by Tara Brown
I looked up to see the bright and beautiful smile. “You must be certain this is what you want. There is no going back. Once you have your memories, there is no erasing them again. But you must see that there has to be a few who are able to rationalize the choice for everyone. We must be the strength for the people.”
Whatever she said, I believed. It didn’t matter what it was, I believed.
My head nodded, my eyes blanked, and I knew my lips would speak without my consent. All of it would be to keep that happy look on her face. “I want it.”
Her smile grew as did my heartbeat. Frank started to talk but I stayed, dazed and swept away in the beauty of her. I needed a distraction, before I screamed the word no and ran for my life.
“Gwyn?” he said and I turned. “You have tonight to spend with your family, and as of tomorrow, you will be given your memories and a living in the city.” He was calm, even though his words were scarier than anything. “You understand how hard it is to go home, for them?”
I nodded.
He slid his hand across the table. “May I see your handheld?”
I pulled it from my clutch and placed it in his hands.
He pressed the screen and then passed it back. “It’s programmed to tell you what you need to do tomorrow. You will not go to school for the last couple days with your friends. We want to get started straight away.” He winked. “Enjoy your last night of freedom from guilt, pain, sorrow, and humiliation, and be prepared for the most intensely amazing experience ever.”
He was testing me. He was waiting to see if I would bolt. I was too scared to run. I might have looked brave, but I was frozen to my chair in terror.
With trembling hands I took my handheld and tucked it away. I stole one last glance at Lisabeth. She smiled and sat back in her chair. “This is a great honor, for you and us.”
She did it. She made me peaceful. Whatever it was about her that made me happy and relieved was on overdrive.
“See you tomorrow then,” Frank said. I looked at the four of them and stood. My legs didn’t want to, but I forced them into small steps from the room. I walked to the long dark corridor and opened the door. The man who brought me down was there. He smiled. “All done then?”
I nodded.
He turned and walked back to the room I had originally been in. Our footsteps and my jagged breathing were the only sounds in the hallway. When we reached the sitting room where a few of my classmates sat, we walked past it. He pressed the elevator button. He never spoke. It was awkward the way he was silent, not peaceful.
When the doors opened, I stepped in and pressed my back against the empty elevator. The man pressed the M on the wall. I watched his long, lean back walking away from me as the doors closed. When the movement hit, I started to come to terms with what was about to happen. I was being given everything and having twice as much taken away.
I wouldn’t see my family the same amount nor in the same eyes. I wouldn’t be with my friends every day, forcing our minds and hearts to recall details of our friendships. I wouldn’t be able to have dinner with Lyle. I would remember every second of the meal, and it might hurt that he would not.
The door dinged and I stepped off, still in a daze.
My hand was grabbed, pulled. I looked up, seeing Amber. She smiled back at me. She was nattering and excited about her job. Her smile was crazy.
“I want to go to the clubs tonight,” I whispered as we left the building. The warm air and smells of the city felt foreign.
She shrugged. “Alright. I guess we have to hope we get the message for it.”
I looked at her. “Can you remember going before or anyone talking about it?”
She grinned wickedly. “How should I know? You didn’t look like you were listening to me when I said I was excited. You didn’t ask why.”
I looked around, lost. A man pointed. “The tram is that way.” I looked at the large sign that flashed with the word tram.
“Thanks.” We turned and started toward the tram.
“Did you hear me then?” She nudged me.
I shook my head. “No. Sorry.”
“I knew it. I said I got an amazing job. It’s exactly the kind I wanted.”
I looked at the beaming glow on her face and frowned. “What?”
She sighed. “I get to work in fitness and nutrition, and I’ve been approved for marriage and children.”
I laughed. “Excellent. Congratulations.” I had always thought she wanted a slacker job and no kids or husband. At least, not right away. She wanted to do naughty things at night and not worry about remembering them.
She skipped and pulled me down the wide steps to the tram. We climbed aboard and when I sat down I couldn’t help but look for him. I wanted answers.
