinn was here.'
'Quinn?'
Burt the Medicine looked surprised.
'You don't know Quinn? I thought everyone knew Quinn.'
'I don't recall ever meeting anyone called Quinn.'
'If you'd met him, you'd remember. When Quinn gets here, everybody jumps for joy.'
'Maybe we should meet him.'
'You ought to. Where are you fellas planning to go from here?'
Billy shrugged.
'No idea, we'll just travel on until we come to something.'
Burt the Medicine looked surprised.
'You're weird.'
'Maybe.'
'Still, it takes all kinds.'
He struck himself on the forehead.
'Here I am, chattering on, and you're probably starving.'
Billy and Reave both nodded.
'We are kind of hungry.'
The albino stood up.
'I'll see what I can do. There should be something in on the stuff beam.'
'You've got stuff beams out here?'
Burt the Medicine put a hand on his hip and pouted.
'Well of course. This isn't the outback.'
'We didn't mean that. It was just that they didn't have any stuff receivers in Dur Shanzag.'
'Well, they wouldn't, would they?'
Billy looked confused.
'No, I suppose not.'
The albino disappeared inside the shack, and returned with a laden tray.
'Here you go, boys. It's all cold, I'm afraid. I got a bit wary of hot stuff down the beam. The war zone, you know, it sets up some kind of interference. A roast chicken went wrong one time, and that's how I grew these tits.'
Billy and Reave looked suspiciously at the food, but Burt the Medicine waved aside their fears.
'Eat up, fellas. I guarantee nothing won't happen to you.'
Billy took a speculative mouthful.
'Tastes all right.'
' 'Course it does.'
They began to eat. Reave looked questioningly at Burt the Medicine.
'Must have been quite a shock, growing those tits and all.'
The albino finished chewing.
'It came as a kind of a surprise at first, I can tell you, but I soon got used to it. After a while I quite got to like it.'
He jiggled one of his breasts.
'I mean, I never was the sort of guy who had much truck with women, so it didn't make that much difference, if you know what I mean.'
They went on with the meal. They had just started on a dish of ice-cream and stuff beam strawberries when a high-pitched buzz started away in the distance. It grew louder and nearer. Burt the Medicine leaped to his feet.
'Fuck the bastards. It's another one. You two better get down on the ground.'
After their experiences in battle, Billy and Reave didn't ask any questions. They dived from their chairs and hit the dust. A small red propeller-driven airplane with multiple wings was coming straight at the oasis, almost at ground level. It sprayed a burst of machine-gun fire at the shack, and pealed off, circling for another run.
Burt the Medicine leaped to his feet and ran to the edge of the trees. He whipped the cover off a pair of tripod-mounted, twin field lasers and swung them towards the plane as it came in for a second low-level attack.
Twin pencils of white light sprang from the lasers as the albino pressed the triggers. They sliced neatly through one of the sets of wings, and the plane rolled over. It dropped like a stone, hit the ground and exploded, scattering pieces of wreckage across the sand. Burt the Medicine replaced the cover on the laser and came back dusting off his robe.
'Well, that takes care of another one.'
Billy and Reave got up off the ground.
'What in hell was that?'
'Quin-plane auto-pirate.'
'What?'
'It's some little gizmo they dreamed up over in Dur Shanzag a while back. Automatic killers. They let 'em loose and ever since, they've been buzzing round looking for live targets. I've taken out maybe a dozen so far. The control system ain't too smart, so they're quite easy to deal with.'
He sat back down at the table.
'Guess we might as well finish our meal. I really hate being interrupted while I'm eating.'
They finished their dessert, and then the albino produced Turkish coffee and a bottle of Stuff Central's best cognac. The sky was already starting to dim, and by the time the bottle was drunk it was quite dark. The albino stood up and yawned.
'I could sit here talking with you boys all night, but it's past my bedtime. You two look like you could use some sleep.'
Billy and Reave both nodded. The brandy had wiped out what little was left of their energy. The albino cleared away the remains of the meal, and started to rig up a hammock between two of the palm trees.
'There's room for one of you to sleep in the shack, and the other can sleep in this here hammock. It's plenty warm enough on account of how it zips up like a sleeping bag.'
He demonstrated. Billy and Reave looked at each other.
'Who's going to take the hammock?'
'We could flip a coin for it if we had a coin to flip.'
Billy shrugged.
'I'll take the hammock, I could sleep anywhere.'
'If you're sure you don't mind.'
Billy tested his weight on it.
'No, I don't mind.'
Billy took off his jacket, boots and gun belt.
'You can take these into the house with you. I'd hate to lose them in the night.' .
'Sure. Goodnight.'
Reave took Billy's things and followed Burt the Medicine into the shack. Billy zipped himself into the hammock, and within minutes was asleep.