My handheld buzzed. I looked down at it and smiled at what it said.
The Club of the Unknown invites you to EXITOR AVE 9191
I flashed it at her. She smiled. “You excited?”
I nodded blankly. “I am, and I’m not.” I should have been spending my last night with my family and I wouldn’t be. I was going to spend it at the Club of the Unknown.
She nattered and I drifted in and out of thought. My brain was full of Lyle’s kiss and dinner invitation, my parents and brother, Bran, and the job starting tomorrow.
I had nowhere to escape my own mind. It was running on high, creating possible outcomes for it all. My imaginations were taking over.
When we arrived in our neighborhood, I waved goodbye. “I need to get home. Meet you here at 10:30?”
She looked confused but agreed, “Sure, do you think that’s the time we should go? The rumors are always 11:00.”
I nodded. “Yeah, maybe there is a 10:30 tram.” I had a weird feeling there was.
She is giddy. “This is going to be so fun.”
When I got in the door of the house, my mom beamed and pointed at the screen on the wall. “She was just there—Lisabeth. She told me to call her Lisabeth. She told me about your designation. Oh, my sweet girl, I am so proud of you. You’ll be the highest of honor in our area.” Tears flooded my mother’s face.
She wrapped her thin arms around me and hugged tight. I suspected not all her sobs were filled with joy.
My dad’s footsteps joined us and suddenly his arms were also wrapped around me. “We are so proud, Gwyn,” he spoke into my hair.
I let them hug and get excited. I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t want to dwell on the fact that I was going to be different.
The wall that keeps the monsters out
On the 10:30 tram, that did in fact exist, Lyle walked toward us from the far corner where he had been sitting when we boarded. He smiled brightly at me from the other side of the car. I felt different about him. I wanted to like him and go for dinner with him, but I could never be with someone who would forget things that I would be stuck remembering. He sat next to me as a man passed out masks and shouted the rules. For the first time, I felt the familiarity of something I was certain I had done before. There was no guessing or wondering or denying. I knew the rules as he said them. My world was unraveling.
Lyle looked down at his shoes and muttered, “I heard you got an interesting designation.”
I nodded. “I did. I’m sorry. We can’t have dinner. I’ll be in with the memory makers and the others like them.”
He tilted his head and gave me a soft smile. “Maybe we can still find a way.”
I forced a smile across my lips. “Maybe.” I didn’t want to be rude.
He laughed. “You seem awfully distant. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this way.”
I frowned. “How would you know that?”
He shrugged. “It seems out of character for you.”
I slipped the dark-green mask with the white feathers and gemstones over my eyes and looked at Lyle. “I’m just scared of going to the club.”
He pulled on a dark-violet one. “I’ll find you, even in the dark.” He slipped his hand over mine, disc
reetly. It would have been a sweet gesture had he not just kissed my neck and asked me to dinner. He was more than he seemed, maybe.
The flickering lights of the tram became constant as we stopped in the city for the second time that day. Lyle had walked off, so I walked through the magnificent tram station with Amber. She wore a pink mask with red jewels sewn into it. She made a face. “I hate this mask. Can we trade?”
I shrugged. “Sure.” I slipped it off and pulled on her pink one. It was fancy against my black dress. The green mask looked magnificent on her.
I looked up to see Lyle at the head of the pack, walking with the man who had handed out the masks. I wanted to ask Amber if she thought Lyle knew him, but I decided to keep my mouth shut. I didn’t feel safe anymore. Everything was different. The clandestine things I’d done, combined with the secrets I now kept made me uncomfortable.
We passed all the tall buildings with the fancy numbers and statues, or windows with balconies. We walked as a nearly silent group, regardless of the fact that we were with hundreds. The area was dark and frightening; there were no lights or moon. We didn’t cast shadows. We were permanently stuck in one.