It was light again when Billy woke up. He felt better than he had at any time since leaving Pleasant Gap. Even the memory of the Shirik had diminished to a dull nightmare. He pulled down the zip on the hammock and swung his feet to the ground. Neither Reave nor Burt the Medicine seemed to be up and about yet. He walked over to the pool and had a leisurely wash.
Feeling clean and refreshed, Billy looked round for some sign of life, but nobody had yet emerged from the shack, so he walked to the partly open doorway in his bare feet.
The interior of Burt the Medicine's shack had none of the makeshift appearance of the outside. Although it was only one room, the floor was carpeted and the walls were hung with tapestries and finely wrought brasswork. Light filtered in through Venetian blinds over the windows. It revealed that the room was crowded with ornate furniture and objets d'art.
At one end of the room was a huge bed made of dark, carved wood. Billy moved quietly towards the bed. To his surprise he found, naked under the covers, Reave and Burt the Medicine curled up together in each other's arms. They were sound asleep.
Billy backed quietly away from the bed, grinning to himself. He'd nev
er thought that Reave was that sexually adventurous. His boots, belt and jacket were lying on a chair, so he picked them up and tiptoed out of the shack.
He sat by the pool for nearly an hour before anybody emerged. The albino was the first to appear. He wore a white brocade robe and oddly dainty silver sandals. He came over to where Billy was sitting.
'Breakfast?'
'Yes please.'
'Be ready in a few minutes.'
'Great.'
Burt the Medicine strolled back to the shack. A while later Reave appeared. He walked over and joined Billy. He looked a little sheepish.
'You got your stuff out of the shack, then?'
'Uh-huh.'
'I guess I must have been asleep at the time.'
Billy tried hard to keep a straight face.
'That's right.'
'In bed with Burt?'
'Yeah, as far as I could see.'
'I . . . uh . . . was pretty drunk last night.'
'Yeah?'
'I . . . er.'
Billy laughed.
'Don't worry about it, man. I don't care who you ball.'
'But I . . .'
'It doesn't matter, Reave. We ain't in Pleasant Gap now. There aren't any rules any more.'
'I guess not.'
'So stop looking so fucking guilty. Did you have a good time?'
'He was pretty weird.'
'Yeah. He's coming back, so leave it for now.'
The albino set a tray down on the table. There was chilled melon, sliced ham, croissants and a pitcher of cold milk. He grinned at them.
'Breakfast, boys.'
For the next half hour they ate and made small talk, and then, while Burt the Medicine was clearing away the meal, Reave looked at Billy.
'What do we do now?'
'I guess we should move on sooner or later.'
'On foot? Back into the desert?'
'Maybe we should talk to Burt the Medicine about it.'
'Talk to Burt the Medicine about it.'
He had returned from the shack. Billy glanced up at him.
'We were talking about moving on.'
'Moving on? You only just got here. What's the matter, don't you like it here?'
He looked sideways at Reave.
'Bored already?'
Reave coloured.
'No, no. It's just that . . .'
He quickly borrowed a phrase from the Rainman.
'. . . We're travelling men.'
Burt the Medicine stared out into the distance.
'Travelling men.'
His voice was wistful.
'A lot of travelling men used to come through here before the war started.'
He switched his attention back to the present.
'What do you want to do then?'
Billy spread his hands.
'That's the trouble, we don't really know. I suppose this desert doesn't go on for ever.'
'No, but it goes on for quite a way. I suppose you want to go on to the river?'
'The river?'
'That's the only place to go, except back to the war.'
'What happens on the river?'
Burt the Medicine grinned.
'Just about everything you could think of. You'd best head for Port Judas. From there you can take a river boat all the way down past Dropville, Arthurburg and right through to the nothings.'
'How far is it? How long will it take us to get there?'
The albino shrugged.
'Depends how you go.'
'I guess we'll be going the same way we came.'
'You came on foot.'
'That's what I mean.'
'It takes a week to reach Port Judas on foot. You'd probably die before you got there.'
Billy frowned.
'Then we're in trouble.'
The albino smiled.
'Not really. I'm sure I can fix something. I'll see what I can jive up on the stuff beam after we've eaten lunch.'
Billy grinned.
'Sure do a lot of eating round here.'
Burt the Medicine shot Reave another sidelong glance.
'That's true.'
He stood up, and bustled back to the shack. Billy and Reave continued to sit at the table. Burt the Medicine came back with a bottle of Campari, a soda syphon and a dish of ice. He put them down on the table.
'This'll keep you two amused until lunch. I've got a few chores to do.'
He disappeared inside the shack again. Billy and Reave drank Campari and soda until the albino appeared with yet another meal. When they'd finished, Burt the Medicine took a deep breath, as though he was about to make an announcement.
'I've been looking through the Stuff catalogue. There's a nifty little two-seat buggy. I think I could get it for you without them wanting to push up my quota. That's if you've really got to go.'
'We've got to move on, I'm afraid.'
Burt the Medicine stood up.