The man with Lyle stopped, making us all halt. I barely caught it when he disappeared. I followed along, confused and frightened. My steps were small and cautious, but slowly the line of people disappeared. When I got closer, I saw the stairs. Amber clung to me.
We tiptoed down them, feeling as if we would fall at any moment.
When we got inside of the doorway, we followed the herd toward the music we suddenly heard. A girl’s voice claimed the darkness. She whispered into the beats of the music. Her voice rose to high pitches and then sank back into almost whispers. She sang beautifully as if she were calling to me.
When we rounded the corner, I nearly stopped but the people behind me were so close. There were more people than even my mind could imagine. They moved like a wave with the song, swaying with each other to the beat of the music and the flashes of colored lights that hit with the music.
“Magnificent,” Amber muttered, just barely audible.
I nodded, letting her drag me to the left. We walked, skirting the crowd. Maybe I was wrong about being at the club before. There was no way I would have ever moved like the crowd, letting it take me.
A guy in a black mask walked up to us. He held a goblet made of jewels. He passed it to Amber. “Here, it makes it more fun.” Amber looked back at me. I shook my head. She smiled, taking it. “I want it to be more fun. It’s our last night to be young and carefree.” She put it up to her lips, closing her eyes and drinking it back. Lyle walked up. I recognized his violet mask instantly. He took the goblet from Amber as she finished drinking it back. I could see the concern on his face, but the guy in the dark mask pulled her into the crowd. My stomach dropped. I couldn’t see Amber anymore. Lyle pointed at me to stay and walked off to find her.
I looked around, but my eyes got caught on the girl singing. I got lost in her. She was beautiful in a way I didn’t understand. My brain told me she was beautiful but my eyes felt conflicted. She had long black hair and incredibly pale skin. Half of her head was shaved to her white scalp. Her hair flung about as she sang, covering the shaved part. She had black lipstick and black eye makeup. Everything about her was black and white, and yet beautiful, in a contradictory sort of way.
I felt the goblet in my hands before I realized what was happening. She sang and I closed my eyes, pressing the goblet to my lips. I caught a glimpse of a guy in a bright-blue mask. He was mysterious and beautiful. I lifted the drink back and let the room-temperature liquid trickle into my lips. It was sweet and strong, pungent even. I shuddered and passed it back to the guy. He grinned and gave it to a different guy with a black mask. The bright-blue masked guy smiled at me like he knew me somehow. “You want to dance?”
I looked around for Lyle and nodded, even though I wasn’t sure I wanted to. “Sure.” He passed the goblet onto someone else and pulled me into the sea of young people.
“What was that drink?” I asked, not thinking about the fact that I was talking.
The guy took my hand. “Let’s dance.” I looked down at his hand holding mine and shook my head. “I don’t want to.” Where had Lyle gone?
The guy grinned. “You will in a minute.” He pulled me along, losing us both in the crowd. I didn’t know which way was up or down. The people next to me melted into each other. My eyes became hazy but I couldn’t make myself care. My head fell back as the guy moved us both to the sound of the haunting girl.
His body pressed against mine as we swayed and moved, losing ourselves even more. His hands roamed my arms, making me shudder.
Something grabbed me from behind. I turned to see the violet mask barely covering a savage look. Lyle grabbed my arm, pulling me into him. The other guy pulled with my other arm. Lyle put his hand on the guy’s chest. “Let her go now.” There was a growl to the word ‘now.’
The guy’s eyes flickered to me once. He looked like he might say something but he didn’t. He let me go and backed away until he was lost in the swaying crowd.
Lyle’s grip on me softened, “You okay?”
I swallowed, shaking my head. “I don’t think so. I drank something and I feel funny, disconnected.”
He ran his hand down my cheek. “It will wear off. Let’s just dance, okay? I’ll stay with you.”
Somewhere in the haze that was my brain, I remembered the request written on the piece of paper I ate earlier. I glanced up at Lyle. “Is there a washroom?”
He laughed and nodded behind me. “You are drunk. The wall at the back has a huge sign.”
I smiled. “I’ll be right back.” I turned and squeezed my way through the crowd of people, nearly being distracted by one or two dancing people along my way. I looked back to see the crowd moving in swells, but one face stood completely still. He watched me walk. I waved back at him and stumbled from the massive crowd of people, lost completely. A set of green eyes behind a black mask caught me in their stare. I walked toward him as he turned and walked down the hallway.
I followed, tripping and fumbling in my own mind. Everything was messy. I rounded the corner, jumping back as a hand reached for mine in the dark. He pulled me down into the dark. I tripped but he held me up.
“You drank?” he whispered.
I didn’t speak. Something wasn’t right about speaking. I let him pull me until we reached a spot so black, I could see nothing but the edges of my own mask. He pulled me into him. “Did you take the job?”
I nodded, frightened and confused.
“How do I know you and the club? Is something wrong with me?” I whispered back.
He chuckled. “Let’s take a walk.” He turned, dragging me along until suddenly we were outside. I stopped and looked around. “How? Where are we?” The street tilted on its side for a moment. I shook my head. “What was in that drink?”
He laughed again, pulling me down the street. “You’ll sober up.”
I pointed back to the club. “I can’t leave Amber and Lyle there.”
He grinned. “They’ll get home. Don’t worry. Everyone always does.”
I frowned.
The dark street was scary and intimidating, but the place he pulled me was much worse. It felt like a tunnel. He never spoke, only pulled me along until my feet started to hurt. I backed away, horrified when I realized where we were.
“Where are we?” I asked.
“The wall?”
I jerked my hand from his. He grabbed it back fast, pulling me to the dark corner we had been standing. “The guards will see you. Silence.”
I trembled. “Who are you, Bran?” I pulled off my mask but he snatched it and shoved it back over my face roughly.
He put a finger to his lips. I could barely make it out in the dim light we were getting from the lanterns on the wall.
He pulled me into another tunnel. I felt the slope of it taking us down. I jerked my hand from his, turning to run but he gra
bbed me, shoving his hand over my mouth. “You have to see this. Trust me. Look inside of yourself and see if I’m going to hurt you. You know me.”
I nodded, knowing I felt it. I muttered into his palm, “Okay, please just don’t hurt me.”
He whispered, “I could never. I’m keeping you safe right now. Just don’t fight me on this. I need you to see this.”
He removed his hand and let me go. My whole body was going numb. He stopped dragging and just walked beside me. He whispered, “Tonight I need you to see the world the way I see it, so tomorrow when they take away the reset, you’ll remember this.”
I swallowed. “What do you mean? When I sleep tonight, I’ll forget it all.”
He shook his head. “No. You have to stay awake all night.”
I sighed. “I’ll never be able to fight it.”
“You will. I’ll help you stay awake.”
My eyes shot at his dark silhouette, “What does that mean?” I stumbled as I said it.
He grabbed me quickly. “It means you’re a naturally curious girl and I am a boy with answers and a charming smile. Science says you’ll be able to stay awake.”
I frowned, struggling from his arms.
“That drink will wear off soon. At least it’s the last night I have to watch over you.”
My stomach dropped. “Who are you?”
He pointed. “We’re almost there. No talking.” He stopped after a minute more and climbed up the wall. I followed him, gripping the cool metal bars we climbed. It felt like forever, making me wonder how high we were.
I scrambled over the top, letting him pull me to hard ground again. I could see just a little. Dim orange lights lit the way in the long, rounded tunnel. I followed him until we got to a place with soft ground that I nearly tripped over. I was stunned by what I saw. It was an overlook of the whole city. He sat down on the softness and patted the place next to him. I noticed the blankets and instantly got uncomfortable.
“You can sit. I’m not going to touch you. I don’t need to.”
I didn’t understand. He had all but mauled me, and now was not going to touch me out of a lack of need? I sat on the old blanket, grimacing at the feel of it on my bare thighs.