'I'll go and dial up the buggy for you. It'll take me a while to set up the large cage. If you just wait here, I'll bring it round to you.'
He went round to the back of the shack, and after a few minutes there was an intense flash of static and then the low hum of a flux motor. Burt the Medicine swung round the outside of the shack in a small two-seat pink buggy with huge white balloon tyres. He halted it just outside the line of trees. Billy and Reave hurried over to join him. He climbed out and patted the fibreglass body.
'There you go, boys. That should get you to Port Judas inside of two days.'
Reave scratched his head.
'I don't know how we can ever pay you back for this.'
The albino laughed.
'Don't bother about it. Stuff Central are always getting on to me about how I ought to consume more. It's like you're helping me out.'
Billy and Reave came over adolescent tongue-tied.
'Well thanks.'
They threw their few belongings into the buggy, and Burt the Medicine once again disappeared inside the shack. He returned moments later carrying a wicker basket.
'I just packed up some food for your trip.'
Billy was about to make a crack about grandmother's house, but decided it would be unkind.
'Thanks.'
'Be sure and stop by here again.'
'We will.'
Reave set the buggy in motion, and they pulled away from the oasis. Their last glimpse of Burt the Medicine was as he stood waving, a solitary white figure between the palm trees.
Chapter 20
At ten forty-five sharp, exactly three quarters of an hour after the meeting had started, A.A. and Valdo Catto entered the boardroom. It was a grand entrance. A.A. Catto had made sure of that. Both she and her brother were dressed in white. He wore a uniform modelled on ancient film of the legendary hero Hermann Goering, while she had on what she liked to refer to as her vestal virgin outfit.
The five families of the hereditary directorate were all present in the circular, domed room. The Cattos, the Glicks, the Meltzers, the Mudstraps and the Ferics, each sitting in their own wedge-shaped section of the hall. The most senior of the families sat at the front, after which the seating was allocated, rank behind rank, in succeeding generations.
The young of Con-Lee were noticeable by their absence, and the oldsters mumbled together about irrelevant problems of fiscal logistics. On a rotating podium in the centre of the hall great-great-grandfather Dino, the senior Mudstrap, was taking his turn at chairing a meeting. Valdo and A.A. Catto took their seats with the maximum of noise and fuss.
When they were able to prolong the disturbance of their arrival no longer, the meeting resumed, and Bull Feric got to his feet and, in a long rambling dissertation, presented an esoteric motion for the restructuring of the Exec level grading system. After the first twenty minutes, Valdo nudged A.A. Catto.
'Remember our agreement.'
A.A. Catto waved him away.
'I know, I know. We haven't even started yet.'
Bull Feric continu
ed for another half hour and then abruptly sat down. Dino Mudstrap called a vote. A.A. Catto, who had understood nothing of the argument, looked at the yes and no buttons on the arm of her chair. Quite at random she pressed the no button. Dino Mudstrap studied the results as they were relayed to his podium, and announced the motion carried. A.A. Catto felt mildly pleased that she had instinctively disagreed with the majority of the oldsters.
Dino Mudstrap was swivelling his podium looking for the next motion. A.A. Catto jumped to her feet.
'Mister Chairman.'
The podium came to a halt.
'The Chair recognizes . . . ah . . .'
Dino Mudstrap consulted his seating plan.
'. . . Miss A.A. Catto.'
A.A. Catto took a deep breath.
'I propose the motion that the L-4 dwellings, and all the stasis territory beyond the perimeter walls of the citadel, be declared insanitary and firestormed forthwith.'
Dino Mudstrap's bushy eyebrows shot up.
'Firestormed, Miss Catto? For what reason?'
'For no particular reason except that the destruction of the L-4s would provide an excellent diversion. It would be fun.'
'Fun, Miss Catto?'
'Fun, Mister Chairman.'
Dino Mudstrap stroked his bald head.
'I see.'
He paused, and peered round the meeting.
'Does anyone second this . . . ah . . . unusual motion?'
Valdo was on his feet.
'I do, Mister Chairman.'
Again he consulted his seating plan.
'The motion is seconded by Valdo Catto. Does any member care to speak against it?'
In the front rank of the Ferics, the ancient Melissa creaked to her feet.
'It would seem, Mister Chairman, that the proposal to destroy, en masse, these potentially useful life forms would be in direct opposition to our long-established traditions of frugality and conservation.'
Melissa Feric had long been famous for her sentimentality,
'I must therefore seriously warn this meeting against sanctioning any such action.'
She resumed her seat. The ever-practical Nolan Catto, A.A, Catto's grandfather, was immediately on his feet.
'While not sharing the venerable Miss Feric's humanitarian considerations, I must also call on this meeting to reject the motion. You will all recall, no doubt, that in the case of the accidental firestorm that consumed the periphery of Akio-Tech, there was a period when the citadel itself was endangered.
